Let’s Talk To Savior

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 48: Let me choose Savior

DBM: Hi Savior. How would you describe yourself?

Savior: I don’t know how to say no, and mean it when my infatuation level is raised to the power ⁶. I find myself always stringing a number of women by my side.

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Savior: I am doing things that I regret, and I don’t know if that makes me a bad husband

DBM: Your wife knows about these things you are regretting?

Savior: No!

DBM: What have you been up to?

Savior: I get bored easily with one woman, and it’s been so with every serious relationship I’ve tried to be in. My wife came across as the woman who could probably change me for the best, but as it stands now, marriage feels like a prison. I’ve been with other women, and I am beginning to feel sorry for my wife – because she doesn’t deserve what I am doing to her.

DBM: Do you still believe your wife inspires you to be your best self?

Savior: I know she does but …

DBM: What kind of feelings and experiences have you created with your wife?

Savior: Dave, I do sweet things with my wife. We have a good relationship, and I have found incredible joy being with her because I feel listened to. We talk about our wants freely, and I make her orgasm and pleasure my priority in bed. She does same for me. I am supposed to be content, because I feel happy, loved and valued, and I know she feels the same way too because I do everything according to how she likes it.

DBM:  Does she do everything according to how you like it?

Savior: Yeah!

DBM: So, what’s the problem?

Savior: I’ve slept with one of the teachers at my children’s school; I’ve slept with one of my wife’s close friends; two of our church members etc.

DBM: The list goes on?

Savior: Yeah! And I lie to my wife a lot to cover things up because I care about her feelings

DBM: I’m trying to understand why a man claiming to be happy at home, and with his wife – because she puts his needs and interests first, still looks elsewhere for something he already has?

Savior: What do I do?

DBM: Tell me about your upbringing; what was your experience like with your parents and siblings?

Savior: It was normal, nothing spectacular. Though my parents separated along the way because my father had to marry my best friend’s mother.

DBM: How did that make you feel?

Savior: It was weird at first, because they were already doing things with each other.

DBM: As in, before your father left your mother?

Savior: Yeah. She was also married

DBM: To your friend’s father?

Savior: Yeah! They had a simple church wedding and they moved on with their lives.

DBM: How did you feel when you watched them vow to be faithful to one other?

Savior: I didn’t think it was going to last. They’re no longer married.

DBM: Where is your dad?

Savior: Dead

DBM: I’m sorry about that

Savior: It’s okay!

DBM: How is your step-mother doing?

Savior: She left my dad a long time ago. We’re not related in that way any more

DBM: Why did she leave your father?

Savior: I have five different siblings, and he had them with five different women.

DBM: Nobody is perfect

Savior: I know

DBM: And mistakes are part of life

Savior: Yeah! I think I feel bad because my wife thinks I am nothing like my father

DBM: She knows about his life?

Savior: Yeah, I told her, and I am afraid it would not be an easy thing to forget if she finds out I am also a cheater.

DBM: Your wife would have to live with such stress

Savior: And I don’t want to stress her.

DBM: You’ve been in numerous relationships in the past that didn’t work out, no?

Savior: Yeah!

DBM: Why didn’t it work out?

Savior: They weren’t the right women for me

DBM: Even with those who desperately wanted it to work out with you?

Savior: Yeah!

DBM: Why did you marry your wife?

Savior: She was the one for me

DBM: Is she still the one?

Savior: Yeah!

DBM: You love your wife?

Savior: I love my wife. That’s why I don’t want to fail her. I don’t want her to be disappointed in me. I don’t want her to reject my love because of what I am doing. I don’t want to lose my wife.

DBM: But everything you don’t want to happen to you so far, has absolutely nothing to do with love.

Savior: What has it got to do with?

DBM: All I am sensing is fear; you’re also blinded by your ego, I think.

Savior: I don’t have an ego problem

DBM: I see. Do you trust yourself to do right by your wife?

Savior: I know I can try my best

DBM: And, would your best be good enough to sustain the relationship whims and caprices that you so much want to come true?

Savior: I don’t understand what you mean

DBM: Your wife is not the best match for you

Savior: She is, Dave, you’re wrong about this one

DBM: How do you feel about yourself when you’re with your wife?

Savior: I already told you

DBM: Let me tell you what I think you have thus far, made me understand; your marriage, though good, suffocates you

Savior: I didn’t say that

DBM: You feel like you’re always walking on egg shells after returning from one of your hook-ups.

Savior: Those are your words, not mine. Lol!

DBM: So, you mean to say you do not feel like you are hurting your wife with all the affairs, secrets and lies you’re unable to come clean with, because it’s something you’re not proud of?

Savior: Well…

DBM: You need to help you in order to save your own self, Savior. Fortunately, this decision is largely in your control. But assuming you are unable to not be like your father… then own it. You at least owe your wife this truth.

Image Credit: Muhammadtaha Ibrahim