Let’s Talk To Pearl
David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)
Participant 53: Hello Dave. My name is Pearl
DBM: Hello Pearl. How would you describe yourself?
Pearl: ………………………………………………………………………………………………
DBM: What do you want to talk about?
Pearl: I have had four abortions in my lifetime. All these happened before I met my husband. He does not know about my past, and I’d want it to stay that way. I come from a Christian household, and though I am not blaming anyone for my actions, I feel like if my parents had talked to us about sex from an early age, some bad choices I made in life could have been prevented.
DBM: What did your parents talk to you guys about in relation to sex?
Pearl: Abstinence, and why God admonishes us to live in purity. That was all they stressed on
DBM: I grew up in a home like that too
Pearl: You did?
DBM: I did! At what age did you start having sex?
Pearl: When I was 15 years. My science teacher pressured me into liking him.
DBM: Whereby ‘pressured’ means?
Pearl: It wasn’t rape. I wasn’t doing so well in his subject and he realized it bothered me. He wrote me a letter explaining how he could transfer his smart science gene to me through other means.
DBM: Tell me ‘Other means’ meant extra classes?
Pearl: He was the first man I had sex with. And for some strange reason, my grades started to change for the better in science. He told me to just study and write whatever I felt were the right answers to any of his assignments, quizzes, tests and examination questions.
DBM: Are you good in science today?
Pearl: No! Of course, I am wiser now, and so I know he was either dashing me marks or answering the questions for me at home after every quiz.
DBM: Did he use protection with you?
Pearl: Yes, for the most part.
DBM: How many times did sex happen between you two?
Pearl: About 15 times.
DBM: How old was he?
Pearl: Early 30’s.
DBM: At what age was your first abortion?
Pearl: 17
DBM: Second?
Pearl: 19
DBM: Third?
Pearl: 23
DBM: And the last one?
Pearl: 25
DBM: Who got you pregnant at 17?
Pearl: My science teacher. He helped me get an abortion
DBM: Who got you pregnant at 19?
Pearl: My second boyfriend. My third boyfriend got me pregnant at 23, and the fourth guy at 25.
DBM: How many guys have you been with?
Pearl: They will not be up to 20
DBM: Do you regret aborting those pregnancies?
Pearl: I have no regrets. My parents did not educate me on sex, men, relationships and the responsibilities involved. There was no way I could have been prepared for a pregnancy or motherhood.
DBM: I see.
Pearl: My only biggest fear is the thought of being barren due to my past activities.
DBM: I doubt whether or not having abortions can affect your chances of becoming pregnant. You can experience normal pregnancy.
Pearl: Really?
DBM: Really! I know a dozen female friends who have aborted several pregnancies, but are mothers today.
Pearl: Hmmm! Dave, I need to give my husband a child. He wants a child so badly; I sometimes feel like I am denying him his dreamed family life.
DBM: What are your doctors saying?
Pearl: That, we’re both fine and can have babies at any time.
DBM: He knows about the abortions?
Pearl: My doctor?
DBM: Yes
Pearl: He was the one who detected that a womb infection I developed years ago hadn’t been properly treated. He realized I had had abortions before even telling him.
DBM: Is it treated now?
Pearl: Yes!
DBM: Good.
Pearl: Why do I feel like I am being punished for this?
DBM: Punished by whom?
Pearl: God.
DBM: “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and cleanse us.” I don’t know where it is in the Bible, but it’s in the Bible for sure.
Pearl: Do you believe it?
DBM: I do. GOD’S mercy is beyond comprehension. And, His mercy endures forever.
Pearl: Hmmm! I don’t know about that.
DBM: Don’t miss out on GOD’S gift of forgiveness. It’s the realest promise I know. You’re not the only one doing, or might have done things that aren’t pleasing to GOD. We all sin
Pearl: Four abortions is a lot of sin. Keeping it from my husband is another lie I live with
DBM: You’re a Christian, no?
Pearl: I am
DBM: Jesus took on all four of your abortions and the secret you still keep from your husband today on Himself, and paid for it on the cross by dying for you. The moment you choose to accept this truth, His forgiveness automatically becomes yours to take. His forgiveness is limitless, so start looking at your situation from the point of view of GOD.
Pearl: If you say so
DBM: Pearl, all of your sins have been forgiven. It does not matter whether or not you’re yet to commit it. Engage with GOD in your own way, and ask Him for grace and mercy. He is more than able to change the gray areas of your life for the very best.
Pearl: But what if I never get pregnant? Because it’s putting strains on my marriage. My husband wants a family
DBM: The life you are building with your husband, and the marriage you have, is a family. There is more to your marriage. Children are just an aspect of it. Make good use of the man in your life, the love you have for him, the excitement in marriage; the challenges, the dreams you both share, and just be looking forward to what the future holds – even if children aren’t a part of it.
Pearl: You are not a woman, and so I don’t expect you to understand.
DBM: I had a schoolmate, Cynthia. A very decent young woman, super intelligent. She got married to a very nice guy many years ago. She died two years after her wedding. Complications through childbirth. And, this was her first pregnancy.
Pearl: What happened to her child?
DBM: He died in the process. Pearl, the most rewarding part of marriage isn’t children. At least, that’s how I think. It takes a lot of work to have a happy marriage. Why is that not rather your priority?
Pearl: What would you have done if you were in my husband’s shoes?
DBM: I’d focus on my emotional connection and intimacy with you. I would find ways to keep alive the passion and desire for one another. Your inability to have a child shouldn’t be the reason why you’re not able to enjoy your husband. Your past, present, fears, pain, regrets, joy and whatnot, are all indicators that you’re indeed, living a human experience. Your husband ought to be able to embrace all of this, and still be glad he chose you for a wife.
Pearl: Would you have wanted me to tell you about my abortions, if you were my husband?
DBM: If I had chosen you as the partner to spend the rest of my life with, children would not have been my reason to change on you. And yes, I would have wanted to be in the known concerning your abortions. I will be shocked, and probably mad; I would definitely attribute our inability to have kids to your abortions, but I know myself so well; I will never judge you nor your past decisions. Because I wasn’t there to have had the opportunity to protect your innocence. I wasn’t there to have showed you what true love really meant. I would not have been reckless with you – if I were in your past experiences.
Pearl: Would you have forgiven me?
DBM: I would have, so far as you would be communicating truth with love and grace.
Image Credit: Cottonbro Studio
