Let’s Talk To Esme

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 56: Esmeralda

DBM: Hi Esme. How would you describe yourself?

Esme: I am 25 years old, and pursuing an EMBA Project Management at the University of Ghana.

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Esme: My boyfriend lives and works in Kumasi. He is also pursuing an MPhil in Computer Engineering at KNUST. Months ago, he told me my dad had been visiting one of the students on campus. He had seen him two times with the same lady prior to telling me. I did not believe him, and so he took a picture of them from a distance – standing by my father’s car on a Friday.

DBM: Was it your father in the picture?

Esme: It was my dad. I wanted more proof. I suggested to my boyfriend to befriend the lady, so I can gather enough information on her. He became friends with her, and to my surprise, we both had the same surname. I tracked her on Facebook and Instagram, and Dave, there is a lot of resemblance between us. In fact, my boyfriend once said she looks and smiles like me. We have the same eyes and forehead.

DBM: Is it what I am thinking you’re about to say?

Esme: She’s my father’s daughter.

DBM: How do you know?

Esme: Because she introduced my boyfriend to her father

DBM: Your father?

Esme: Yes

DBM: Why did she introduce him?

Esme: It was actually a coincidence. He was heading to a lecture and he saw them on campus.

DBM: Does your father know about your guy?

Esme: He doesn’t.

DBM: How long have you been dating him?

Esme: Two and a half years.

DBM: I see

Esme: Dave, my mother will chew my father alive if she finds out. She’s a lawyer and has been representing many clients with their divorce cases. She’s always told me that in all of her divorce cases, it’s the men who cheated, and that, I should not ignore a cheating boyfriend or husband, or ever choose to live my life without expectations of faithfulness in it. She strongly believes that a cheat will always cheat again, and again … and again.

DBM: How close are you to your father?

Esme: Very close, Dave. I’m a daddy’s girl.

DBM: How close is your relationship with your mother?

Esme: Very close.

DBM: Do you know the age of your sister in KNUST?

Esme: She’s 22

DBM: Are you in contact with her?

Esme: No!

DBM: Why not?

Esme: I am getting to know her through my boyfriend.

DBM: Do you like the person your boyfriend describes her to be?

Esme: Very much!

DBM: Do you wish to know her?

Esme: Yes, but I concerned about my mother.

DBM: Have you confronted your father?

Esme: Not yet. I am very confused because I used to assume that my father would never cheat on my mother. I have commented under several of your posts on Facebook, praising my father for being a one-of-a-kind with your gender.

DBM: He is still the same man you have always loved

Esme: Yes, but not the same idea of him in my head. I have a lot of complicated feelings within to sort through

DBM: Are you the only child of your parents?

Esme: I am the third out of four

DBM: Have you told the others?

Esme: Not yet. My mother is going to be mentally injured. I don’t know how my siblings are going to take this news. And I know for sure my mother will leave my dad.

DBM: You need to decide whether or not to bring it up with your father

Esme: And, why not with my mother first?

DBM: There is no right and wrong approach to handling this issue. Listen to your gut and what it tells you, and trust in your decision

Esme: I have a feeling my dad is still in a relationship with the girl’s mother or other women.

DBM: Why do you say that?

Esme: It’s just a feeling.

DBM: What does your boyfriend say about all this?

Esme: He thinks I should shift my focus from my parents’ personal matters to something else and just leave it to my dad and mum and fate.

DBM: What’s your take on that?

Esme: I think my father has indirectly given my boyfriend the license to be dishonest with me and get away with it.

DBM: Does your father ignore your mother?

Esme: No!

DBM: Has your mother spoken about anything your father has done, or is doing to distress her?

Esme: Not that I know of.

DBM: Do your parents fight a lot?

Esme: Not really.

DBM: Does your father spend time with your mother?

Esme: He does, and makes time for all of us. That’s why I am still in shock as to how this could even be true.

DBM: Our parents are not, and cannot be perfect people.

Esme: I really looked up to my dad, Dave. I feel like he has disappointed me big time.

DBM: Present a scenario without any names mentioned to your father. Tell him you read about a case on my timeline about a friend of yours, whose dad is cheating on his mother. Explain how hurt and upset your friend is at the moment. Ask your dad how you can approach this topic with your friend.

Esme: He will know I know

DBM: Is that not the end game?

Esme: I don’t want him to feel like I am indirectly, accusing him.

DBM: You do love your father

Esme: That’s why I feel so conflicted. Now, I need to keep this secret also from my mom.

DBM: Again, you do not know the full details until you confront him

Esme: I cannot concentrate on my work and studies.

Image Credit: Charlotte May