Tag: Personal aspirations

Dave,

I do not regret having children. I do not regret being my husband’s wife. I am only sad that I allowed pregnancy and motherhood to become the alter at which I had to sacrifice my personal goals and dreams. We were both pursuing further studies when we got pregnant. I wanted an abortion but he insisted we had the baby. We agreed I would continue with my studies after our child turned one. Meanwhile, he continued with his life uninterrupted. When our daughter turned one, he asked me to marry him, which I did. I got pregnant again, and we talked about it. I carried the pregnancy to term, had our son and then decided to go back to school. He had returned to Ghana by this time.

My husband has a good job; the children love him. He adores his children. Now, it’s my turn to chase after my dreams and my husband is claiming the kids are too young to be left alone. He made a promise to finance my education whenever I decide to continue; I made the decision but he wasn’t convinced it was the right time for me. For four years, I have devoted my all to being the best parent. My identity was consumed by motherhood till an ex-boyfriend offered to sponsor my master’s degree. My husband wasn’t ready to, so when my ex (who knows me very well) suggested I applied, and that, he was ready to fund it, I did.

Mind you, my ex-boyfriend is married with kids. He stays in New York and I am in New York, schooling. Aside our friendship, and him being my sponsor, there is nothing else going on between us. My husband and his family suddenly do not believe two adults of the opposite sex can be good friends. They want me to return to Ghana and resume my role as a wife and mother. They are not considering the fact that I will be abandoning myself and aspirations. My husband also reached out to my ex to ask him to stop paying my fees. He didn’t ask him to stop so he can take responsibility. He’s just asking him to stop. My friend informed me, and I told him not to mind my husband. My husband is not answering my calls or responding to my messages. Why should marriage put my passions on hold? Dave, I love my husband; I miss my children, but I am so much more than just being a ‘perfect’ wife and mother.

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