Tag: Dilemma

My Father’s Son

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

Maryam: I fell in love and got pregnant for a man who we later found out is my father.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Oh!

Maryam: Yes

DBM: How are you doing?

Maryam: I’m fine today

DBM: How old are you?

Maryam: 27

DBM: You grew up not knowing who your father was?

Maryam: My mother was 18 years old when she got pregnant with me. She was involved with my father for a month and she never got to see him again.

DBM: How so?

Maryam: She couldn’t really explain the full story. They were meeting to hook up for that month in a guest house. She didn’t know where he lived or worked. All she knew was his first name and what he looked like.

DBM: Did he know about the pregnancy?

Maryam: No

DBM: What was his reason for disappearing on your mom?

Maryam: He had been transferred to the North, and was in the process of packing out when he met my mother. He remembers casually meeting with several women to have fun with and wasn’t particularly thinking any of them could get pregnant.

DBM; So, it wasn’t an exclusive something with your mother?

Maryam: Not according to him.

DBM: But he knew your mother’s name, no?

Maryam: Vaguely, but he remembered her face when he saw a picture of her.

DBM: Ha!

Maryam: I gave birth to my own brother.

DBM: You carried the pregnancy to term?

Maryam: I was in my 32 – 33ish weeks’ gestation. It couldn’t have been aborted

DBM: I see. How did you meet?

Maryam: In traffic. He gave me a lift home after work, and he pursued me afterwards.

DBM: You’re single?

Maryam: Yes

DBM: I’m guessing he’s a single man too, no?

Maryam: He’s married

DBM: You knew of his marital status before or after your first intimate encounter?

Maryam: After

DBM: I see. And, how long have you two been an item?

Maryam: We met on February 11th, 2025

DBM: How long has he been married to his wife?

Maryam: 12 years

DBM: What’s going through your mind right now?

Maryam: I’m not sure Dave. I feel hurt and heartbroken. It’s disappointing and devastating to say the least.

DBM: Do you love him?

Maryam: I am in love with him. He’s the gentlest, most emotionally available, kind hearted man I have ever met in my life.

DBM: Does he love you?

Maryam: I don’t know, but I knew I was falling in love with him when I realized how often he would call me every evening, wanting to share details about his day with me, and wanting to know about mine.

DBM: How did you find out he was your dad?

Maryam: I visited my mother to inform her about my pregnancy. She wanted to know about the father of the child. I showed her pictures of him.

DBM: How old is your dad?

Maryam: In his late 40’s

DBM: How does he feel about everything happening?

Maryam: We’re still trying to figure out whatever this situation is

DBM: How is your mother processing everything that has happened?

Maryam: She’s trying not to venture into the land of self-pity

DBM: Are you still being intimate with this guy?

Maryam: No, but he visits me at home every day. He’s taken over the full responsibility as a father should, to his son.

DBM: What is your mother’s relationship with him now like?

Maryam: She has no relationship with him. They’ve talked only once, after introducing them.

DBM: Is your mother married?

Maryam: Yes.

Image Credit: William Fortunato

Let’s Talk To Nessa

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 180: Nessa

DBM: Hi Nessa. How would you describe yourself?

Nessa: If asked to describe myself, I would say I’m an intelligent, ambitious individual with a humble and kind demeanor. I strive to be friendly and approachable, valuing my Christian faith and living a simple lifestyle.

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Nessa: Usually, 8 but in the past week has dropped to 3.

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Nessa: A year ago, I underwent a surgery related to my fertility as a woman. The procedure was incredibly risky and nearly cost me my life. If I don’t conceive a child soon and the issue recurs, I may be faced with the necessity of undergoing the same surgery again. I’m finding it difficult to accept the possibility that marriage may not be in my future and that I might need to expedite having a child.

DBM: How old are you, if I may ask?

Nessa: 38

DBM: Why do you think marriage may not be in your future plans?

Nessa: Ideally, I would have wanted to get married before having a child. I believe marriage (not the wedding) is an honor to a woman. Skipping straight to the child birth is ‘someway’ for me. I don’t know if I answered your question correctly.

DBM: I see marriage as a promise to another person that I will spend my life with them. That should have absolutely NOTHING to do with child bearing. What’s your take on marriage?

Nessa: I appreciate your view on marriage. That’s a lesson for me. I see marriage as a union between two people to fulfill a calling, in addition to the companionship it provides. I also believe it comes with special blessings and makes women more respected in ‘our’ society.

DBM: I see. Are you single?

Nessa: Hahahahaa! That adds to the complexity of my life. I am in a relationship with a man who I would have to wait for about 1-2 years or more before we can get married. I can’t go into details about that. Let me also ask you this question: what’s your perception about women who have children and are unmarried?

DBM: I think we live in an age where families/parenthood comes in diverse ways. At the end of the day, I believe it’s all about happiness and what is suitable for that particular person or their idea of family. I think people should have the freedom to live their very best lives without worrying about societal constructs. People should live their lives and not be bothered by the ‘traditional’ norm of what communities/society believe are the right family structure. You live in a diverse city in America, what you may think/perceive is wrong in reality may not. What I think or anyone else thinks at the end of the day should not matter.

Nessa: I agree with you, 100%. I always ask myself, what am I afraid of and can’t seem to get the answer.

DBM: What’s your fear, really? Disappointment of not doing what could be expected of you?

Nessa: I want my child to grow up in the kind of home I didn’t get to have. A place where mum and dad are together. I don’t want my child to be raised by a single mother. A father’s influence is very important in every child’s life, I didn’t have that so I know how it feels.

DBM: What makes you think that a father’s influence on a child is important?

Nessa: For a male child, they have a masculine someone to look up to. For a female, a daddy is their first love. I believe a good father-daughter relationship affects her love life in the future.

DBM: I see. Do you believe every woman ought to have a child?

Nessa: No. Children are a gift from God and He chooses who He gives them to. Some women also choose not to have children.

DBM: Okay! Question: how long have you been dating your guy?

Nessa: 1 year plus

DBM: Are you an independent lady?

Nessa: Very independent

DBM: Are you and your guy on the same page about what you value, how you’ve both grown as a couple and essentially why you two feel that it’s baby time?

Nessa: We are not on the same page when it comes to marrying before childbirth. He wants us to have a baby and I want to wait till all obstacles are cleared (which means, we have to wait till 1-2 years later) before we try.

DBM: The 1 or 2 years before marriage thing is still not clear to me

Nessa: He is going through a divorce.

DBM: I figured

Nessa: Honestly, I wish there was someone I could confidently choose without all these complications.

DBM: In two years, you’ll be 40 years old. Do you believe this man will actually divorce his wife? Also, you sound like a very intelligent woman, do you think this relationship is worth your time? As much as you want to raise a kid in a two-parent household, are you willing to sacrifice your values to make something happen with someone who may end up being a huge mistake?

Nessa: Thanks for the compliment. I honestly wouldn’t want to sacrifice my values. Those are tough questions to answer, you know! I just don’t want to go back to finding someone new. Those questions you asked earlier is making me think about things in a different way.

DBM: On a personal note, why can’t your significant other divorce his spouse now?

Nessa: It’s a long process. He is in it, but it can take longer than expected.

DBM: Is the guy also in the States?

Nessa: No.

DBM: I think you really need to sit and ponder your future. Knowing what you know of Ghana and marriage, do you really think this is the right relationship for you? I asked you if you were independent; do you believe in two years – if all were to work right with this man, you’ll find the happiness you are seeking?

Nessa: If you ask me to choose between a YES and No, and not stay in between, then the answer will be a No. For the happiness part, I am not so sure. He is a good man though, no doubt about that, but a woman can never get 100% of what she wants.

DBM: Deciding to have a baby is a huge step to take. Talking about it together as a team in a relationship is very important. When you’re considering getting pregnant, there are a number of things you should put into perspective… And this goes beyond just the baby stuff. To me, it’s more about figuring out how a baby will drastically change your lives, the relationship, and even your future plans as lovers. Is this a conversation you both have exhausted?

Nessa: We have not gone into the tiny details but we have discussed a few.

DBM: You are in a relationship with a lot of baggage. It’s good to know your significant other is a good guy. Remember, you are the only one who can pave your happiness. Take the time to reflect to determine if this relationship is right for you. Two years of waiting can turn into five years. Also, your timeline should not be influenced by a married man or people outside of your purpose in life.

Nessa: That’s the hard truth.

DBM: I might know a few people in a similar situation. My belief, however has always been, a child would give me and my partner an ongoing goal. Not having a child (for whatever reason) equally presents an opportunity for me and my partner to find a mutual goal or avenue to also bond the best way possible with time. Whichever dynamic would make sense to us will come with its own merits and demerits. Know and understand what would work best for you, and just honor that.

Nessa: I am seeing a different perspective to marriage and childbirth through our conversation. Truly happy I did this.

DBM: Participant 179, Ehab, left a question for you: ‘What are your thoughts on polyamory?’

Nessa: I wouldn’t suggest it to any couple. I have a few acquaintances who are involved in polyamory and they talk about it openly but it’s not my thing. I believe if you chose one person, be committed to him or her. Three or more becomes a crowd

DBM: It’s your turn to leave a question behind for the next participant

Nessa: Do you believe in spiritual marriage? The belief that some individuals have marital partners in the spirit world, which may present challenges when seeking earthly marriage partners.

DBM: Thank you.

Nessa: Thank you so much. This is the second time I have come to you and you have been so helpful.

DBM: I appreciate the time and chat. Make it your best day today

Image Credit: Elsimag

Let’s Talk To JJAS

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 1 Comment

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 159: June-July-August-September

DBM: Hello JJAS. How would you describe yourself?

JJAS: Not sure how

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

JJAS: Four

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

JJAS: I want to confess an affair I’m involved in to my wife. I am not sure whether or not I’d be making the right decision by volunteering this information.

DBM: Why the sudden need to tell her?

JJAS: I have a child on the way

DBM: With the other woman?

JJAS: Yes. And a child is not a secret I want to hide

DBM: Are you certain you’re prepared to share more information about your affair than you’d really want to?

JJAS: I don’t know, Dave

DBM: What do you know then?

JJAS: Do you think I should tell her what is happening?

DBM: What is happening?

JJAS: Oh, bro! But I just told you?

DBM: Which questions would be overly personal in your opinion, should she want to know details?

JJAS: I am not sure

DBM: Do you know what could make me confess an affair, assuming I’m involved in one?

JJAS: What?

DBM: If I respect my partner enough to want to tell the truth

JJAS: I respect my wife

DBM: Then she deserves the whole truth. You don’t have to hide anything from her.

JJAS: I need a favor

DBM: I’m all ears

JJAS: Can you act as my wife and ask me potential questions you would have asked?

DBM: I’ve been cheated on before, so I know the questions I asked my ex

JJAS: Can you role-play with me?

DBM: What, in your opinion, gave you permission to cheat on me?

JJAS: I felt neglected by you

DBM: Neglected in what sense?

JJAS: You take me for granted. You take our marriage for granted

DBM: Is the affair over?

JJAS: I don’t know

DBM: This should be a ‘Yes’ or ‘No’ question

JJAS: Not really

DBM: Meaning, no?

JJAS: The affair is not over

DBM: Will it ever be over between you two?

JJAS: Maybe

DBM: Depending on what?

JJAS: I don’t know, man. Can you go to the next question? I don’t think my wife will ask these ones

DBM: Because you don’t think she’s got the smart?

JJAS: That’s not what I mean

DBM: How do you feel about what you’re doing outside of our marriage?

JJAS: I feel terrible

DBM: Do you even feel guilt?

JJAS: I do. I’m very sorry

DBM: Is this the first time you’re cheating on me?

JJAS: Yes

DBM: Is this the truth?

JJAS: Dave, it’s not the truth, but I can’t tell her that

DBM: Why not?

JJAS: It’s gonna make things worse, and I don’t want that

DBM: Well, in this role-play, I am acting as your wife, and I deserve to know the entire story

JJAS: This is not the first time I am cheating on you

DBM: When was the first?

JJAS: While we were dating

DBM: How many times have you been with other women while dating and married to me?

JJAS: 4 to 5 times

DBM: Which is which?

JJAS: Five times, bro

DBM: How many prior to marriage?

JJAS: Just 2

DBM: So, you’ve been with three other women since we married?

JJAS: Yes

DBM: Are you a serial cheater?

JJAS: I am not

DBM: How would you define a serial cheater?

JJAS: Serial cheaters are womanizers. I am not a womanizer

DBM: What are you?

JJAS: Next question

DBM: Do you know why I am asking this particular question?

JJAS: Yes

DBM: Why?

JJAS: You want to know if you can trust me

DBM: No! I’m asking to figure out whether or not you are capable of changing your behavior.

JJAS: I can change

DBM: How?

JJAS: I know I can change

DBM: What do you really feel about me?

JJAS: I love you very much, and it is unfortunate that this has happened

DBM: What has happened?

JJAS: This

DBM: What is ‘this’?

JJAS: Dave

DBM: Yeah

JJAS: Next question

DBM: Did you think about me while engaging in all ‘this’?

JJAS: Not really

DBM: On a scale of 1 to 10, how emotionally invested are you into me and our marriage?

JJAS: 10

DBM: It cannot be 10, if you’re having an affair elsewhere

JJAS: Nine?

DBM: Smh!

JJAS: Hmmm!

DBM: Does she know you’re married?

JJAS: She does

DBM: Does she know about me?

JJAS: Yes

DBM: What have you told her about us?

JJAS: She understands that I love my wife and children, and will never leave nor forsake them. She also knows I will not marry any other woman in addition to my wife

DBM: How does she feel about being the other woman?

JJAS: She knows her place and what not to expect from me

DBM: What’s her place?

JJAS: She cannot come between me and you

DBM: She’s already in there, somewhere. Why is she in a relationship with a married man?

JJAS: I can’t answer that question for her

DBM: How does she feel about you?

JJAS: She loves me

DBM: As in, in love?

JJAS: Yes

DBM: For how long has this been going on between you two?

JJAS: Almost three years

DBM: Are you emotionally invested in that relationship?

JJAS: You want the truth?

DBM: Yes please

JJAS: It’s a beautiful relationship that I would love for it to continue for the long haul

DBM: Why?

JJAS: It’s different from what we have

DBM: How different?

JJAS: I don’t think I can explain it like that

DBM: What is she offering you that I am not bringing to the table?

JJAS: She’s always available to me. You have a lot going on with you all the time

DBM: A lot going on with me in what sense?

JJAS: Work, motherhood, complacency, etc. You’re always stressed or tired, etc.

DBM: That is the wrong I did to warrant an affair?

JJAS: That’s not what I am saying

DBM: Does she work?

JJAS: Yes, but she is always making time for me

DBM: I used to make time for you, no?

JJAS: Yes, when we used to date. Now, you’ve changed

DBM: So, that is what she’s doing better than me?

JJAS: Something like that

DBM: How many kids do you have with your wife?

JJAS: 2

DBM: Is this other lady also a mother of two?

JJAS: No

DBM: Has she a child?

JJAS: She’s pregnant

DBM: Are you responsible for the pregnancy?

JJAS: I am

DBM: How easy was it for you to be lying to me?

JJAS: It hasn’t been easy, Dave. It’s a constant battle to tell or not to tell

DBM: Are you in love with her

JJAS: I am

DBM: You see a future with her?

JJAS: I already have a future

DBM: With whom?

JJAS: You

DBM: And, what does it look like?

JJAS: It could be better

DBM: I see

JJAS: What do you see?

DBM: An end to our marriage

JJAS: My wife will not say that

DBM: How do you know?

JJAS: I know her. She believes in marriage and hates raising children outside of marriage.

DBM: Okay!

JJAS: Are you done with the questions?

DBM: I am

JJAS: What would you have done in her shoes?

DBM: I already answered that question

JJAS: When?

DBM: Before you assured me your wife wouldn’t see what I could see

JJAS: An end?

DBM: The END

JJAS: You cannot forgive a mistake? Should every little thing end in divorce?

DBM: Forgiveness is something that only takes place between me and GOD

JJAS: Explain

DBM: When someone I trust, intentionally hurts my feelings, I go to GOD on my knees and work out the forgiveness bit of it. I do not come to you to discuss forgiveness because I want to let you off the hook. I choose to forgive, not because I want to set you free. Only GOD can save you from your deeds.

JJAS: You will not forgive me?

DBM: I choose to forgive simply because GOD wants to set me free

JJAS: Hmmm

DBM: Participant 157, Kerry, left a question for you: ‘If you had Ghs 155,000 in your account, and your husband or wife stole Ghs 15,000 from you, would you be upset and throw all the remaining Ghs 140,000 away in hopes of getting back at your husband or wife? Or move on and live?’

JJAS: I will keep the 140k. It’s better to hold on to something than nothing at all. 15k can be re-made in a couple of years to come.

DBM: It’s your turn to leave a question behind for the next participant

JJAS: What can you do to help my wife heal from this confession?

DBM: Thank You!

Image Credit: Afeez Ajibola Yusuf

Let’s Talk To Keith

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 1 Comment

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 78: Keith

DBM: Hello Keith. How would you describe yourself?

Keith: I am a DJ with an Accra-based FM station. I like inspiring people to get up and dance. It puts a smile on my face

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Keith: I would have said 9, but because of the trouble I find myself in now, I’d say 3

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Keith: I have impregnated a 17-year-old girl, and her parents are threatening to get me arrested

DBM: How old are you?

Keith: In my mid-to-late thirties

DBM: Did you know of her age before being physical with her?

Keith: No! We met at a night club, clicked and had our first sex in my car. We exchanged numbers, and she would arrange to fuck with me, once or twice in a week.

DBM: Where were you meeting to do this?

Keith: I have a place

DBM: Is that where you live?

Keith: No! But I used to live there

DBM: I’d want to believe I would know a teenager when I meet one. Couldn’t you tell her age by just looking at her?

Keith: Dave, she looks way older than she actually is. Also, when we met at the club, she had make-up on, and was wearing a wig and clothing that an adult would wear. She and her friends were acting mature. I could not tell the difference.

DBM: Were you two dating, prior to the pregnancy?

Keith: No! It was strictly sex. We weren’t talking with the intention of being in a relationship. It was simply fun we were having

DBM: Till she got pregnant

Keith: Yes. I hadn’t heard from her for two weeks, so I sent her a message. Her father called me, minutes after the message was read.

DBM: Are you single?

Keith: Not really

DBM: Not really, meaning?

Keith: I am not single. Whatever we did, she consented to it

DBM: Whereby consent means?

Keith: She agreed to have sex with me, and we both understood what we were agreeing to.

DBM: Everyone but minors have the right to make choices about sex. A minor cannot consent to any type of sexual activity. How long have you been having sex with this girl?

Keith: Almost a year

DBM: When was her 17th birth date?

Keith: I don’t know. We don’t discuss those things

DBM: To the best of my knowledge, Ghana’s statutory rape law is violated when you have consensual sexual contact with a person under the age of 16, I think.

Keith: I did not rape her

DBM: I am not saying you did. Being prosecuted for unlawful sexual intercourse with a minor has nothing to do with rape. If she was under 16 years, the night you first met at the club, then the situation you currently find yourself in could be termed a felony, as well as misdemeanor child molest.

Keith: I have all of our chat history on WhatsApp. She couldn’t have been less than 16 years, ten months ago

DBM: Okay! Have you spoken to the young lady?

Keith: Yes. She used her friend’s phone to call me. She warned me about her father’s decision to get me arrested. Her father has her phone

DBM: What information is her dad working with to track you down?

Keith: He has my phone number and full name.

DBM: How did he get to know your name?

Keith: I think he used the mobile money transaction process. He sent me 1 Cedi

DBM: Did you ask of her actual age when she called?

Keith: Yes. She was 17 in February

DBM: 2023?

Keith: Yes, this year. Do you think she can be forced to lie about me?

DBM: Lie about what?

Keith: Maybe, rape or something

DBM: Did you rape her?

Keith: No!

DBM: If she does not want to falsely testify against you, then she cannot be forced to. These situations are rarely investigated by the police, unless someone reports it to them.

Keith: Her father might

DBM: So, get your story straight. What’s going through your mind right now?

Keith: Hmmm! I can’t even focus at work

DBM: What are you going to do about the pregnancy?

Keith: I am not ready for it

DBM: Do you have any idea what her parents might be going through right now? The flood of emotions, from shock to being disappointed in her; to grief and worry about her future

Keith: Yeah

DBM: How is the girl managing through all this?

Keith: I don’t know

DBM: What do you really know?

Keith: She said she will contact me when tempers calm at home. Do you think I am going to be pressured into an unwanted marriage?

DBM: Did it not ever occur to you that you were placing yourself, and that of the girl at risk of an STI, HIV or an unwanted pregnancy – while engaging in unprotected sex?

Keith: I thought she was taking emergency contraception like the others

DBM: Which others?

Keith: 😜

DBM: I see

Keith: Dave, can we meet over lunch somewhere to talk? I need someone to talk to

DBM: I would love to, but I am currently not available for a face-to-face. Sorry. Please keep me updated whatever happens

Keith: Will do. Thanks

DBM: You’re welcome!

Image Credit: Marcus Silva

Let’s Talk To Gabe

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 68: Gabe

DBM: Hello Gabe. How would you describe yourself?

Gabe: A single parent

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Gabe: 7-ish

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Gabe: I have two friends that are really good to me. One is my Senior Secondary School sweetheart. She was my first love. I have realized that my feelings for her never went away. The second lady was the best friend of my late wife. My wife died 14 months after we married. She left behind our son, whom I have raised all by myself since 2016. My son adores my late wife’s best friend the most, because he bonds with her daughter. They were born the same day, and at the same hospital. They attend the same school and often spend the weekends and holidays in her house or mine. My SSS sweetheart divorced her husband after she realized I was single, and that, we still had feelings for one another. Both ladies are my soul mates; they bring something different in me – which I like very much when I am with each of them. I love the man I become when I am with them. I want to consider marriage and I am confused as to which of the ladies to choose. My son’s favorite is his best friend’s mother. He already addresses her as ‘mummy’. She’s also a single parent. My favorite lady, however, is my SSS sweetheart.

DBM: Okay?

Gabe: I don’t know what to do

DBM: Are you having sex with both ladies?

Gabe: I am. They’re good in bed

DBM: Do they know they are two of them in your life?

Gabe: No, but they have an idea of my friendship with the two of them

DBM: Are you in an exclusive relationship with them?

Gabe: No. I am not dating them officially. It’s the friends-with-benefit kind of situation

DBM: They both understand that is all there is to it?

Gabe: I think so

DBM: But they would want to be in a serious commitment with you?

Gabe: Yes.

DBM: Why is your high school sweetheart your favorite?

Gabe: She gave me an assurance

DBM: Which was?

Gabe: Leaving her marriage to come and be with me, which she did.

DBM: What do you really like about the other lady?

Gabe: She reminds me of my wife.

DBM: And, is that a good or bad thing?

Gabe: It’s good news

DBM: What kind of woman are you looking for in a wife?

Gabe: The two represent everything beautiful I am seeking in a wife

DBM: But you need to make a choice, no?

Gabe: I am in love with both ladies. I know they love me too, Dave. I was thinking I would marry one and secretly continue with the other.

DBM: How about coming clean about your feelings to the both of them?

Gabe: I can’t

DBM: Why not?

Gabe: Because I lied to them once when they asked at different times whether I was messing around with the other

DBM: Why did you lie about it?

Gabe: I didn’t want to hurt their feelings

DBM: The respect a man places on a woman, and the valor and maturity he presents in telling her the truth, looking beyond his present circumstances, looking beyond his desires and wants and needs, is the absolute measure of his true character as a person.

Gabe: I am a good man in love with two women.

DBM: Are you under any pressure to marry soon?

Gabe: No, but I would wish to be married by the end of the year

DBM: Give yourself time to choose. Let them know you are dating other women too

Gabe: It wouldn’t be fair to one. She left her marriage for me

DBM: Did you ask her to?

Gabe: No, but I didn’t stop her either when she told me about her decision.

DBM: Both ladies are mature. If you’re to ask any one of them to make a life decision about choosing you as their husband, at least, you owe it to them to choose in full knowledge of all the facts, no?

Gabe: I don’t want to hurt one’s feelings

DBM: Relationships are always risky. It might or not work out somehow, and we’re supposed to take responsibility for our actions when it comes to love.

Gabe: My son will be very happy if I marry the woman he adores. Do I consider his happiness in all this?

DBM: How important is your son to you?

Gabe: He’s my everything

DBM: Even more than the women you’re chasing?

Gabe: He is the love of my life

DBM: Good, because the relationship he has with you is what is setting the template for how he is to relate to every other person in his life and yours.

Gabe: I know

DBM: So, put yourself in his shoes. Which of the women would you have preferred?

Gabe: But do you understand the dilemma I find myself in?

DBM: I do. I am just trying to also put myself in the shoes of the women. If I were to be dating you, I would already know at the back of my head that, anything at all could happen for us not to be together. I would know you are capable of not choosing me; you’re capable of hurting my feelings. But then, I would prefer you rather end things with me in all honesty than a lie. These are your friends, meaning, you genuinely care about them. Why not allow them the dignity of knowing the actual truth about your decision?

Image Credit: August-de-Richelieu

HE IS THE PRESENT PAST

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

I feel very ashamed to be sharing this with you but Dave, do not judge me. I am only human. On my wedding day, I was in a heated conversation with my ex-boyfriend about my decision to marry my husband. My ex is divorced but he was married when we were dating. I was seeing him because he had told me he was getting a divorce. Two years in a relationship with him and his divorce wasn’t happening, so I moved on. I love my husband but I was thinking about my ex when I was saying “I do”. Ten months after I was married, my ex got his divorce. It all happened too fast Dave.

I have been having sex and secret meetings with my ex since I found out about his divorce. He has rented a house where he now lives and that’s where we meet. He wants me to divorce my husband for him. I believe him. I know he is in love with me. Dave, I take my ring off anything I leave the house to go to work. It’s like, I want to be single when I am not home. When I compare the sex between me and my husband and me and my ex, I love the sex my ex gives me. I like the way my ex treats me; I like the way my ex talks to me. He hasn’t changed. He is still the same person I have always known and admired.

I don’t want to throw away a good marriage and family. My husband is a good guy; he takes very good care of our children. But I am scared about pushing my own happiness aside all because I have a husband and children. David, I never stopped loving my ex-boyfriend. I moved on because I didn’t want to remain the side chick of a married man. He was in the process of divorcing; I just couldn’t wait for so long that time. I regret rushing to date my husband, because if I had exercised patience, I would be with the man I truly love. I have more sex with my ex than I have with my husband. Sometimes, I get so tired from my meetings with my ex, I have to fake headaches and sleepiness to avoid my husband’s advances.

I don’t know what to do. I am scared of breaking my home and making things complicated for my children. I am scared of what people will say if I leave my husband for my ex. I am scared of losing my ex because I am still married to my husband. My ex understands the situation I find myself in and he is willing to give me time to make a decision. I don’t know what to do; I want to be happy, Dave. How do I find happiness in this situation?

Image Credit: Arina Krasnikova

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