Let’s Talk To Vance
David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)
Participant 123: Vance
DBM: Hi Vance. How would you describe yourself?
Vance: A man who doesn’t compromise on things that matter to me. I am married and have a daughter.
DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?
Vance: 5
DBM: What do you want to talk about?
Vance: I got a gig when I was a university student to sell my sperm. The motivation given me was that, aside the potential to earn money, I had the opportunity to do some real good by helping others to have a baby. It was a woman who approached me first on campus. After explaining things to me, she walked me to her car to introduce me to her husband. Apparently, they had been scouting on campus for days searching for a specific kind of guy. I had the looks and athletic physique they both could agree on. The next phase was for me to print out copies of my semester examination results, which they paid for. They were very pleased with my grades. They tested my temperament with weird discussions and then finally, asked me to charge for my service. They had rented a fully furnished one-bedroom house, close to campus, for me to be meeting his wife for sexual intercourse. The agreement I signed stated explicitly that the woman would stop coming over the moment she’s confirmed to be pregnant by their doctor. She took seed on the third month of being with me.
DBM: What else was in the agreement?
Vance: I wasn’t supposed to fall in love with her. I wasn’t going to be a part of their baby’s life; total parental control handed over to them, non-disclosure and not getting in touch with them when it’s over. They took my contact information if the child ever needed a life-saving medical intervention. They haven’t contacted me yet.
DBM: Meaning, the child is doing alright, which is good – no?
Vance: Yes!
DBM: How much did you charge them?
Vance: I asked for a motorbike, tuition fee from level 300 to final year fully paid; books and feeding allowances, and paying the rent of the one-bedroom house till I graduated from Legon.
DBM: That was a smart fee
Vance: Yeah!
DBM: How long was this?
Vance: 20 years ago
DBM: Oh, okay!
Vance: The plans I had for my life included earning a master’s degree, which I have, finding a good paying job, which I also have; getting married, which I am and having children. My wife and I have been struggling to conceive for the past seven years. She’s always crying because she feels she’s being looked down upon due to social stigmatization. My wife has had three miscarriages already. She also battled with endometriosis and we aren’t sure if she’d be able to carry a pregnancy to term. Dave, our desire to be pregnant is currently screaming out loud
DBM: There is hope for you and your wife
Vance: My wife is currently stressed beyond her tolerance. She’s become so depressed, it’s affecting our marriage. I’ve been thinking…
DBM: No!
Vance: No what?
DBM: I know what you’re about to say
Vance: What?
DBM: That child is NOT yours.
Vance: She has 50% of my DNA in her
DBM: How do you know she’s a girl?
Vance: I tracked her
DBM: How?
Vance: I searched for the names of the lady and her husband on LinkedIn, Facebook and Instagram recently, and found them. The woman has been tagging our daughter in her posts on Facebook. She’s a student at KNUST.
DBM: How do you know that’s your daughter?
Vance: It’s her. You should see her eyes and face. She smiles just like my little sister
DBM: Does your wife know about this past?
Vance: No.
DBM: Do you have any idea how disruptive this information can be – if she’s to find out?
Vance: That’s why she’s never going to find out
DBM: What are you planning next?
Vance: I’ll be travelling to Kumasi to find her. I feel she needs to connect with the other side of her roots.
DBM: Have you factored in the incalculable effect it could have on her state of mind as a student? The effect it could have on her family?
Vance: I am also her family
DBM: You signed over your parental rights for a motorbike
Vance: She’s still my blood. What if her father dies? Wouldn’t it be prudent of her to know her biological father is there for her?
DBM: What if you die after revealing your identity? How do you expect her to process your loss?
Vance: I’m not dying any time soon. Dave, I want to be present in my daughter’s life, and help her whenever she needs help
DBM: Even if your intentions have the probability of costing you and her family something? Whatever you feel is motivating your decision isn’t aligning with the contract you signed with her parents.
Vance: I am willing to refund their money with interest, if that’s what it’s going to cost me to have a relationship with my daughter.
DBM: What if after the great reveal, she doesn’t want to be your daughter?
Vance: That’s her choice to make.
DBM: I still think you’re being unfair. You agreed to a transaction and its detailed terms, and now you’re refusing to honor your word. I don’t think that makes you trustworthy
Vance: Rules are meant to be broken sometimes
DBM: If your wife is not going to know about all this, why are you chasing after the girl?
Vance: It’s for my own satisfaction; the knowledge that I have a daughter who knows about my existence
DBM: How does that translate into comforting your wife? Or she’s not your concern right now?
Vance: God will give her strength. Dave, I love my wife but some things are just what it is.
DBM: Okay!
Vance: Yeah!
DBM: I want to introduce something new with these conversations, starting with you. Leave the next participant a question to answer.
Vance: On what subject?
DBM: It could be on anything
Vance: This is my question: What is the one truth about you today that would probably make your 10-year old self be disappointed in you?
DBM: Thank you!
Image Credit: Pikx By Panther
