Tag: Breakup

Mofoluwakemi: My husband’s first wife reached out to me one day to ask if I still loved her husband. Let me put it in context; my husband is my first love. The only man I have ever loved. We broke things off in 2008 because I left for Canada to study and fell in love with Vancouver. We had by then dated for two years. I sent him a long email explaining why I he should consider joining me abroad. I told him about the thriving job market, predominantly in industries like technology, which was his field of expertise. And the fact that it also offered a perfect balance of work and personal life. He wanted to remain in Ibadan. I had just started a new job and, after seven months, I got an email from him suggesting we ended things. It was tough but we did end the relationship. Fast forward to nine months later, he got married to his first wife. Two years into their marriage, his wife sent me an email asking if I still loved her husband.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Were you still talking to him after the breakup?

Mofoluwakemi: No Mr. David, communication in all forms ceased.

DBM: I see. How did she get your email address?

Mofoluwakemi: She said there was an internet Café’ near their house that she and her husband used to frequent. They had both gone there that day and there were a lot of people. So, when her husband was done using the computer, he asked her to come and use his station. He had forgotten to log out of his email when she was about to check hers.

DBM: Interesting.

Mofoluwakemi: Yes. That’s not even all. She said prior to her chancing on our email exchanges, she had woken up at dawn to her husband sleep talking or crying out my name and professing how much he still was in love with me. She said their physical intimacy was great, but she realized as much as he tried, he couldn’t bring himself to being vulnerable or even sharing intimate details of his life with her. And it bothered her for the most time.

DBM: She knew of your name then?

Mofoluwakemi: She did. And had been curious to find all the information there was to me. They had been married for two and a half years with a 12 months old daughter, who was named after me.

DBM: Eish! That’s to the extreme

Mofoluwakemi: It actually came as shock to her too, realizing her daughter’s first name was actually in remembrance of me.

DBM: What was your relationship status during this moment?

Mofoluwakemi: I was single and working hard. I needed the money and experience my job was offering.

DBM: Understandable.

Mofoluwakemi: She said she wrote down my email address after reading every conversation me and her husband used to have on yahoo.com. The first time she sent me a message, she introduced herself and told me how much she loved her husband but also wanted him to find true love. She said she felt something was missing in his life that she couldn’t be the one to fill wholeheartedly. She brought up the idea of me sending him an email to check on him, if I still had feelings for him.

DBM: You had gotten over him, no?

Mofoluwakemi: Dave, what I shared with that man was real. I couldn’t have gotten over him just like that. I still loved him, though we hadn’t spoken in years. I actually tried to date guys in Vancouver to take my mind off him, but I couldn’t because I was so much in love with him. Anytime I would allow another man to get close, I will feel this urge of suddenly being trapped and would frequently be tensed or just find myself crying the arms of these men, while thinking of my husband.

DBM: Hmmm! How did the marriage arrangement come about?

Mofoluwakemi: His wife gave her blessing of approval if I still was interested in her husband. She was willing to share him with me.

DBM: What’s your religion?

Mofoluwakemi: I’m a Christian.

DBM: What’s his wife religion?

Mofoluwakemi: She’s a Muslim.

DBM: That makes a lot more sense. What’s your husband’s religion?

Mofoluwakemi: He’s a Christian.

DBM: Interesting. He did not convert to Islam before marrying his wife?

Mofoluwakemi: He wasn’t forced to. Apparently, the woman comes from a very level-headed Muslim background and family.

DBM: I see. So, you eventually reached out to him?

Mofoluwakemi: No, I did not.

DBM: Why not?

Mofoluwakemi: I wasn’t sure it the right thing to do, going after someone else’s husband like that.

DBM: How did you end up becoming a wife?

Mofoluwakemi: She knew her husband’s yahoo.com password. She sent me an email pretending to be him, expressing how much he’s been thinking about me and wanted to know if I was also going through the same phase. I replied to his message and he found out someone had used his email address to contact me. But Dave, who doesn’t love a good theatrical declaration of undying affection? That’s how we started to talk again. His wife later confessed to the act. He said he went straight to the house to tell his wife of what had happened in his email at the café. His wife told me that was the first time in their marriage that her husband could trust her with that part of him he could have easily hidden from her.

DBM: He cared for her too, I guess!

Mofoluwakemi: On a very deep level. We got married a year later. I moved back to Nigeria to join my husband.

DBM: You all live together?

Mofoluwakemi: No, he bought a 5-bedroom house for me as my wedding gift, and built a 5-bedroom house for his first wife as his appreciation present for her kind initiative. But his wife and I have become the best of friends and out children love each other.

Image Credit: TUBARONES PHOTOGRAPHY