Let’s Talk To Gabe
David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)
Participant 68: Gabe
DBM: Hello Gabe. How would you describe yourself?
Gabe: A single parent
DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?
Gabe: 7-ish
DBM: What do you want to talk about?
Gabe: I have two friends that are really good to me. One is my Senior Secondary School sweetheart. She was my first love. I have realized that my feelings for her never went away. The second lady was the best friend of my late wife. My wife died 14 months after we married. She left behind our son, whom I have raised all by myself since 2016. My son adores my late wife’s best friend the most, because he bonds with her daughter. They were born the same day, and at the same hospital. They attend the same school and often spend the weekends and holidays in her house or mine. My SSS sweetheart divorced her husband after she realized I was single, and that, we still had feelings for one another. Both ladies are my soul mates; they bring something different in me – which I like very much when I am with each of them. I love the man I become when I am with them. I want to consider marriage and I am confused as to which of the ladies to choose. My son’s favorite is his best friend’s mother. He already addresses her as ‘mummy’. She’s also a single parent. My favorite lady, however, is my SSS sweetheart.
DBM: Okay?
Gabe: I don’t know what to do
DBM: Are you having sex with both ladies?
Gabe: I am. They’re good in bed
DBM: Do they know they are two of them in your life?
Gabe: No, but they have an idea of my friendship with the two of them
DBM: Are you in an exclusive relationship with them?
Gabe: No. I am not dating them officially. It’s the friends-with-benefit kind of situation
DBM: They both understand that is all there is to it?
Gabe: I think so
DBM: But they would want to be in a serious commitment with you?
Gabe: Yes.
DBM: Why is your high school sweetheart your favorite?
Gabe: She gave me an assurance
DBM: Which was?
Gabe: Leaving her marriage to come and be with me, which she did.
DBM: What do you really like about the other lady?
Gabe: She reminds me of my wife.
DBM: And, is that a good or bad thing?
Gabe: It’s good news
DBM: What kind of woman are you looking for in a wife?
Gabe: The two represent everything beautiful I am seeking in a wife
DBM: But you need to make a choice, no?
Gabe: I am in love with both ladies. I know they love me too, Dave. I was thinking I would marry one and secretly continue with the other.
DBM: How about coming clean about your feelings to the both of them?
Gabe: I can’t
DBM: Why not?
Gabe: Because I lied to them once when they asked at different times whether I was messing around with the other
DBM: Why did you lie about it?
Gabe: I didn’t want to hurt their feelings
DBM: The respect a man places on a woman, and the valor and maturity he presents in telling her the truth, looking beyond his present circumstances, looking beyond his desires and wants and needs, is the absolute measure of his true character as a person.
Gabe: I am a good man in love with two women.
DBM: Are you under any pressure to marry soon?
Gabe: No, but I would wish to be married by the end of the year
DBM: Give yourself time to choose. Let them know you are dating other women too
Gabe: It wouldn’t be fair to one. She left her marriage for me
DBM: Did you ask her to?
Gabe: No, but I didn’t stop her either when she told me about her decision.
DBM: Both ladies are mature. If you’re to ask any one of them to make a life decision about choosing you as their husband, at least, you owe it to them to choose in full knowledge of all the facts, no?
Gabe: I don’t want to hurt one’s feelings
DBM: Relationships are always risky. It might or not work out somehow, and we’re supposed to take responsibility for our actions when it comes to love.
Gabe: My son will be very happy if I marry the woman he adores. Do I consider his happiness in all this?
DBM: How important is your son to you?
Gabe: He’s my everything
DBM: Even more than the women you’re chasing?
Gabe: He is the love of my life
DBM: Good, because the relationship he has with you is what is setting the template for how he is to relate to every other person in his life and yours.
Gabe: I know
DBM: So, put yourself in his shoes. Which of the women would you have preferred?
Gabe: But do you understand the dilemma I find myself in?
DBM: I do. I am just trying to also put myself in the shoes of the women. If I were to be dating you, I would already know at the back of my head that, anything at all could happen for us not to be together. I would know you are capable of not choosing me; you’re capable of hurting my feelings. But then, I would prefer you rather end things with me in all honesty than a lie. These are your friends, meaning, you genuinely care about them. Why not allow them the dignity of knowing the actual truth about your decision?
Image Credit: August-de-Richelieu
