Tag: Friendship

Let’s Talk To Diahann

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 2 Comments

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 61: My name is Diahann

DBM: Hello Diahann. How would you describe yourself?

Diahann: I would describe myself as compassionate, and I know I will not hurt anyone intentionally. I am relatable, well-rounded, and know how to have a lot of fun – probably because I’ve been around the block quite a number of times. My boyfriend says, I bring so much fulfillment and satisfaction in our relationship.

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Diahann: Oh, a cool 9

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Diahann: I am secretly dating one of my girlfriends’ ex-husband. It’s a secret relationship because I don’t know how she’s going to take the news if I am to break it to her. I am worried about her reaction if she’s to find out on her own. I am trying to prevent her getting hurt or feeling betrayed.

DBM: How long have you been dating him?

Diahann: Almost three years.

DBM: How long was he married to your friend?

Diahann: Seven years and some coins.

DBM: When was their divorce finalized?

Diahann: November of 2018

DBM: Was he your friend when he was with your friend?

Diahann: Yes, but not as close as I was with his ex-wife

DBM: Your friend, you mean?

Diahann: Yes!

DBM: What did you know about their marriage?

Diahann: I knew she wasn’t happy with him. There were times she could call me and cry and complain about his affairs with other women.

DBM: And, what were you telling her?

Diahann: First and foremost, it was difficult for me to just sit my behind somewhere, discussing her marriage in the absence of her ex. They are both my friends, and I wasn’t sure I was the best person for her to come to. The second thing is, my friend was suffering in silence in her marriage; it wasn’t working as she had hoped it would. I suggested she dealt with the situation or simply move on. Life is short, Dave. No one deserves to be frustrated by a spouse – all in the name of marriage.

DBM: Has your boyfriend told you his side of the reason for the divorce?

Diahann: All he said was, she wouldn’t stop getting on his last nerve

DBM: Did you by any chance get in the way of their marriage?

Diahann: Get in the way how?

DBM: Interfere with your opinions as her sounding-board of a sort

Diahann: No. It wasn’t my place to

DBM: Did you or your boyfriend ever seek any form of emotional connection with one another, while he was married to your friend?

Diahann: Never. In fact, I hated him for always causing my friend pain and unhappiness

DBM: If you suspect that one of your close friends is hanging around your ex-boyfriend, would you want her to let her intentions known to you?

Diahann: I don’t think so. That would be entirely her business. He is my ex for a reason

DBM: How did your relationship with him begin?

Diahann: I was supposed to be on a date with a guy who stood me up. My boyfriend just happened to be eating at the same restaurant. He saw me, and joined me at my table to build conversation since I was alone. When he realized my date wasn’t showing, he kept me company. He ordered food for me and the conversations continued. We hadn’t talked nor seen each other since their divorce

DBM: Did you tell your friend about your date, and how her ex-husband just happened to be there to keep you company?

Diahann: She knew I was stood up; we had been texting the whole of that afternoon to prepare me for my date. I didn’t mention the ex-husband part though

DBM: Why not?

Diahann: I didn’t think it was important

DBM: At what point did you realize you liked him?

Diahann: Right at the table on my date fiasco. He says, he realized how awesome I was, right at the beginning of our ‘first’ unplanned date lunch. He kissed me unexpectedly after eating, and I kissed back. He fell in love with me, and I would add, has been loyal to me. He respects me and our relationship, and understands my worth

DBM: I see. He fell in love with you, right there and then?

Diahann: Yes, that’s what he told me.

DBM: It does happen, I don’t doubt you.

Diahann: He did not contact me for about a week after the ‘date’. I didn’t sulk or feel hurt. He called on the eighth day to ask for a proper date night. That evening, I knew I was falling madly in love with him because the kiss had been on my mind for days.

DBM: We’re talking about the same guy you hated because he was making the life of your friend, a living hell?

Diahann: Same one. I’ve come to understand that, he’s not the type of man to hurt a woman for the fun of it. I had been pretending with my feelings for months till he told me how much he loves me

DBM: How much is his love for you?

Diahann: Worth more than 100 Cedis

DBM: Are you in love with him?

Diahann: I am all over him in love. I had to change my perceptions about him to accommodate his love for me.

DBM: Why do you think you fell for him that quickly?

Diahann: Because I know him. Also, he has something to add to every conversation we have. To be honest, until my friend started criticizing him about their marriage, I aways assumed he was a cool catch. I haven’t been so easy to get, nor so eager to please. He’s just been the perfect gentleman with my experience with him. Also, I made it hard for him to read me like a book on our ‘first’ date. I had blocked myself emotionally to him to get through to. He’s the real deal

DBM: For how long is he going to remain your best kept secret?

Diahann: That’s what I am trying to figure out.

DBM: In your opinion, was your friend right about her ex-husband?

Diahann: Since becoming a couple, he’s accounted for all his flaws, and is working through them to become a better man for me. Right now, our relationship is our most important friendship. And so far, it’s been working out just fine.

DBM: I am happy for you.

Image Credit: Gustavo Fring

POINT OF CONTACT

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 16 Comments

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name you fancy)

Participant 16: Timo.

DBM: Tell me anything about yourself

TIMO: I am 49 years old, a husband and a father. My approach to life and my marriage is that, whatever I do affects people’s feelings, and so I try to act accordingly. I do not skulk around to always do the right thing; what I am saying is, every decision I make now is strictly based on the fact that, the people around me also have feelings, and just as I think my needs matter, people and their needs are equally important.

DBM: How long have you been married?

TIMO: 16 years.

DBM: What was your perfect ‘type’ of a man or woman? Did your husband or wife fit into your exact specifications?

TIMO: I wasn’t looking for much: I wanted a woman who loved and respected herself and others, had a good grasp of common sense, and could deserve my trust. I wanted a woman who could trust me to discuss anything with me. My mother is my role model in a sense, because she has her own life, interests and friends. I am attracted to such independent ladies who can do well all by themselves. My wife fit into all that.

DBM: So, how did you two meet?

TIMO: My wife was a single parent when we met. I had been invited to her son’s school to give a talk. Her son asked very intelligent questions and follow-up questions, I took a special interest in him. The reason why I wanted to mentor him was because I could see myself in him. After the seminar, this nine-year old kid tugged at my sleeve impatiently, smiling, “Excuse me Uncle Timothy, can I say something?” he said, “I think you will like my mother, she’s just like you.”. Oh, during my presentation at the seminar, I think I said something about me being single, etc. He gave me his mother’s phone number and asked me for mine. I gave him my card. I called his mother the moment I sat in my car to discuss her intelligent son.

DBM: Do you consider your significant other as your best friend?

TIMO: My wife is my best friend, and this friendship has been built in a matter of time and practice. We practice how to like each other intentionally, everyday; making each other laugh, being goofy sometimes, enjoying each other’s company and making what we have a priority.

DBM: When did you make him or her laugh the most? What happened?

TIMO: Yesterday evening. I was farting under the sheet so bad; she went to boil eggs to eat. I had to move out of the bedroom to breathe again in the hall.

DBM: At what point were you certain he or she was the one for you?

TIMO: I went to pick my son (her child) from school one time because she had meetings running late, and he mentioned to me in the car their prayer topic the night before. It was about me! Mother and son both realized how much they liked me and had to pray about it. Caleb told me about how his mother was emotional and crying while praying about me and what I meant to them. When he asked me if I could be his father, I stopped the car. His request touched me to the core because his biological father lives. It was at that point that I knew I needed to guide him to become the best any young boy could become: empathetic, compassionate and being contented with his vulnerability. He was the point of contact to my true feelings for his mother.

DBM: Do you still find your husband or wife physically attractive?

TIMO: My wife is the best and most attractive version of herself. She put effort into her wardrobe and wears clothing that makes her feel good and sexy. Inside and out, she’s the most beautiful woman I have ever seen.

DBM: In a deeper conversation with your spouse, do you listen just to completely understand or you listen simply to formulate your response?

TIMO: I listen with the intention of understanding her. I always put in the time to find out why what she’s talking about is important to her. She does same with me; she makes me feel like she gets me as a person, on a much deeper level.

DBM: How is your significant other faring in the position as a husband or wife?

TIMO: She’s doing excellently well as my wife and mother to the children. I am happy so far.

DBM: Which of your wedding vows means the world to you?

TIMO: I take you to be my wife, to have and to hold from this day forward; for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; until death do us part.

DBM: What is the most fun you both have had in the relationship?

TIMO: Being lovers and parents is the most fun had. As lovers, we explore by going outside our comfort zone; we push the boundaries, take risks, and plan fun sexual activities together. We date each other again every month without the children. We do movies, dinner, walk on the beach holding hands, things like that. The most fun for me is when my wife makes all my decisions for me on the day of my birth. My wife was born on a Thursday; so, every Thursday, for the past 16 years, I have been the one choosing her wardrobe for work, the food to eat, which side of the bed to sleep, the type of sex I want, what she has to do to please me, etc. And, we have fun with it. She’s always excited when it’s a Sunday, because she takes her turn on me.

DBM: Is the love for your husband or wife growing any stronger by the day?

TIMO: I have never loved anyone as much as I love my wife. She’s my dream come true.

DBM: Do you trust your husband or wife?

TIMO: I trust my wife with all of my heart.

DBM: How much time do you spend on your husband or wife?

TIMO: My first priority is my wife. I make time for her all the time.

DBM: Emotionally, do you feel connected than before?

TIMO: Yes! I am emotionally catered for, and she makes me feel good.

DBM: Do you feel secure in the marriage?

TIMO: Very secure in my marriage.

DBM: Where do you see you and your spouse in the next 10 years?

TIMO: Still doing each other and not getting tired of it.

DBM: What is your ideal sex life?

TIMO: Touching, kissing, and more of oral sex. We prolong our foreplay because it improves our sexual experience. With my wife, I do not need an erection to please her; clitoral stimulation gives her the best orgasm, so I focus on that more. I have my turn when she’s happily breathing and smiling beside me. We talk during the day about our sexual fantasies and it makes sex more exciting when we’re together having it.

DBM: Rate your current sex life (out of 10)

TIMO: 7/10.

DBM: What is your understanding of love?

TIMO: I feel most loved when my wife hugs me randomly, kisses me out of the blue, smiles at me for no reason; explicitly offers gratitude for the little things I do for the house and for her. Whenever she praises me, I feel I am loved; and when she dresses or acts seductively to sexually connect with me.

DBM: Are you feeling loved in your marriage?

TIMO: I am loved well, yes!

DBM: Are you a good spouse?

TIMO: I am a good husband.

DBM: Have you cheated on your husband or wife with another man or woman?

TIMO: No! But I have been tempted to a few times. I couldn’t pursue it because it’s not worth hurting my wife over.

DBM: Say something to your spouse from your heart:

TIMO: My dear wife, thank you for making me feel brand new. Thank you for liking me; thank you for respecting me; thank you for finding me attractive. You have accepted and prized me for all that I am. I will continue to treat you the way YOU want to be treated.

Image Credit: Anete Lusina

PERFECT MATCH

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name you fancy)

Participant 14: I want to be known as Kwam.

DBM: Tell me anything about yourself

KWAM: I believe I am well-mannered; I learn from everything; I am generous with my time, I am positive minded, I like helping others, I respect the opinions of others; I have a strong work ethic, I am friendly and can humor myself; I am confident and well-spoken and just an everyday guy.

DBM: How long have you been married?

KWAM: We will be doing 16 years in October.

DBM: What was your perfect ‘type’ of a man or woman? Did your husband or wife fit into your exact specifications?

KWAM: I wasn’t looking for much, just a woman who practices good hygiene, knows how to dress and talk, and carry herself well.

DBM: So, how did you two meet?

KWAM: I was on my third date with her close friend. Her friend wanted that date to be at my house. She wanted to eat a home cooked meal. Doorbell rings and it was my wife. She had a letter in her hand for me from my date. She suggested her friend (my wife) would be the perfect match for me. It was awkward at first but it worked out.

DBM: Do you consider your significant other as your best friend?

KWAM: No! My wife’s friend (the former second date) is my best friend. My wife is my closest friend. A healthy friendship developed between me and my wife and it has made a whole lot of difference in our lives.

DBM: When did you make him or her laugh the most? What happened?

KWAM: I asked her to marry me and she did not believe my proposal for two years. I was thinking she didn’t like me as much, but it turned out she wasn’t sure whether or not I was serious about marrying her.

DBM: At what point were you certain he or she was the one for you?

KWAM: Before she left my house after our first dinner meeting, I realized she’s frank and did not hide her feelings. She was also a good listener and she listened to me with interest; that was when I knew.

DBM: Do you still find your husband or wife physically attractive?

KWAM: My wife is very attractive to me physically. I affirm her beauty whenever I see her. I am the best place my wife should feel needed, wanted, accepted loved and appreciated. When I look into my wife’s eyes, I am not in a hurry to look away.

DBM: In a deeper conversation with your spouse, do you listen just to completely understand or you listen simply to formulate your response?

KWAM: I am always striving to understand my wife when we are in a deeper conversation. I pay attention to her during a conversation.

DBM: How is your significant other faring in the position as a husband or wife?

KWAM: She’s a good wife. She knows we both come from two different upbringings and backgrounds, and that, I am my own individual, with flaws and any other mess. She respects our individual differences, so do I.

DBM: Which of your wedding vows means the world to you?

KWAM: Till death…

DBM: What is the most fun you both have had in the relationship?

KWAM: Most fun would be road trips with her.

DBM: Is the love for your husband or wife growing any stronger by the day?

KWAM: I love my wife deeply every day. My love for her doesn’t swing.

DBM: Do you trust your husband or wife?

KWAM: I trust my wife. She has integrity.

DBM: How much time do you spend on your husband or wife?

KWAM: I am close to my wife even when I am busy. I call, text, email and video call all the time. When we are physically together, I am with her in the kitchen chitchatting, we spend time together as a family and alone, etc.

DBM: Emotionally, do you feel connected than before?

KWAM: My wife is my safest emotional connection.

DBM: Do you feel secure in the marriage?

KWAM: I will do this marriage with her over again, any day. Our love is deep, strong and genuine.

DBM: Where do you see you and your spouse in the next 10 years?

KWAM: Still married and spending more time together.

DBM: What is your ideal sex life?

KWAM: 14 times in a week. I like it in the mornings and evenings.

DBM: Rate your current sex life (out of 10)

KWAM: 5 out of 10. My desire for sex stays high but her appetite isn’t as high. I am patient with her though, as I try to meet her needs before my own.

DBM: What is your understanding of love?

KWAM: I know I love my wife when I watch how I speak to her. I do not belittle, hurt, disrespect, humiliate or harm her in any way, be it in private or public.

DBM: Are you feeling loved in your marriage?

KWAM: She’s loving me well. My wife is very concerned about me too.

DBM: Are you a good spouse?

KWAM: I am a good husband to her.

DBM: Have you cheated on your husband or wife with another man or woman?

KWAM: Not yet.

DBM: Say something to your spouse from your heart:

KWAM: Kwamyere, you have given me space to pursue what interests me. You have been a woman of your word and have followed through with your commitment at whatever cost. The wonderful woman you have grown to become has been a matter of time, age and experience; being my wife was a choice you made. I will continue to help you at home with the responsibilities; your problems will be my problems so we can continue to spread the weight of it evenly; I am sure of my love for you because my heart beats for you alone. You have made me the happiest man I could have ever imagined for myself. It’s a privilege to love you, it’s a privilege to laugh and cry with you. It’s a privilege to care for you; it’s a privilege to raise our children with you. It’s a privilege to share my life with you, run to you, talk to you, feel for you and be with you. It’s a privilege to give you me, every day, for the rest of our lives together.

Image Credit: Any Lane 

ADAMS’ APPLE

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 3 Comments

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name you fancy)

Participant 7:  Adams is my name.

DBM: Tell me anything about yourself

ADAMS: I am 68 years old, and a father to four grown children. I am a grandfather, a husband and a friend. I am retired and enjoying the remaining years of my life with my wife.

DBM: How long have you been married?

ADAMS: 35 years.

DBM: What was your perfect ‘type’ of a man or woman? Did your husband or wife fit into your exact specifications?

ADAMS: My wife fits into my exact specifications. She actually is in a league of her own. I settled for a woman I would never otherwise would have gone for. Don’t get me wrong, my wife is very beautiful to me; she is beautiful to me because I give her the chance to become beautiful in my eyes. And in all the 35 years of loving her, I have given myself the opportunity to be equally good in her eyes, and most importantly, cherished for who I really am, by the one woman whose opinion I value the most.

DBM: So, how did you two meet?

ADAMS: She found me at a point in my life when I was thinking I wasn’t good enough for any woman; every lady I liked didn’t like me back. I felt useless. She was at the same bus stop where an ex-girlfriend of mine had broken up with me in public. I doubted my capabilities as a man, but this stranger, now wife, encouraged me with her presence and friendship to build me back up to move forward. It was humiliating to say the least, but she stood by me at the bus stop, and has been standing by me through all of my ups and downs.

DBM: Do you consider your significant other as your best friend?

ADAMS: Our friendship will never end, and that makes me the happiest man in the world. Yes!

DBM: When did you make him or her laugh the most? What happened?

ADAMS: That would be over 28 years ago. We both had a busy schedule and had to rely on one of her best friends to pick our children from school. We gave her our house keys to cater for the kids in our absence. I was the first to arrive home after 10 pm. We were expecting my wife to arrive at dawn. The kids were asleep when I got home. While taking my bath, I heard the bathroom door open. My wife’s friend was naked. Because I had soap lather in my eyes, I couldn’t see her approach me. It was after she held my penis and kissed me that I realized that wasn’t my wife. I sacked her from my house and told my wife the moment she got home. I don’t know whether she believed me or not but she laughed so hard, she encountered a stomach pain in the process. She did not confront her friend about my accusation. They’re still close friends. She’s still our family friend.

DBM: At what point were you certain he or she was the one for you?

ADAMS: The day I realized my wife wasn’t afraid of being alone, with or without me in her life. Yes, she’s in want of the man that I am, but she doesn’t really need me in any way to feel fulfilled.

DBM: Do you still find your husband or wife physically attractive?

ADAMS: My wife is as attractive and perfect as I make her to be. She’s ambitious and very reliable. Dave, authenticity is sexier to me in any body type or shape, any day.

DBM: In a deeper conversation with your spouse, do you listen just to completely understand or you listen simply to formulate your response?

ADAMS: I have never taken the importance of communication with my wife lightly. She discusses almost everything that is important to her with me, and I make sure to listen to whatever she has to say, and truly make the effort to comprehend exactly where she may be coming from. In a deeper conversation with my wife, I know when to talk or offer an opinion, and when not to.

DBM: How is your significant other faring in the position as a husband or wife?

ADAMS: She’s my ideal wife, and I will choose her over and over again, any day. In fact, I still chase after her till date. She respects herself, and respects me too.

DBM: Which of your wedding vows means the world to you?

ADAMS: In the name of The Almighty God, I take you, Sophia, to be my wife; to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish – until we are parted by death.

DBM: What is the most fun you both have had in the relationship?

ADAMS: Raising our children together and enriching them to a higher level of thinking, feeling, loving and behaving, has been the most fun we have both had in our marriage.

DBM: Is the love for your husband or wife growing any stronger by the day?

ADAMS: It’s growing stronger every day. I understand my wife in a deeper level.

DBM: Do you trust your husband or wife?

ADAMS: Completely! She owns my heart, and I feel comfortable being vulnerable with her.

DBM: How much time do you spend on your husband or wife?

ADAMS: David, I love my wife so much to the extent that, I love being around her. For me, as long as I get to spend time with her, I don’t really care whatever we’d be doing together – if I’d be doing it with her, that would be more than enough for me. She’s the best company I have ever kept and had all my life.

DBM: Emotionally, do you feel connected than before?

ADAMS: Yes, I feel connected emotionally to my Sophie. She’s exactly where I need her to be emotionally with me. We support each other the best way possible.

DBM: Do you feel secure in the marriage?

ADAMS: Very! We are constantly paying attention to our inner and outer growths at every phase of our lives.

DBM: Where do you see you and your spouse in the next 10 years?

ADAMS: Till death do us part I believe.

DBM: What is your ideal sex life?

ADAMS: My ideal sex life is climaxing with my wife.

DBM: Rate your current sex life (out of 10)

ADAMS: 9/10. She pleases me, and we are content with what we share intimately.

DBM: What is your understanding of love?

ADAMS: My understanding of love is being on the same page on the importance of respecting each other, being true to our words, creating time to prioritize our feelings for one another, resolving conflict when it arises and forgiving each other; being strong for the other when weak, and helping one another to carry on.

DBM: Are you feeling loved in your marriage?

ADAMS: I love how my wife loves me. She’s my favorite lady.

DBM: Are you a good spouse?

ADAMS: I am a good husband, but I am married to a wonderful woman.

DBM: Have you cheated on your husband or wife with another man or woman?

ADAMS: Finding myself in the arms of another woman, to me, is an expression, not my reality. I don’t want to hurt Sophia, because I love her. I don’t want to tear my family apart and sacrifice my honor; that is why I have never cheated on my wife.

DBM: Say something to your spouse from your heart.

ADAMS: Sophia, I am one of the luckiest men alive. We promised each other for better and for worse, and so far, I am also honoring my part of the vows. You know how much I love you; you know how much I am in love with you. You know how much I appreciate you. I wasn’t searching for a perfect woman; I wasn’t looking for a flawless marriage. All I prayed for was for God to bless me with a decent marriage, genuine commitment and a lasting friendship between us. Thank you very much for going easy on me!

Image Credit: Andre Moura

CROSS-FIRE

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name you fancy)

Participant 6:  Cross will do.

DBM: Tell me anything about yourself

CROSS: I’m just me; easy going, opinionated and massive fun to be with.

DBM: How long have you been married?

CROSS: Nine years.

DBM: What was your perfect ‘type’ of a man or woman? Did your husband or wife fit into your exact specifications?

CROSS: I never had a spec; however, I never wanted a spiritual leader as a spouse. I’m not good with being a role model.

DBM: So, how did you two meet?

CROSS: At his workplace after I completed Senior High School.

DBM: Do you consider your significant other as your best friend?

CROSS: No! My husband is a bit judgmental, and so I am very careful of the things I share with him.

DBM: When did you make him or her laugh the most? What happened?

CROSS: I’m naturally a happy soul. So anytime you are around me, a smile will always be on your face.

DBM: At what point were you certain he or she was the one for you?

CROSS: I was double dating actually; it was him and another guy. Then I got pregnant and was uncertain of who was responsible. I told the other guy and he accepted but I couldn’t handle it, and so I requested for a termination. After the termination of the pregnancy, I bled for two weeks straight and was getting weaker by the day. I avoided my husband, who was then just the other guy throughout the abortion. He came to my workplace uninvited one afternoon. The moment he set his eyes on me, he knew something was wrong and I was dying slowly so I had to open up to him. He acted cool, went out and brought me medications to stop the bleeding, and took care of me through it all. The other guy tried contacting me and my husband (then boyfriend) gave him a piece of his mind. That was when he said a lot of shitty things about me to him, but all my husband told him was that, “she’s now with me, so stay away from her”. That was when I knew that, I had found a diamond in a form of a human.

DBM: Do you still find your husband or wife physically attractive?

CROSS: Very much. My husband is seriously attractive.

DBM: In a deeper conversation with your spouse, do you listen just to completely understand or you listen simply to formulate your response?

CROSS: Yes! We always discuss our daily activities before going to bed. I am an ardent listener as well. Because of him, I read about sports so I can have a meaningful conversation with him.

DBM: How is your significant other faring in the position as a husband or wife?

CROSS: Very well! He is a great husband and a wonderful father.

DBM: Which of your wedding vows means the world to you?

CROSS: Till death do us part.

DBM: What is the most fun you both have had in the relationship?

CROSS: On weekends and holidays when we are home alone without the kids. Having wild sex in the room and gisting about others, etc.

DBM: Is the love for your husband or wife growing any stronger by the day?

CROSS: Mine fluctuates.

DBM: Do you trust your husband or wife?

CROSS: Not really!

DBM: How much time do you spend on your husband or wife?

CROSS: Whenever we have a free time, we spend it together.

DBM: Emotionally, do you feel connected than before?

CROSS: Not really!

DBM: Do you feel secure in the marriage?

CROSS: No! He tried adding up a wife some time ago, and it has changed my perception about the whole marriage.

DBM: Where do you see you and your spouse in the next 10 years?

CROSS: Outside the country with our children.

DBM: What is your ideal sex life?

CROSS: We’re always fuel and fire.

DBM: Rate your current sex life (out of 10)

CROSS: 12/10 😂😂

DBM: What is your understanding of love?

CROSS: Being there for each other and sharing the good, bad and ugly times together. And being available for/to our children.

DBM: Are you feeling loved in your marriage?

CROSS: Of course yes, although I sometimes feel caged.

DBM: Are you a good spouse?

CROSS: I am trying to be better than before.

DBM: Have you cheated on your husband or wife with another man or woman?

CROSS: Emotionally yes, but sexually/physically, no!

DBM: Say something to your spouse from your heart.

CROSS: I do have so much love and admiration for you honey. All I want is for you to get out of your comfort zone and explore more business-wise. I love how you love me and our children; please know we will enjoy this union if only you stay true to me. Yes, I’m not ready to share my husband with anyone!

Image Credits: Anna Shvets

MY FAVORITE PERSON

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

I have never believed in LOVE IN ITS ENTIRETY; maybe, apart from my dad’s love (which was short lived), I don’t trust any other, not even that of my mother. Her world of marriage was not something I looked forward to, neither have I ever thought I would get married someday. It seems like a ‘burden’ or a ‘risk’. I don’t take risks deliberately, if I can avoid, why go into it? My husband (I call him roommate), first knew he will marry me when he was about 19 years old in high school. He had not met me but saw my name on a school admission board for freshmen (apparently, he fell in love with my name). He was in his final year and had promised himself to marry the lady behind that name. He told his other cousin and a friend in school then. Lo and behold, I finally arrived in school only for him to discover, ‘I was out of his league’, as some of his mates were interested in me.

The first time I met him, it seemed like a déjà vu. I believed I had known him but nope, never do I recall meeting him anywhere, except that – he had the looks of my father. We didn’t communicate much as his exist on campus was near but he always spoke to me, writing little poems in a notebook and dropping it off in my class. (We were in the same department). We exchanged poems in that notebook but never sat together to have a chat till he left campus.

I returned home one vacation, visiting my cousin only to discover we were in the same neighborhood and lived close to my cousin’s house. Before visiting him for the first time at home, he had already told his family he had a girlfriend. (I had no idea I was his girlfriend) yet, that was how the family saw me. No one dared to ask. They passed funny jokes whenever I visited. (I left the area and returned years later). He still held on to me as ‘his girlfriend’ all that time. I was living my life.

Long story short, one night while escorting me home he said when I get a job, I will use my first few months’ salary to marry you. I laughed so hard because I knew he seemed too good a guy for me, (WE WERE NOT OFFICIALLY DATING. I still saw him as a ‘good friend’. I couldn’t see myself marrying him. He was too quiet for my liking. Truly to his words, he went to my sister one day and told her he wants to marry me; went ahead to my elder brother to inform him about his intentions to marry me. Note: no member of my family knew I was dating; neither was aware I had a serious boyfriend, except my big sister, who knows the men (general) in my life. The first time my family met him officially was the day of the ‘knocking’.

He had informed his family but I was the last person to know I was about to get married. When his father and Auntie called me to inform me, I was upset, and confronted him about it. He was confident I am the only woman he wants to be with. I gave them my own date to be married, as their notice was about a month ahead to the proposed date. I requested for a few more months. We got married within four months after his intention was made known. Our 14 years together has never seen any misunderstanding; he hates confrontation and he is a man of very few words. He is the worst person to pick a quarrel with because he won’t utter a word. A friend once told me you both are like oil and water. I am an extrovert and he is like a ‘TOTAL LOCKDOWN’; that’s if that can describe an extreme introvert. He lives in the shadows. He joins me on my night life, and I am like his ‘bad influence’. I taught him how to drink alcohol, socialize, club; how to express his anger, and also, talking to women without fear of offending them. Not all women are rude when approached. It depends on how you come at them.

Ask me about an Angel and I will point to him; he says he wanted a wife but got a social media manager too, (you send him WhatsApp messages and he takes months to reply. I have to check his messages for him. I don’t know about happily ever, but I am a happily spoiled wife. Marriage to him is like having a roommate who does all the work, while you take compliments. I live a simple life with him. I married him with a leap of faith in him. He is a man that met all my checklist: tribe, same taste in music, loves domestic chores; he is faithful, loves movies; he has a lovely skin color; very empathetic, and started life with me from the ground up. We had the exact country themed wedding I dreamed of. We are building a future together, but whatever happens in the future I am proud and glad I met a man who defines marriage as a commandment of commitment. He once said to me you are the woman I am having my every first with.

Least I forget, our poetic note book was our marriage wows. We’ve been married for 10 years now. Our wedding song was “When God Made You”. He is a man with no flaws, dignity, and the humblest to ever walk this earth. Whenever there is chaos, he is that ‘silver lining’. Mr. EC, may God bless you a million times. If you miss heaven, I will blame God; if I depart this earth some day before you, I want you to move on with your life, and enjoy it to the fullest. I promise to learn how to drive so you can stay home and enjoy your lockdown in peace. Allow me to also do the domestic chores; my mum says you make me lazy. Judith says you are a diplomatic person so I should allow you to do your things while I do my controversial things. Gizz said if you become a pastor someday, we will be poor because you can’t take offertory, and would probably give out all our savings.

Image Credit: Andres Ayrton

UNDENIABLY SEXY AND MYSTERIOUS

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

Mr. Dave, hi!

What I do for a living looks like prostitution but I am a lady with an MSc. in Accounting and Finance. I love sex, yes, but I have big dreams too. Most of my clients are married men. I want to focus on other things; marriage is not part of my expectations. Dave, I am happy and satisfied with what I do and I don’t want to change what’s working for me by complicating things with marriage and children.

I am sending you this message because one of my clients wants to marry me. He knows my mother and has gone to tell her about his plans for me. He knows I give sex for money. He was married when he became a client but is divorced now. After his first booking, he wanted more of me, and so he booked me for himself for six months and paid. I got pregnant and aborted. I didn’t tell him about it. Six months is over and he wants to book another six months service. Old clients want to book my services.

Dave, If I am to calculate what I make from individual bookings in a day, I make more than the six months he pays for. Because he is someone I know and like, I don’t over charge. He can’t afford me. He doesn’t understand why I have a good job yet sleep with men. He doesn’t understand that it’s not about the money. It’s the fact that I love sex; variety of sex is what I like, not money. I love to smell different men, etc. I don’t want to marry because I don’t fancy the idea of being tied down to someone. Wedding dress, food, liquor, venue rings all these are frivolous to me; it’s cost.

Also, it’s married men patronizing my services; not only me, married men patronize the services of my friends in similar business. I can’t buy into it. My best friend’s husband got the number of my service and booked for three hours. We met and we were both surprised. Sex happened and he wants more. That is why I am writing to you, dear David. It’s complicated. He says my friend neglects his needs, and that she is more focused on the children, and she’s always tired when she comes to bed. He says there is no fun in their sex life. The sex he wants at home he doesn’t get. He says with me and other women, he’s able to express himself in whatever way he is unable to do at home with his wife. He says she doesn’t give him attention so he’s always seeking for it at work and social media.

I know my friend is not boring but he says she is. Now he’s saying he connects more with me than his wife. Dave, we just met and hit it once but he is saying there is something undeniably sexy about the mystery of me. In all honestly, I love his energy in bed. I am only worried about my friend. Should I tell her what her husband says is happening in their marriage or strictly treat this new encounter as another business? I want to do the right thing.

Image Credit: Maddy Freddie

GOOD FOR ME IS THELMA

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

Wifey and I have been married for 27 years. We were not boyfriend-girlfriend. She didn’t believe in that. She wanted a friend not boyfriend. She always says, friendship has less expectations. She wasn’t asking me for money or gifts when we were friends. I gave her money and gifts because of the way she carried herself. She did not give me sex in the friendship zone. I had my first sex with her on our wedding night. I knew she had deeper feelings for me but I was so much in love with her, I couldn’t remain her friend. I had to do the honorable thing. I married her. She was 36. I was 42.

David, I have been reading from your page and some of the stories people share makes me question whether or not they were ready before settling in marriage. From my experience, I don’t think girls should marry in their 20’s. Girls need to live their fullest lives as single women till their early or mid 30’s. This is my reason: Most guys start to discover who they are and who they want to spend their lives with in their mid to late 30’s. It’s at those ages that they feel growth within themselves. It’s at that age that they appreciate sacrifice and commitment. Don’t get me wrong, I know men in their 40’s and 50’s acting stupid but Dave, most guys understand what it means to be in a serious relationship from 36 up. I love sex like a dog on heat but in my 27 years marriage, the number of times I have been a couple with my wife outnumbers our sexual escapes times a million. Sex is great in marriage, but sex is not everything. That’s why when I read from the guys and girls cheating because of sex, I am convinced they weren’t ready to be married.

It’s okay to be single and content till you’re ready to be responsible. I married Thelma because I wanted to be her provider. My wife is a lawyer. She did not need my money then. She doesn’t need my money now. But as her husband, I am her provider. When we used to rent, I never asked her to contribute to rent or bills. Now we live the good life. When I lost my job, she stepped in for three years to be my provider. I knew where my wife was going in life and I believed she was worthy of a man who believed in her dreams. Later, I found out that I am deserving of a woman who is worthy of where I am going, and that was my Thelma.

Young people should not be rushing into marriage. Be patient. Wait. Have time for yourself. Grow, earn on your own merit, hard work and save. Have fun; make friends and don’t think so much about having a boyfriend or girlfriend. When you’re ready to marry, marry that friend who is good for you.

Image Credit: Alex Green

A LOT UNSAID

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

Please keep me anonymous. Me and my wife are dealing with a complicated issue that is getting us worried. Our close friend died last year. She was in the process of divorcing her husband when we gave her and her kids our spare rooms. She was also battling cancer. Her husband isn’t our buddy-buddy as his wife was but he is a friend to me and my woman. Our friend died due to the cancer but before she died, she wrote a legal document in the presence of her attorney requesting that me and my wife bury her. She didn’t want anything to do with her ex-husband; she didn’t want to have anything to do with her own family.

Dave, a lot was going on in her life which she left unsaid. That was part of the reason why it was hard for me to tell if she was actually in an unhappy marriage or she was just going through a rough patch. We knew something wasn’t right when she moved to our house with her children. Our late friend, who used to talk to my wife says our friend’s family were on the side of her husband and believed in his lies more than her complaints. Also, because he was good at giving her mother, father and siblings gifts and money, they assumed he was a good man for their daughter. But she was suffering in the marriage. The contents in the legal document she prepared before she died stated that we should send her children to her ex-husband the first week after her death. It also said we were to buy a coffin and bury her without holding a funeral. She’s an insurer and had left money to cover her coffin and burial processes.

She wrote in the document that she did not want her mother, father, sisters, brothers, ex-husband or children around her corpse. She wanted only me and my wife to bury her privately without fanfare. Her last instruction was that she didn’t want us to show any member of her family where we buried her. Her lawyer ensured we had honored her last wishes. Th problem is that, when we took the children to her ex-husband’s office and informed him about his ex-wife’s demise, he called his in laws to tell them. The family is now on our neck to produce the buried body. It’s been three months and we are not having it easy. They brought the police to our house, etc. But because there is a legally binding document in our favor, there hasn’t been any arrests. But her family is always at our main gate in black and red attires,  demanding for their corpse. I was telling my wife we show them where we buried their relative but she and the lawyer are insisting we do not go against her dead friend’s wishes.

Dave, the woman is dead. What else can a dead body do? Wouldn’t it be easier showing them where we buried her?

Image Credit: Cottonbro

LINDA

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 15 Comments

I have been writing and deleting this story for 28 days now, Dave. I don’t know how to write it well. I want to celebrate my wife Linda, because these memories I share with her are precious for my life but I don’t know how to whirl my words to capture the moment. The first day I met my wife, it was drizzling on the motorway. She was walking very fast to find a place to hide. She was holding a bag; I stopped on the side to give her a lift.

She was going to Tema. It was one of those days that I felt like helping a stranger. When she sat in my car, I realized she was crying. She looked tired and wanted to take a rest. I wanted to know what was wrong with her, but she didn’t want to talk to me. When we reached the tollbooth, she asked me to buy her water and bread. She ate and drank side by side. She thanked me and answered my question; she was crying because no one would buy what she left the house to go and sell. What was she selling? Her wedding gown. She wanted just GHs 700 for  the dress because she was broke. When we got to Tema, she showed me the dress. What was the original price when she bought it fresh? GHs 3500. She didn’t want to sell it because she believed it held the pinnacles of her beauty; her romance, her story. But she needed money. She had sold almost all her valuables. I gave her GHs 1000 and asked her to keep the dress. We exchanged numbers and became friends. I got to know she was divorced and had a son.

I was not having second thoughts about my friendship with her. She was the one; I wasn’t hyped about her 24/7 but Dave, I wasn’t bored liking her almost every day. My day dreams were about her. How she related to me kept my interest in her. Our communication was on the daily basis and we got to know one another better. She no longer felt like my friend, she was my lover in my mind. She wasn’t manipulative; she doesn’t say disparaging things to me. She celebrates all of my accomplishments. I could not push her boundaries to get what I wanted. I respect my wife so much. Two months after becoming friends, I invited her to stay in my house for the weekend. She hasn’t left eight years later.

Since I met my wife, we’ve made each other better versions of ourselves. When we held hands on our wedding day, I told myself to remember that, Linda is my best friend. I didn’t care how long we had known each other. She is the mother of our children; the woman to care for me till death do us part. The woman I will love till we are old and grey and dead. David, words cannot describe how I felt when her son walked her down the aisle to marry me. Because she told me all about her first marriage, I have made sure in our eight years of marriage, not to clam up about any issue, nor withdraw from one another when we argue. We do not dwell too much on what hurts us between us. We do not hold onto a grudge; we have made sure not to walk on eggshells around one another, nor allow bitterness to build when we have disagreements. There hasn’t been an accumulation of hurts from our indifferences.

I don’t spend too much time on phone or social media. I make time for my wife and children. I don’t lie about my finances. I don’t have affairs; I help with house chores around the house. My children are my priority when I am home. I am keeping my promises to my wife and don’t have any intentions to sabotage my marriage.

My sweet Linda, you have allowed me to be imperfect. You have lived with all of my faults. I thank you for being everything and more than I deserve. My wife wore the same gown she was selling. We are writing our own story.

Image Credit: Yndira Dejesús

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