Worth Trying
Hi Dave. Thank you for this platform. I have been married for almost nine years and the last time I had sex with my husband was eight and a half years ago, on our honeymoon. He was involved in a very scary car accident after dropping his cousin who was his Best Man at our wedding, at the airport. He was on his way back to our hotel, according to his narration, when he saw a headlight coming his direction. He didn’t know how big or fast the approaching truck was. Thankfully, he survived. The truck driver however, died on the spot after his vehicle rolled several times through a fence. He was driving recklessly and it cost my husband dearly.
He’s been in a wheelchair since and had to deal with excessive pain in his back, hips and legs. It’s been a terrible experience not being able to enjoy marriage the way I had it planned in my head. I thought I was prepared for this whole ‘For better for worse’ and ‘In sickness and in health’ vow but Bruh, it’s no joke. I have managed to cope with the probable physical limitations he may have to live with, but I did not anticipate him losing his personality entirely too.
Marriage is no joke, Dave. People will say and do what helps their agenda, especially when you realize the kinks in the relationship has become knots. We were dancing to the tune of miscommunication which veered into resentment and disinterestedness. My husband emotionally pulled away and I did not see it coming. He wanted me to leave him because he didn’t believe I deserved him in his state. He gave up on me and I almost also did. His fears and concerns for me caused our disconnection. He did not see a reason in repairing what he was breaking each and every day with his attitude of not talking to me. He expected me to read his mind to know he was hurt for being in a wheelchair and unable to have sex with me.
I did not get married to him expecting to be divorced. That was not part of my plans, so I decided to take on the full spectrum of responsibilities, from becoming not just his wife but an amazing wife. I did not just become his nurse but the best of caregivers. I managed our household and did the best I could to cheer him up, even when he didn’t want to smile. I made him laugh and cry tears of joy. It was exhausting but I had to do it for my own mental health. I had to do it for my man, my husband, my best friend and lover; while I continued to work full-time.
Marriage is a lot of work when the unexpected befalls you. I had to change and be willing to do the work all by myself. I stopped myself from having to talk back at him before being loving. It was tough but it worked. It caused my husband to stop his bad attitude of needing love first before talking right at me. I had to tell myself many times to stop focusing on what was wrong in our marriage to what was right. I had to do the loving on this man who felt did not deserve my love. And I started to feel more love than I had ever felt for him.
I introduced pole dancing in our bedroom with the intent of impressing my husband with the sexiest and nastiest acrobatics my body could do. My goal worked and my husband now gets to be sexually stimulated with my beauty and poise. We do not have to always struggle to keep our marriage afloat. I chose to change myself to save my marriage. I am so glad I came to that realization. I stopped pointing fingers at the accident. I stopped pointing fingers at his wheelchair. I stopped pointing fingers at his inability to have an erection or have sex with me. I stopped pointing fingers at his attitude. I stopped blaming my husband for everything going wrong in our marriage. I stopped calling family and friends to vent or seek pity. I stopped being mean and decided to rather keep my emotions in check.
My husband is also changing for the better. Anytime he realizes that I am upset, and can sense my worries, pain or frustration, he takes a moment to understand what I am going through. He cares about my feelings. We are focused on building a healthier, happy marriage. And this is inspiring a positive change in our marriage and relationship towards one another. It was hard to let him off the hook to work on myself. But I dove into being a good wife, and it kept me interested in my husband and our marriage. It was worth it.
Image Credit: Jaycee300s
