Let’s Talk To Uriel

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 142: My name is Uriel

DBM: Hi Uriel. How would you describe yourself?

Uriel: I feel as if I can’t think clearly, and having a hard time deciding on something important

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Uriel: Six

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Uriel: I have a girlfriend. I also have a wife. I love them equally. I found out the girlfriend is dating another man who is married. I’ve been doing everything to make her life comfortable so I feel cheated. How do I get over the hurt?

DBM: Describe your hurt

Uriel: It’s a roller-coaster of emotions. I still don’t understand why she’s seeing another man. I take care of her needs. Now, looking back, I remember the number of times she had to turn her phone over because of a text message she didn’t want me to see. The number of times she put her phone on silence; the different times she cancelled on me and didn’t want me to come over. Everything is adding up now

DBM:  How long have you known her?

Uriel: A bit over two years.

DBM: What do you know about the other guy?

Uriel: Not much. But I know he’s also rented a different apartment for her

DBM: How did you find out about the other guy?

Uriel: Her friend told me. I know where she meets him too

DBM: Have you seen them together?

Uriel: Yes

DBM: Have you questioned her?

Uriel: I have

DBM: What is her reason for entertaining the two of you?

Uriel: She says we bring different things to her life

DBM: What do you bring to her life?

Uriel: She says I give her good sex and make her feel important

DBM: The other guy brings what?

Uriel: Quality time and attention. She also says he’s generous towards her

DBM: Generous in which sense?

Uriel: With money

DBM: Are you kind to her?

Uriel: In every way imaginable

DBM: I see

Uriel: I still remain a fool for her love

DBM: Even after finding out you’re not her only guy?

Uriel: I guess the wool has yet to wear away before my eyes because I’m in love

DBM: What you share with this other lady isn’t just physical; you have actual feelings for her?

Uriel: I do

DBM: Do you use condom with her?

Uriel: Why would I use protection?

DBM: To demonstrate a sense cautiousness

Uriel: We’re clean, in the safe-zone

DBM: Are you concerned about the health and wellbeing of your wife?

Uriel: I am

DBM: Are you comfortable talking about your wife?

Uriel: Yes

DBM: How would you describe her?

Uriel: She’s great in her own small way but I’ve realized one good woman is not enough

DBM: For you, you mean?

Uriel: Yes

DBM: What influenced your decision to be with the other lady?

Uriel: I felt neglected by my wife

DBM: How so?

Uriel: I think she stopped finding me attractive along the line. Also, she’s a workaholic; comes home tired and the children take her remaining time. I haven’t been number one on her list of priorities since we had our first child. The other girl made me feel special and important

DBM: How many kids do you have?

Uriel: Three

DBM: All with your wife?

Uriel: Yes

DBM: The other lady has any children?

Uriel: No

DBM: She works?

Uriel: Yes

DBM: What else influenced your decision?

Uriel: She sings my praises in and after bed

DBM: During and after sex, you mean?

Uriel: Yes.

DBM: This remark is in reference to the other lady, no?

Uriel: Yes. The sexual routine I had with my wife changed inexplicably. She was coming up with one excuse after the other.

DBM: What could have been the real issue?

Uriel: I don’t know

DBM: Is she happy being married to you?

Uriel: Yes

DBM: Does your wife know about this other woman?

Uriel: Not yet

DBM: What is the reason behind your inability to talk to your wife about your concerns, and or feelings?

Uriel: She’s dealing with a lot

DBM: Meaning?

Uriel: Work, family, school, etc.

DBM: So, her inability to make her life all about you isn’t intentional?

Uriel: No

DBM: I am asking this question as someone in your wife’s shoes. ‘Why couldn’t you communicate these issues with me first before resorting to cheating?’

Uriel: I didn’t want to come across as selfish

DBM: An affair can be easier to forgive if your wife at least, knows you are making attempts to prevent infecting her with a disease or getting the other woman pregnant.

Uriel: I am being careful

DBM: And in the process making your situation worse, no?

Uriel: I don’t think so.

DBM: Are you willing to work on your marriage to make it what you want it to be?

Uriel: I’m trying

DBM: Is the affair something you want to end?

Uriel: Not ready to end it yet.

DBM: Participant 141, Pike, left a question for you: ‘Do you believe in keeping your enemies even closer?’

Uriel: I keep my enemies in arms-length yet close, so I wouldn’t be paranoid about how they think and operate.

DBM: It’s your turn to leave a question behind for the next participant

Uriel: If you could trust the fact that I wouldn’t judge you, what would be the one secret you would want to tell me?

DBM: Thank you!

Image Credit: Kindel Media