Before The Next Teardrop Falls
Osei: Who would have thought I’d be one of those anonymous people in your inbox. Listen to this crazy stuff; the wife of my wife’s boss sent me an email. First, she reached out to me on LinkedIn. I didn’t know who she was. 15 minutes after accepting her request, I got an email from her. She had found out recently that her husband and my wife had a joint bank account. They each made payments from their benefits into this one account and trusted each other to withdraw from it as and when need be.
David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): That’s weird. How much is in the account?
Osei: I don’t know but she shared a copy of a receipt her husband accidentally forgot to throw away in one of his trousers while doing his laundry. He had withdrawn Ghs 15,500. She mentioned a day and date her husband had traveled to work on a project, and it coincidentally was the same date my wife had to attend a friend’s funeral for days. Dave, my wife and I are pretty much open and honest with each other and I wouldn’t be able to recall a single day that we’ve had to argue about money.
DBM: You confronted your wife, no?
Osei: I did. She did not talk about the account but rather her high and intense sex drive that, according to her, I have a challenge being able to fulfill her needs.
DBM: I don’t understand.
Osei: Longevity during sex and my d*ck size.
DBM: Are you aware of this concern she has of you?
Osei: Dave, unless she’s been faking sexual satisfaction with me all these years, then no.
DBM: Do you enjoy sex with your wife?
Osei: Very much
DBM: Have you ever asked her if she enjoys having sex with you?
Osei: I think so. She used to praise me
DBM: Ha!
Osei: That’s just even the crust of the issue. We all agreed she was having an affair with her boss. What I found shocking was when she began sharing her fantasies with me. Fantasies I knew nothing about. She and her boss had been exploring group sex. They had had threesomes where she was the only woman in the room, and she loved it. She also said having sex with two men at the same time is what sets her skin on fire.
DBM: I’m going to ask you a few random questions. Don’t ask me why. Just give a yes or no response. Can you?
Osei: Yes
DBM: When you were dating your wife, was she the only woman you were being intimate with?
Osei: No
DBM: After you got married, has she been the only woman you’re intimate with?
Osei: No
DBM: Okay! Please continue with your story
Osei: I asked her how long it had been going on and she said three years.
DBM: How long have you been married?
Osei: 9 years
DBM: I see
Osei: Then she asked me if I would consider exploring these desires with her and her boss, instead of her always having to sneak around? She also said she was getting tired of hiding her fantasies from me and wanted it to be a part of our intimacy.
DBM: That’s a lot to take in
Osei: That bitch looked me in the eye last week and told me she knows and can predict every beat of my sex life like an overplayed Diana Hamilton song on UTV. How can a wife tell her husband he is boring in bed and that has created a gnawing itch that no one man, no matter how much he loves her, can satisfy?
DBM: How old is your wife?
Osei: 40
DBM: How old are you?
Osei: 44
DBM: You have kids?
Osei: Yes, three girls. Why were you asking if I was cheating on my wife?
DBM: Before I answer your question, let me ask a question: had you and your wife discussed boundaries before or after marriage?
Osei: What do you mean by boundaries?
DBM: Everything you both dislike or can never forgive on the table to see if there is any potential to go forward with the relationship.
Osei: No
DBM: I have a theory that, in-as-much as a higher percentage of men feel they don’t share their side of stories related to why they’re not happy in their marriages, men are still the very people choosing to break their own homes. Exhibit A is found in your ‘yes’ or ‘no’ responses to my questions. And, it’s not just you. Every man I have ever spoken to – whose wife is cheating or making him feel like he’s going through a whole lot of hell with her, had been cheating on his wife first. They will not readily accept this fact but that is the unfortunate truth.
Osei: Every man I know cheats. It’s normal. Dave, are you trying to tell me you don’t cheat?
DBM: I am trying to tell you your wife is currently seeking the hands of her boss and total strangers secretly, because you stopped exploring the woman she is, and already have at home.
Osei: But did she have to cheat back?
DBM: Did you sit her down to discuss the desires tempting you to explore with other women? If I ever should consider cheating on my partner, I would talk before I cheat.
Osei: You know I’m heading straight for a divorce with her confession?
DBM: I honestly don’t think you should be extremely mad at her. When you’re out there sleeping with other people, which part of you makes you feel like what you’re doing is as bad as how your wife’s actions are suddenly making you feel?
Osei: I don’t think you should be defending her adultery.
DBM: I am not in support of her actions. You are choosing not to understand what I’m drawing your attention to. You have not been upfront and honest about everything you have been up to. You’ve been hiding and erasing your own bad behavior – and pretending to be closed off with your feelings. Women can do bad all by themselves if you lead them into their crazy with your crazy.
Osei: I wasn’t expecting to hear anything different from you
DBM: Men never cease to amaze me! We start a game without first bothering to read its manual. You break your marriage and wait for the partner to catch up to help you do the work for you. We knowingly or unknowingly force people we claim we love to assume responsibilities for tasks and chaos we create in our own marriages. A man will whine about accountability yet hate to be accountable. No wonder wives of today are choosing to stay in touch with their intuition and err on the side of caution.
Osei: We all know you’re biased when it comes to these whores of another gender.
DBM: Your wife is experiencing a sexual awakening and starving for mass sex. Her hunger is making her want to be gulped, adulated and fucked senselessly. Go figure!
Osei: Do you know why I came to your inbox?
DBM: Why?
Osei: I needed someone to just hear me out and empathize with me.
DBM: I hear you; I really do.
Osei: You don’t. You’re rather attacking me.
DBM: Listen, ma guy, you cannot just will happiness in marriage to happen or hope that if you continue playing enough mind-games on your wife, something will give. Your marriage is struggling, and you can attest to that. You cannot control your wife’s actions. She cannot control yours. What you both have control over is what you choose to do and how you choose to accept, forgive or manage the other’s behavior. That is marriage for you. There is always something to work on.
Osei: My marriage is practically over. I cannot forgive something like this. I’ve withdrawn from her emotionally.
DBM: That’s understandable.
Osei: Come to think of it, anytime she returned home from a trip, she was in a happy mood, which was significantly improving the atmosphere at home and thought was lessening the tension between us.
DBM: Welcome to illicit sexual encounter. Everything you just described is exactly what you also bring home after returning from one of your side-chick sessions.
Osei: Bye.
Image Credit: Mikhail Nilov
