Contentment – David B

Let’s Talk To Damian and Lololi

Written by David B on March 20, 2023. Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 66: I am Damian. My wife’s name is Lololi. We want to participate individually in one segment

DBM: Hello Damian and Lololi. How would you describe yourselves?

Damian: I am tall, dark and handsome. I work for what I have, that’s why my accomplishments taste even sweeter. My wife can attest to this: I confidently hold the floor with exceptional footwork to dance my heart out. I am 59 years, slightly stubborn, but a great dad and husband. My best attribute is randomly having to woo my wife

Lololi: Dam is right about one thing; he’s got crazy dance moves. I am 56 years young, thriving professionally and my own woman. I do not have it all, but I have a bit of everything a woman dreams of. Always been independent; I am a picky eater, I can take silly jokes, and have the basic understanding of time. I can hold a conversation about almost anything with anyone, and I take very good care of my body.

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Damian: I am 8

Lololi: 7 for me

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Damian: Our 25-year wedding anniversary is this July. I want to talk about my wife and how far we have come

Lololi: I have fallen in and out of love with my husband for the past 25 years. I want to share how I have been able to keep my part of the marriage going when I was out of love

DBM: How did you meet?

Damian: My wife is my ex-girlfriend’s best friend. My cousin had come to Ghana for a short visit, and had asked my then ex, if she knew of any single friends to go on a date with him. It was my third date with her friend. She talked me into agreeing to a double date with my wife and his cousin. That was how we met and decided to make the swap

Lololi: One of my best friends was trying to facilitate a hookup between me and Dam’s favorite cousin. We went on a double date and it was my first time meeting my husband. My friend had told me about Damian, because their relationship was just two weeks old. She had told me she liked him but wasn’t sure he was her type. I remember she once told me; her date was the type I liked. There was a live band playing and Dam asked me to dance with him to my surprise. I agreed to the dance not expecting to like him. My friend was okay with the idea. His cousin, who was supposed to be my date for the evening, danced with my friend, and I actually saw them exchanging numbers. We were on opposite sides, and Dam asked if I was going to have to see his cousin again. His cousin walked to us and told Dam, he felt he had a lot in common with his date. He asked for his permission to date his woman, and he agreed, because he actually felt there was an ongoing chemistry between us.

DBM: Damian, how far had you gone sexually with your ex-date prior to the double date?

Damian: We hadn’t gotten to that stage yet. Our relationship was still fresh

DBM: Where is your cousin and the lady now?

Damian: They’re in Canada, married with children

DBM: At what point did you both know you were meant to be?

Damian: Marriage had always been a huge commitment to undertake. I love to have a lot of fun, and I wasn’t sure I was ready to spend the rest of my life with just one woman. My wife gave me the freedom to express my fears and concerns, without the feeling of judgement. Our friendship was such that, she did not place a demand to make me afraid of losing her. She realized I liked girls a lot, so she gave me the liberty to date other women before settling on one. Unfortunately for me, anytime I was out with another woman, and need to say I went out with a lot, I was always thinking about Lololi. That was when I knew I would rather hang out with her than anyone else. Because I was calling her every evening and sharing every little detail about my day with her.

Lololi: I fell in love with Dam because he is kind and compassionate, very funny and would put me first. I knew he was the man for me because he was taking up a major real space in my mind. I craved for his presence, and did not want happiness for just myself, but for him too. I could confidently trust in my decision to want to be with him, and how he made me feel.

DBM: What were some of your talking points before tying the knot?

Damian: For me, money is everything when it comes to a relationship. Before we married, we had a heart to heart talk on how to prioritize our spending habits. We discussed the sharing of expenses. The second important conversation was about sex. I have entered a relationship in the past because of sex; I have left a relationship because of lack of sex. My overall quality of life looks balanced because I have a lot of good sex.

Lololi: I brought up the topic of children. Luckily for us, we both wanted to have kids. We talked about the possibility of struggling to get pregnant, and agreed on what to do as a team if that happened to us. I am not sexually closed minded, and so we’ve enjoyed a healthy sex life. I told him about my dealbreakers and explained why I wasn’t bothered about him dating different women before deciding to marry me. In marriage, I demand for faithfulness; no secret affairs or relationships. I also requested for a collaboration in exploring different ways to be intimate with me.

DBM: What was the most special part of your wedding celebration?

Damian: When we hit the dancefloor at the reception. All that dancing and laughter was a lot of fun

Lololi: The exchange of vows was my special takeaway. He looked into my eyes with every promise he made

DBM: What has been the most challenging time over the years in your marriage?

Damian: The first nine years were tough on us because we couldn’t have children. I began to question everything and forgot about the agreement I made with my wife. Those were lonely times

Lololi: I found out my husband was having an affair. I rented an apartment close to my workplace, and left him alone in the house for a year. Three months out, I was pregnant with his child. The pregnancy saved my sanity, because I didn’t want to be angry anymore. I had our first son while separated. My son gave me focus, and made me laugh and smile again. Dam swore on the life of our little boy, never to cheat on me again. The promise of fidelity is an important part of my marriage, and true happiness occurs when you are with the right person who respects your value enough to not want to take the risk of hurting or losing you by doing something utterly stupid.

DBM: What are you proudest of as a couple?

Damian: I am proud of my ability to choose monogamy as my lifestyle. It has helped me to form an honest commitment to just my wife. I have found fulfilment in my wife, marriage and family

Lololi: I had to learn how to forgive Dam, at a point where I couldn’t. I prayed to God for a heart like His, so I could do the right thing for my family. Forgiveness has been my proudest moment.

DBM: What does marriage mean to you?

Damian: Giving our relationship the best chance to thrive and succeed.

Lololi: Marriage has inspired me to love myself the most. It’s been my guide to set stronger boundaries to protect my sanity and what serves me. I am not defined by the fact that we are a ‘we’ in this union. I own my voice, actions and opinions, and have been true to myself for the past 25 years.

DBM: You have the last word

Damian: It’s easy to take your spouse for granted if you’re with them all the time. My marriage is better now because I have come to accept that, not everyday will be perfect; not every day will even feel great, and that has to be okay with me.

Lololi: A woman should not give up control over her decisions, just to get married or date a man. Being in love is not the main event of your entire life, so do not see the world through the eyes of the man you love by buying every excuse given you hook, line and sinker. Connect with your inner voice, connect with your passion and dreams, connect with your energy and strength; connect with all of your feelings, especially with anger. Do not leave your sense of self behind so you can make others happy.

Image Credit: Korede Adenola

HUMBLING TO SAY THE LEAST

Written by David B on July 25, 2022. Posted in Blog. 1 Comment

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name you fancy)

Participant 13: Ama.

DBM: Tell me anything about yourself

AMA: I take very good care of myself; I dress well, eat well, smell good: I am my own existence – I don’t expect another person to make me feel alive. I’m alive! I work hard, play hard, I am trusting and honest about my feelings.

DBM: How long have you been married?

AMA: For 10 years.

DBM: What was your perfect ‘type’ of a man or woman? Did your husband or wife fit into your exact specifications?

AMA: A guy who is emotionally mature, enamored about me and is interested in my opinion. A guy who accepts me for who I am, provides for himself, lives on his own and can cook. A considerate and compassionate man, a man who isn’t overbearing, a positive influence on me. My husband fits all that.

DBM: So, how did you two meet?

AMA: He found a letter I had thrown away somewhere and decided to call my number. The letter had my contact details. We became friends and I found him to be honorable. However, I was the ‘other woman’ and I didn’t know. He had told me he was divorced.

DBM: Do you consider your significant other as your best friend?

AMA: He is my best friend; however, we do not spend all of our free time together. I believe in spending quality time with myself, away from my husband – to expand on my own self-growth. Before we married, he knew this about me so he has learned to do same.

DBM: When did you make him or her laugh the most? What happened?

AMA: Dave, I am a happy person oo, so a lot of the things I do around him makes him laugh. He cheers up at the sight of me. And I make it a point not to stress or burden him.

DBM: At what point were you certain he or she was the one for you?

AMA: When I found out that he wasn’t legally divorced, I ended things between us. His wife called me to explain the nature of their relationship. She confessed to being the one giving him a tough time in court. But confirmed that they have not been together for two years, and she wasn’t in love with him. I asked her why they were getting divorced and she said, he wasn’t the man meant to make her happy – though he is a wonderful guy. She asked me not to break things off between us if I loved him. How did the ex-wife get my number? He gave it to her to explain things to me because he was in love with me. That was when I knew. Also, his wife didn’t say anything bad about his character as man.

DBM: Do you still find your husband or wife physically attractive?

AMA: Unless me and him have clearly agreed upon entering into a polyamorous relationship, he will be the only man I will be romantic and sexual with. Attractive he will be to me, no matter what.

DBM: In a deeper conversation with your spouse, do you listen just to completely understand or you listen simply to formulate your response?

AMA: I listen to completely understand him.

DBM: How is your significant other faring in the position as a husband or wife?

AMA: My husband is doing very well in his department. He does things for me naaa to know that he cares about me. He also pays attention to my needs, just as I do with him. Dave, my husband walks me to the car every morning to kiss me good bye, before going to work. We both work long hours but he makes me feel his presence in my life. I only feel his distance when he is troubled and wants to be alone. Even that, he would walk me to my car to kiss me goodbye.

DBM: Which of your wedding vows means the world to you?

AMA: To love and to hold.

DBM: What is the most fun you both have had in the relationship?

AMA: When we take a walk out alone. We talk about a lot of funny, crazy things. I check men out on the street and size them to his hearing. He finds that attitude fun.

DBM: Is the love for your husband or wife growing any stronger by the day?

AMA: I am enjoying my husband a lot.

DBM: Do you trust your husband or wife?

AMA: Unfortunately, no! No because you can’t truly trust any person. I believe in him and what he says to me, but my trust and hope is solely in God.

DBM: How much time do you spend on your husband or wife?

AMA: We understand our routine and make the most out of each day when we are together.

DBM: Emotionally, do you feel connected than before?

AMA: Yes!

DBM: Do you feel secure in the marriage?

AMA: The marriage has been good for me so far. I don’t accept bad behavior of any sort. My husband respects me because he knows he may not get away with anything – like cheating, etc. I will divorce him. Before we married, I laid my cards on the table: do unto me that you would want done unto you. It’s that simple.

DBM: Where do you see you and your spouse in the next 10 years?

AMA: Celebrating our 20^th wedding anniversary.

DBM: What is your ideal sex life?

AMA: Dave, I love foreplay waaaa, because it allows our sexual act to last longer. I take control during sex. My husband used to be very shy and so I was always taking the initiative. It’s now become something I enjoy doing with him. I enjoy oral sex for the stimuli (I am more of a clitorial person). Also, when I wrap my legs around him. We are emotionally intimate and connect with our eyes and hand-holding. My husband is open to explore all forms of sexual pleasure with me, so that’s really good.

DBM: Rate your current sex life (out of 10)

AMA: I will give him 8, because we can do better.

DBM: What is your understanding of love?

AMA: Being content with the good that God has given me in my husband, and setting aside the unnecessary expectations of him. Love is loving him in the good and bad times; love is doing my best to be at peace with myself and him. Love is believing in the fact that – things will eventually get better between us. Love is being honest and true to myself and my husband.

DBM: Are you feeling loved in your marriage?

AMA: My husband is not openly that expressive but the little things he does for me shows how much he cares about me. So, yes, I am feeling loved in my marriage.

DBM: Are you a good spouse?

AMA: I believe I am.

DBM: Have you cheated on your husband or wife with another man or woman?

AMA: No! I am content with my husband. Contentment for a spouse can be a cure for the little things that come between two people in a relationship.

DBM: Say something to your spouse from your heart:

AMA: Pee, of all the people you have met and connected with, you chose me to spend the rest of your remaining life with. It’s humbling to say the least, because I chose you too. I will be there for you when you need a friend. I will support you when you need a helping hand. Thank you for loving me good.

Image Credit: Gift Habeshaw

OVERWHELMED WITH LOVE

Written by David B on July 10, 2022. Posted in Blog.

Hello David, I hope you see and post my message before the 21st November. My wife has surprised me. I don’t know what to say. I can’t thank her enough. Cecilia is a silent follower of your Facebook, and I want to show my appreciation to her. She built a 3-bedroom house at Cantonments for me to rent it out or sell. She says it’s her own appreciation gesture to me for loving her well. These past nine years have been the most amazing experience because I am really in love with this person I call my wife, every day. I remember feeling the happiest I’d ever felt with Cecilia when she showed up the day she did for us to exchange numbers.

My wife was married when we first met. She had been married for three years, and her husband wasn’t satisfied with just her. Her husband suggested they introduce a third party in their relationship. He had the perfect girl but needed my wife’s agreement. According to Cecilia, she couldn’t navigate bringing someone else into their marriage. She wasn’t in agreement. Also, she didn’t want to be the reason why her ex-husband couldn’t be happy, and so she let him have his way. They were honest about what they were feeling, and talked about it. He wasn’t happy in their marriage; she loved him, but was not happy with his decision to have another woman. I met with her ex-husband when she found me. He was okay with his wife finding what made her happy. Her ex is the type that has no expectation of how he is meant to behave and feel. He was willing to allow himself and the women he was intimate with to feel different emotions, whether it’s love, jealousy, resentment, happiness, and connectedness.

On the evening of Saturday, December 29, 2012, my wife’s marriage ended before she even had a chance to have her last orgasm in the marriage. They were having sex in the kitchen, next to their sink which was stacked with dinner dishes. According to Cecilia, her ex looked down from across her shoulder and said, I want a divorce, right after he had cum. I can gaudily recall the defeat in her face and how she could barely look me in the eye when she was narrating her experience.

I met my wife on the 30th of December, 2012. She had closed from church and was shopping at the mall. I was entering my car when she tapped me on the shoulder. She told me she had seen me inside the mall and thought I was very attractive. She says she followed me. She asked if I were single and had any interest in another lady. When I answered no to both questions, she asked if I found her attractive. I did! She asked about my age. She told me she was about to divorce and needed someone to talk to. Mr. David Bondze-Mbir, I would have still talked to her if she had not mentioned getting divorced. The fact that she approached me, asking the right questions, made me interested.

I asked her for her phone number. The rest is history. Cecilia, I don’t know what I have done to deserve this, but I deserve you. I remember how much fun it was to laugh with you like crazy, back on that Sunday, 30th, 2021, when everything was fresh and new and exciting. I couldn’t have known what had happened to you on the 29th. Your bold approach at the mall that day informed me that I can enjoy marriage with passion and verve with you by my side. Mr. Dave, I have so much influence over the way I feel for my wife. That’s why I wake up every morning with the choice to love Cecilia like crazy, front and center. Babe, if you’re reading this message, imagine me again getting on one knee, and telling you all over again how I’d love to spend the rest of my life as your husband. You keep asking why I have a picture of you in my wallet. Cecilia, I LOVE YOU. That’s why.

Thank you for choosing me.
Thank you for being such a great friend.
Thank you for this awesome banku and okro stew you prepared for me to take to work today.
Thank you for being so patient, gentle, kind, smart, opinionated, and beautiful.
Thank you for saying yes when I proposed marriage to you.
Thank you for being my wife.
Thank you for being the right reason why I remain faithful to only you.
Thank you for everything, especially this 3-bedroom house. I am going to rent it out. I will save every Cedi from this property to build you something amazing as you. Children or no children, you are the family I always wanted to have.

Image Credit: Pixabay

Tag: Contentment

Let’s Talk To Damian and Lololi

HUMBLING TO SAY THE LEAST

OVERWHELMED WITH LOVE

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