Tag: Secrets

‘Babe, can you focus on the road?’

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

Hi David. I don’t feel like chatting right now. I just want to brief you on something that happened recently. There used to be a guy working in my husband’s office. He became more like a family friend to us. He died in June, 2025 and we attended his funeral a few weeks ago. I love to drive and go fast but I couldn’t bring myself to drive to his funeral. My husband planned to leave early because his name was on the program to read a tribute on behalf of their team at work. Long story made short, he came home to pick me up. In the backseat was his personal assistant. Another amiable, smart young lady who had also become a family friend to us. She’s the one he uses often to surprise me with gifts and dinner dates on our wedding anniversaries or my birthday. I’ve used her services many times to plan birthday surprise parties for my husband at work and home.

On our way to Kumasi, we were discussing every subject on the table, politics, life, death, etc. My husband is the type that even if he’s exhausted behind the steering wheel, he would force himself not to fall asleep. He started to sleep and wasn’t focused on the road. He made a swift miss to change a lane and his personal assistant at the back shouted, ‘BABE, can you focus on the road?’ Dave, the first name I screamed when that happened was ‘Jesus’, hers was ‘babe’. Suddenly, my husband who was supposed to be heavy-eyed was wide awake and nonchalantly, staring at his assistant through the rearview mirror. In the 11 years that I have known my husband, I have never seen him on silent mode. We all sat in awkward silence till we got to Kumasi and back.

I have still not brought the subject up for discussion at home. It’s been five weeks now.

Image Credit: Shukhrat Umarov

Truth Will Set Us Free

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

Kukua: My husband and the Chief Financial Officer at their firm were stealing from their company. I confronted him at first and he denied. He insisted I was accusing him of theft without evidence, and so I contacted his boss through his wife, who is my friend, and made him aware of my suspicions. They conducted a thorough investigation into the matter before hiding cameras in smoke detectors at their offices and marked all of the bills. They caught them in the act three weeks after I had made it known to his boss. Their employments were terminated and charges pressed against them. They are currently serving a 7-year jail term. Dave, I know I went to the extreme with this but I was very disappointed in my husband.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): How did you know he was stealing?

Kukua: I eavesdropped on him on two occasions at home when he had to sneak out of bed at dawn to answer a call out of the bedroom. I went through a few of his messages on phone with the finance guy whenever he slept deep, and it had been going on for years. The evidence during court proceedings showed my husband alone had made away with almost 650k. I honestly thought I was married to a man of integrity and honor.

DBM: You have kids?

Kukua: We have two boys together

DBM: Do you work?

Kukua: I work

DBM: Okay! So, the kids are well taken care of then?

Kukua: We can survive on my salary. Also, my husband’s boss asked his company to be sending me and the children a substantial amount every month towards their upkeep.

DBM: That’s kind of him. Do the kids know about their father’s whereabouts?

Kukua: Yes. He doesn’t want them to visit him in prison but they know he’s been incarcerated.

DBM: Do they know about his crime?

Kukua: Yes, I told them everything

DBM: Everything, meaning they know you were the one who snitched on him?

Kukua: Yes

DBM: How do they feel about that?

Kukua: I have raised my boys to do the right things. They know what the right thing is, and have the strength of character to do and stand by it.

DBM: Good for you!

Kukua: My husband is asking for a divorce

DBM: Do you want a divorce?

Kukua: No

DBM: You have my sympathy by the way. I pray you figure out the best way to navigate yourself through this mess.

Kukua: Thank you. It’s a whole lot of mess. My in-laws are mad at me. His friends are mad at me. Everyone is mad at me.

DBM: You can’t fix a marriage with only one interested party

Kukua: Everything I’ve done, I’ve done out of love

DBM: He feels betrayed

Kukua: He did wrong. He committed a crime.

DBM: I concur. Find yourself a good lawyer and look out for your interests.

Kukua: My husband is my favorite interest. I have apologized for getting him locked up but he doesn’t want to hear it. He shuts down and would get defensive. It’s so frustrating

DBM: You questioned his character with your accusation, and now, being in jail belittles him. That is part of the emotional triggers he’s battling with.

Kukua: Do you think I did the wrong thing?

DBM: You did the right thing, though in a typical man’s thinking, what you did was none of your business.

Kukua: My husband can testify that I have been his source of support anytime he felt insecure or challenged. But I wasn’t going to stand up for him and publicly show my support for a wrongdoing. He was robbing my friend’s husband’s business. The same business that was supporting his livelihood. That wasn’t right.

DBM: I agree with you. I am just putting my male-thinking cap on to make you realize how he also might be feeling. A man expects his partner to protect him through thick and thin, because we believe it would go a long way to help everyone at the end of the day, including the kids.

Kukua: Let me tell you what else their investigations brought to the attention of the court; my husband was channeling the funds to build two, three separate bedroom homes. One of the properties was in the name of our first son, which I knew nothing of; and the other was in the name of a lady he had impregnated. Dave, mind you, I did not know anything about any of this. It came as a shock to me in court. And, I got to know of, and met his side-piece in court, heavily pregnant.

DBM: Oh no!

Kukua: That is how low he descended

DBM: You are 100% sure you did not call him out because he was having an affair?

Kukua: I did not know about that. And I would have confronted him if I knew about an affair. I told you; I used to go through his phone because I was curious about what he was up to with the Finance Officer.

DBM: Wow!

Kukua: Yeah, wow. My husband will deny doing something wrong while doing something wrong. Tell me, Dave, how do I protect a man from doing something wrong in situations where he feels there is no wrong?

DBM: This is a tough one

Kukua: Do you think he will ever forgive me? Because I know my marriage is worth fighting for

DBM: He will never forgive you. Let me tell you a true story. I know of three ladies in Ghana. They are all my cool friends. They are all divorced, unfortunately. Before their individual divorces, they had shared with me separate incidences where their ex-husbands had physically abused them. Two were choked and held down while being severely beaten during a heated argument; the other was punched in the face, slapped and pushed to the ground. He grabbed her by the hair and pulled her across the room in the presence of their children. I remember one of their kids narrating to me – how he heard and saw his dad insult his mum, while pulling her on the ground by the hair. All the ladies made a police case out of the assaults, and got their men arrested. They were put behind bars for 24-hour or less. Families of these men had to come in to apologize to their in-laws before they withdrew their charges against them. None of the ex-husband forgave their wives. They held the police incidents over their heads till they divorced them.

Kukua: That’s sad

DBM: Your husband is currently plotting his next move. And, it will be against you. It’s better to have a plan ‘A’ to ‘D’ before his release.

Kukua: I don’t know

DBM: You said he’s asking for a divorce, no?

Kukua: Yes

DBM: Look, I am no perfect person but I am telling you this for a fact: This your husband made conscious choices that ultimately led him to every single decision he has taken. He stepped out on your marriage and got another woman pregnant. Let him just keep stepping after prison. Understand that he made calculated choices to cross a series of boundaries. Grant him the divorce he’s requesting.

Kukua: Let me just pray about it. Thanks Dave.

Image Credit: RDNE Stock project

Let’s Talk To Wacian

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 2 Comments

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 178: Wacian

DBM: Hi Wacian. How would you describe yourself?

Wacian: A man that God is with and for, and is fighting for me every single moment of every single day.

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Wacian: 9.5

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Wacian: My friend died last year. He lived abroad. He used to stay with me anytime he visited Gh, till he built his own house. No member of his family knows about this property. He had his reasons for keeping it a secret. I have the main keys while he kept a spare. Now that he’s no more, I want to take over the property but my wife is accusing me of attempting to steal.

DBM: Are you attempting to steal it?

Wacian: No

DBM: Did he will it in your name?

Wacian: No

DBM: Why do you want to claim it as your own?

Wacian: Because he gave the house deed to me to keep safe

DBM: Was he married?

Wacian: Yes

DBM: He had children?

Wacian: Yes

DBM: How old are they?

Wacian: They’re not babies. That’s the best I can say

DBM: How long was he married?

Wacian: More than 10 years

DBM: Why are you not giving specific answers?

Wacian: Someone who may have known him can connect the dots

DBM: Is this the only property he’s built in Ghana?

Wacian: He has another house that his siblings and parents live in. His wife knows of that one

DBM: Why did he build this house you want take?

Wacian: He had plans of having another child with another woman and raising a second family here.

DBM: Does the other woman know of this building?

Wacian: No

DBM: So, there is another woman?

Wacian: Lol! Other women. He hadn’t settled on one yet

DBM: I see. Is your wife close to his wife or family?

Wacian: No

DBM: Why not?

Wacian: She didn’t like him

DBM: Why is that?

Wacian: She thought he was a bad influence on me

DBM: Was he?

Wacian: No

DBM: How big is this property?

Wacian: It’s an open-floor plan, four bedrooms with high vaulted ceilings, five bathrooms, outdoor spaces and an attached garage. It has an eat-in-kitchen

DBM: Aside raising another family, why do you think he kept such a project from his family of orientation?

Wacian: I don’t know. All he said was, he was building this one just for himself

DBM: There are no secrets in this life, just hidden truths. You know that, no?

Wacian: Dave, we were like brothers. What’s mine was his. That was our brotherly code

DBM: What was his was yours if he wanted it to be

Wacian: I have the house deed

DBM: Why is your wife against this decision?

Wacian: My wife is type always wanting to be the smartest person in the room. She makes everything into an argumentation context just to prove a point. Her first impulse is always to counter any idea I would propose, only to build unnecessary arguments around it.

DBM: Let me guess, a brilliant idea like stealing someone else’s home?

Wacian: You’re funny

DBM: Do I sound funny?

Wacian: Dave, if I said to my wife right now that the sky was blue, she would look up, see blue, and still tell me no, it’s gray

DBM: Hmmm!

Wacian: My friend’s wife is the same. She broke something in him

DBM: Broke what?

Wacian: His jar of marital happiness

DBM: Is yours too broken?

Wacian: Almost. That’s why a lot of men cannot rely on just their wives to make them happy

DBM: I can only imagine the sheer frustration your wife lives in with you, as her husband

Wacian: You don’t know me like that, boss

DBM: Many of us men, unfortunately, do not care. And, that’s the big problem. No woman or partner can fix the good values you have chosen to break in you. We all now tend to put our own selfish desires ahead of what’s right. Our partners no longer are not enough for us because we’d rather prefer to be validated and valued by strangers.

Wacian: Smh!

DBM: Participant 177, Ana, left a question for you ‘If money wasn’t a problem and you had all the resources to live comfortably, would you still be doing the job that you are in currently?’

Wacian: I actually left a job that I hated, yet was paying me the most, to do a job I absolutely love, but is paying me the least. To answer your question, yes, I’d still be doing what I am doing for work now. I am doing what I am passionate about.

DBM: It’s your turn to leave a question behind for the next participant

Wacian: Do you believe in luck?

DBM: Thank You!

Image Credit: Cottonbro Studio

Let’s Talk To Baaba

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 165:  Baaba

DBM: Hello Baaba. How would you describe yourself?

Baaba: I have an implausible ability to love, even if it hurts me

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Baaba: Five

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Baaba: It’s been months since my husband underwent open-heart surgery to fix a valve that was leaking. An artery was also clogged, and so he got that too fixed. He’s slowly recovering; I thank God for that. Truthfully, I am doing everything possible to avoid problems that may slow down his recovery but I can’t seem to let go of an awkward moment he created the day of his surgery, at the hospital. The nurses took all foreign belongings they didn’t need him to carry along to the operating theater: his wallet, wedding ring, shoes, watch, etc. He refused to hand over his phone. He switched the phone off, and held on to it. The nurses assured him it would be in their care and wouldn’t be given to me, but he wouldn’t let go till one of the doctors came to the ward. He asked for a piece of paper to write an agreement to be signed by him and the lead surgeon, before releasing his phone.

DBM: Do you know why he would do that?

Baaba: I can only think of one thing you men are good at

DBM: Lol! And what would that be? Lol!

Baaba: You think it’s funny?

DBM: No!

Baaba: The scene he created made me start to suspect him. I demanded for his phone when they started preparing him for the operation, but the surgeon refused. I was very angry I called my lawyer to demand for his phone from the hospital’s management. The hospital’s administrator sent me a photocopy of the agreement my husband drafted, and part of it read, ‘in the Event of my Death, Dr … is to destroy my phone.’

DBM: Wait! How long was his surgery?

Baaba: Almost six and a half hours

DBM: I see

Baaba: He was in intensive care for more than a week after his surgery, and the phone was still in the custody of the doctor.

DBM: For me, it’s understandable. He was simply honoring the wishes of your partner.

Baaba: He could not trust me with his phone but I am expected to share every step of his recovery journey with him?

DBM: I think your focus should be on your husband and other positive thoughts. He’s recovering from heart surgery and needs to be stable

Baaba: Dave, I’m having this experience too, it’s not just him. Do you know what it feels like to watch your husband go through pain?

DBM: Hmmm!

Baaba: He and I are supposed to be a team.

DBM: What did you think you were going to find on his phone?

Baaba: Evidence of an affair, or he has another family with a child involved

DBM: Is your husband the type to hurt your feelings that way?

Baaba: After what I witnessed at the hospital; anything is possible. The saddest part of it all is, my husband used to be that man who gave me the best memories. Lately, I look at him and he’s become a sour memory.

DBM: I will not doubt your suspicion. From my little association with women, I’ve come to realize you people can tap into a man’s actions faster and more effectively. It could be that you picked up what your partner wouldn’t consider – a very subtle clue into his deeds

Baaba: That’s every woman’s intuition, Dave

DBM: I know. But for the time being, I would suggest you navigate your thought-processes with a little bit of confidence in him.

Baaba: I cannot

DBM: He’s home now, no?

Baaba: Yes

DBM: And you still cannot have access to his phone?

Baaba: He’s deleted whatever he didn’t want me to find out on his phone

DBM: How do you know this?

Baaba: Because he leaves his phone unattended; something he never did

DBM: I see. You have children?

Baaba: Yes, and I am raising them almost alone

DBM: Why is that?

Baaba: He thinks his responsibility is to only provide for the house and pay school fees. I have to sometimes force him to stay at home and make time for our children.

DBM: What is his excuse to be going out that often?

Baaba: He says the children stress him

DBM: But they don’t stress you too?

Baaba: Ask him for me. Hmmm!

DBM: Do you work?

Baaba: I am a Charted Accountant, Dave. I am a very busy woman but I prioritize my marriage and children. My husband does not, and I have to still muster up a feeling of courage to still smile and carry on.

DBM: I honestly do respect parents who can raise strong children and intentionally, lay a pattern of decent living by their own example of life. I applaud your level of resilience

Baaba: It’s not easy

DBM: I can only imagine. Participant 164, Juliana, left a question for you. ‘Whoever is next should evaluate my final decision’

Baaba: Juliana made the right decision. I do not believe that once you are married, your self-worth has to take a backseat to the other party’s mess. A man’s dishonesty cannot be your reality. No woman should endanger her heart just to follow a dishonest man, in the name of marriage.

DBM:  It’s your turn to leave a question behind for the next participant

Baaba: I don’t have a question

DBM: Okay!

Image Credit: Jackson David

Let’s Talk To Syid

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 103: Syid

DBM: Hi Syid. How would you describe yourself?

Syid: Dealing with unprocessed anger, hurt, frustration and resentment

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Syid: 4

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Syid: My father’s brother was like a friend to me. Because my dad used to travel a lot, he was the one who represented as my father-figure during PTA meetings, whenever my mother couldn’t come. He helped me go through difficult times in my life; he taught me how to save and invest. He is the reason I can simply accept what is, in my life. He’s lived his life in such a way that, no one will suffer because of him; he takes very good care of himself. Dave, I understand the importance of hard work and sacrifice because my uncle is a living example of what that means. My father died last year. Family and visitors came to our house till he was buried. I assumed there was no one home when I arrived a month after my dad’s burial; only to hear these little noises coming from my mother’s bedroom, after I shouted her name to be sure she was home. When I got to her bedroom door, which was partially closed, I saw my uncle, naked. He had put a pillow on his lap to cover his boner.

DBM: Oh, my!

Syid: Before I could express my shock, he shouted my name and said, ‘I’m your father, boy’

DBM: As in?

Syid: My biological father

DBM: Where was your mother in this moment?

Syid: Seated next to him. She confirmed his claim, saying she was attracted to my uncle for over a year before the man I believed was my actual father swept her off her feet with money and good living. My uncle used to work for my father. My mum says, she never thought what she had with my uncle could come to anything because it was just attraction from a distance. But after my late father started traveling to work in different places, and would come home once or twice a month during the weekends, she found herself bouncing back to the man she once cared for deeply.

DBM: Did she love your late father?

Syid: She was married but unhappy

DBM: I can only imagine

Syid: She also said, she had known my uncle longer and had naturally begun to imagine what the future would have looked like with him. They discussed plans like marriage, renting a house together, divorcing my dad and starting a family of their own.

DBM: How would you describe your late father?

Syid: He was also one of the kindest people I had ever seen. He loved all of his children and had a great sense of humor. He had no enemies

DBM: How many siblings do you have?

Syid: We’re three

DBM: You’re the eldest?

Syid: No, the second

DBM: How old are you?

Syid: 32

DBM: Is your uncle married?

Syid: He never married. That’s one thing I could never understand

DBM: But he had girlfriends, no?

Syid: I never saw him with one

DBM: Has he other children?

Syid: Not that I know of. Come to think of it, I think I saw signs of him and my mother being too close for my liking when I was young. Many times, he visited us at home in my father’s absence, he could look over at my mother, and their eyes would meet, and then mum would look down – and sometimes would open her mouth in shock and burst into laughter because my uncle would be having a hard-on. I’ve seen him slap my mum’s butt in the kitchen on two different occasions when I was young. And she used to leave us at home to watch all the TV in the world and sleep anytime we wanted on Fridays or weekends that my father wasn’t around. On those days, I remember she used to dress sexier than usual to go out. I have seen my uncle come up behind my mum, grab her by the hips, and slow-dance with her, but stopped the moment I walked in on them after school.

DBM: Your young eyes have seen a lot

Syid: But it didn’t click back then

DBM: He was your favorite uncle; how would anything click for you?

Syid: This life is fucked up

DBM: What’s going through your mind right now – talking about them?

Syid: I feel conflicted with hate for both mum and uncle

DBM: Have you talked to your mother and uncle about how you feel?

Syid: I don’t know how I feel, Mr. Dave. I feel betrayed

DBM: Do you think they intentionally wanted to hurt your feelings?

Syid: I don’t know, but whatever they’ve done has made me cry

DBM: I understand your tears. Perhaps, when all the mixed-feelings are less, you could consider being upfront with them about how you feel being kept out of the picture

Syid: Would it make the shock of it any hurtful?

DBM: Fortunately for you, you have a better understanding of your mother’s past with your father’s brother. You have your own recollections of the both of them – even though you could not put two-and-two together. I believe this should help you to find a more manageable resolution with them.

Syid: I grew up looking up to my parents and uncle. They were my favorite role models and how I wanted my own family to look like

DBM: You can still process your emotions through this. Do you know if your siblings are your late father’s children?

Syid: Mum says they are. There are DNA-test results to prove it

DBM: I see

Syid: These changes everything about my life in a massive way, realizing the man I thought was my father actually isn’t

DBM: The bottom line is this, they put you kids first. Both fathers and mother were present to teach you, guide you and help you to become who you all are today. They did not just create you, they loved on you – regardless. Hating on them now may be valid an emotion, but ask yourself if it’s healthy for you

Syid: Easier said than done

DBM: One thing I always tell myself is that, I am not answerable for what I experience at the hands of others. People willingly choose to do whatever they feel like doing to either hurt or uplift my feelings. The only mature thing I can do is to simply hold on to the control that I have in restoring my own mental and relational sanity

Image Credit: Tom Adabi

Let’s Talk To Gasm

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 92: Name is Gasm

DBM: Hello Gasm. How would you describe yourself?

Gasm: Currently lost in my personal thoughts

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Gasm: 8

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Gasm: I had been irritable for some time due to my inability to properly sleep at night. My wife thinks I work too hard that’s why I have been feeling blue, but I don’t. All I wanted was to improve my mental outlook. A colleague from work who had also noticed the changes in me, suggested I tried getting a massage. She told me about a home-run spa service at East Legon, that she frequents. She believed a good massage could help me to relax, and also, ease out the tension in my muscles. I booked an appointment for a Friday evening without any expectations.

DBM: Are you a massage lover?

Gasm: No. Though it was my second time getting a massage

DBM: When was the first time?

Gasm: The day before my wedding

DBM: Okay!

Gasm: Are you a fan of massage?

DBM: Not sure but I have had a few. I suffered from back and neck pain due to sitting for long hours while working. The masseurs helped to ease the pain with the massage, and it actually felt good. Anyways, let’s get back to your story. You booked a Friday evening appointment and …?

Gasm: I turned up at the house; a large home with a big garden and open living room. The windows were large; veranda was big, kitchen was huge. There was a swimming pool and an office with a built-in-library. It had a gym and three or four spare bedrooms. The owner of the property also happened to be the male massage therapist attending to me. He looked like someone in his 40’s. Surprisingly, I wasn’t feeling uncomfortable with that at all.

DBM: Why would you think you could feel uncomfortable?

Gasm: I thought men usually were assigned to ladies and vice versa

DBM: Oh, okay!

Gasm: He was welcoming and very friendly. He talked me through the process and then, settled me in the session room. He handed me a big white towel to change into. I quickly did. The massage table was comfortable, and the surface, very stable. I was lying on my stomach, with my face in the placement when I felt him pouring apricot kernel oil all over my back. His hands rubbed my legs and thighs gently. He spent about 30 minutes on my legs, feet and thighs alone before moving to my back and neck and then, shoulders. Can I be honest?

DBM: If you wouldn’t mind

Gasm: My body started to respond and react

DBM: That is normal, no?

Gasm: I am talking about getting an erection

DBM: At what point did you experience that reaction?

Gasm: When his hands softened and pressured on my thighs. Minutes later, he used his hand to separate my ass cheeks, and fingered, licked and teased my anus with his breath and tongue, blowing warm air into me -while trying to use his tongue to make a circular motion around and over my anus. He used more of his saliva to keep his tongue loose and open to penetrate me. I felt him press his mouth and tongue in my ass aggressively, rimming me till I was lacking breath. I started shooting cum when he dragged his teeth over my anus. He wasn’t biting; there was no pain yet tears began to flow from my eyes and I could not make them stop.

DBM: Why were you in tears?

Gasm: I hadn’t felt this astounding awareness through my entire body before. Sensational if I am to describe it.

DBM: I see. Let’s fast-forward to when you got home

Gasm: No Dave, I haven’t left the Spa yet in my story. He’s yet to turn me over to lie on my back

DBM: What happened when he turned you over?

Gasm: He massaged my chest through to my feet with intense pressure for about 30 minutes, before moving closer to my dick. I was really turned on, I felt so embarrassed, but he wasn’t. He looked me in the eyes while pulling my legs up my stomach, and wrapping his huge arms around my thighs – to suck my dick. He gently kissed the head, fooling with the tip of my prepuce, using his lips and tongue. It was long and slow when he started deepthroating me. I couldn’t stop moaning and tearing up. I was so hard and moving incessantly, I shot a thousand and one cum for the second time while deep inside his mouth. Then, I started to fart. He left the room for about five minutes, and then came back to spray essential oils in the air.

DBM: How long was the massage session?

Gasm: I paid for one hour, thirty minutes but got three hours instead. I thought he was going to stop after the blowjob, but he didn’t.

DBM: Did you have any intention of stopping him?

Gasm: I couldn’t explain exactly what was happening to me. I love women all through and through. I love me some warm pussy with large breasts. A woman’s body has been turning me on for almost four decades of my active sexual life. But after that Friday at the Spa, I have been questioning for a while.

DBM: It is okay sometimes in your lifetime or future, if you feel differently from how you normally feel.

Gasm: But Dave, I am not part of those LGBTQ nonsense

DBM: The ‘Q’ stands for questioning. What is going through your mind right now?

Gasm: I am 100% certain that I am straight

DBM: I am not disputing that fact. However, your desires or orientation as a human being can be fluid. An experience you have today can change who you are attracted to. An experience can influence who else you would want to have sex with tomorrow. This is because only you can describe at any given time, how you truly feel inside and out. Only you know and understand how it feels like to arrive in your full pleasure, and most importantly, to be you.

Gasm: I have been to his house again, after the first visit in February.

DBM: When was the second time?

Gasm: Last month, March 17th

DBM: I see

Gasm: The third was this month, 21st

DBM: Same routine?

Gasm: Yes, but I went overboard to see something

DBM: See what?

Gasm: To test the waters. He unfastened the buckle of my belt after I had dressed up to leave, pulled down my pants, took out my cock, and started performing oral sex on me. I slid my hand in his boxers from behind and fingered him slowly through the back door. When I slid my hand out, he grabbed it and licked the finger I used on him. It was an instant turn on to make me so horny, I bent him over slightly and penetrated him through his ass. I explored every inch of his handsome body for almost an hour. He sat in a chair with his eyes closed, giggling while I dressed up. I couldn’t stop maintaining eye contact with him.

DBM: How much do you pay after a session?

Gasm: The bill I settle for each visit is 850 Ghs

DBM: How did you feel after doing all this?

Gasm: I have never experienced a connection with anyone like that before. I think that’s what is making me feel pleased and satisfied. That, I kissed a man and didn’t puke

DBM: Explain ‘connection?’

Gasm: It was rarely just about sex.

DBM: You’re probably not the only man he is doing this with. You know, right?

Gasm: I know!

DBM: And, hopefully, you did use condom with him?

Gasm: Yes, I did. I want whatever this is, to continue with him

DBM: My concern right now is your wife. Please be conscious of protecting her health. She did not sign up for any of this. If you’re going ahead to meet some of your sexual needs with different people, please protect yourself to protect your dear wife. You owe her that!

Gasm: I will. Do you think she’s going to find out I like this new feeling?

DBM: A person only would know your sexual orientation if you tell them. But as for the cheating bit, if her intuitive antennae is high on alert, she will know you are cheating on her with someone. Imagine her horror, if she’s to find out – it’s actually with your fellow man?

Gasm: Been thinking about that

DBM: Can you ask your masseurs friend whether or not he’d be comfortable speaking with me about his profession?

Gasm: I will ask him.

DBM: Thank you!

Image Credit: Ketut Subiyanto

Let’s Talk To Luke

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 7 Comments

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 85: The name is Luke

DBM: Luke chapter what?

Luke: 😁

DBM: Hi Luke. How would you describe yourself?

Luke: I don’t know how to break this complication down: I am legally in a marital relationship with my wife. I have also agreed to work as a hired husband to my employer’s wife, for payment under the contract of employment.

DBM: What?

Luke: Yeah!

DBM: I will come back to this. How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Luke: 8 + 2

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Luke: My situation ship. I came across a job advertisement. The job title was Client Satisfaction Manager. The job responsibilities included handling client issues during the execution life cycle in a timely and accurate fashion; compilation of data collected, and basically, knowing enough about each zone of the company, in order to make pertinent suggestions to the client. It also involved a lot of traveling. I applied and got my job interview scheduled. Dave, I needed a new challenge, and so I prepared for my interview to ensure I made the best impression possible. We were about six in number on the day I interviewed. In the course of answering a question directed at me, I saw the only lady on the panel focusing with an intense gaze at me. She picked her phone and texted someone. The owner of the company, who was part of the team interviewing me, picked his phone to read a message, and immediately started smiling. I gazed back at the lady and she was staring at my lips to probably gain further circumstantial cues about the responses I was giving. Well, so I thought. Twenty-five or so minutes later, I left the conference room feeling positive about my candidacy. I missed a call on the phone on my way home, and so I tried calling back. He cut my call and called back.

DBM: Who called?

Luke: The owner of the company.

DBM: How could you tell it was him?

Luke: I could recognize his voice from the interview.

DBM: Okay?

Luke: He arranged a private meeting at a venue, which turned out to be the house address of his wife. They were waiting for me when I arrived. He wanted to offer me a different job but under the title of Client Satisfaction Consultant. He wanted me to become his wife’s husband.

DBM: His wife’s husband?

Luke: I know, right? Creepy. He explained to me that he is unable to meet his wife’s emotional needs. He also said he was pursuing another love interest and didn’t want to divorce his wife because there is too much at stake. He wanted me to become the safe place his could come to when emotionally down. He was going to continue being her provider in monetary ways. However, I am expected to provide her strength when she’s frail, affection when she feels lonely and courage when she’s scared.

DBM: Did they know that you are a married man?

Luke: They knew. I had my wedding band on during the interview and the meeting at her house. They proposed a lucrative salary with all benefits included; pension and social insurance contributions – medical, death, education, annual paid leave and public holidays off. I start work at 8:30 am to 4:30 pm.

DBM: I really am following your story, but where is your office be located?

Luke: Per my contract, I report to the company’s headquarters twice a week, from 8:30 to 12:30 pm to do personal assignments, and then complete the remaining hours at his wife’s house. I have been given my own office.

DBM: Which days do you report at the office?

Luke: It’s per my discretion.

DBM: So, the three remaining weekdays, your job station is where?

Luke: His wife’s house.

DBM: How long have you been doing this?

Luke: For some time now

DBM: Can you put a time frame to it?

Luke: Yes, but it may inconvenience me. My wife can easily calculate from when I started job-hunting if she’s to come across this post.

DBM: But your job title equally gives you out, no?

Luke: I lied to her about the job title when I made the decision to accept this offer.

DBM: Aha!

Luke: Sometimes, a man has got to withhold certain truths about themselves or what they’re doing from their wives – just to avoid disappointing them. I know it’s not the best of decisions to make, that’s why I am choosing to shield my wife from pain and other possible consequences.

DBM: What if your wife decides to one day, surprise you at work?

Luke: My wife may consider a surprise on my birthdays or our wedding anniversaries. Those days, I ensure to be at work for the first half.

DBM: You have it all figured out, I guess?

Luke: Yes sir.

DBM: So, tell me how it works when you’re at the contract-wife’s house

Luke: I get home. Greet her with a kiss or hug; ask about her night. She prepares breakfast for us. After eating, she talks about whatever she’d want to talk about. Actually, I used to think my legal wife was a talker but this woman talks way more than my original wife. Anyhow, I don’t mind her talking so much, so I just listen and chat back. Most days in my original marriage, my wife and I argue a lot. But with this contract marriage, my woman and I don’t really argue.

DBM: I am just laughing in awe

Luke: I know. It will sound funny to me too 😊

DBM: How do you greet her when you first arrive at her home?

Luke: ‘Good morning, my Love’ or ‘darling, babe’ or ‘how is my lovely sunshine doing this morning?’ depending on my groove. Most mornings when I am there and I hear the shower turn on, I’ll climb in the shower with her and… Wheew! Those are usually beautiful mornings.

DBM: I can only imagine. So, this is not just some sex gig?

Luke: No, Dave. It’s a real-fake marriage. We would often watch a TV show together, make lunch together, and this is something I never thought I could do with my real wife. Some days, we just keep to ourselves. She would be reading a book and I would be in bed.

DBM: Do you do outings together?

Luke: No! But as I said earlier, we travel once in a while, to other places together.

DBM: Does it get boring?

Luke: Sometimes. And at those times, we both recognize it and keep to ourselves till it’s time for me to go home.

DBM: What is your feeling towards this job?

Luke: Dave, I am in love with her. Being in love only requires me to believe that I am in love. And I can confidently say that, this job has helped me grow to understand love even better. It’s helping me to appreciate my legal wife and children the more. I cannot imagine living the rest of my life without my original wife and work wife.

DBM: That’s good to know. But as at this moment, your wife doesn’t have a clue what you have been up to over the years. Aren’t you barring yourself from showing up authentically at your matrimonial home?

Luke: This secret is weighing me down, that’s why I am revealing it to you instead, so we share its load. I know my wife, she cannot organize her life around this information. I would spare her the hurt, sadness and anger.

DBM: Okay!

Luke: I love my job. Aside the benefits, I am learning a lot about women and how to treat them right. I am learning about love.

DBM: I am curious about one thing; does your wife not see any changes in you to suspect something?

Luke: I watch how I react around her when I am at home. Also, work officially ends when it’s 4:30 pm. Work-wife respects the boundaries.

DBM: Your wife doesn’t smell her perfume or scent on you?

Luke: She doesn’t use any presumes around me when I am at work. But even if she has to wear one to smell good, I’ve bought her my brand of perfumes to smell like me.

DBM: This is one of the interesting chats I have ever had in my life. Why did you choose me?

Luke: David, I haven’t always been your No.1 fan. But truth be told, I think you are using your Facebook to do a wonderful thing. I don’t agree with your prejudiced point of view when it comes to men and women. I can’t seem to wrap my head around why you think women are incapable of doing bad all by themselves. Anyways, that is a conversation for another day. But as I was saying, your platform is clean and sound. You know how to pull some of us out of our shelves to open up. It’s a rare gift, and I believe you have it. Just try not to change. Continue to be in a league of your own.

DBM: Appreciated. Thank you!

Image Credit: Cottonbro Studio

Let’s Talk To Emefa

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 82: Emefa

DBM: Hello Emefa. How would you describe yourself?

Emefa: I am a mother, and soon to be grandmother. Some of my close friends tell me that they feel better after talking to me. I am conscious of maintaining a clean and neat appearance. Lastly, I would say, I have a meaningful relationship with myself – which has been up and down, sometimes, sideways over the years. I change as a person when the people around me change. I change when circumstances around me change. I change as and when I want to change.

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Emefa: 7

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Emefa: I became a dowager in January, 2023. We were married for a good 32 years. It is still taking me time to process his death.

DBM: There are no words

Emefa: People try to say nice things to comfort me, but after they’ve left or ended their calls, I am left alone all over again to deal with my loss

DBM: Healing through moments like these comes slowly, but it does come.

Emefa: I guess

DBM: Has he been buried?

Emefa: Yes, weeks ago.

DBM: How did you meet your late husband?

Emefa: We ran into each other physically on the street one afternoon. I was going to buy food for lunch. He told me he had been writing letters to a strange P. O. Box address he saw in the newspaper, and the person had been writing back. They agreed on a date to meet on the street for the first time. She was supposed to be wearing a white and green outfit for easy identification because they didn’t know what the other looked like. Guess my favorite colors?

DBM: Green and white?

Emefa: With a pop of black in the mix. He says he noticed me in the crowd, from the opposite side of the road, in my white, green and black dress, and automatically assumed I was the lady he had been writing to. Looking back, my dress did stand out in the crowd. He jounced my shoulder while walking past me. I remember I turned and gave him a sarcastic look, and he had this confused expression on his face. I stopped walking and he approached me, smiling.

DBM: What did he say?

Emefa: ‘You have a beautiful presence’

DBM: Wait! Was he saying this to the stranger you, or the woman he had been writing letters to?

Emefa: He assumed I was his mystery lady. I thanked him for the compliment and went to buy my food. He followed me to the chop-bar, unknown to me. He bought food and came to sit next to my table. I have this habit of frequently glancing around a room to spot familiar faces. I did again this time, only to see him staring right at me.

DBM: You liked him?

Emefa: It felt uncomfortable to see him twice in 20 minutes. But he was very handsome. He had these really huge eyes. I am not talking about big; he had very huge eyes which almost seemed like they would pop out of his head.

DBM: Hehehe

Emefa: But they were at the same time attractive. I liked him a lot, yes.

DBM: Do you know whatever happened to the mystery lady?

Emefa: Yes, she wrote him back to say she got his letter from the post office very late. The date and time he proposed they met had passed by then.

DBM: Did he write back?

Emefa: I don’t think he did. We had started dating

DBM: I like the sound of that

Emefa: We had a lot of plans for the future together. He died too young

DBM: How many kids later?

Emefa: We had three together.

DBM: That’s nice

Emefa: And found out in January, that he has another son.

DBM: Huh?

Emefa: His other son is 26. My last child is 24

DBM: Is your last child a boy or girl?

Emefa: A boy. I have two daughters and a son.

DBM: How old are your girls?

Emefa: 30 and 28

DBM: Just this January?

Emefa: Sunday, 22nd January, 2023. Two days after my husband had passed, he showed up with his mother.

DBM: He is his son for real?

Emefa: He is. My husband had been taking care of him and his mother for the past 26 years. They had receipts, pictures, DNA results, and had been named in my husband’s will.

DBM: And, you did not know anything about this?

Emefa: I had no clue. I understand that a man has a responsibility to be a father to his child, but I am tremendously miffed and still dealing with the pain of the adultery he’s left me to battle with, alongside his death.

DBM: How is your heart and head managing through it all?

Emefa: I am not taking any major decisions about anything right now. Unfortunately, dead men don’t talk, so I want to see how everything is going to play out on its own merit. I signed on to this marriage thing as a lifelong commitment to my husband. And because I loved him so much, I tried to be the best for only him. I did not betray him by cheating on him. 32 years later, I can confidently say that I did my part. So, if what I gave is this memory he has left me with in return, then it’s all good.

DBM: How are your children taking the news of another brother?

Emefa: They are adults so they are allowing themselves time to navigate the intricacies of their father’s affair, the new brother and his mother – at their own pace.

DBM: Do you think they will build a relationship with their brother?

Emefa: My son, I know has been texting and calling him since the funeral. For my daughters, I hope they would eventually also get to know him.

DBM: Do you feel disappointed in your husband?

Emefa: I want to hold on to the beautiful memories we built together and leave this bad one behind. I want to keep retaining a positive outlook on life.

DBM: That’s fair. Do you see yourself getting married again?

Emefa: I will always love my husband. I will always have his love for me, but I will move on to something meaningful if I am to come across the right man interested in me.

DBM: You have the last word to say something to women

Emefa: A man is as hard to figure out as a woman. They can force themselves on your wavelength just to hide a bad deed. Pay attention to the intentions of the man you love. Some would be categorizing you as a soft touch and unconsciously, manipulate and play mind-games with you. Cut your losses and go if you catch him cheating. Because his behavior isn’t likely to stop. He will do it again, and again. I saw this firsthand after my husband’s death.

DBM: Your husband is not a representation of all men

Emefa: He was the perfect representation of men cheating on their wives. These men control their own narrative. Trusting their word that it won’t happen again is as true as you would want it to be.

Image Credit: Jackson David

Let’s Talk To Frema

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 1 Comment

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 72: I choose Frema

DBM: Hello Frema. How would you describe yourself?

Frema: I am a wife, mother and business woman.

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Frema: I’m 6

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Frema: I think my husband committed a heinous crime a few years ago and he’s getting away with it because he thinks no one knows.

DBM: You think or you know?

Frema: I know

DBM: How do you know?

Frema: I found an old phone he hasn’t used in years stashed in one of his boxes. I bought a sim card from another network to use as my other number and found text messages between him and the husband of a friend, plotting the crime, and acknowledging execution of it.

DBM: I am tempted to ask about the nature of the crime but I don’t want to also get so much involved – if it’s what I’m thinking

Frema: It’s the gravest of all crimes, Dave.

DBM: For how long have you known about your husband’s crime?

Frema: Some months now, but I have been trying to act normal at home; like I don’t know anything. I don’t know if it’s working because it’s creating this friction between us. I am not able to freely love him like I used to. I am tensed sometimes, and would be reading into his every action around me.

DBM: Do you know anything about the victim?

Frema: Not much. All I have is a name in their conversation.

DBM: What is going through your mind right now?

Frema: From all indications, whatever happened, happened in the past. Should I be judging a man by his past actions?

DBM: By ‘past actions’, do you mean the crime or mistakes committed?

Frema: It’s one and the same or?

DBM: I do not think it’s the same. What’s your honest opinion about your husband’s character?

Frema: He has a dodgy character; no two-ways about that. But unfortunately for me, I had fallen in love with him – years before finding out all these. We have children together.

DBM: Do you trust him?

Frema: 40%. I’d say he cares about his children and their needs. He does his best for the home. I can’t take that fact away from him. He is a family man. But he’s also manipulated me into forgiving certain things he’s done outside the marriage to make me not trust him.

DBM: A crime is different from an affair. You can forgive an affair but there is no excuse for letting criminals run free

Frema: He is the father of my children. I cannot have him apprehended just like that. That’s the dilemma conflicting my thoughts

DBM: Who else knows about this secret?

Frema: The wife of the other man my husband plotted the crime with

DBM: Have you two discussed the way forward?

Frema: She’s been suggesting we confront our husbands with the text evidence

DBM: To activate their criminal instincts again or what? Will you two be in a safe space if you’re to confront them?

Frema: I don’t know!

DBM: Has she a copy of the texts?

Frema: No! She only read it on the phone when we met to discuss the issue. The phone is in my possession.

DBM: I see

Frema: Does the marriage vow include being loyal to a criminal? I love my husband though

DBM: If the crime is exactly what you’re indirectly painting to my mind’s eye, then I don’t think it’s wise to cover up for him.

Frema: What if he’s a changed man? We all deserve a second chance at life

DBM: The law, I understand is on your side if you do not tolerate his crime, be it past or present

Frema: What I am saying is, I cannot raise and provide for our children all by myself if he’s to be locked up.

DBM: I understand you

Frema: My concern is my friend. She’s still in shock and contemplating on reporting her husband to the authorities. Their marriage was already on a shaky ground, so you can imagine what this extra information is causing her to do. She’s told me she would be filing for divorce.

DBM: A husband’s past crime is a solid grounding for divorce. These were acts that you had no role or knowledge of till recently.

Frema: I want to protect my husband

DBM: I respect your decision

Frema: Dave, when you love someone, you’d do anything and everything possible to protect their best interest, even if it means me giving up common sense in order to keep him safe

DBM: How about the victim’s family? Don’t they deserve justice for their loved one?

Frema: In a situation like mine, everything about this conversation is wrong, but it’s also worth it protecting the father of my children.

DBM: Do you want my honest opinion?

Frema: Yeah

DBM: Many of the marriages and love relationships I know of, have been wrecked by issues that disguised themselves as inconsequential. A lot of serious matters do not appear nor feel damaging simply because we choose not to view them in that light. That, is the danger I fear for you, Frema. You’re choosing not to recognize a criminal past as a threat to your marriage, family and sanity – and because of that, you’re refusing to stay on your guard. Someday, your husband or his friend would sniff the hint, and it would be too late for either of you to do the right thing.

Frema: My husband will not harm me.

DBM: I hope you are right

Frema: My husband will not harm me

DBM: Just note that, there are negative repercussions to every decision made in favor of a person prone to any form of criminal activity.

Frema: I agree with you

DBM: Seriously do consider how your decision ultimately affects your marriage and most importantly, your mental health.

Frema: I will. Thank you, David

DBM: You’re welcome!

Image Credit: Shvets Production

Let’s Talk To Esme

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 3 Comments

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 56: Esmeralda

DBM: Hi Esme. How would you describe yourself?

Esme: I am 25 years old, and pursuing an EMBA Project Management at the University of Ghana.

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Esme: My boyfriend lives and works in Kumasi. He is also pursuing an MPhil in Computer Engineering at KNUST. Months ago, he told me my dad had been visiting one of the students on campus. He had seen him two times with the same lady prior to telling me. I did not believe him, and so he took a picture of them from a distance – standing by my father’s car on a Friday.

DBM: Was it your father in the picture?

Esme: It was my dad. I wanted more proof. I suggested to my boyfriend to befriend the lady, so I can gather enough information on her. He became friends with her, and to my surprise, we both had the same surname. I tracked her on Facebook and Instagram, and Dave, there is a lot of resemblance between us. In fact, my boyfriend once said she looks and smiles like me. We have the same eyes and forehead.

DBM: Is it what I am thinking you’re about to say?

Esme: She’s my father’s daughter.

DBM: How do you know?

Esme: Because she introduced my boyfriend to her father

DBM: Your father?

Esme: Yes

DBM: Why did she introduce him?

Esme: It was actually a coincidence. He was heading to a lecture and he saw them on campus.

DBM: Does your father know about your guy?

Esme: He doesn’t.

DBM: How long have you been dating him?

Esme: Two and a half years.

DBM: I see

Esme: Dave, my mother will chew my father alive if she finds out. She’s a lawyer and has been representing many clients with their divorce cases. She’s always told me that in all of her divorce cases, it’s the men who cheated, and that, I should not ignore a cheating boyfriend or husband, or ever choose to live my life without expectations of faithfulness in it. She strongly believes that a cheat will always cheat again, and again … and again.

DBM: How close are you to your father?

Esme: Very close, Dave. I’m a daddy’s girl.

DBM: How close is your relationship with your mother?

Esme: Very close.

DBM: Do you know the age of your sister in KNUST?

Esme: She’s 22

DBM: Are you in contact with her?

Esme: No!

DBM: Why not?

Esme: I am getting to know her through my boyfriend.

DBM: Do you like the person your boyfriend describes her to be?

Esme: Very much!

DBM: Do you wish to know her?

Esme: Yes, but I concerned about my mother.

DBM: Have you confronted your father?

Esme: Not yet. I am very confused because I used to assume that my father would never cheat on my mother. I have commented under several of your posts on Facebook, praising my father for being a one-of-a-kind with your gender.

DBM: He is still the same man you have always loved

Esme: Yes, but not the same idea of him in my head. I have a lot of complicated feelings within to sort through

DBM: Are you the only child of your parents?

Esme: I am the third out of four

DBM: Have you told the others?

Esme: Not yet. My mother is going to be mentally injured. I don’t know how my siblings are going to take this news. And I know for sure my mother will leave my dad.

DBM: You need to decide whether or not to bring it up with your father

Esme: And, why not with my mother first?

DBM: There is no right and wrong approach to handling this issue. Listen to your gut and what it tells you, and trust in your decision

Esme: I have a feeling my dad is still in a relationship with the girl’s mother or other women.

DBM: Why do you say that?

Esme: It’s just a feeling.

DBM: What does your boyfriend say about all this?

Esme: He thinks I should shift my focus from my parents’ personal matters to something else and just leave it to my dad and mum and fate.

DBM: What’s your take on that?

Esme: I think my father has indirectly given my boyfriend the license to be dishonest with me and get away with it.

DBM: Does your father ignore your mother?

Esme: No!

DBM: Has your mother spoken about anything your father has done, or is doing to distress her?

Esme: Not that I know of.

DBM: Do your parents fight a lot?

Esme: Not really.

DBM: Does your father spend time with your mother?

Esme: He does, and makes time for all of us. That’s why I am still in shock as to how this could even be true.

DBM: Our parents are not, and cannot be perfect people.

Esme: I really looked up to my dad, Dave. I feel like he has disappointed me big time.

DBM: Present a scenario without any names mentioned to your father. Tell him you read about a case on my timeline about a friend of yours, whose dad is cheating on his mother. Explain how hurt and upset your friend is at the moment. Ask your dad how you can approach this topic with your friend.

Esme: He will know I know

DBM: Is that not the end game?

Esme: I don’t want him to feel like I am indirectly, accusing him.

DBM: You do love your father

Esme: That’s why I feel so conflicted. Now, I need to keep this secret also from my mom.

DBM: Again, you do not know the full details until you confront him

Esme: I cannot concentrate on my work and studies.

Image Credit: Charlotte May

 

  • 1
  • 2

POPULAR

Contact Us

  • maildmbir@gmail.com

Copyright 2022 David B - All Rights Reserved | Design: Javanet Systems