POINT OF CONTACT

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name you fancy)

Participant 16: Timo.

DBM: Tell me anything about yourself

TIMO: I am 49 years old, a husband and a father. My approach to life and my marriage is that, whatever I do affects people’s feelings, and so I try to act accordingly. I do not skulk around to always do the right thing; what I am saying is, every decision I make now is strictly based on the fact that, the people around me also have feelings, and just as I think my needs matter, people and their needs are equally important.

DBM: How long have you been married?

TIMO: 16 years.

DBM: What was your perfect ‘type’ of a man or woman? Did your husband or wife fit into your exact specifications?

TIMO: I wasn’t looking for much: I wanted a woman who loved and respected herself and others, had a good grasp of common sense, and could deserve my trust. I wanted a woman who could trust me to discuss anything with me. My mother is my role model in a sense, because she has her own life, interests and friends. I am attracted to such independent ladies who can do well all by themselves. My wife fit into all that.

DBM: So, how did you two meet?

TIMO: My wife was a single parent when we met. I had been invited to her son’s school to give a talk. Her son asked very intelligent questions and follow-up questions, I took a special interest in him. The reason why I wanted to mentor him was because I could see myself in him. After the seminar, this nine-year old kid tugged at my sleeve impatiently, smiling, “Excuse me Uncle Timothy, can I say something?” he said, “I think you will like my mother, she’s just like you.”. Oh, during my presentation at the seminar, I think I said something about me being single, etc. He gave me his mother’s phone number and asked me for mine. I gave him my card. I called his mother the moment I sat in my car to discuss her intelligent son.

DBM: Do you consider your significant other as your best friend?

TIMO: My wife is my best friend, and this friendship has been built in a matter of time and practice. We practice how to like each other intentionally, everyday; making each other laugh, being goofy sometimes, enjoying each other’s company and making what we have a priority.

DBM: When did you make him or her laugh the most? What happened?

TIMO: Yesterday evening. I was farting under the sheet so bad; she went to boil eggs to eat. I had to move out of the bedroom to breathe again in the hall.

DBM: At what point were you certain he or she was the one for you?

TIMO: I went to pick my son (her child) from school one time because she had meetings running late, and he mentioned to me in the car their prayer topic the night before. It was about me! Mother and son both realized how much they liked me and had to pray about it. Caleb told me about how his mother was emotional and crying while praying about me and what I meant to them. When he asked me if I could be his father, I stopped the car. His request touched me to the core because his biological father lives. It was at that point that I knew I needed to guide him to become the best any young boy could become: empathetic, compassionate and being contented with his vulnerability. He was the point of contact to my true feelings for his mother.

DBM: Do you still find your husband or wife physically attractive?

TIMO: My wife is the best and most attractive version of herself. She put effort into her wardrobe and wears clothing that makes her feel good and sexy. Inside and out, she’s the most beautiful woman I have ever seen.

DBM: In a deeper conversation with your spouse, do you listen just to completely understand or you listen simply to formulate your response?

TIMO: I listen with the intention of understanding her. I always put in the time to find out why what she’s talking about is important to her. She does same with me; she makes me feel like she gets me as a person, on a much deeper level.

DBM: How is your significant other faring in the position as a husband or wife?

TIMO: She’s doing excellently well as my wife and mother to the children. I am happy so far.

DBM: Which of your wedding vows means the world to you?

TIMO: I take you to be my wife, to have and to hold from this day forward; for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; until death do us part.

DBM: What is the most fun you both have had in the relationship?

TIMO: Being lovers and parents is the most fun had. As lovers, we explore by going outside our comfort zone; we push the boundaries, take risks, and plan fun sexual activities together. We date each other again every month without the children. We do movies, dinner, walk on the beach holding hands, things like that. The most fun for me is when my wife makes all my decisions for me on the day of my birth. My wife was born on a Thursday; so, every Thursday, for the past 16 years, I have been the one choosing her wardrobe for work, the food to eat, which side of the bed to sleep, the type of sex I want, what she has to do to please me, etc. And, we have fun with it. She’s always excited when it’s a Sunday, because she takes her turn on me.

DBM: Is the love for your husband or wife growing any stronger by the day?

TIMO: I have never loved anyone as much as I love my wife. She’s my dream come true.

DBM: Do you trust your husband or wife?

TIMO: I trust my wife with all of my heart.

DBM: How much time do you spend on your husband or wife?

TIMO: My first priority is my wife. I make time for her all the time.

DBM: Emotionally, do you feel connected than before?

TIMO: Yes! I am emotionally catered for, and she makes me feel good.

DBM: Do you feel secure in the marriage?

TIMO: Very secure in my marriage.

DBM: Where do you see you and your spouse in the next 10 years?

TIMO: Still doing each other and not getting tired of it.

DBM: What is your ideal sex life?

TIMO: Touching, kissing, and more of oral sex. We prolong our foreplay because it improves our sexual experience. With my wife, I do not need an erection to please her; clitoral stimulation gives her the best orgasm, so I focus on that more. I have my turn when she’s happily breathing and smiling beside me. We talk during the day about our sexual fantasies and it makes sex more exciting when we’re together having it.

DBM: Rate your current sex life (out of 10)

TIMO: 7/10.

DBM: What is your understanding of love?

TIMO: I feel most loved when my wife hugs me randomly, kisses me out of the blue, smiles at me for no reason; explicitly offers gratitude for the little things I do for the house and for her. Whenever she praises me, I feel I am loved; and when she dresses or acts seductively to sexually connect with me.

DBM: Are you feeling loved in your marriage?

TIMO: I am loved well, yes!

DBM: Are you a good spouse?

TIMO: I am a good husband.

DBM: Have you cheated on your husband or wife with another man or woman?

TIMO: No! But I have been tempted to a few times. I couldn’t pursue it because it’s not worth hurting my wife over.

DBM: Say something to your spouse from your heart:

TIMO: My dear wife, thank you for making me feel brand new. Thank you for liking me; thank you for respecting me; thank you for finding me attractive. You have accepted and prized me for all that I am. I will continue to treat you the way YOU want to be treated.

Image Credit: Anete Lusina

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Choices, Friendship, Kids, Love, Mentorship

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