Tag: Self-worth

Let’s Talk To Boahinmaa

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 2 Comments

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 112: Boahinmaa is fine by me

DBM: Hello Boahinmaa. How would you describe yourself?

Boahinmaa: Empty and missing out on so much happiness

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Boahinmaa: Five

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Boahinmaa: I think I have forgotten how to find happiness for myself. I never thought I could get to this point in my life, where I’d lose that strong sense of who I was before getting married. Trying to be everything that makes my husband and children happy has left me feeling like I don’t actually understand my true value. I feel bitter too. I don’t know how to give to myself; I rather fear losing my marriage than losing my own life and peace of mind. I have forgotten how to trust in my self.

DBM: Give me an idea of your life’s priorities. You can arrange them in order of importance

Boahinmaa: My husband, my children, our family, God, my job, my parents and siblings

DBM: Can you attempt putting together that of your husband’s? At least, from where you stand

Boahinmaa: He is a selfish man so I know he always puts himself and his needs first. Our children might come second because he cares a lot about them. He loves his job and making quick money, then maybe, his mother and family, friends and then, me. I know I’m the last on his list

DBM: From your priorities, I don’t see your name on the list. Why?

Boahinmaa: Dave, all my life I have been taught to put others first and put myself last. My mother did it, so did her mother.

DBM: But I still don’t see your name on your list

Boahinmaa: Let me rearrange; husband, children, our family, God, my job, my parents and siblings, and Boahinmaa.

DBM: How old are you?

Boahinmaa: I don’t want to say my age. My husband reads from your Facebook platform. He doesn’t really like you because he thinks what you’re doing is rather destroying relationships. But I’m old enough. Just take that as an answer

DBM: You wouldn’t tell me how long you’ve been married either, no?

Boahinmaa: No, but I’ve been married for some time now.

DBM: What is the relationship between you and your husband like?

Boahinmaa: What I see is what I get

DBM: Meaning?

Boahinmaa: I don’t know how to explain it: I love my husband, but I’m just not happy being married

DBM: Would you qualify your marriage as bad?

Boahinmaa: It’s not that ‘bad’ to the extent of me walking out of it, but it’s not good either. My marriage is not feeding me any real joy and happiness

DBM: So, you’re stuck?

Boahinmaa: Pretty much!

DBM: How is your relationship with your children?

Boahinmaa: So-so. I am trying the best I can to be their mother.

DBM: Are they happy?

Boahinmaa: I wouldn’t know. Maybe or not

DBM: Is your husband happy with you?

Boahinmaa: Again, I don’t know. He can be all over the place with his exaggerated sense of self-importance. Also, I suspect he’s having an affair

DBM: So, you are not happy, you don’t know whether or not your husband is excited about you. You do not know the state of mind of your children. What do you know?

Boahinmaa: Awww, Dave, I feel like crying 😭

DBM: What would crying do for you at this moment?

Boahinmaa: I don’t even know

DBM: When last did you take time out to honestly, evaluate what you are going through?

Boahinmaa: I haven’t seriously done that. There is always a lot on my plate, it’s overwhelming

DBM: Do you think you’re taking good care of yourself? And by self, I mean your state of mind and its sanity, your total wellbeing, etc.

Boahinmaa: No!

DBM: You limit your capacity to pour into the lives of the very people you love the most, when you refuse to take care of you.

Boahinmaa: But Dave, I don’t want to be selfish like my husband

DBM: You don’t get it, do you?

Boahinmaa: What?

DBM: Your husband is not selfish

Boahinmaa: He is

DBM: GOD was number four on your priorities in life. Do you know that how you treat yourself is the same way you end up treating GOD?

Boahinmaa: I don’t think so

DBM: Be honest with me, what is your relationship with GOD like?

Boahinmaa: It’s in existent

DBM: I know, but what is it like? Do you love on him as much as you desire for your marriage to work?

Boahinmaa: I don’t know

DBM: You represent GOD in your life. And so, if you’re not that important in your own eyes and life, and have to always put others first, then GOD is not in the equation to begin with. You may know of Him, but then you do not know him for yourself – because you do not even know your worth

Boahinmaa: Dave, I know who I am. I am just not in my right-thinking faculties

DBM: Until you learn how to fill your own cup to drink from, it cannot run over to the benefit of others

Boahinmaa: I’m always sacrificing so much of myself in this marriage, it hurts really bad

DBM: That is because you are too strong to be weak. It’s tiring to say the least

Boahinmaa: Help me!

DBM: I don’t know how best I can help you. I can only suggest from how I live my life

Boahinmaa: Okay! How do you do you?

DBM: Unlike you, I am not looking out for a number one representation in my life. I do not put my needs and self on the back burner. I make sure I am always on the stove, cooking something fresh and delicious for myself, and then for others. I need to be strong for myself, in order to hold you down. GOD, and my boring self are the first important people in my life; followed by the love of my life, my passion for whatever I’m pursuing as a career; then my siblings and parents. My closest and best friends come next… In that exact order. And because of that, my dynamics with people isn’t that of bitterness. I am hardly resentful, hardly jealous.

Boahinmaa: Easier said than done!

DBM: I know, it’s upsetting to look at your own behavior.

Boahinmaa: But Dave, my husband is a contributory factor to my unhappiness in this marriage

DBM: You’re still blaming your husband just to avoid looking inward. You have to learn how to choose to be happy. Learn how to live for yourself, so you can find what makes Boahinmaa happy. You’re not here to fulfill what you perceive to be the expectations of others for you. This life is too short to refuse yourself more good days and memories

Boahinmaa: Okay!

DBM: I’m not saying it’s going to be easy on you, but then you need to find enough courage to choose your happiness over the fear of the unknown. Spark some joy in your life

Image Credit: Timur Weber

Let’s Talk To Antobam

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 51: The name is Antobam

DBM: Hello Antobam. How would you describe yourself?

Antobam: A mother of four, capable of supporting myself and my family. Been divorced since May, 2022, and at my age, I don’t think I need to be relying on any man or even society for validation.

DBM: May I know your age, please?

Antobam: 46

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Antobam: My divorce

DBM: How long were you married?

Antobam: 19 years

DBM: Wow! That’s a lot of years

Antobam: The first five years were good, but from the sixth to the nineteenth year, I wanted to end the marriage – even though I didn’t believe in divorce. My ex-husband doesn’t believe in divorce

DBM: Interesting

Antobam: Yes! We’re actually very happily divorced, if there is anything like that

DBM: Explain

Antobam: Love couldn’t conquer it all in our situation, because we both had other needs that weren’t being met. My ex-husband loved me like no other; I loved him dearly, however, our priorities had different angles and twists to it; we viewed and understood love differently

DBM: How so?

Antobam: I wouldn’t know how to explain it: I wanted more. I see myself as a leader, and since my early years, I have taken charge of situations. My strength is quiet and reserved but it shines through at the end of the day. I make and take calculated risks, so once I am convinced about something, I am not scared to pursue it.

DBM: Was marriage not something you were enthused about?

Antobam: I dreamed of being in love, being loved, wedded and married. I dreamed of having children and raising them together with my husband. All these, I accomplished. I however forgot to dream about finding happiness with all these combined

DBM: You weren’t happily married?

Antobam: I was. I mean I was married to a great guy. But only for the first five years. My marriage reached its expiration date on the sixth year, and I knew I had to pack it all in but I couldn’t.

DBM: Why not?

Antobam: I was pregnant with our third child. Then I had the fourth. We wanted to raise the children in a family unit

DBM: Did your husband know you wanted out?

Antobam: I told him two weeks before finding out about our third pregnancy.

DBM: How did he feel?

Antobam: He said he felt he was also trying so hard to make our marriage work, which shouldn’t have been the case. A healthy marriage shouldn’t feel like ‘work’, though it’s work. We weren’t passionate about one another or the marriage; I wasn’t infatuated about my ex-husband; he did not excite me or my thoughts… I could not feel myself changing for the better

DBM: Well, that can be understood because it’s no longer ‘new’. You had both become familiar with each other, no? I wouldn’t expect a ‘sparkly’ feeling at this stage

Antobam: It wasn’t just about feelings. I lost myself and couldn’t see my life from a distance. I could not pinpoint exactly what our marriage was working toward. I have a very busy schedule at work, and trust me, my job doesn’t paralyze me.

DBM: Is that how you felt about your marriage?

Antobam: Yes! Dave, when you are excited about your marriage, and something about it isn’t living up to the standards you both set, you feel disappointed and frustrated. If the parties involved want the relationship so bad, you will be committed to doing something to be better than you used to be – in order to bring it up there to your smoothness level.

DBM: I concur

Antobam: I didn’t want to go through all that struggle.

DBM: How about your husband?

Antobam: It was too much work and a pain in his ass to push in so much effort. It got to a point, I found no interest in talking to anyone about my marriage. He is the type that is concerned about the opinions of others, and so he did his best putting up a front of the ‘happily’ married man.

DBM: In your opinion, a good marriage looks like what?

Antobam: It should look and feel like this task or job you’ve decided to do. Deep down you know it isn’t the easiest project to take on, yet it doesn’t feel so challenging to the extent that – you’re unable to do it right. Marriage is good when you feel your partner doesn’t overwhelm you with so much. He or she is just right for you, even after the bullshit.

DBM: Whereby ‘bullshit’ means?

Antobam: Anything they’re doing, or the relationship is presenting to you – which you can’t tolerate. When the marriage is good, you see the good in your partner, especially on the days they’re not of their best behavior. Nothing they do blows you away negatively.

DBM: I am learning something today

Antobam: I would not have divorced my husband, if I admired him for who he is. It’s unfortunate, but I couldn’t find myself admiring him from a place of happiness. You’re happy from a place of admiration if the piece of work smells and looks like something you’re proud of, because you contributed to its success.

DBM: I so get your point.

Antobam: Great!

DBM: Do you feel like you’ve failed at marriage?

Antobam: This was an experience for me, Dave, and I learned a thing or two from it. I can confidently say that, I can choose to open myself up to the likelihood of love again. But most importantly, I have the strength to guard my heart by walking away from unhappiness.

DBM: How does he feel about everything?

Antobam: He respects my decision to not stay married. He’s forgiven me, I have forgiven him and forgiven myself for letting our children down. He’s happy. He’s dating a very nice woman, and he smiles a lot lately

DBM: How do you feel about everything?

Antobam: Divorce isn’t always a bad idea. I can say mine has offered me a fresh start and opened a beautiful door, which is also leading me to a much better future

DBM: How is your relationship with him like?

Antobam: Awesome. As I said earlier, my ex-husband is a good man, and we both played a role in the end of our marriage. We know that it takes two to either break or make a marriage work. We want to maintain our friendship and be the best parents for our children, because we’re going to be in each other’s lives for the longest time, co-parenting.

DBM: And the children?

Antobam: They understand what’s going on, and we have explained why we can’t be married to them. We have also made them understand that, they are our key lens, and the most important basis and platform from which we would make every decision. It’s always going to be about what is best for them.

DBM: I think I like you

Antobam: Lol! I like you too, David. As it stands now, you’re the only person to get me to open up this easily. You’re doing a great job with your Facebook. Also, thank you for the exceptional live performance you shared on Facebook this Tuesday. I couldn’t stop myself from watching you sing that song.  It was so powerful.

DBM: Thank you!

Image Credit: Uriel Mont

 

Let’s Talk To Person

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 43: My name is Person

DBM: Hello Person. Please tell me a little about yourself

Person: I see myself to be a complete woman; beautiful, intelligent, interesting; can handle my own business, a mother of two and a wife

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Person: My husband has become so critical and hurtful towards me lately. Everything I do for myself, he has an opinion about it, and it’s usually negative.

DBM: What do you mean by ‘everything I do for myself?’

Person: Dave, I always want to make a good impression when I step out of my house. I put in a lot of effort into making myself presentable; and people notice me. My makeup is always on point; I dress to ‘kill’ and smell damn good; I take very good care of my skin too. My husband sees me in a cute outfit, and the first thing he tells me is, ‘Too much paint on your face.’ Paint = makeup in his vocabulary. He sees my flawless skin, and he’s like ‘Stop bleaching. You used to be dark and pretty’. He will never tell me I look good in a dress, rather ‘Who are you trying to please at the office?’. He makes sure to ruin my good vibes anytime he sees me feeling myself and body.

DBM: What is your motivation to want to look good?

Person: I love who I am, and I want to feel good all the time. I am motivated and productive whenever I dress to impress myself, but my husband can look me in the eye and tell me, I don’t look beautiful – all because I have makeup on my face. David, me being beautiful isn’t only about my looks; I come with the right attitude to match my appearance. Why should outsiders and strangers, men and women alike – tell me I look gorgeous every day, while the man whose compliment should matter to me the most, only finds faults about me to talk about?

DBM: He has never given you a compliment?

Person: He used to, years ago.

DBM: So, what changed?

Person: That’s what I am trying to find out. I asked him why he’s become so negative lately and he says he is not being negative; he’s just trying to tell me the truth others aren’t bold to say to my face.

DBM: Which people in your circle usually compliment your looks?

Person: Colleagues at work, church members, our neighbors; my best friends, my husband’s colleagues; his own mother and siblings, people I don’t know from anywhere. The list goes on.

DBM: And, you believe they tell you the truth and would not be just saying anything to make you feel fly?

Person: Our pastor’s wife asks me for fashion tips and how to apply makeup; my sister-in-law trusts my opinion to the extent that, she hired my expertise to handle her wardrobe and makeup throughout her wedding ceremony last year. And this same husband couldn’t believe his own sister could look that beautiful on her wedding day. His mother asked me to make her up on her daughter’s wedding. Everyone else wears makeup, and my husband will find them to be beautiful. Let me buy a new body lotion for myself; out of nowhere my husband’s spiritual gift to point out what is wrong with me will speak to break my heart.

DBM: What’s going through your mind right now?

Person: I just remembered he called off a night out with me last week, because I refused to change my clothes to wear something ‘simple’. What he calls ‘simple’ is not something I am comfortable wearing. I am who I am; what I choose to wear shouldn’t define me.

DBM: Indeed!

Person: He thinks my life is all about me, and I don’t do as much to meet his needs.

DBM: Do you meet your husband’s needs?

Person: I do. I cook for the house, I clean; I respect him as my man and father of our children. I don’t deny him sex, I support the home financially. We are doing alright so far as a team. The only issue we still argue about is my refusal to dress like a slut for him in our bedroom. He’s bought these slutty clothes he expects me to be wearing in the bedroom. I don’t like them, and so I don’t wear it. And he gets mad at me all the time.

DBM: Describe your husband to me

Person: Control freak, great father, arrogant, hardworking, educated and selfish

DBM: Do you think he loves you?

Person: I know he loves me, but I am not afraid to be single if that is what is going to take for me to take his pressure off me

DBM: You feel pressured?

Person: His kind of pressure wants to take me out of my own skin. He wants me to deny myself what makes me feel good and alive and beautiful. He thinks because I am his wife, I have to do things to only make him happy and pleased.

DBM: Was he like this when you first started dating?

Person: He wasn’t doing anything to make me feel this uncomfortable.

DBM: How long have you been married?

Person: 11 years

DBM: As a wife, it’s your duty to satisfy your husband’s visual nature, and this connects to his sex drive.

Person: I will not put on anything that will make me feel uncomfortable. I respect the choices my husband makes for himself; I demand respect in return. If he is not proud to have me as his wife, then I may also not know how to treat him as my man

DBM: You mentioned that he thinks you are bleaching. Are you?

Person: Dave, my style of looking beautiful is entirely my choice. I do not need my husband’s permission to live my life and frame it according to my wants and needs. It’s my body, and I have every right to shape it up to my self-satisfaction.

DBM: That makes sense

Person: Every woman is beautiful. It’s rather unfortunate not every man has the eye to discover this.

DBM: I concur

Person: In the early years of our relationship, we couldn’t keep our hands off each other. We had a healthy sex life, and it was frequent and marvelous, though it wasn’t the best of the best. I love sex, and Dave, I know the taste of good sex. I have been with men who go beyond 35 minutes for their erection to last once intercourse begins. So, imagine me settling for what my husband can offer in bed, which is less than a quarter of what I have been used to. I have never complained about it to him, though I know it’s not working for me. Instead of him criticizing my makeup, dressing and skin tone, why is he not finding out what he can rather do to make me feel as good as he feels when he cums?

Image Credit: Kampus Production

Let’s Talk To J

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 4 Comments

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 35: J

DBM: Hello J. Please tell me a little about yourself

J: I think I am not good enough for my husband.

DBM: I want to know who J is, as a person.

J: I am average in looks and I don’t think I am beautiful

DBM: What is your definition of beauty?

J: The people my husband likes for the way they look, and their physical appearances that makes him fall for them

DBM: Usually, when a man gets to know a woman as a person, likes her, and then falls in love with her, he automatically begins to see an element of beauty in you, that may or not be common knowledge.

J: What if he never was in love with me?

DBM: Why did he marry you then?

J: I got pregnant with his child, and his father wouldn’t agree to abortion or a grandchild born out of wedlock

DBM: Tell me something about your husband

J: He’s handsome and good at talking to women, except me. He is not afraid to tell other ladies what he’s thinking and feeling. He’s broken my trust many times due to his dishonesty. He prefers to spend time at work or with other women or his buddies rather than me. I am not his number one priority, but he loves our children very much and is doing everything to give them a life full of ease and beauty.

DBM: Why are you still with him?

J: I don’t believe in divorce. I don’t believe in letting my children experience a broken home. Till death do us part is a vow I sincerely took and would adhere to. I made a promise to my husband, and to God, on our wedding day. And I know it is only God who will get me through these rather tough times.

DBM: You’re a Christian, I’m guessing?

J: I am

DBM: Do you believe GOD can equally put a smile on your face, even if that means through a divorce?

J: Divorce is not an option for me.

DBM: I am not suggesting a divorce. I am just asking a question.

J: Maybe

DBM: Was your husband the man of your dreams when you were dating?

J: Yes

DBM: Were you the woman of his dreams?

J: I can’t answer for him.

DBM: Was his intention ever to marry you?

J: I don’t know

DBM: Prior to getting pregnant, was marriage a discussion on the table?

J: Not really

DBM: So, what was the definition given to your relationship with him?

J: He was my boyfriend

DBM: And you were his girlfriend?

J: Yes

DBM: The only woman in his life?

J: No!

DBM: You knew of others?

J: Yes

DBM: Does he share in your values and interests?

J: Not so much

DBM: He’s a Christian?

J: He is

DBM: Was he ever a guy who looked ready for a long-term commitment of any sort?

J: Not really.

DBM: So, you got pregnant for a man who clearly wanted to be single, a bachelor, but at the same time, have his girlfriends to be available to his needs, and basically enjoy his party boy lifestyle?

J: I love my husband

DBM: Why do you love him?

J: He saw me

DBM: Where?

J: I mean, he was the only guy who could really see me

DBM: What did he see?

J: I wouldn’t know, Dave, but he saw me.

DBM: As in, he made you believe he sees you?

J: If that’s how you’re going to interpret it

DBM: His other women felt seen, loved and listened to, no?

J: But he married me

DBM: Because you wanted to be the chosen one, no?

J: Nothing wrong with that

DBM: Are you happy?

J: I don’t feel happy

DBM: Why is that?

J: I wouldn’t know how to explain it.

DBM: But it has your husband’s footprints factored in there somewhere?

J: Yes.

DBM: Your husband’s opinions about you, and his actions towards you are not under your jurisdiction. You know that, no?

J: I don’t believe in divorce. You’re not the first person trying to not to suggest it. I cannot see myself breaking a promise I made.

DBM: A dear friend of mine did not believe in divorce, until the actions of her husband forced her to stop believing in the marriage. She encouraged herself to change her mind quickly.

J: That was her; this is me.

DBM: Understood! Does your husband believe in his marriage to you?

J: He believes he has a family with me

DBM: Family, meaning, he has kids with you?

J: Yes

DBM: But you cannot tell how he really feels about you?

J: I am not enough for him

DBM: Who is enough for you?

J: My husband should have been the perfect guy for me

DBM: Are you enough for you?

J: I don’t know. Are you enough for you?

DBM: I know that no one person can make me feel a certain way about myself, unless I allow those emotions. I am enough for me at the moment, because I am at peace with myself. I know who I am, I love who I am, regardless of what others think of me; no one knows me better than I know myself; people’s opinions of me are not who I know I am, and I don’t give a damn. I am open and vulnerable to my personal experience, and I look forward to the man I am becoming.

J: Because I smile, people assume all is well with me.

DBM: All is not well with you

J: Dave, I have always been there for my husband, but he is never truly there for me

DBM: What’s your biggest fear?

J: To lose my mind because of my husband.

DBM: You probably might be blindsided to this, but his actions are bending you out of shape and influencing your behavior in ways in which I doubt you would ever be aware of.

J: What do I do aside divorce?

DBM: Take time to analyze the source of why you feel inadequate, and if you can make any sense out it, maybe it would help you lessen its destructive effect on you as a person.

J: I want my husband

DBM: It’s okay to want your husband, but it’s okay to want you too. You feel guarded because you don’t want to be alone

J: It was nice chatting with you

DBM: Likewise.

Image Credit: Angela Roma

Let’s Talk To Maame Yaa

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 22: My name is Maame Yaa

DBM: Hello Maame Yaa. Please tell me a little about yourself.

Maame Yaa: I am a young woman of faith, with Jesus in my heart. I try to inspire change, lift those around me up, do good and have respect for people. I am a medical doctor by profession, and 32 years of age.

DBM: Want do you want to talk about?

Maame Yaa: My boyfriend is insisting we have sex before marriage. I want to have sex on my wedding night.

DBM: How long have you been dating?

Maame Yaa: We will be three years in February, 2023.

DBM: And has he discussed his plans concerning a future together with you in marriage?

Maame Yaa: Yes, he has.

DBM: When is that going to happen?

Maame Yaa: We’ve not decided on the date.

DBM: Would it be in 2023?

Maame Yaa: I don’t know.

DBM: So, you’re not certain whether or not he is going to marry you any time soon?

Maame Yaa: Yes!

DBM: Are you a virgin?

Maame Yaa: No, I am not.

DBM: Is your boyfriend the one who broke your virginity?

Maame Yaa: No! He is the third guy I have dated.

DBM: You had sex with the first two?

Maame Yaa: Yes!

DBM: Why do you want sex with him on your wedding night?

Maame Yaa: I want to feel in control of my own choices with regards to my body and sexual intimacy. I want to pursue celibacy until I am joined together in holy matrimony to the man who will put a ring on my finger.

DBM: I am assuming your boyfriend is also thinking if he does not explore your sexual flanks, you both may not be able to grow naturally to develop into it. Sexual compatibility, attraction and identity are important things to figure out before marriage.

Maame Yaa: I believe that one’s character is built through waiting. Patience is developed in waiting; faithfulness can also be developed while we wait to have sex after our wedding. I want to be sure we are in love with each other without the complications of any emotional entanglement. If we are each other’s real deal, we will make do regardless.

DBM: Does he know what you like sexually?

Maame Yaa: I have told him mine.

DBM: Do you know what turns him on?

Maame Yaa: He’s spoken about a few.

DBM: So, theoretically, you’re both in the known?

Maame Yaa: Practical examination should be on our wedding night.

DBM: And what if one partner fails the final exam?

Maame Yaa: It wouldn’t be a final exam. We will re-write the paper till we pass.

DBM: Many guys are using their married lives to deal with sex issues, instead of actually enjoying the beauty in marriage. What if you’re not content with what he offers in bed?

Maame Yaa: Marriage, they say is not all about sex.

DBM: I see the quality of a relationship strongly related to sexual satisfaction.

Maame Yaa: I see the quality of a relationship strongly related to the God-factor.

DBM: When was the last time you felt desired, got aroused and ‘wet’; when last did you reach orgasm and did not feel pain?

Maame Yaa: I don’t remember. Maybe, in my past relationships.

DBM: Do you care about what your boyfriend cares about?

Maame Yaa: I do, and I try to be there for him.

DBM: He wants a blow-job, have you given him that?

Maame Yaa: I will give him a blowjob after our wedding.

DBM: Will you be okay if he gets the sex from somewhere else while dedicating all his love to you?

Maame Yaa: I will not be able to cope with infidelity.

DBM: There is no guarantee he is going to be faithful to only you after marriage.

Maame Yaa: If that happens, we will divorce.

DBM: Which is more important to you: your relationship to your faith or that relationship you are building with him?

Maame Yaa: I am holding firm to the beliefs that God has placed deeply in my heart, and I am taking a stand for them – to ensure I know exactly why God stands for them too.

DBM: That’s commendable.

Maame Yaa: Dave, please be honest with me: am I making a mistake with my stance?

DBM: We are all different; what may be important to your boyfriend may not be all that important to you. Again, it all comes down to your strong personal beliefs, your boyfriend’s physical desires and the overall nature of your relationship.

Maame Yaa: I think we have a good relationship.

DBM: That’s good to know. So basically, it’s because you are unmarried, and the fact that, you want to abstain from sex before marriage, no?

Maame Yaa: Yes.

DBM: You are not living with an underlying medical condition, are you?

Maame Yaa: No, I am not.

DBM: And, you do not have a low sex drive, do you?

Maame Yaa: I love sex.

DBM: Good, good… good! You love and value your boyfriend?

Maame Yaa: I do.

DBM: Then know that, him requesting for sex with you could have been an opportunity for him to bond with you on another level; It could have been another opportunity for him to express his love and affection towards you; he probably might have felt more secure in the relationship if you both had been engaging in sex often. It could have also been an opportunity for you both to appreciate the pleasure and fun in the relationship.

Maame Yaa: Do you suggest I give in?

DBM: I am suggesting you marry a man who sees, appreciates and values your self-worth. Do not go to different lengths just for your boyfriend to achieve his sexual goals. That said, make the most out of your love life while sticking to the opinion you have of yourself. I think you’re a wonderful young woman.

Maame Yaa: Thank you, Mr. Dave. I am a fan of your Facebook platform.

DBM: Appreciated!

Image Credit: Fillipe Gomes

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