Constant Craving
Ifama: Good evening, David. Are you free to chat?
David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Greetings! How are you doing?
Ifama: Not so great
DBM: Why not?
Ifama: It’s a long story.
DBM: Let’s make it a bit short, can we?
Ifama: Yes. Please post me anonymously
DBM: I will
Ifama: I’ve been playing the field, and I am still confused because I don’t know what I want.
DBM: Playing the field as in?
Ifama: In a relationship with two people at the same time.
DBM: They know you’re dating them both?
Ifama: No
DBM: Are you being intimate with both?
Ifama: Yes
DBM: What do you want out of these relationships?
Ifama: What every woman wants
DBM: And, that is?
Ifama: For my needs to be met
DBM: What does Relationship A add to your life?
Ifama: Love. He is so in love with me. He has the financial means and is very protective of his money and assets. He sees me as an asset in his heart and has given me access to his wealth. I am not just a pretty face, Dave, I match his intellectual aspirations. He knows I am an independent, hardworking woman and can take care of myself but he doesn’t want me to. He wants to be the only one to take care of me.
DBM: What does Relationship B add to your life?
Ifama: She respects me a lot. She acknowledges and honors my accomplishments. She respects my opinions and viewpoints. My suggestions and input on everything are welcomed. I don’t feel overlooked or taken for granted, Dave. I am seen and valued. Unlike my other situationship, her actions towards me and our relationship does not send different signals or communicate different messages to me. She is consistent with her love for me. I don’t feel like I am compromising or settling for less than what I deserve. She meets me where I am at any moment in life and treats me justly, and equitably too. She’s like my best friend, very patient in how she indulges me. I don’t feel like I have to jump any bar higher than I am capable of just to prove myself.
DBM: How about the romantic aspect of the spark?
Ifama: It’s burning with flames and keeping me excited and alive. Dave, this is a relationship that I not only want but I know I absolutely need to build a future.
DBM: You’re bisexual, I’m guessing?
Ifama: I could be. I wish there was a way to determine which of them would be my perfect match
DBM: The true intentions of a human heart and whatever it’s feeling for you cannot be predicted, unfortunately. You can never know which of them, genuinely, would do right by you.
Ifama: What do I do? Because I think I have fallen in love with them for different reasons.
DBM: I don’t know what else to tell you. What you are doing would give any of them more than enough reason to doubt you. This kind of relationship wouldn’t flourish because you’re not being honest with them. Your feelings towards them aren’t clear.
Ifama: They’re clear. I am simply cultivating my femininity and trying to use it to my advantage and the benefit of the two most important people in my life.
DBM: Two most important people that you’re conveniently, hiding their existence in your life from each other. Why don’t they know there are two of them competing for your attention and love?
Ifama: It’s not everything that we have to share
DBM: When you have nothing else to hide, you’re invincible.
Ifama: I want to marry the man. My pastor thinks we can pray my feelings for the woman away. I want to believe it is possible but I am not sure.
DBM: You mind me asking why you came to me?
Ifama: Someone introduced me to your Facebook.
DBM: So, you know my stance on same-sex attracted relationships?
Ifama: Yes and no.
DBM: Well, go to my blog: https://dmbir.com/blog/ click on the search bar; type and enter ‘Gay’. You will find my opinions on all the conversations I’ve had with people like you.
Ifama: Ok
DBM: Praying your feelings for the same sex to go away isn’t practical. It doesn’t work like that. However, you can choose not to entertain women romantically, if that is what you really want. Are you willing and desiring to commit to your guy wholeheartedly? Because you can if you want to.
Ifama: I want to but my feelings for the woman are real to me. I’m not sure how people will react to that.
DBM: You need to come to that place in your life where you can easily let outsiders have whatever perspective they assume of you, while you continue to live in your truth.
Ifama: It’s not that simple, Dave.
DBM: Which of the relationships brings you inner peace?
Ifama: The woman
DBM: In John 14:27 Jesus left you with a gift: Peace of heart and mind to combat the fear and anxiety you’re feeling this day. That peace is not supposed to trouble your heart. You need to lead your heart to the place where it isn’t troubled while falling in love. You need to trust that GOD knows the contents of your heart and exactly what’s best for you.
Ifama: Even though I will be judged by others?
DBM: Let not outside noise and condemnation rob you off your calm, quiet and ability to take in every single moment you get to share with the happiness love brings you.
Ifama: You say it as if it’s that easy to make it all make sense.
DBM: People typically tend to be more accommodating with you living a lie. Your existence and experiences aren’t lies. Jesus left you this gift of inner peace, knowing you’re going to need it in times like these. Let your heart be at peace. Peace that surpasses what we (the outsiders) can understand. That’s all I am suggesting to you. Anyone else who has issues with your truth should first cultivate that same energy into praying away their fornication, lying, stealing, cunning, adulterous, hateful, deceitful and corrupt ways of living.
Ifama: I will come back to this conversation again. Thank you.
Image Credit: David Kwewum
