Tag: Choices

Let’s Talk To Dhakirah

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 2 Comments

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 105: I love the name Dhakirah

DBM: Hi Dhakirah. How would you describe yourself?

Dhakirah: I am a nice person in the morning, good in the afternoon and sweet at night

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Dhakirah: I am 7 today

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Dhakirah: My husband’s mistress came to my office to ask if I am still in love with him. She’s told me she is in love, and has showed me evidence of their two-year relationship. From their conversations, he’s in love with her too and does not know what to do because he is married to me. Initially, I was wondering why a side chick would have the audacity to show face, but then a phone conversation she recorded between her and my husband proved that he enabled her to confront me. It probably was a joke, but then she took on the challenge to confront me.

DBM: How did she know where you work?

Dhakirah: From the recorded phone call, my husband told her when she asked.

DBM: Have you told your husband about this?

Dhakirah: No! A girl as daring as that will tell him what she’s done

DBM: When did she approach you?

Dhakirah: 3rd of April, 2023

DBM: And, your husband hasn’t said a thing?

Dhakirah: Nothing

DBM: Have you noticed any changes in his attitude towards you since his girl’s confrontation?

Dhakirah: He’s been engaging in deep eye contact with me, while smiling, laughing or shaking his head for no reason when he sees me. I read intimidation or fear from his body language when he tries to lock eyes with me lately

DBM: What other evidence of their relationship did she present to you?

Dhakirah: Pictures and videos of them in bed. Some, taken while my husband was asleep and naked with her in bed.

DBM: Do you have a copy?

Dhakirah: I did not ask for a copy

DBM: Why not?

Dhakirah: I think I had a hunch a few years ago that he may be having an affair, but because he was doing everything right by me, I thought it was all up in my head.

DBM: How long have you been married?

Dhakirah: We’re almost in a decade

DBM: Children?

Dhakirah: Yes

DBM: What pricked the hunch?

Dhakirah: He started making huge purchases for me, etc. He bought me a car, for instance. He sometimes also forgot to mention he was going to stay out late till he’s realized he’s late. He comes home and lies about a work gathering or something with friends that came up unplanned. He takes his phone everywhere at home, even to the bathroom

DBM: I take my phone everywhere with me, even to the toilet

Dhakirah: Why?

DBM: Because I love to read or listen to music while on the loo

Dhakirah: Are you also always texting on your phone?

DBM: Not really

Dhakirah: That, if I am to just ask what’s going on with you, you suddenly are on the alert and in a defensive mode?

DBM: No

Dhakirah: Trying new and rough styles and positions with me in bed; all of a sudden becoming conscious of the kinds of underwear he wears, etc.

DBM: So, you weren’t surprised then – when she showed up in your office?

Dhakirah: Not not

DBM: How would you describe her?

Dhakirah: She’s pretty and young

DBM: Why haven’t you confronted your husband?

Dhakirah: He knows what he’s doing

DBM: It doesn’t bother you?

Dhakirah: Would it change a thing?

DBM: What are you going to do?

Dhakirah: I am not going to allow this to bring me to my knees. My life is not empty, I am not sad. I am not in despair

DBM: Are you okay with your husband falling in love with another woman?

Dhakirah: I am not. I am also not the only woman whose husband is letting down

DBM: I see

Dhakirah: But I have something planned for him. That is why I am not wearing any hatred or hurt

DBM: You’re going to punish him?

Dhakirah: He’s not my son, I cannot punish him. And, it’s not my responsibility to raise grown-ass-man right; his parents already did. Who he is showing me is the man he really is

DBM: You make a good point

Dhakirah: Sometimes, the cure for infidelity is infidelity.

DBM: Meaning?

Dhakirah: Meaning, I am still processing what he has done to me

DBM: Are you still in love with your husband?

Dhakirah: I am in hate with him, even though I am still loving towards him after all that I know

DBM: I see

Dhakirah: Dave, a friend of mine needs advise

DBM: What kind?

Dhakirah: She and her husband both found out, almost at the same time that they had been cheating on themselves. He was doing his thing in either hotels or his other woman’s place, while my friend, his wife, was sleeping with her side-kick at home, in their matrimonial bed when he’s gone to work or traveled. My friend’s husband wants a divorce because he thinks my friend’s cheating was worse than his.

DBM: Worse in which sense?

Dhakirah: His was an away match while hers was home

DBM: I don’t see the difference

Dhakirah: I said the same thing to her, but the husband is angry and has been mean towards her. Her in-laws are all attacking and name-calling her, but are not discussing the man’s own affair.

DBM: It’s a man’s world, I guess

Dhakirah: But it’s an empty nest without a woman

DBM: Are you quoting James Brown’s song to me?

Dhakirah: You started

DBM: Smh! What do you have planned for your husband?

Dhakirah: I just told you about my friend and her husband

DBM: Yes

Dhakirah: Sometimes, the cure for infidelity is infidelity

DBM: You’re also going to cheat on him?

Dhakirah: Already did

DBM: Oh!

Dhakirah: This is my story, and I’m the one asking for a divorce

Image Credit: Motional Studio

Let’s Talk To Aurora

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 1 Comment

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 102: Ms. Aurora is my name

DBM: Hello Aurora. How would you describe yourself?

Aurora: The measurement of pleasure my body needs to reach orgasm. That is to say, I have better acceleration, which equates my overall performance in bed

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Aurora: 9

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Aurora: I want to talk about my job as a sex-worker. When I was a teenager, I wanted to be who I am today, and I am so glad that I did not bury myself in self-doubt with a laundry list of explanations as to why I couldn’t rent my body to men willing to pay and use me for their pleasure. Let me also state that, nothing went wrong in my life for me to be doing this job. There is no shame in this; just like any other profession, I showed up and made myself available to my first client. Even though I didn’t have any experience the first time, I knew the experience would come with time. I became available to different clients to stretch myself in ways that weren’t always comfortable, and my sex life earnt the benefits. Dave, one of the most beautiful and intimate things every woman ought to do with someone else is to fuck them.

DBM: How old are you?

Aurora: 35

DBM: How long have you been in the business?

Aurora: 13 years and counting

DBM: You started when you were 22 years?

Aurora: Yes

DBM: What is the one thing you believe works – when it comes to sex?

Aurora: Sex makes sense when the individuals engaging in it know how to stem pleasure out of their own selves. Understanding what pleases you sexually and tapping into it during sex to please yourself will make you enjoy the act even better. A lot of the time, we want to please the ones we’re fucking so bad that, our focus shifts rather to performance. Sex is not about performance; sex should be for your own pleasure. Own your body, know what makes you tick and groan. I always tell my clients, it’s not my duty or responsibility to make you cum. I am responsible for my own orgasm, no man is. I know what makes me orgasm, that is why I do not share my glory with anyone. I don’t believe any man performs poorly in bed. If a woman knows how to keep her body excited, she will have no time to mark her partner’s performance. If a man knows how to take a swing at himself for a cum during sex, he will never criticize his partner for being boring in bed.

DBM: Do you know your body count?

Aurora: I’ve been with a lot of men. Let’s say a 100+

DBM: Is the sex protected?

Aurora: Always. I believe in safe sex and pleasure. Luckily for me, condoms provide me both. It’s all about the approach. I make my clients find putting on condoms sexy. And they always end up feeling good after using it.

DBM: What are your customer demographics?

Aurora: I don’t pay attention to that, but 97% of the men could be married

DBM: What does that inform you?

Aurora: I can only draw from the interactions some clients have had with me. They said their spouses find solace in motherhood rather than being wives. Some claim their wives have even forgotten that they exist

DBM: Can you use yourself to explain what you stated earlier concerning pleasuring yourself during intercourse with a client?

Aurora: I understand my body because I know me and what can make me orgasm without even touching my count. My nipples and inner thighs bring me so much pleasure. They are my crazy, sensitive hot spots that can set off explosives through my whole body. When I am with a client, I stimulate my breasts in ways that automatically provokes a sexual response from the men. When I place ice cubes in slow motion on my inner thighs, the mood it sets me in takes any man from just observing and loving it to, ‘I’ve got to have you right now’

DBM: Do you think people pay attention to their bodies?

Aurora: No, they don’t. They rather expect others to know how to pleasure them so they can reach orgasm. I don’t roll that way. That’s why I use my first encounter with every new client as a teaching session. I help them to discover and activate their sweet selves so they can trigger their own orgasmic responses for themselves. Our bodies are roofed with extremely delicate areas that we often aren’t making any efforts on our own to explore to the fullest

DBM: How do you perceive the ordinary Ghanaian man in bed?

Aurora: Useless.

DBM: That bad?

Aurora: Most Ghanaian and African men only dream of lasting long in bed to prove they’re good at sex. But they’re not good, that’s the truth. I’ve been with almost 250 men in total. They all sucked initially. They penetrate and thrust from different positions, delay ejaculation for it to take them from five minutes, to half an hour (depending on their stamina) before getting off or climaxing. What could have been fun for both parties rather turn out to be exhausting, and not to mention, frustrating. Many of my married female friends all say the same thing, ‘sex with their husbands feels like a waste of their time and energy’. Many ladies’ fake orgasms because of communication hitches in their relationships. So, when you hear her groan, moan or scream the ‘Ah, yes, yeah, Mmmm, Ou, harder, feels so good, etc.’ during vaginal sex, majority of them only are triggering your cum-fest to draw near, so you can pull the hell out of her.

DBM: Are you dating?

Aurora: No. I have not met the type of man who is open and would consent to the kind of relationship I want

DBM: What’s your kind?

Aurora: I want to have more than one sexual partner; I want to love more than one person at a time, yet being emotionally accountable to each of the partners involved.

DBM: You have kids?

Aurora: I don’t want children now

DBM: Thank you for making time to chat.

Image Credit: Nathan B. Caldeira

Let’s Talk To Naomi – Part 1

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 1 Comment

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 71: Sister Naomi

DBM: Hi Sister Naomi. How would you describe yourself?

Naomi: I enjoy myself a lot, I value who I am to the highest degree; I cannot be rushed. I have heard people say, I am graceful in my appearance and also in the way I behave towards them. I am a born-again Christian, 31 years of age, single and ready to mingle

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Naomi: 9

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Naomi: First of all Dave, let me thank you for this opportunity. I have been following the ‘Let’s Talk To…’ conversations and I am learning a lot from everyone’s experience. It’s been an eye-opener for me. And I love the contents on your blog; it’s different and engaging.

DBM: Appreciated.

Naomi: As I said earlier, I am single and ready to enter into the dating scene for the first time in my life. I love the way you engage the ladies on your platform, and was thinking, maybe you could give me some pointers from your experience with people to guide me.

DBM: I am not a counselor. I hope you know that?

Naomi: I know that

DBM: Good! Is there someone you’re interested in at the moment?

Naomi: I have had a few guys flat-out expressing their interests in me in the past. I wasn’t ready for a relationship then so I let them go. The person I like now, and may want to be in a relationship with, unfortunately isn’t a guy my family or friends would approve of.

DBM: Why is that?

Naomi: He doesn’t have a degree. He is one of the security men at my place of work.

DBM: Why do you like him?

Naomi: I think he’s a nice guy

DBM: Nice as in?

Naomi: The way he talks to me, the way he smiles with me. He takes very good care of my car, and finds ways to compliment me every day. He doesn’t mind going on an errand for me.  He walks me to my car when he’s on duty – after close of work. I’ve caught him a few times stealing glances at me. He keeps me relaxed and accepted.

DBM: How old is he?

Naomi: He is 37 I think

DBM: That’s my age mate. Do you think he likes you as much?

Naomi: If I’m to guess, I’d say yes, he likes me too

DBM: Have you asked him directly if he likes you?

Naomi: No!

DBM: Why not?

Naomi: I can’t

DBM: Why?

Naomi: I don’t want to come off as desperate

DBM: But you would be asking him out of desire, not desperation

Naomi: It’s not that simple.

DBM: What do you do for a living?

Naomi: I am a specialist in Programs with an international Agency for Development.

DBM: How long have you been friends with this gentleman?

Naomi: I have known him since 2017

DBM: And, he is single?

Naomi: He is

DBM: He told you that himself?

Naomi: Yes.

DBM: Okay!

Naomi: Dave

DBM: Yes?

Naomi: Are you in a relationship?

DBM: Yes please

Naomi: Can you use your personal experience to advise me on what to do next?

DBM: What is next on your itinerary?

Naomi: I love him, and I am in love with him. But I fear that love will not be enough for this situation to work out

DBM: What kind of love do you think you deserve?

Naomi: He makes me feel good. Is that a good answer?

DBM: I think it’s a good answer. It tells me you’re not into him because of who or what he is as a person. The person I am in a relationship with contributes to my happiness. That is a ‘feel-good’ moment, in my opinion.

Naomi: But I don’t know if he loves me too. That’s my biggest problem

DBM: I see. I usually do not base my focus on whether or not someone loves me too. I rather look at the behavior of the person I’m interested in; whether or not their actions towards me are driven or directed by love.

Naomi: That makes perfect sense

DBM: So, going back to your earlier response of him being a ‘nice’ guy, do you think he loves you?

Naomi: He loves me.

DBM: Exactly!

Naomi: How about finances?

DBM: What about it?

Naomi: Should it be a criterion to consider, looking at his current employment and the amount he earns?

DBM: Do you mind me asking your net pay?

Naomi: GHs 12,700

DBM: Would you consider the financial season of your life to be okay, with or without a man’s support?

Naomi: I am financially independent and okay

DBM: Do you know much he earns?

Naomi: I do. It’s not much

DBM: His current job aside, do you see in him potential?

Naomi: He is hardworking and smart.

DBM: Smart how?

Naomi: He has interest in going back to school. He likes to farm too. He’s been giving me some of the vegetables he grows at home. He sells his fresh farm produce to my colleagues. We love buying tomatoes, peppers, garden eggs, okro, cassava, plantains and fruits from his farm.

DBM: So, he’s got the earning potential

Naomi: Oh, yes.

DBM: Meaning, who he is today, can change for the better tomorrow?

Naomi: Very likely. Just that he’s got a lot of responsibilities. He’s taking care of his mother, his brothers and sister, and a cousin.

DBM: He’s a responsible man; that’s a good thing, no?

Naomi: It is. I believe in him

DBM: You buy from his farm, I like that.

Naomi: Why?

DBM: If I were him, I know I would be feeling content, supported and loved by you – just because you buy from my farm. This life is too short for me to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t believe in my dream. It’s a big deal for me

Naomi: I believe in him

DBM: I believe you do.

Naomi: He is family oriented, and wants to have a family of his own. I want that for myself. He is a Christian, he has integrity… Dave, he stands for almost everything I believe in.

DBM: Those are some very important core values you both seem to live by.

Naomi: I feel like I will be safe with him by my side.

DBM: Are you going to be comfortable with others knowing you two are an item?

Naomi: Very. He’s a decent man. I am not shy about his person. I am actually proud of him.

DBM: Then choose him, if that decision is going to contribute to your own happiness. Everyday in my life is a choice; I choose the love of my life on a daily basis, and I do it intentionally. Don’t let your security guy choose you before you accept that he wants you. Choose him first for yourself, because he is good for you – and to you. Tell him you think of him. Tell him you love him. Tell him the thoughts of him alone excites you. Tell him exactly what he means to you.

Naomi: I will tell him tonight.

DBM: Keep me posted.

Naomi: I will. Dave, I am very happy

DBM: Good for you!

Image Credit:  Samuel Estevan

Let’s Talk To Ian

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 1 Comment

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 54: Ian

DBM: Hi Ian. How would you describe yourself?

Ian: I am positive-minded, very open and I make the effort to live my life as best as I can. I am a sweet guy, fit, free-spirited and very adventurous. I am a father of three, a husband, and funny. I make my friends laugh a lot.

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Ian: I had an affair and confessed to my wife. She didn’t get angry after hearing me out. The dawn of the day I confessed, she woke me up to confess to her own affair. Mine had gone on for eight months and I have ended things between me and the other woman. My wife has been seeing her guy for two years, and it’s still ongoing. I don’t understand why she could do this to me.

DBM: How long have been married?

Ian: We are 12 years, Dave.

DBM: And, throughout the 12 years, was the eight months encounter your first affair?

Ian: No!

DBM: When did you start being with other women since you met your wife?

Ian: I have been with a few

DBM: How many is a few?

Ian: Maybe, five or six women.

DBM: Did your wife know about these other ladies?

Ian: No!

DBM: That is, to the best of your knowledge, no?

Ian: Yes! But I don’t think she knew; she would have confronted me.

DBM: Okay! Why were you cheating on your wife?

Ian: The other women provided a part of my needs that weren’t being met in my marriage.

DBM: What kinds of needs?

Ian: Dave, I was simply doing what felt good at that moment.

DBM: What felt good?

Ian: I know my week is perfect if I have had sex a few times in a row. Also, monogamy doesn’t make sense to me; it’s making my marriage a bit stale and routine. Being with other women provided me with something new to explore every day. It kept my thinking fresh, and it was exciting… And, challenging too.

DBM: Why didn’t you tell your wife right from the onset that – the marriage was becoming boring?

Ian: I did, and we tried doing things differently to spice it up.

DBM: What changed?

Ian: Not much. That’s why I started looking for connections outside of my marriage, rather than trying again to fix what could be missing or broken. It got to a point where, we sometimes didn’t have anything exciting to talk about at home.

DBM: Why did you confess to the affair?

Ian: The relationship with the other woman wasn’t working anymore, and I was feeling guilty.

DBM: Why were you feeling guilty?

Ian: I don’t know. Maybe because she threatened to tell my wife about us, when she couldn’t have her way with me.

DBM: Relieving your guilt just by telling your wife makes you selfish, you know?

Ian: Yeah, but I had no choice.

DBM: How do you feel about your wife’s affair?

Ian: I completely lost it. I am still hurt and angry, and I feel betrayed. It’s pretty hypocritical, but she has shattered my ability to trust her.

DBM: Do you know how she also feels about you?

Ian: I don’t really care.

DBM: Why don’t you care?

Ian: She’s destroyed our marriage.

DBM: How so?

Ian: Because she’s still in a relationship with the guy. She says she’s in love with him

DBM: What else did she say?

Ian: She wants to keep both the marriage and the affair

DBM: Do you know anything about the other guy?

Ian: He is married. That’s all I know

DBM: I see. What are you going to do now?

Ian: I have this friend that I enjoy being around. There is a strong sexual tension between us and I want to consider exploring it. I’ve been hesitant about her because she’s married.

DBM: Have you been honest with your wife about how her other relationship makes you feel?

Ian: It doesn’t matter. At the end of the day, we are all doing what we like

DBM: Is this what you want for your marriage?

Ian: No

DBM: Being married doesn’t mean you’d be immune to falling in love with other people. Your wife wants to keep both worlds. Question is, are you staying or are you going?

Ian: I don’t know what I want right now

DBM: What do you think you want?

Ian: I know it’s time to pay more attention to myself

DBM: Or your wife?

Ian: She doesn’t need me.

DBM: Do you need her?

Ian: I don’t!

DBM: Is this the ego and anger in you responding, because you feel your wife is checking out on your marriage?

Ian: Again, I don’t care

DBM: You don’t think the decisions you both have been making is wrong, and it’s what is destroying you and the marriage?

Ian: It is what it is! I don’t care about the consequences anymore. I will do me; she will do her.

DBM: What is your love language?

Ian: I express my love in a more physical way, because I most often do not have the perfect feeling words for a woman.

DBM: By ‘woman’, you mean your wife?

Ian: Whatever! So, sex is my best route to connection and intimacy.

DBM: Are you emotionally available to your wife?

Ian: Why that question?

DBM: Because all the married women I know who cheated, or are cheating on their husbands, are/were trying to fill an emotional void. They are/were with those other men because they made them feel desired and valued.

Ian: It is what it is! I am counting down to 3 o’clock to meet up with the lady I was talking about.

DBM: I can understand what you’re suffering, but you need to know that you have caused suffering too.

Ian: You think I don’t know that?

DBM: Why are you not avoiding the temptation to cheat again?

Ian: Is she doing that?

DBM: If only you could stop second-guessing her actions, and rather examine your own

Ian: She’s the one breaking our family. I made a mistake. I ended things. She’s making a mistake and holding on to it.

DBM: We are not talking about your wife. I am chatting with you. Why is it that most of us men, instead of creating space to process exactly what has happened to us, and why it happened in the first place, we rather would move to the next available trick?

Ian: What do you want me to do?

DBM: What do you need from your marriage, and from yourself?

Ian: I don’t want my wife to let me down. I don’t want to let her down either.

DBM: What do you think is currently lacking in your marriage?

Ian: At the moment, my wife is not giving me the chance to share my heart with her, and win her over. She’s decided for me by hanging on to the married man.

DBM: You’re married to a human being. She will let you down, just as you have. Don’t tell me you’re waiting on her to change first?

Ian: I am changing my ways. She has to change hers

DBM: Stop blaming your wife for your own part of the bad decisions and behavior.

Ian: It takes two to break a marriage

DBM: So, own your role in your infidelity, and stick to that.

Ian: Smh!

DBM: Do you love your wife?

Ian: I love my wife

DBM: Tell her how you feel about everything happening and make time for trust to be rebuilt. That could be the fresh start you need.

Ian: What if it doesn’t get back to how it used to be?

DBM: You will take a step back and come to the conclusion that, after genuinely trying for so long, maybe this one thing you so much wanted to work out, isn’t meant to be.

Image Credit: Oladimeji Ajegbile

Let’s Talk To Friday

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 3 Comments

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 44: Friday

DBM: Hi Friday. Please tell me a little about yourself

Friday: Can we skip this part?

DBM: Why do you want to skip it?

Friday: There is not much to tell

DBM: I want to have an idea of you

Friday: I’m a guy

DBM: Married?

Friday: Yes

DBM: You have kids?

Friday: Yes

DBM: How long have you been married?

Friday: Nine years

DBM: How old are you?

Friday: 40

DBM: Nice meeting you. What do you want to talk about?

Friday: Two things: I just saw my wife’s original birth certificate. She’s the same age as me; meanwhile she’s made me believe for all these years that she’s seven years younger than me. The second issue: she has a child I didn’t know about. He is 11 years old and lives with his father. My wife is in communication with her baby-daddy, and I have been paying for this child’s fees and taking care of the boy and his father without my knowledge.

DBM: With regards to the birth certificate thing, couldn’t you easily guess her age at a glance?

Friday: Have you met my wife? You can never know by looking at her. She’s nowhere near old

DBM: I see, but did you choose to assume she was younger or she put a number to her age?

Friday: She’s the one who lied about her age when we started dating

DBM: Has she confirmed the existence of an 11-year-old son to you?

Friday: Yes, after confronting her with evidence

DBM: Where did you find such evidence?

Friday: I read through a series of texts on her phone, which revealed that they had a past, have a present and future. I had her followed afterwards.

DBM: This is a lot to deal with

Friday: I know Dave, cry me a river, because she has been sleeping with her son’s father – all throughout our marriage.

DBM: No!

Friday: Yes!

DBM: But why would she do such a thing to you?

Friday: She says her baby-daddy is the guy who brings out her confident, sexy self, and she doesn’t know how to stop loving him because she’s deeply connected to him.

DBM: What do you bring to her life?

Friday: Security, comfort, and love. She says that’s why she fell in love with me too

DBM: Why would the first guy allow her to be married to you, if they’re still an item?

Friday: I was their financial gateway

DBM: What’s going through your mind right now?

Friday: I don’t know if my children are mine

DBM: Have you asked your wife?

Friday: She claims they’re mine but I don’t believe a single word coming out of her mouth.

DBM: Do they look like they’re yours?

Friday: I don’t know.

DBM: Have you asked how many times they’ve been sleeping together?

Friday: Twice a week

DBM: For how long?

Friday: Since we started dating.

DBM: Have you spoken to the guy?

Friday: The three of us had a sit down

DBM: Whose idea was this?

Friday: Mine

DBM: Why?

Friday: I wanted to understand what was going on

DBM: Do you understand what’s going on?

Friday: Yes, I’ve been played big time, but my wife is still insisting she’s very much in love with me.

DBM: She’s that much into the other guy too?

Friday: Yes!

DBM: And, he’s that much into her?

Friday: Yes! But he also revealed he’s in love with another lady – to my wife’s surprise.

DBM: Why was she surprised?

Friday: Probably thought she was the only one he was doing it with

DBM: Is your wife the only woman in your life?

Friday: Honestly?

DBM: Truthfully

Friday: No!

DBM: Who else is there?

Friday: Just this one lady

DBM: You love her?

Friday: Very much!

DBM: You love your wife?

Friday: So very much

DBM: Does she know about this other woman?

Friday: No!

DBM: Why not?

Friday: Because she’s also the mother of my child

DBM: This is before or after meeting your wife?

Friday: That was just four years ago

DBM: And, how old is the child?

Friday: Two years

DBM: Where is your wife right now?

Friday: At work

DBM: No, I mean where did she sleep last night?

Friday: In our bed

DBM: You’re going to let it slide?

Friday: If our children are mine, I might forgive her

DBM: If they’re not?

Friday: I will divorce her

DBM: So, till then, she’s still fulfilling her wifely duties?

Friday: Yes

DBM: Including sex?

Friday: Yes!

DBM: When was the last time you had sex with your wife?

Friday: This dawn

DBM: Is she still seeing the other guy?

Friday: I don’t know

DBM: Do you care to know?

Friday: I think they still talk or meet, but cannot be sure about sex

DBM: Does it bother you?

Friday: I don’t think about it

DBM: Why not?

Friday: I just don’t

DBM: Are you feeling uninterested because you are torn between what you are secretly doing on your wife’s blindside?

Friday: I love my wife, that’s why I am not sure I can hold it against her.

DBM: Assuming you had been faithful to your wife all this while, and then discovered this hot mess; would you be speaking the same language?

Friday: I don’t know. What I know is, I am going to learn how to restore my trust in her all over again.

DBM: How do you understand love?

Friday: I believe love is a choice I make

DBM: I agree

Friday: Looking at what I am dealing with at home, I don’t think I fell in love with my wife. I doubt she fell in love with me too

DBM: How do you mean?

Friday: I mean we chose to instead open our hearts to each other. I opened my heart to her, and she did too, so we could see the beauty in each other. I am doing same with my baby-momma; she’s doing that with her son’s father. We are all feeling vulnerable in our respective relationships, and with our selves. We’ve allowed our guards to drop, so our hearts can open – in order to give ourselves permission to feel, love and be loved back.

DBM: That is love?

Friday: That is love for me. I get to love another woman, aside loving my wife. She’s also loving me, while connecting in love with her son’s father.

DBM: Does that mean we all have the potential to love more than just one person?

Friday: It’s actually up to the people involved and the decisions they make concerning what makes them feel good, and their capacity level.

DBM: Capacity-level in which sense?

Friday: In my case, I have the resources to manage more than one woman in my life. I have the energy to meet their physical and emotional needs; I also have their time and can make time for all involved. Both of my relationships are grounded in a solid love for one another.

Image Credit: Nothing Ahead

Let’s Talk To Person

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 43: My name is Person

DBM: Hello Person. Please tell me a little about yourself

Person: I see myself to be a complete woman; beautiful, intelligent, interesting; can handle my own business, a mother of two and a wife

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Person: My husband has become so critical and hurtful towards me lately. Everything I do for myself, he has an opinion about it, and it’s usually negative.

DBM: What do you mean by ‘everything I do for myself?’

Person: Dave, I always want to make a good impression when I step out of my house. I put in a lot of effort into making myself presentable; and people notice me. My makeup is always on point; I dress to ‘kill’ and smell damn good; I take very good care of my skin too. My husband sees me in a cute outfit, and the first thing he tells me is, ‘Too much paint on your face.’ Paint = makeup in his vocabulary. He sees my flawless skin, and he’s like ‘Stop bleaching. You used to be dark and pretty’. He will never tell me I look good in a dress, rather ‘Who are you trying to please at the office?’. He makes sure to ruin my good vibes anytime he sees me feeling myself and body.

DBM: What is your motivation to want to look good?

Person: I love who I am, and I want to feel good all the time. I am motivated and productive whenever I dress to impress myself, but my husband can look me in the eye and tell me, I don’t look beautiful – all because I have makeup on my face. David, me being beautiful isn’t only about my looks; I come with the right attitude to match my appearance. Why should outsiders and strangers, men and women alike – tell me I look gorgeous every day, while the man whose compliment should matter to me the most, only finds faults about me to talk about?

DBM: He has never given you a compliment?

Person: He used to, years ago.

DBM: So, what changed?

Person: That’s what I am trying to find out. I asked him why he’s become so negative lately and he says he is not being negative; he’s just trying to tell me the truth others aren’t bold to say to my face.

DBM: Which people in your circle usually compliment your looks?

Person: Colleagues at work, church members, our neighbors; my best friends, my husband’s colleagues; his own mother and siblings, people I don’t know from anywhere. The list goes on.

DBM: And, you believe they tell you the truth and would not be just saying anything to make you feel fly?

Person: Our pastor’s wife asks me for fashion tips and how to apply makeup; my sister-in-law trusts my opinion to the extent that, she hired my expertise to handle her wardrobe and makeup throughout her wedding ceremony last year. And this same husband couldn’t believe his own sister could look that beautiful on her wedding day. His mother asked me to make her up on her daughter’s wedding. Everyone else wears makeup, and my husband will find them to be beautiful. Let me buy a new body lotion for myself; out of nowhere my husband’s spiritual gift to point out what is wrong with me will speak to break my heart.

DBM: What’s going through your mind right now?

Person: I just remembered he called off a night out with me last week, because I refused to change my clothes to wear something ‘simple’. What he calls ‘simple’ is not something I am comfortable wearing. I am who I am; what I choose to wear shouldn’t define me.

DBM: Indeed!

Person: He thinks my life is all about me, and I don’t do as much to meet his needs.

DBM: Do you meet your husband’s needs?

Person: I do. I cook for the house, I clean; I respect him as my man and father of our children. I don’t deny him sex, I support the home financially. We are doing alright so far as a team. The only issue we still argue about is my refusal to dress like a slut for him in our bedroom. He’s bought these slutty clothes he expects me to be wearing in the bedroom. I don’t like them, and so I don’t wear it. And he gets mad at me all the time.

DBM: Describe your husband to me

Person: Control freak, great father, arrogant, hardworking, educated and selfish

DBM: Do you think he loves you?

Person: I know he loves me, but I am not afraid to be single if that is what is going to take for me to take his pressure off me

DBM: You feel pressured?

Person: His kind of pressure wants to take me out of my own skin. He wants me to deny myself what makes me feel good and alive and beautiful. He thinks because I am his wife, I have to do things to only make him happy and pleased.

DBM: Was he like this when you first started dating?

Person: He wasn’t doing anything to make me feel this uncomfortable.

DBM: How long have you been married?

Person: 11 years

DBM: As a wife, it’s your duty to satisfy your husband’s visual nature, and this connects to his sex drive.

Person: I will not put on anything that will make me feel uncomfortable. I respect the choices my husband makes for himself; I demand respect in return. If he is not proud to have me as his wife, then I may also not know how to treat him as my man

DBM: You mentioned that he thinks you are bleaching. Are you?

Person: Dave, my style of looking beautiful is entirely my choice. I do not need my husband’s permission to live my life and frame it according to my wants and needs. It’s my body, and I have every right to shape it up to my self-satisfaction.

DBM: That makes sense

Person: Every woman is beautiful. It’s rather unfortunate not every man has the eye to discover this.

DBM: I concur

Person: In the early years of our relationship, we couldn’t keep our hands off each other. We had a healthy sex life, and it was frequent and marvelous, though it wasn’t the best of the best. I love sex, and Dave, I know the taste of good sex. I have been with men who go beyond 35 minutes for their erection to last once intercourse begins. So, imagine me settling for what my husband can offer in bed, which is less than a quarter of what I have been used to. I have never complained about it to him, though I know it’s not working for me. Instead of him criticizing my makeup, dressing and skin tone, why is he not finding out what he can rather do to make me feel as good as he feels when he cums?

Image Credit: Kampus Production

Let’s Talk To Thoughts

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 4 Comments

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 41: Thoughts

DBM: Hello Thoughts. Please tell me a little about yourself

Thoughts: A father of two, thoughtful and a liberalist.

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Thoughts: I want to talk about you. I want to talk about life; I want to talk about my brain’s processes; and last but not least, talk about children.

DBM: You want to talk about me?

Thoughts: Strange? No one has made that proposal yet, I guess?

DBM: It’s a first. Lol!

Thoughts: In my brain’s processes, I like leaving very lasting impressions on whoever I engage, so yes!

DBM: What about me do you want to talk about?

Thoughts: Why do you do all that you do? You sing, cook, review CVs; get into people’s personal spaces, ‘lead them on’ and appear as though you will like to pass a verdict on them. I like it anyways.

DBM: I am not a sociable person. My life is lived within my reach: work, home, communications with one or two close friends on phone; sometimes chatting with my siblings and parents; dedicating three hours of my time daily – for Facebook, and I am good to go. That has been my routine forever. I love the whole idea of knowing people, without necessarily, getting close to them. And, I do this to understand others, while at the same time facilitating the process of socialization for me.

Thoughts: I see traces of me in you, and the things you do. I like to get close to people and know them, what forms their thoughts and their backgrounds; but someway somehow, I like to get close in person and not from a distance. I like random stuff, and I barely plan. I only set a few doable and achievable goals, and then I allow the rest to flow, while going with the energies.

DBM: Indeed! There is always that probability of seeing and understanding situations from different perspectives. Agreed!

Thoughts: I’m a husband and I love my family. I’m not sure if I’m complete in my marriage, and I think and believe no one person ever completes the other. Different people may and will fill different spaces for you at different times of your life; what you do with and about it is just a matter of choice and must not come with regrets.

DBM: You’re so right!

Thoughts: Having agreed to this, do you then agree we are not made for just one person? Mathematics will call it mapping. One to many mappings.

DBM: I choose to have a reason to live for me, because there is more to life than love. I am my own person, with or without a significant other. And I am creating a life that fulfills me; not just in a love life, but my entire life. I am putting effort into my hopes and dreams, and that involves other people; people who will ultimately become important to me, somewhat. No one is made for just one person, but we have the choice to stick with the one whose presence in our lives makes it all worth the while. I have created enough room for the love of my life, and everything else that will matter to me as time goes on.

Thoughts: How did you manage through your time with the G5 (SL, Ginger, J4 etc.). Those girls are intelligent and wild. I will like for your readers to know what you go through also.

DBM: I found those ladies to be interesting. I’d want to believe, time is of the essence to them, and they’re reluctant to waste it on someone or something that isn’t worthy of their time. They also seem to have gotten better at making abrupt judgements and decisions, and have learned how to quickly move on – in their line of activities.

Thoughts: How did you fair with them? What was going through your mind the entire time?

DBM: I was actually excited about them. They gave me the opportunity to look at things, and life in general – from a point of view other than my own. I felt comfortable around them, probably why we could interact. I was also attuned to the fact that, though these ladies may not have shared my personal views and beliefs of life and living it, that was their experience and stories. We all can’t live the same lifestyle because we are different; reason why I was open-minded and respectful to their hustle.

Thoughts: I for one am attracted (sexually, emotionally and mentally) to older, intelligent women. I realized this just after my marriage, and nooooo, my wife is three years younger than my 36-year-old self. They emit a blend of calmness and the typical woman drama. I am yet to encounter any of such. The G5, as I call them, really exhibited control, self-awareness, support for each other and desire to LIVE. I have a service provision for them. No, not sexual; I can’t afford them.

DBM: Smh!

Thoughts: I feel LIFE is not being lived, and that includes me. At least, I have started enjoying mine with the different business lines I have started. People LIVE to satisfy others and not themselves; sadly, the women are worse at this. They school, work, marry, have children and die in marriages, just to satisfy other people (be it family, friends or people who care less about them).

DBM: How long is your ‘now’?

Thoughts: Reference to loving my life? Say, 2021 December …

DBM: Yes, we can start with that

Thoughts: I used to work a 9 to 5 job with a foreign company. My country Director is about three years older than me. He had struggled to live his life for himself. Even as a boss, his immediate subordinate controlled him somewhat. In Dec. 2021, I said to myself, I can’t grow older and wish for things I could have done when I had the chance to, and so for a start, I resigned from my job. I held a managerial position, and enjoyed good money; but I walked away from it all.

DBM: Do you ‘work to live’ or ‘live to work’?

Thoughts: I do both, David. And I find a good balance of both. ‘If you no work, you no go live; and if you live, you for work’… I heard a mad man say this when I was eight years old, and it has stuck with me for all these years

DBM: Hehehehe! It makes a lot of sense

Thoughts: It does

DBM: We all know life is short, but why do you think many of us would rather pursue things we may not entirely like, and like the other many things we may not necessarily be doing?

Thoughts: JUDGEMENT. We live in a society full of prejudicial people. People who think ‘your sins are dirtier than mine’.

DBM: Hmmm!

Thoughts: Example, look at the G5 ladies and the experiences they shared. Following the comments, you can understand this assertion – and yet these are people who in their minds would wish to enjoy such controls these LADIES have. Sister Lydia’s hubby doesn’t like her friends and thinks they are bad influence. If you speak with him and he’s open enough, you will see his ‘sins’ also; but yes, because it’s not like the G5, he doesn’t like them.

DBM: You make a good point. In your opinion, do you think we tend to hold onto certain things that could holding us back, as a people?

Thoughts: With no concrete numbers, I think a huge amount of people live with regrets and hurt. Men will see women they find attractive, and may want to have sex with them; same as women. Just do a survey of it and see the verdict; but they are unable to express their thoughts because of the same PHENOMENON.

DBM: Indeed!

Thoughts: And this applies to everyone and every aspect of life. David, I know for sure that you have had to shelf certain things of yours in the past or even now because of same.

DBM: Yes! I have my own issues I deal with by the day

Thoughts: Danke! I cook too, David. I cook for myself, my family and my acquaintances. My mother taught me well.

DBM: That’s nice to know. Has this skill in any way, enhanced your life as a family man?

Thoughts: It has, especially during the covid lock downs. My wife is an essential worker, and so she was away a lot of the time. I easily went through it. Particularly, having a one-year-old baby. This morning, on our drive to school, my daughter told her brother, ‘Daddy is our driver and our favorite cook’.

DBM: Awww! Isn’t that nice to know?

Thoughts: I have realized that when it comes to marriage and children, people misapply themselves. People plan their weddings so well, and sometimes loose themselves in the process. Other times they plan how to space their children. However, they never plan parenting, and in the process get lost in the whole act. They make choices for these children which are not very informed. Example: school and education, clothes and toys, style and fashion, language and communication. We need to pick up the conversations on these topics else, you and I and many of our contemporaries will have a very difficult pensions and retirements.

DBM: What’s your take on parenting?

Thoughts: Parenting must be intentional, David. We must look into the full development of our children. What goes into their heads and their stomachs. Sadly, the Gen Z and millennial style of parenting focuses a lot on the style and fashion of their children than the very important part; the clothes they wear, the shoes and how they expose the children to any content provided it looks ‘animated’. The use of devices is a trend now. A four-year-old child can be seen buried on phone or tablet for hours, and the excuse they sometimes craftily give is, ‘we are in a tech world now’.

DBM: Lol! I have seen and heard that before.

Thoughts: We will soon have robots who cannot think managing us in our retirements.

DBM: Hmmmm!

Thoughts: David, we are happy and glad when kids speak all the nice English and can express themselves at ages three to four etc. And yet, we wait till five to six, or sometimes eight years to look into their reading difficulties. If the child can speak at three years, they can read at three years too.

DBM: I concur!

Thoughts: My kids did it, right here in Ghana; three years and they were reading sentences. The white kids are not the only smart kids. We have to be intentional with the very important things for the kids.

DBM: Indeed!

Thoughts: And they have some level of appreciation for what they have read, because I engage them in conversations based on what they have read. It is not magic and it doesn’t take years. Maximum, five minutes; and it must be consistent.

DBM: Do you see yourself to be maintaining a home you are proud of?

Thoughts: Maintaining a home, yes. Proud of, yes. I want to do more for my home. I may not be a good example entirely to my children but I try to.

DBM: What do you mean by not being entirely a good example?

Thoughts: I try not to expose them the kind of things I enjoy. I’m not sure I’m addicted to them. I have a fine balance of my pleasures.

DBM: Hehehehe

Thoughts: I’m a gerontophile. I will want my son to discover for himself his own pleasures and not because unconsciously he was in such spaces.

DBM: What do you want for your family?

Thoughts: Understand and express care, emotions, respect, kindness, thoughtfulness, compassion and find themselves very early in their lives (especially for my kids)

DBM: I see

Thoughts: David, why do men put women through the stress of birth control processes when they the men are the production sites? If nestle doesn’t want people to sell their products, they must shut their factories down, and not tell the shop owners to stop taking their products

DBM: This question, hmmm!

Thoughts: Yes, men should be encouraged to practice vasectomy, and stop pushing the women to take pills and insert stuff in them

DBM: Men are uncomfortable with conversations around vasectomy. Is this a procedure you would easily consider?

Thoughts: I will not blink kraa. Back in March 2020, I was in line to get it done until covid became the only emergency condition doctors would pay attention to. Now, I have too much running around to do, I will need some time (which is scarce now because of what I do, and want to do) to heal after the procedure

DBM: I see. You seem like an interesting person

Thoughts: I am, and a very handsome one at that, with a cute smile. I’m very much aware of my looks and so proud of it.

DBM: Is your wife enough for you?

Thoughts: Sadly, no!

DBM: Why not?

Thoughts: She’s the best I found; supportive and I will like to be with her in the next life (it may not be marriage) but she is and will be my number one choice. Like I have said earlier, no one person fills all your slots for you. She’s not very chatty like I am, not wild like I am. She’s conventional and I’m a not. I desire her more than she desires me.

DBM: And these are not pointers you can work around to meet your needs?

Thoughts: Eight years in marriage, I have tried; I have had to adjust mine for hers. Our three years of dating was great; marriage is not good for everyone. It changes them, an entirely ‘wrong’ impression of it has been created by society.

DBM: Are you happily married?

Thoughts: I don’t like numbers, but let’s put some number to it. What will be the range of measure?

DBM: 0 to 10

Thoughts: 0 to 10, I will go with 6

DBM: 6 is a pass. You think you both could commit to studying harder with the intention of, maybe clocking an 8? After all, the marriage is between the two of you. And you are not in competition with anyone till death do you part?

Thoughts: Yes, 6 is a pass. I commit to knowing her, and I have adjusted to her. Sometimes, I just wish the tables were a bit different of half me, half her. She’s not selfish; no, she’s not! Just that she could have done better for me and for us. I’m sure she thinks and says same about me too.

DBM: It’s not too late, is it?

Thoughts: Until the coffin is covered anything is possible, David.

Image Credit: Rahul

Let’s Talk To William

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 14 Comments

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 34: I’m William

DBM: Hello William. Please tell me a little about yourself

William: I’ve been married for 28 years, and my wife says I am a joy to be married to.

DBM: Are you?

William: I’d want to believe so. I make my wife feel included, wanted, special, appreciated and loved. She sleeps soundly by my side every evening.

DBM: I’m glad to know

William: I have been following the conversations you’ve been having with the ladies, and I want to say, it’s good they’re being open about their experiences with married men. However, not every married man cheats. I have played by the rules of marriage for 28 years.

DBM: Well done!

William: Thank you! Dave, when you care about someone for who they are, like how I love my wife, everything about them becomes beautiful to you.

DBM: Do you know any married friends who are doing otherwise?

William: A ton, and they tell me they cheat not because they do not love their wives. I doubt cheating has anything to do with love. A lot of these guys take a chance out with other people because they do not want their wives to feel they’re overly being demanding when it comes to their need for sex. A lot of men love sex; I love sex and it can become our weakness. Unfortunately, many wives who know this about their husbands take advantage of the opportunity to deny them, leaving the men depressed.

DBM: Have you ever been denied sex at home?

William: Many times

DBM: And, what did you do?

William: I exercised self-discipline and control over my desires. I made a promise to my wife when I married her, to forsake all others. I respect myself too much to break my vows.

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

William: As a kid, I also saw my father disrespect my mother. We found out he had been cheating on her. The damage it did to our self-esteem as children, and the fact that, our dad did not even see this act of utmost selfishness, and his disregard for our need for security and trust – is the reason why I want to encourage men to be more attentive and available to their wives. A man has to be open and honest to his wife; know how your wife feels, so she can understand how you feel.

DBM: And has it always worked for you?

William: No!

DBM: Did your father love your mum?

William: Like many others, I never heard him appreciate my mother for anything she did. My wife is valuable to me because I appreciate her for being a big part of my life, and that of our family; my children know this. And because she means the world to me, I have never allowed any form of temptation to make me act in a way that would put my marriage to her in jeopardy.

DBM: Is the typical man built for monogamy?

William: Every man has the ability to do right by his wife, even when she’s not there to witness your every move. I made a sacred pledge to commit myself to only my wife, because I love her. It’s a conscious choice I made. Many guys have made similar promises, but are choosing to cast aside the feelings of the women they’re supposed to be in love with, for a momentary time of pleasure. Our integrity as men ought to outweigh our socioeconomic status. My word, as a man, should be as good as my bond; because going back on your promise to your wife means losing all of her trust in you. No one in their right senses should put their trust in you, or even do business with you if you can’t be faithful to your wife.

DBM: It’s that much a big deal?

William: It is to me, unfortunately. Marriage is not an easy work; that is why some of us are working really hard to build and maintain the relationship we want to experience with our wives. The 24-hours I have in a day is barely enough for me to be a husband, father and an employee. I cannot add an extra job of maintaining an affair.

DBM: How often do you think about your wife in a day?

William: She’s come to my mind more than four time already today.

DBM: How about sex?

William: How many times have I thought about sex today?

DBM: Yes!

William: It has not flashed my mind.

DBM: Meaning, you’re not having sex tonight?

William: You are the one drawing my attention to it. I probably would

DBM: How old are you?

William: 57

DBM: If you could be 28 or 29 years old again, would you have asked for your wife’s hand in marriage?

William: No!

DBM: Why not?

William: My intimacy needs are not met. She tries to give in to sex just to make me feel happy, but a lot of the time, I see that she’s not really into it. She agrees to it only out of duty. I have more sex drive than her – and it sometimes creates an unspoken tension between us.

DBM: So, sex plays an important role in marriage

William: If my wife could have understood years ago that, meeting my sexual needs was as important as prioritizing her needs and that of our children, maybe I would have been the happiest man in the world.

DBM: Give me an example of a scenario

William: My mother died 15 years ago. The day of the funeral, I wanted to be intimate with my wife before attending the funeral service that morning. She was very close to mum, and so, she was grieving too; I could understand that part, but hey, she was my mother, and I was hurting the most. I needed that perfect moment to be vulnerable, accepted and not judged for wanting to get laid while my mum lied in state. She refused me that opportunity to be comforted by her. I still remember to this day because that was time that I needed to be covered with my wife’s love.

DBM: You don’t feel alone in the marriage, do you?

William: I’m okay, I’m used to all this. My children are becoming everything they wanted to become, my wife smiles a lot and looks happy all the time. I couldn’t have asked for anything better.

DBM: Are you happy, as a married man?

William: I am happy as a man. I am happy as a father. I am proud of being a good husband to my wife

DBM: But…?

William: There is no but. Lol!

DBM: You qualified your state of being a man and a father with happiness. You didn’t do same as a husband.

William: I don’t want to put out the impression that marriage is all about sex for the men. But for some of us guys with a high sex drive, we’re our most confident, active and alive when our wives make it a priority to keep our sex lives interesting and working. A woman is more memorable to a man if the sex is good. A woman is more powerful to a man if the sex is great. A woman is more attractive to a man if the sex is awesome. A man is impressed if sex with you is something he cannot easily get out of his mind.

DBM: I’ve spoken to people who genuinely are good at heart, and do care about their partners. Many of them have had affairs, and do know that, sometimes, it’s the wrong thing to do. But then again, they did not truly know it until they did it.

William: From our conversation, you realize a lot has also gone on in my marriage. Everything that has happened between me and my wife, I’ve had a CHOICE in how to respond. An affair is a type of response. It’s a choice.

DBM: What would you say to people who are in unhappy relationships or marriages, or even jobs that aren’t so fulfilling, whereby they may love or like whoever they may be dealing with, but deep down they know they deserve better?

William: If the relationship isn’t working, if the marriage does not bring you joy; if the job isn’t fulfilling enough; if your life in the situation isn’t progressing – then maybe you need to consider closing that chapter and moving on from that entanglement. You don’t need to waste any more time trying to make others feel good.

Image Credit: Zen Chung

Let’s Talk To IBML

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 1 Comment

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 33: IBML

DBM: Meaning?

IBML: In-between my legs

DBM: Smh!

IBML: Gidday Dave

DBM: G’day IBML. Please tell me a little about yourself

IBML: I am passionate about unlimiting my capabilities, redefining what is and what is not plausible and just embracing my life outside of my typical repertoire. I am able and adequate enough to reach my desires and goals; I offer companionship to resourceful men and I get paid to spend time with them. I am 36 years of age, single, and a teacher.

DBM: What do you teach?

IBML: I teach in the Biological and Medical Physics areas. I am a PhD holder. My employers are the tertiary institutions.

DBM: What does your average day look like?

IBML: Today is Saturday; I woke up, brushed my teeth, had a quick shower, fed my dogs, had my breakfast, did a little bit of cleaning and arranging around the house; took my bath and went out to get groceries. I did in all, three hours of TV, social media and a movie; texting and talking to my friends in-between; engaged a client I will be meeting tonight to offer him companionship, and now chatting with you.

DBM: How would you describe yourself?

IBML: I am a professional woman, who is not putting her private life on the back burner

DBM: What do you want in life?

IBML: I don’t want it all, that, I know for certain. I also have a schedule that fits my needs, and that does not include having a family, if that is your question.

DBM: I see

IBML: I work close to 58 hours a week, and this leaves pretty much little time for me to focus on anything else.

DBM: Is marriage a decision you would ever make?

IBML: I know people in good marriages and I will encourage anyone who has met a good person who is single and available to them; someone who is kind and will respect their relationship with them, to consider marriage – if it’s a topic for discussion on the table. I am just not interested in that concept.

DBM: Why is that?

IBML: I am speaking from my experiences with my clients. The married men I offer my services to do not see the need to respect the value of their commitments to their spouses. It’s like, they intentionally would put themselves in a position to have the option of losing their wives. Most of my clients are bored with their wives and marriages. And Dave, the typical man wants to progress in his life. That’s the unfortunate truth women don’t seem to pay attention to.

DBM: Interesting

IBML: My clients pay a lot of money for my time; so, when I am dressed up and look all seasoned for tonight’s encounter for example, he sees me, and in his eyes, I am the very expensive meal on the menu.

DBM: But it’s not all about sex?

IBML: Dave, a menu is a comprehensive list of interesting options offered to a customer when they come into contact with what they want or need or desire. I offer an extensive variety of choices, and each service is priced differently, based on the effort to be put into it. I am always in charge of my kitchen; I keep a strict tab on every move I make and ensure to be making profit at the end of the day.

DBM: What drove you into this job?

IBML: I think the men I come across generally find me attractive, and I appeal more to a certain class of them. Unfortunately, a higher percentage of that class happen to be married. Most are rich and can afford to get away with cheating on their wives. One man actually told me, he’s been caught a few times by his wife, but he’s managed to always weasel his way back into her heart.

DBM: So, it’s because you attract them?

IBML: Not entirely. I crave for sex a lot, and it can be a dilemma to deal with. I’m not addicted to it, but once I think it, I want it again… and again… and again. I think I look sexy and more attractive because of the constant sex I have. And I have explored all my sexual fantasies to better understand my own body and its needs, especially when it comes to receiving pleasure. I love the idea of variety, that’s why I cannot see myself settling with just one man.

DBM: Okay!

IBML: If I am to be in a relationship or married, my husband can put a limit on my sexual exploits. As a single woman, I am free of the expectations of a spouse’s need for my time and attention. I choose whom to dedicate my time and attention to, of course, at a fee.

DBM: I get you.

IBML: It’s all about the choices one makes to validate their routine

DBM: How long have you been in this work?

IBML: Since age 21

DBM: At night, when you are alone, are you pleased with your self and accomplishments?

IBML: I am not ashamed of who I am; I am not ashamed of what I do. In fact, I am pleased with the fact that, I don’t keep all my eggs in one basket. The men I come into contact with all know it’s a service I provide. I’ve not lied to anyone to be in a for better and for worse relationship with. I’ve always kept my options open. And as a career woman, I have always kept a back-up plan handy. No one knows tomorrow, so a Plan B is always within my reach

DBM: What is the one good thing about your work with men?

IBML: I’ve come to understand what most guys want from a woman.

DBM: What do men want?

IBML: They want us to drive them nuts – in a fun, cool way. My clients like it when I wear lacy underwear and dance seductively for them. I think it stimulates them visually, and drives them wild. Whenever I look in the eyes of a client while I slowly undress, I feel their minds racing all around me. It’s like, they’re imagining what could come next as my next move.

DBM: Probably because you have a flawless body

IBML: My physique is nothing close to flawless. My clients hardly pay any attention to the flaws on my body when I am busy turning them on. It’s all about getting them involved in the fun. I think men want the same things women want: companionship, friendship, and chemistry. They want to be loved, served, and given space when they need it. When they’re around me, they get to laugh a lot; I randomly would touch them, and they touch back. I hug them, and they hug back.

DBM: Served what?

IBML: Basically, great sex to sustain the connection in the relationship, and also, releasing stress and tension. After the sex is serving him good food. Cook him something to fill his belly.

DBM: You cook for them?

IBML: I don’t, but I order homemade meals to be delivered to us. It’s all in the package I offer.

DBM: I see

IBML: I don’t manipulate them to have things done my way, like how most of them feel their wives do. Before they book for my services, they already know I choose them from a place of want, not desperation. And, I certainly ask for my wants and needs to be met. I am courageous and strong like that.

DBM: What is the worst thing about your work?

IBML: I cannot predict the behavior of a new client. If it’s an in-call service, I choose the location. If it’s an out-call service, then I have to go visit at a location chosen by him. Some clients are not who they say they are, and if you’re not careful…

DBM: Are you friends with your clients?

IBML: A lot of them are pleased with my services and keep the working relationship ongoing. But some are just a once-off situation.

DBM: Have you ever been attracted to your clients?

IBML: I don’t get my emotions involved. Secondly, most of these clients are not available to be taken. They’re already married.

DBM: Have they been attracted to you?

IBML: A lot of them have, but they’re aware it’s a job for me to make them feel good. So, it’s not just about one person’s feelings.

DBM: If I gave you the opportunity to say something to the married women reading this conversation, what would you say?

IBML: Your husband will look at the other woman who is hotter, sexier, smarter and beautiful than you, and that is not something he can easily control. It doesn’t make him inconsiderate. He is fighting his sexual urges. Clients tell me because their wives have zero percent chance of finding out about their extracurricular activities with other people, they get away with cheating. Some know they’ve got a good thing at home with you and they do consider your feelings while with me; others know what they’ve got to lose but just don’t care. Clients pay for my services because with me, they’re on the receiving end. I rock their world doing all the hard work with their best friend, the penis. Yes, I said it: your husband’s best friend is not you. His best friend is not his colleague at work or the guy who played his best man at your wedding. His best friend is not a childhood mate. Have breakfast in bed with that guy in-between your husband’s legs.

DBM: Thank you for availing yourself to this chat

IBML: You have to chat with our other friend.

DBM: I would appreciate it if you could put in a word

Image Credit: Alan Cabello

Let’s Talk To Ginger

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 13 Comments

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 28: Ginger

DBM: Hehehehe! Why that name?

Ginger: I am punchy and fragrant, warming and spicy, and absolutely fresh

DBM: You’re funny. Lol!

Ginger: I help to make meat softer by breaking down its proteins.

DBM: Okay! But on a serious note, I unquestionably adore ginger when I cook with it.

Ginger: I know you cook. I have seen some of the pictures you post on Facebook when you cook at home. Are you rich?

DBM: I am not rich, yet

Ginger: But you have money?

DBM: I don’t at the moment.

Ginger: Are you married?

DBM: No, I am not.

Ginger: Would you want to cum extremely intensely within 60 seconds?

DBM: No, thank you.

Ginger: Ugh! Dave you’re so boring.

DBM: Why do you think that?

Ginger: You asked Lydia to speak to one of us, I volunteered. You need to let me set the balls rolling.

DBM: Hehehehe! You’re a hot mess

Ginger: Allow me to mess with you a bit. Let me jerk you off, while I suck at the base of your dick; the upper part of your balls I mean… Yeah, right there, on that urethra. Do you feel something?

DBM: I want to know a bit about you.

Ginger: Dave, I’m showing you a bit about me. Let me use my hand on the shaft of your dick, as I use my mouth on the head, rotating my tongue and mouth around it, and over it to stimulate you fully.

DBM: Please tell me a little about yourself.

Ginger: Smh! I hold an MA in English Literary Studies from the University of York; I am 36-ish years old, a single-mother of a 5-year-old child; I have a preference for nonmonogamy attachments, I am level-headed and fun to be with.

DBM: Why do you prefer a non-monogamy relationship?

Ginger: I am more career-oriented. Any form of long-term committed relationship can take up a lot of my time and attention, and I am just not interested in dividing my energy between my work and romance.

DBM: Is marriage on the table some day in the future?

Ginger: No, not interested. I would rather prefer polyamory or simply an open relationship. I’d rather opt for the type with room for consensual engagement in sexual/emotional involvement with more than one person. Unfortunately, marriage doesn’t allow that.

DBM: I see

Ginger: The complicated nature of my work also makes marriage unappealing to me.

DBM: What kind of work do you do?

Ginger: I met a guy 16 years ago. Very handsome with a good sense of humor. We became friends and I think I fell in love with him. I told him about my feelings and he didn’t want to see me again. He had also formed an emotional attachment with me but didn’t want to pursue it because he didn’t want to mess things up with his wife, whom he loved dearly. I found out he was a married man that day, because he didn’t wear a ring. I asked him what he wanted from me, and he said just to spend time with me to talk. He wanted me to be giving him my attention and sex; good sex with no strings attached.

DBM: Was he the first man you fell in love with?

Ginger: No! I was in a two-year relationship with the first guy I had fallen in love with.

DBM: You took this other guy’s offer?

Ginger: I did, because I liked him a lot. Also, he was willing to pay me money for each encounter. I wasn’t the least upset. I was basically going to be selling my time, attention and entertainment.

DBM: What goes into the entertainment?

Ginger: It entails sexual services most of the time to my clients

DBM: How different is this from prostitution?

Ginger: Very different. Prostitutes are all about providing sexual services in exchange for money. I provide far in value to my clients.

DBM: What made things end between you and your first love?

Ginger: I suggested the opportunity to him. We were struggling then, you know, students with no jobs etc. He wasn’t in agreement, but I wanted to do it because I liked the other man. After my first sex with the married one, I told my boyfriend what I had done, and he broke up with me.

DBM: Do you know where he is now?

Ginger: He is doing very well for himself.

DBM: Is he married, with kids, etc.?

Ginger: Yes.

DBM: When last did you speak with him?

Ginger: Five days ago.

DBM: What did you talk about?

Ginger: He’s one of my clients.

DBM: He pays money for the services you provide him?

Ginger: Yes.

DBM: The same one against you being with a married man?

Ginger: I think the devil he knows is better than someone else he doesn’t know.

DBM: How does this make you feel?

Ginger: Dave, it’s strictly business and friendship. Nothing more than that. He’s a business man and would pay for dinner and traveling dates with me.

DBM: What is your charge?

Ginger: I provide hourly services, and I have more control over the kind of service I provide to my clients. There are clearly outlined terms and conditions.

DBM: Are you affordable?

Ginger: I am not affordable to the ordinary Ghanaian.

DBM: I hear there are five of you friends. What makes a great escort?

Ginger: You don’t need to be a thin fashion model. Beautiful, yes! You have to also have the right figure and stay in good shape. Most of my clients choose me because I am not a reflection of what they have at home.

DBM: Their wives, you mean?

Ginger: Yes! You have to also be extremely intelligent and very educated to attract a certain type of clientele. Communication with clients is everything. I am my own escort business, and I am proud of it.

DBM: Share one of your best experiences with a client with me.

Ginger: Oh, a woman booked me for her husband’s 50th birthday. She wanted me to provide him a massage, foreplay, good sex and a fair bit of conversation to commemorate his day.

DBM: Oh my!

Ginger: They’re actually one of my favorite clients. I’ve been booked by her for the past six years, on the 11th of June.

DBM: Is she present when you’re with her husband?

Ginger: She’s been present on three occasions to watch what I do to him.

DBM: At home?

Ginger: No! She always books a hotel suite.

DBM: How is your relationship with this particular man?

Ginger: There is no relationship. I don’t have his contact. I just know his name.

DBM: Did he ask for your number so he could order your services privately?

Ginger: No! He’s never requested for a one-on-one with me before. But he tells me whenever we meet that, he’s always looking forward to seeing me on his birthdays.

DBM: I see.

Ginger: My business is strictly with the wife.

DBM: And, has she ever wondered whether or not you two have been secretly meeting?

Ginger: She’s not had that conversation with me.

DBM: Why do you think is that?

Ginger: She trusts her husband.

DBM: You think the guy is a good guy?

Ginger: He is a good guy. He was very shy on our first meeting. I think he loves his wife.

DBM: And, you’ve not been tempted to go the extra mile with him on separate days?

Ginger: I’m not going to lie; he gives me good sex. But no! He tips on top of the hourly rates his wife pays me on his birthdays.

DBM: How much did his wife pay you on June 11th, 2022?

Ginger: $2500

DBM: How much did he tip you?

Ginger: $500

DBM: For just one night?

Ginger: 8 pm to 5:30 am.

DBM: Who is the father of your child?

Ginger: A guy I used to date. We met in London.

DBM: A client?

Ginger: It started as a client. We developed feelings and I got pregnant.

DBM: Are you still together?

Ginger: No! He wanted me to abort. I wasn’t sure about abortion.

DBM: Does he take care of his child?

Ginger: He’s a responsible man. They’re both in London, spending the holidays together

DBM: Your friend SL talked about how her husband feels about you.

Ginger: We know how he feels about us.

DBM: How does that make you feel?

Ginger: Our friendship with Lydia goes beyond how her husband feels. We’re a group of friends who have supported each other through school, and have been there for one another, no matter what. We don’t judge, we don’t put each other down or deliberately hurt our feelings; we respect one another; enjoy each other’s company; we are loyal and can trust each other; we laugh and stick around when times are hard for any of us; we comfort when one cries, and smile together. We broke this new year as old friends… And maybe, would make new friends as time goes on. But the five of us have an opportunity to share memories from our past years, while sharing our hopes, dreams and plans for 2023.

DBM: What percentage of your clientele are married?

Ginger: 98% of the guys are.

DBM: What do you think wives aren’t doing to keep their men focused on only them?

Ginger: Guys will be who they want to be. You can’t please them. I think unmarried girls should rather understand the types of men they plan dealing with before deciding on taking the marriage route. Else, you will do everything for a man, but if he is not the right guy to respect his relationship and commitment to you, would end up pouring your all into someone with no plans of returning the same energy and effort. Their false sense of security leads them into looking for people like us. Unfortunately, most men are just not trustworthy.

DBM: How would you describe yourself?

Ginger: I am a happy woman with a child.

DBM: Can you get one of your other friends to chat with me?

Ginger: For sure.

DBM: Thank you!

Image Credit: Barbara Olsen

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