Tag: Peace of mind

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name you fancy)

Participant 7:  Adams is my name.

DBM: Tell me anything about yourself

ADAMS: I am 68 years old, and a father to four grown children. I am a grandfather, a husband and a friend. I am retired and enjoying the remaining years of my life with my wife.

DBM: How long have you been married?

ADAMS: 35 years.

DBM: What was your perfect ‘type’ of a man or woman? Did your husband or wife fit into your exact specifications?

ADAMS: My wife fits into my exact specifications. She actually is in a league of her own. I settled for a woman I would never otherwise would have gone for. Don’t get me wrong, my wife is very beautiful to me; she is beautiful to me because I give her the chance to become beautiful in my eyes. And in all the 35 years of loving her, I have given myself the opportunity to be equally good in her eyes, and most importantly, cherished for who I really am, by the one woman whose opinion I value the most.

DBM: So, how did you two meet?

ADAMS: She found me at a point in my life when I was thinking I wasn’t good enough for any woman; every lady I liked didn’t like me back. I felt useless. She was at the same bus stop where an ex-girlfriend of mine had broken up with me in public. I doubted my capabilities as a man, but this stranger, now wife, encouraged me with her presence and friendship to build me back up to move forward. It was humiliating to say the least, but she stood by me at the bus stop, and has been standing by me through all of my ups and downs.

DBM: Do you consider your significant other as your best friend?

ADAMS: Our friendship will never end, and that makes me the happiest man in the world. Yes!

DBM: When did you make him or her laugh the most? What happened?

ADAMS: That would be over 28 years ago. We both had a busy schedule and had to rely on one of her best friends to pick our children from school. We gave her our house keys to cater for the kids in our absence. I was the first to arrive home after 10 pm. We were expecting my wife to arrive at dawn. The kids were asleep when I got home. While taking my bath, I heard the bathroom door open. My wife’s friend was naked. Because I had soap lather in my eyes, I couldn’t see her approach me. It was after she held my penis and kissed me that I realized that wasn’t my wife. I sacked her from my house and told my wife the moment she got home. I don’t know whether she believed me or not but she laughed so hard, she encountered a stomach pain in the process. She did not confront her friend about my accusation. They’re still close friends. She’s still our family friend.

DBM: At what point were you certain he or she was the one for you?

ADAMS: The day I realized my wife wasn’t afraid of being alone, with or without me in her life. Yes, she’s in want of the man that I am, but she doesn’t really need me in any way to feel fulfilled.

DBM: Do you still find your husband or wife physically attractive?

ADAMS: My wife is as attractive and perfect as I make her to be. She’s ambitious and very reliable. Dave, authenticity is sexier to me in any body type or shape, any day.

DBM: In a deeper conversation with your spouse, do you listen just to completely understand or you listen simply to formulate your response?

ADAMS: I have never taken the importance of communication with my wife lightly. She discusses almost everything that is important to her with me, and I make sure to listen to whatever she has to say, and truly make the effort to comprehend exactly where she may be coming from. In a deeper conversation with my wife, I know when to talk or offer an opinion, and when not to.

DBM: How is your significant other faring in the position as a husband or wife?

ADAMS: She’s my ideal wife, and I will choose her over and over again, any day. In fact, I still chase after her till date. She respects herself, and respects me too.

DBM: Which of your wedding vows means the world to you?

ADAMS: In the name of The Almighty God, I take you, Sophia, to be my wife; to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish – until we are parted by death.

DBM: What is the most fun you both have had in the relationship?

ADAMS: Raising our children together and enriching them to a higher level of thinking, feeling, loving and behaving, has been the most fun we have both had in our marriage.

DBM: Is the love for your husband or wife growing any stronger by the day?

ADAMS: It’s growing stronger every day. I understand my wife in a deeper level.

DBM: Do you trust your husband or wife?

ADAMS: Completely! She owns my heart, and I feel comfortable being vulnerable with her.

DBM: How much time do you spend on your husband or wife?

ADAMS: David, I love my wife so much to the extent that, I love being around her. For me, as long as I get to spend time with her, I don’t really care whatever we’d be doing together – if I’d be doing it with her, that would be more than enough for me. She’s the best company I have ever kept and had all my life.

DBM: Emotionally, do you feel connected than before?

ADAMS: Yes, I feel connected emotionally to my Sophie. She’s exactly where I need her to be emotionally with me. We support each other the best way possible.

DBM: Do you feel secure in the marriage?

ADAMS: Very! We are constantly paying attention to our inner and outer growths at every phase of our lives.

DBM: Where do you see you and your spouse in the next 10 years?

ADAMS: Till death do us part I believe.

DBM: What is your ideal sex life?

ADAMS: My ideal sex life is climaxing with my wife.

DBM: Rate your current sex life (out of 10)

ADAMS: 9/10. She pleases me, and we are content with what we share intimately.

DBM: What is your understanding of love?

ADAMS: My understanding of love is being on the same page on the importance of respecting each other, being true to our words, creating time to prioritize our feelings for one another, resolving conflict when it arises and forgiving each other; being strong for the other when weak, and helping one another to carry on.

DBM: Are you feeling loved in your marriage?

ADAMS: I love how my wife loves me. She’s my favorite lady.

DBM: Are you a good spouse?

ADAMS: I am a good husband, but I am married to a wonderful woman.

DBM: Have you cheated on your husband or wife with another man or woman?

ADAMS: Finding myself in the arms of another woman, to me, is an expression, not my reality. I don’t want to hurt Sophia, because I love her. I don’t want to tear my family apart and sacrifice my honor; that is why I have never cheated on my wife.

DBM: Say something to your spouse from your heart.

ADAMS: Sophia, I am one of the luckiest men alive. We promised each other for better and for worse, and so far, I am also honoring my part of the vows. You know how much I love you; you know how much I am in love with you. You know how much I appreciate you. I wasn’t searching for a perfect woman; I wasn’t looking for a flawless marriage. All I prayed for was for God to bless me with a decent marriage, genuine commitment and a lasting friendship between us. Thank you very much for going easy on me!

Image Credit: Andre Moura