Tag: Lies

Update: Grandma’s Necklace

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

Reba: David, I have an update for you. My grandmother’s gold necklace has been returned to me. Everything is intact and just as it was before my husband stole it from the safe. Thank you for letting me use your platform to vent.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Oh! That’s good news. He did the right thing returning it.

Reba: My husband didn’t bring it to me. It was the girl

DBM: Really?

Reba: Yes. She said she’s part of a women’s group on whatsapp and our conversation was shared by one of your followers for their group to discuss. She read the screenshots and immediately knew it was about her. She came to my office, apologized and handed it over.

DBM: She knows where you work?

Reba: I don’t know. My husband might have probably told her.

DBM: What’s going through your mind?

Reba: Dave, I am calling time on my marriage. It’s over. I am very glad that it’s not a difficult decision for me to call it quits because I make money on my own. I am financially independent and not bound to remain married to a cheat and a liar. He stole something precious from me and lied about it. That is to another level.

DBM: What he did was wrong but have you honestly assessed the basis for this decision you’re considering?

Reba: I wouldn’t want to go into detail telling everyone what he did, and so I will be stating irreconcilable differences in the marriage as my reason for divorce.

DBM: I see irreconcilable differences as a challenge for one to work on their marriage and not necessarily, a reason to breakup.

Reba: I don’t think you remember our conversation. My husband committed adultery and also stole from me. Those are serious issues and all the basis I need to divorce him.

DBM: True. I’m a bit sad because prior to you realizing the necklace had been taken, it seemed like everything was going on just fine between you two, no?

Reba: To me, yes, but he was having an affair I knew nothing of.

DBM: You’re right. If I’m ever going to consider divorcing my partner, I know for a fact I would prioritize spending time with my spouse to examine our attitudes about whatever our marital issues are, so we can determine whether or not any one person isn’t placing any undeserved blame on the other. Have you at least tried to have a conversation about repairing what could be broken in the marriage?

Reba: No.

DBM: Why not?

Reba: I don’t think I will ever be able to trust my husband again. I have no respect for him at this moment. It’s best we go our separate ways.

DBM: Do you foresee yourself and life being happy without your husband in it?

Reba: I am a very independent woman, David. I don’t think you realize that. I have prepared my finances such that, I will not be stressed managing my household on a single income. I have planned for my future and that of my children.

DBM: Let’s talk about the day-to-day lives and routine of the children. How is that going to be like?

Reba: I’m keeping one child. He is to keep the other. We both are going to raise a child on a single income, and arrange for them to either meet at my house or his during weekends, holidays and vacations, so they get to be together. I will not burden myself to take full custody of our children, knowing their father is alive and healthy. He needs to also be a parent to one.

DBM: You’re funny. Most women don’t think this way.

Reba: I do.

DBM: Why did you get married?

Reba: I don’t want to revisit the past.

DBM: But was it a good past? That’s what I am intending to understand. This question helps me to always bring meaning to my story with my partner.

Reba: It was a beautiful past. Dave, you’re getting me all emotional. I didn’t come to your inbox to chat. I was just coming to give an update. I’ve got to go.

DBM: I have one last question, please?

Reba: What?

DBM: Are you at peace about your decision to want out of the marriage?

Reba: Yes

DBM: Are you at peace about yourself?

Reba: I am at peace about myself.

DBM: Are you at peace about going through the next chapter of your life on your own terms?

Reba: Yes.

DBM: Okay!

Reba: I almost forgot the juiciest part of the story.

DBM: There’s honey to it too?

Reba: Lol. Before the girl left my office, she asked if any part of me didn’t love my husband, she was begging me to set him free so she can have him. Because every part of her body loves him.

DBM: No!

Reba: Yes

DBM: Hell to the no!

Reba: Lol. Yes, Dave.

DBM: Oh-la-la! The savior of the lover boy has arrived. She’s come to save his heart with her love.

Reba: That was the one thing she said that made me like her. Girl knows what she wants. Lol.

Image Credit: Laark Studio

Grandma’s Necklace

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

My mother passed on to me a gold necklace her mother gave to her. My grandmother had it custom made, designed and welded in Germany in the 1960’s. Dave, it is a 24 karat 100% gold chain. Its purity, weight and unique craftsmanship should give you an idea of its value. My mother only wore it twice or thrice in her lifetime. My grandmother wore it twice or thrice. I wore it only on my wedding day to honor the women in my life. They had passed it on to the next generation as a form of financial security in case life got worse. It’s always been in a safe storage at home till it suddenly got missing last year. No thief had broken into our home and we have two small children who can barely lift their shoes.

My husband is the only one who know where I keep it in our bedroom. I had searched everywhere in the house but could not find it. He swore he hadn’t seen it anywhere. In July 2025, their offices organized a dinner function and I was his +1. He was introducing me to some of his colleagues at the gathering. A young lady from their office walked towards us to introduce herself to me. She was wearing my grandmother’s necklace. It was the first thing that caught my attention. My husband hadn’t even noticed it yet. I asked her if I could touch it and feel the rubies and sapphires encrusted in it. Then I saw my husband panic. I turned it to confirm because my grand mother had her initials slightly engraved behind one of the emeralds. It was there. I asked her where she bought it and this was her reply, “My fiancé gave it to me a sign of his love for me. It was a gift from his grandmother to be given to the woman his heart beats for.”

A second look at my husband and you could see he wished the ground would open and swallow him whole. I have resented him over this since the function and he’s been apologizing and promising to get it back. Since I realized it had been stolen from my safe, I have become very suspicious of my husband. I started looking closely at all of our, especially, his financial records to be sure he didn’t owe people money. I am seriously considering divorce the moment he returns my jewelry. I am already in talks with my lawyer. I know it sounds a bit harsh but what this man has done to me is reprehensible.

Image Credit:  Karen Laårk Boshoff

Passion Dance

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

Ava: Can we chat?

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Sure

Ava: I’m dating a guy who is getting a divorce. We co-own a house and three different plots of land. My name is on all the deeds of the properties because he doesn’t want to give his ex-wife access to them.

DBM: He is married.

Ava: No, he’s in the process of divorcing. They’ve been separated for two years

DBM: He’s still married. Has he showed you a signed divorce decree from a judge?

Ava: No.

DBM: Okay! He’s legally married.

Ava: His wife sent a text message to members of my church and everybody at my workplace, telling them I’m sleeping with her husband.

DBM: Are you sleeping with her husband?

Ava: Dave, my relationship with her ex-husband has nothing to do with her.

DBM: How long have you two been together?

Ava: Two years. Almost three years

DBM: How did she know where you work and church?

Ava: I don’t know but I received phone calls from 45 of my church members and 17 of my colleagues from work about her text messages. She has really embarrassed me.

DBM: I’m sorry about that. What is her husband saying about what she did to you?

Ava: He’s handling it

DBM: How?

Ava: I don’t know, but he’s handling it.

DBM: Okay! You know it’s never too late to be a better version of the woman you want to be? A man jumps into a new relationship with you while still tied to his wife, and it’s not a bother to you?

Ava: What do you mean by that? I’m my best self

DBM: Okay! Are you happy in the relationship?

Ava: Very happy, Dave. He treats me well

DBM: Does he treat his wife well?

Ava: How does that concern me? Anytime he looks at his wife, though he cares about her, he doesn’t feel the same level of attraction, excitement and love he once did.

DBM: She’s a woman he’s very familiar with and has known longer than you. He even married her. If he’s not treating her right, then his character will sooner than later catch up with you too. Does that not ever cross your mind?

Ava: We are two different people, Dave. His relationship with her has got nothing on what we have. Secondly, he says anytime he expresses how he feels about their marriage to her, he now has to deal with how she feels about his feelings as well. That’s why he deals with his thoughts on his own.

DBM: Betrayal often repeats itself

Ava: I love him. He is in love with me too

DBM: Love doesn’t change men like these overnight. Your love will never be enough to keep him faithful.

Ava: I am pregnant and he’s asking me to get rid of it.

DBM: Why?

Ava: He’s done with parenting.

DBM: How old is he?

Ava: 50

DBM: How old are his children?

Ava: His last born is 16 years old

DBM: How old are you?

Ava: 34. I want to keep the pregnancy

DBM: You want to have a child for a man who is trying anything to avoid taking responsibility for his actions?

Ava: No one is perfect, Dave. We all have our weaknesses.

DBM: You’re not responsible for someone else’s weakness. You’re responsible for your own.

Ava: His mother wants me to keep the pregnancy

DBM: How did she know about you?

Ava: She knows about me. She approves of our relationship.

DBM: I see!

Ava: I’m worried that he may want to end things with me if he finds out about my decision.

DBM: Be worried about the lies he will be telling you that will keep getting bigger and bigger, because it’s hard for men like him to stop. It’s automatic

Ava: You’re not helping, Dave.

Image Credit: RDNE Stock project

The London Effect

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

Otwuaba: Dave, can you help me apologize to my husband?

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Oo oh! What did you do?

Otwuaba: I left him for another man after he had brought me to London.

DBM: Why would you do something like that?

Otwuaba: I was talking to another man that I really liked.

DBM: Before or after marriage?

Otwuaba: Before.

DBM: And he knew you had married your husband?

Otwuaba: No

DBM: Why did you get married?

Otwuaba: Because my husband already had plans of letting me join him in the UK after marriage.

DBM: What were the plans of the other guy for you?

Otwuaba: He loves me. We’re still together. It’s just that he’s the type that wants to take things slow. I always wanted to be with him but it was taking a lot of time for him to save money for his ticket to Ghana, etc. He wasn’t going to marry me anytime soon, so I had to take matters into my own hands.

DBM: Are you still married to your husband?

Otwuaba: Yes

DBM: Where do I come in to help with your apology?

Otwuaba: He follows you on Facebook. I want him to know I didn’t mean to hurt his feelings.

DBM: No! Let’s not do that. You knew exactly what you were doing, so you just can’t pretend you didn’t.

Otwuaba: I knew what I was doing but I also loved my husband. It’s just that I loved the other man more

DBM: Does the other guy still think you’re single?

Otwuaba: No. I told him I got married but had to separate

DBM: Does he know you got married to your husband because you needed an escape route to London?

Otwuaba: No

DBM: What does he know about your husband?

Otwuaba: Not much

DBM: What is your family saying about what you’ve done?

Otwuaba: They’re disappointed in me

DBM: I see. Why haven’t you divorced your husband?

Otwuaba: I can’t

DBM: Why not? You’re with another man, no?

Otwuaba: I am on his UK Spouse Visa, and I only have a limited permission to stay in the UK.

DBM: Why hasn’t your husband informed the UK Visas and Immigration in writing to provide them with your full details and entry clearance? He should have your reference number, no?

Otwuaba: Yes

DBM: What you have done to that man jeopardizes your visa status, you know that, don’t you?

Otwuaba: I know

DBM: You’re not concerned about that?

Otwuaba: I am but not really.

DBM: Why not?

Otwuaba: I think my husband actually loves me and might be extending grace my way

DBM: Grace for whatever reason?

Otwuaba: He believes I might come back to him

DBM: Would you?

Otwuaba: No

DBM: And, he knows that?

Otwuaba: I think so. Also, I think he knew I wasn’t all that in with him. Maybe, he assured me of bringing me here to take my mind off the other guy.

DBM: Did he know the other man was in UK?

Otwuaba: No

DBM: You really played him uh?

Otwuaba: Not entirely, but he became a means to an end.

DBM: The man you are with, is he not interested in learning about your past? Is he not asking questions about your family, your background, getting to know your friends? Is no one in your circle telling him what you’ve done to your husband?

Otwuaba: He gets to know what I want him to know.

DBM: Is he not part of your social media?

Otwuaba: No

DBM: I see. So, what does the future look like with him?

Otwuaba: We’re still together. It’s been 2 years.

DBM: Oh my!

Otwuaba: I am pregnant

DBM: What is so special about him?

Otwuaba: He’s white. I’ve always wanted to have a mixed-race child.

DBM: So, it’s just about children?

Otwuaba: 80% about children.

DBM: What constitutes the 20%?

Otwuaba: Being married to a handsome white man. Dave, white men tend to be faithful to their wives. He is family oriented. This guy helps with the home. For example, he’s been making the bed every morning. He helps me cook or he will simply be the one cooking for us. Before we got pregnant, he had been discussing how he’s looking forward to changing our baby’s diapers, taking him on a stroll, babysitting him while I rest. He goes grocery shopping with me; he’s willing to wash dishes and take the trash out. He cleans the tables and chairs and then set them up. He makes time to talk to me every day. And he’s been consistent with his actions these two years. African men are not like that.

DBM: I am like that. There are a ton of hands-on men and husbands like that.

Otwuaba: I haven’t met one yet. All the men I’ve dated, including my husband have to be told what to do before they will grudgingly make the attempt. They feel their only responsibility is to give money and pay fees.

DBM: Did your husband discuss the kind of future he had in mind for you?

Otwuaba: Yes

DBM: What was it like?

Otwuaba: Marry me, bring me to the UK and have children.

DBM: That was that?

Otwuaba: Yes. Dave, let’s call a spade a spade. What kind of future do most African men have for their wives? You tell me since you’re one of them

DBM: The kind of future I have for my family is where my dreams live. And the dream included my partner. That is why we got married in the first place. We’ve been building on this future for the past seven years. If a man loves you like the way your husband did, he includes you in his future plans. Marrying you and bringing you to the UK is part of those plans. What have you done!

Otwuaba: I’ve apologized to him and I want to say I am sorry again.

DBM: What have you done!

Otwuaba: He knows I’m sorry

DBM: I’m sorry but sorry is not good enough. Why would you take advantage of someone’s kindness and love for you like that?

Otwuaba: Can you help me find him a good woman?

DBM: Are you kidding me?

Otwuaba: Lol! I’m serious Dave.

DBM: What do your in-laws make of what you’ve done?

Otwuaba: I don’t think they know. My husband hasn’t told them. They still call and talk to me as if everything is normal. They don’t know we don’t live together.

Image Credit: Mike Jones

Believe It Or Not

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

Roman: Hi David. What I want to talk about is a bit outside of your usual topic here. My family is close to a very popular preacher who I think has made money off the backs of desperate, lazy Christians searching for healing and miracles. He’s been claiming he has seen thousands of healing miracles since he begun his ministry. He preaches a lot about seeing God perform healing miracles on a regular basis, which I doubt.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Why do you doubt?

Roman: Because he fell ill some time ago, and the best physicians were arranged to his bed side. His wife fell ill some time ago, and it wasn’t some miraculous prayer he prayed that healed her. A doctor and his prescription drugs cured her. I feel like these pastors are lying to us. There is this one time I wasn’t feeling well. He called to pray and nothing happened. But I couldn’t tell him his prayers didn’t work.

DBM: Are you a believer in Jesus?

Roman: Yes

DBM: Do you believe the Word of GOD, I mean, over your own personal experiences or perceptions?

Roman: Yes

DBM: What’s written in John 14:12

Roman: “Very truly I tell you, whoever believes in me will do the works I have been doing, and they will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father” 

DBM: Meaning, you, not the pastor you don’t trust, but even you, can speak forth the miraculous and it shall/can/will come to pass. Healing is your portion. Miracles are your portion. Deliverance can happen as you call it into being.

Roman: I know, but I don’t understand why they have to lie to people in the house of God, about miracles and testimonies they know did not happen? Their children fall sick and the first person they call on is their personal physicians, and not God.

DBM: Let them!

Roman: But why? I need to understand the why behind their lies

DBM: It may be a lie to you but to them, it’s their truth

Roman: And their truth, they know is a lie. Sometimes, even their wives doubt their testimonies.

DBM: Let me use you as the perfect guinea pig: You’re choosing to dismiss them simply because their messages have no real demonstration of GOD’s power, no?

Roman: Yes

DBM: So, in order for their talk to not be that cheap, some wouldn’t mind spicing their messages with miracles that never happened.

Roman: Dave, I am being very honest with you. I have never seen this man heal anyone feeli-feeli through his ministry before, for as long as I have known him and his family.

DBM: Let them!

Roman: While they continue lying to, and profiting off people?

DBM: Let them!

Roman: You believe these people?

DBM: I believe in the fact that, Jesus heals to this day, and He expresses His might through the miraculous divine intervention of His power, and through medicine. That is why He has graced doctors and nurses who are attentive to deploying some of the remarkable advances in medical research to bring healing and good health to the sick.

Roman: I know that

DBM: Good! So, your pastor getting healed because he was attended to by his doctor is equally an outpouring of some of the signs and wonders accompanying his faith. That, is a message in the miracle of his healing.

Roman: Then the emphasis of their healing messages should be centered around the doctors and nurses.

DBM: Let them! Whatever makes them sleep well at night.

Roman: I hope I’m not boring you?

DBM: No, you’re not!

Roman: Thank you!

Image Credit: Mikhail Nilov 

Veg vs Non Veg

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

Hi David. My Jain wife is driving me nuts. She does not eat any animal flesh, be it meat, poultry or fish. She thinks healthy living only consists of fruits, nuts, vegetables, grains, seeds and pulses. Did I know all this before going ahead to marry her? Yes. I love my wife very much. The mutual love we share is the foundation of our journey. We also love God dearly, and I thought because we had that in common, we had something to build on. Now, I am beginning to doubt whether I was prepared for what I have taken on.

We’ve been married for two years and I don’t think I can continue with this vegetarian lifestyle. I really thought I could change her with time but she’s trying to turn me rather into a vegetarian. She cooks only veg at home. My understanding initially was, she was going to be preparing her veg meals while making my choice of non veg meals for me. That could have prevented any issues whatsoever. As long as we decide to respect each other’s choices and not force them into something else. But she’s not willing to cook two separate meals at home. Dave, I don’t know how to cook.

It ultimately became unbearable I started to lie to her. I would eat my pork and beef outside and I don’t know how she finds me out but she kind of figures it out. My wife will not allow me to have sex with her for about three days just to punish me. She wants me rather to adjust. Why doesn’t she want to adjust to non veg? I wish my wife ate meat and wouldn’t vomit at the sight or smell of it. It has gotten so bad that, when we have guests coming over, I have to secretly call those I know ahead of time to eat their preferred protein and be full before coming to our house to eat leaves. How can a woman in this day and age believe that pigs, goat, chicken, fish, snails etc. have a right to be free from human use? My wife is turning me into a vegetarian. Heeelppp!!!

Image Credit: Thirdman

Let’s Talk To Boris

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 86: Boris

DBM: Hello Boris. How would you describe yourself?

Boris: My woman’s man

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Boris: Seven

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Boris: I believe in premarital sex; my wife doesn’t due to her Christian convictions. I am a Christian too, and I believe having sex before marriage is one of the best ways to do romantic relationships. We had sex and fortunately for us, got pregnant before our wedding day. We got married not long ago, and I think what the reverend minister who officiated our wedding did, has austerely affected my relationship with my wife.

DBM: Are you interested in anything else your wife offers beyond the bedroom?

Boris: There is more to her than the sex. I invest in her, I prioritize her and make decisions that validate my affection and desire for her.

DBM: What did the minister do?

Boris: He asked my wife before the exchange of vows, whether or not she’s pregnant with my baby.

DBM: Asked in which manner, openly or privately?

Boris: He did not speak into the microphone but he asked in the presence of her Lady of Honor, my best man and the MC.

DBM: In the presence of your invited witnesses?

Boris: Yes, during the ceremony

DBM: Why did he feel the need to ask?

Boris: He felt we tricked him

DBM: Tricked him how?

Boris: Well, her resident pastor requested to meet with us a couple of times leading up the wedding. They asked if we had been sexually intimate, and my wife said ‘no’, which was a lie because we had found out she was seven or eight weeks pregnant as at that time.

DBM: Why did she have to lie about it?

Boris: She didn’t see the need to volunteer any of that information. Secondly, she didn’t want to disappoint her pastor because she’s been told since she was a kid, that premarital sex is a sin. I had no problem telling the truth, but she begged me not to come forward with our private activities if her church executives asked.

DBM: How did the minister find out that she was expecting?

Boris: I don’t know how, but someone clearly told him our business.

DBM: Did he officiate the wedding?

Boris: He insisted we confessed before he did. Unfortunately, while my wife was denying the pregnancy, I was saying ‘yes’ to his question at the same time.

DBM: You both were to present a united front, no?

Boris: Yes, but here is the case people had started murmuring and were wondering what could be going on with us. The pastor looked angry, and would not go ahead with the program till we told the truth.  It was even embarrassing when he kept expressing how disappointed he was in my wife. My wife practically started to weep.

DBM: This is so wrong on every level. On your wedding day?

Boris: If I am being honest here; I wish we hadn’t gone through with the wedding after that whole scene. My wife was not herself right up the questioning before the vows exchange till the ceremony was over. Our professional photos look ugly because we weren’t happy in it. That overwhelming sense of happiness that I was hoping my wife and I could experience was taken away from us.

DBM: I can only imagine

Boris: Dave, I don’t think I will ever get to that point where I can look back on my wedding day with any emotion other than regret, anger and discomfort.

DBM: That’s rather unfortunate

Boris: It’s the truth

DBM: Who do you think is to blame here?

Boris: My wife blames me

DBM: Why is she blaming you?

Boris: She says I didn’t have her back when she needed me the most.

DBM: As in?

Boris: Not going along with the same script.

DBM: But you had gone along with it up till the priest had to confront you all over again at the altar, no?

Boris: She doesn’t see it that way. She feels she cannot trust me. And my wife is the type who would rather love a man she trusts. We have not had sex since our wedding incident. She cancelled our honeymoon plans and went home. It’s been two months since the wedding. Her love and excitement for me is now replaced with fear and doubt.

DBM: I’m trying to understand where she’s coming from, but then again, she’s the one who put you in that uncomfortable position to save face by lying about it

Boris: I had no problem telling anyone we were having sex

DBM: Because you were having sex with her

Boris: Exactly!

DBM: I have a personal relationship with GOD, even though I am no longer a church-goer. And to the best of my knowledge, I doubt if GOD cares that much about what I do with my genitalia. I may be wrong; however, I do know that He is very much concerned about my heart, and exactly where my priorities lie.

Boris: Do you believe in sex before or after marriage?

DBM: I do not equate sexual morality to how long I wait before having sex. Don’t get me wrong; I believe in abstinence. I have two biological sisters who are still keeping themselves pure only for their future husbands, and would not have sex with any man till they are married to them. To me, it’s a beautiful and wise decision they’ve made. But sexual morality, in my opinion isn’t about purity. It is about how I treat myself and the person I am with. If I am genuinely that much into you, and I feel there is a possible future to be built with you, sex would be good for me if it’s that important a bond to increase our emotional intimacy, and also build a stronger self-image for us. And this has absolutely nothing to do with being married to you. That doesn’t make me dirty or impure. I feel that, so far as we are ready, and we both consent to it, one should not feel shame in desiring to be physically intimate with someone they love and trust.

Boris: I agree

DBM: Why do you think your wife agreed to sex before marriage, even though she would have loved to wait till after the wedding?

Boris: I think she craved for it at a point.

DBM: I am naturally not so crazy about sex, even though I love the idea of some good sex. I think I have a low sex drive and can find pleasure in deep and meaningful companionship without necessarily using sex as a key component.

Boris: What do I do about my wife?

DBM: Have you apologized to her?

Boris: I have, but she’s still not having sex with me. She looks at me differently.

DBM: Do you think she will ever get over it?

Boris: No! She doesn’t think I am reliable. She doesn’t share her feelings and personal thoughts with me anymore

DBM: Well, at this point I don’t think there is much you can do. Just trust that she knows what’s in her best interest. Respect her boundaries and be considerate to her needs. Also, have faith in her, regardless of the tension between you two.

Boris: For how long? We’ve been married for more than two months and still, no show.

Image Credit: Carsten Vollrath

Let’s Talk To River

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 69: Hey David. I’d want to go by River

DBM: Hi River. How would you describe yourself?

River: I am confused at this moment

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

River: 5

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

River: I fucked up big time. I am not blaming anyone else but myself; no excuses… I just made a mistake.

DBM: What did you do?

River: I mistakenly called my fiancée by the first name of another woman I am having a no-strings attached fling relationship with, while on one knee proposing to her.

DBM: Was she the only witness to this?

River: No! Two of her close friends, two of mine and her siblings were there. They were the team that helped me plan the surprise marriage proposal event.

DBM: What was going through your mind for you to mess up a ‘will you marry me’ once in a lifetime moment?

River: I was in the moment and excited as everyone else. I don’t know how the mishap happened for me to address her by the name of another woman.

DBM: What was your woman’s reaction?

River: She pulled her left hand out of my hand and asked for my phone

DBM: Your phone?

River: She made me unlock it to read my conversations on WhatsApp with the name I mentioned

DBM: What did she find?

River: A lot

DBM: Good or bad ‘lot’?

River: Everything.

DBM: What was the worst thing she found in your chats with her?

River: We had fucked that afternoon and talked about how hot it was

DBM: As in, you and the other woman?

River: Yes

DBM: The afternoon of the same day you proposed to your fiancée?

River: Yes. The proposal happened in the evening

DBM: How long have you been dating your woman?

River: Three years

DBM: How long have you been seeing the other lady?

River: About six years

DBM: I see

River: I really do no think all the sex I have should constitute an emotional attachment for it to mean something to me.

DBM: What’s your interpretation of sex?

River: Dave, I can just shake your hand right now as a friend, or colleague and it would simply be a handshake. I can choose to also touch your hand in a certain way for it to be rousing and emotionally heartwarming. Sex is just like that for me, depending on the person I am doing it with.

DBM: Why did you choose to date your fiancée, knowing very well there is an existing relationship in your life?

River: The existing relationship is purely for sexual gratification. We explore different sexual tastes the typical Ghanaian wife wouldn’t be open to. It’s safe and fun. My fiancée, on the other hand is a woman I trust absolutely and completely. I knew I wanted to marry her the first day I set my eyes on her. She’s someone I can laugh with; she has no history of cheating and wouldn’t crave the attention of other men; she’s a good Christian too.

DBM: You have a history of cheating, yet you want a woman who wouldn’t cheat on you?

River: That’s why I am saying I know I do not make the best of decisions when it comes to sex. I need a woman I can trust in her choices if I were to disappoint at any point in time in our marriage.

DBM: So, you could have told her from the onset about your escapades with this other woman, so she would be in the known to make an informed decision about you.

River: I erred; I accept my mistake.

DBM: You did not err; It was an intentional, selfish and inconsiderate act. And just like the many others, you are deceptive, manipulative and would say any and everything you feel in order to get what you want from a woman.

River: I am not sure how to respond to you. You don’t know me like that

DBM: Do you even love your fiancée?

River: I am in love with my woman. Honest truth to God.

DBM: I know many guys who genuinely think there is an emotional connection between them and the women they cheat on, based on the things they think they’re feeling when they’re around them. Are you sure you are not just curious about knowing what the experience of being with your fiancée would be or feel like?

River: I don’t understand your question

DBM: Your curiosity in being with a decent woman like her physically has been satisfied, no?

River: My fiancée and I have sex, yes. She’s physically attractive

DBM: I understand that you are attracted to her body, but do you have a genuine connection with her soul?

River: Yes, I do.

DBM: And, how does that feel like?

River: That’s why I wanted to take our relationship to the next level

DBM: Did she accept your proposal?

River: She said she needed time to process everything

DBM: When was this?

River: It happened in January, 2023

DBM: Would you marry a woman like your character?

River: I don’t know

DBM: You know, because it sounds like you have the best of both worlds

River: We all fuck up every now and then

DBM: I know, but then if you’ve cheated before, especially more than once, you know you will do it again, no? It may not be tomorrow, or in six months from now, but it’s bound to happen

River: My relationship with my woman is really great. I love our love and chemistry, but I think about being physical with other women as well. I want to have a lot of sex, just not with only my fiancée. There is a freaky part of me that is so profoundly personal, I can only reveal it to a stranger, a woman who is not my wife.

DBM: So, tell her this truth

River: I’ll lose her

DBM: Then you lose her. You owe it to her to decide what she wants for her life. It is the least you can do

Image Credit: Rodnae Productions

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