Let’s Talk To Uriel
David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)
Participant 142: My name is Uriel
DBM: Hi Uriel. How would you describe yourself?
Uriel: I feel as if I can’t think clearly, and having a hard time deciding on something important
DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?
Uriel: Six
DBM: What do you want to talk about?
Uriel: I have a girlfriend. I also have a wife. I love them equally. I found out the girlfriend is dating another man who is married. I’ve been doing everything to make her life comfortable so I feel cheated. How do I get over the hurt?
DBM: Describe your hurt
Uriel: It’s a roller-coaster of emotions. I still don’t understand why she’s seeing another man. I take care of her needs. Now, looking back, I remember the number of times she had to turn her phone over because of a text message she didn’t want me to see. The number of times she put her phone on silence; the different times she cancelled on me and didn’t want me to come over. Everything is adding up now
DBM: How long have you known her?
Uriel: A bit over two years.
DBM: What do you know about the other guy?
Uriel: Not much. But I know he’s also rented a different apartment for her
DBM: How did you find out about the other guy?
Uriel: Her friend told me. I know where she meets him too
DBM: Have you seen them together?
Uriel: Yes
DBM: Have you questioned her?
Uriel: I have
DBM: What is her reason for entertaining the two of you?
Uriel: She says we bring different things to her life
DBM: What do you bring to her life?
Uriel: She says I give her good sex and make her feel important
DBM: The other guy brings what?
Uriel: Quality time and attention. She also says he’s generous towards her
DBM: Generous in which sense?
Uriel: With money
DBM: Are you kind to her?
Uriel: In every way imaginable
DBM: I see
Uriel: I still remain a fool for her love
DBM: Even after finding out you’re not her only guy?
Uriel: I guess the wool has yet to wear away before my eyes because I’m in love
DBM: What you share with this other lady isn’t just physical; you have actual feelings for her?
Uriel: I do
DBM: Do you use condom with her?
Uriel: Why would I use protection?
DBM: To demonstrate a sense cautiousness
Uriel: We’re clean, in the safe-zone
DBM: Are you concerned about the health and wellbeing of your wife?
Uriel: I am
DBM: Are you comfortable talking about your wife?
Uriel: Yes
DBM: How would you describe her?
Uriel: She’s great in her own small way but I’ve realized one good woman is not enough
DBM: For you, you mean?
Uriel: Yes
DBM: What influenced your decision to be with the other lady?
Uriel: I felt neglected by my wife
DBM: How so?
Uriel: I think she stopped finding me attractive along the line. Also, she’s a workaholic; comes home tired and the children take her remaining time. I haven’t been number one on her list of priorities since we had our first child. The other girl made me feel special and important
DBM: How many kids do you have?
Uriel: Three
DBM: All with your wife?
Uriel: Yes
DBM: The other lady has any children?
Uriel: No
DBM: She works?
Uriel: Yes
DBM: What else influenced your decision?
Uriel: She sings my praises in and after bed
DBM: During and after sex, you mean?
Uriel: Yes.
DBM: This remark is in reference to the other lady, no?
Uriel: Yes. The sexual routine I had with my wife changed inexplicably. She was coming up with one excuse after the other.
DBM: What could have been the real issue?
Uriel: I don’t know
DBM: Is she happy being married to you?
Uriel: Yes
DBM: Does your wife know about this other woman?
Uriel: Not yet
DBM: What is the reason behind your inability to talk to your wife about your concerns, and or feelings?
Uriel: She’s dealing with a lot
DBM: Meaning?
Uriel: Work, family, school, etc.
DBM: So, her inability to make her life all about you isn’t intentional?
Uriel: No
DBM: I am asking this question as someone in your wife’s shoes. ‘Why couldn’t you communicate these issues with me first before resorting to cheating?’
Uriel: I didn’t want to come across as selfish
DBM: An affair can be easier to forgive if your wife at least, knows you are making attempts to prevent infecting her with a disease or getting the other woman pregnant.
Uriel: I am being careful
DBM: And in the process making your situation worse, no?
Uriel: I don’t think so.
DBM: Are you willing to work on your marriage to make it what you want it to be?
Uriel: I’m trying
DBM: Is the affair something you want to end?
Uriel: Not ready to end it yet.
DBM: Participant 141, Pike, left a question for you: ‘Do you believe in keeping your enemies even closer?’
Uriel: I keep my enemies in arms-length yet close, so I wouldn’t be paranoid about how they think and operate.
DBM: It’s your turn to leave a question behind for the next participant
Uriel: If you could trust the fact that I wouldn’t judge you, what would be the one secret you would want to tell me?
DBM: Thank you!
Image Credit: Kindel Media
