Let’s Talk To Leroy
David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)
Participant 133: Leroy
DBM: Hello Leroy. How would you describe yourself?
Leroy: Proactive and ambitious in life
DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?
Leroy: 5
DBM: What do you want to talk about?
Leroy: I recently found out that my wife consumes a lot of porn. The first time I saw it, I didn’t think of making an issue out of it. But I am beginning to feel bothered by it after seeing it on her phone again. From the little I saw, she prefers a certain type of man, because her browsing history had specific searching, tall, well-built black hunks. I am not that so what does that mean?
DBM: How often do you have open conversations about sex with your wife?
Leroy: Not often
DBM: What do you truly feel about her watching porn?
Leroy: I think it’s a form of cheating
DBM: Okay?
Leroy: And it makes me a little uncomfortable and jealous
DBM: Would you be okay to watch it together if she’s to invite you to it?
Leroy: Why would I do that?
DBM: I have a friend who finds it stimulating to watch pornography with his wife, to the extent of even considering it a vital aspect of their foreplay.
Leroy: No
DBM: How important is your intimate life with wifey?
Leroy: Very important
DBM: So, the sex talk does happen between you two?
Leroy: When I’m frustrated and tired of not getting her to see things from my perspective
DBM: Do you know what your wife likes in bed?
Leroy: I think so
DBM: You give her exactly what she wants during sex?
Leroy: I try. I mean, I can’t read her mind to know everything
DBM: Have you confronted your wife after finding this out?
Leroy: No. It annoys me to bring the conversation up
DBM: Why does it annoy you?
Leroy: It just does. And it makes me not feel valued
DBM: Ask her why she watches porn
Leroy: Hmmm!
DBM: You used to watch porn yourself, no?
Leroy: Yes, but I stopped a long time ago
DBM: Why did you stop?
Leroy: I had my wife to satisfy me
DBM: Why were you watching porn those times?
Leroy: Dave, I like sex, and I like watching attractive women have sex. It’s a turn on for me
DBM: Do you think you’re good enough in bed?
Leroy: I am. The women praise my abilities
DBM: Including your wife?
Leroy: Sometimes
DBM: But which woman has categorically told you she’s pleased by the things you do to her during sex?
Leroy: I have this friend I mess around with. She’s excited about whatever I can do in bed with her and I am completely taken by her excitement.
DBM: When was the last time she gave such feedback of feeling pleased?
Leroy: Just last week
DBM: She’s married?
Leroy: No
DBM: Oh, okay! I’m guessing after every session, you leave her some money etc.
Leroy: I’m taking care of her needs basically, and I like her because she appreciates me.
DBM: Your wife doesn’t?
Leroy: Not to the level I am experiencing right now
DBM: What is the current state of your relationship with your wife?
Leroy: I think she’s damaging the connection and emotional intimacy between us with her porn delight. I’m gradually pulling away from her and may ultimately, uncouple from our sex life.
DBM: How long have you been married?
Leroy: 9 years
DBM: How often do you have sex with your wife?
Leroy: Not often
DBM: Explain
Leroy: She’s not willing to try different things with me, but I’m not complaining. This other lady I’m talking about gives me breakfast and quickies after feeding me. I feel like a man when I hold her
DBM: Was that the reason why you had to resort to the other woman?
Leroy: Partly
DBM: Explain your need for sex?
Leroy: Dave, it’s just like my cravings for food
DBM: You think you can die without having sex?
Leroy: Lol! I know what you’re trying to do
DBM: Smh! What kind of mindset do you have when you think about sex?
Leroy: I don’t understand the question
DBM: For example, I have a growth mindset about sex, because I believe sex changes with time. Just like our traditions, they keep evolving with time. So, how I choose to create a memorable experience with my body, with a loved one, in a defined setting or atmosphere is what I choose to call my unique experience, which I am pleased with.
Leroy: I agree
DBM: So, what is your mindset like?
Leroy: Yeah, I’m open to giving it and being received. I try new stuff all the time and it spices things up
DBM: Do you create these new experiences with your wife during sex or you pay it forward to her after being with the other lady?
Leroy: My wife can be very boring
DBM: Meaning?
Leroy: No initiative from her part. But with this other girl, I am able to last longer in bed
DBM: Are you one of those guys immixing longer sex with better sex?
Leroy: Sometimes, it is. Going the long distance can be steamy
DBM: And marathonic
Leroy: Not to me. My wife always wants me to stop after the first 10 minutes
DBM: Why?
Leroy: She says I keep too long. Says the woman with a porn addiction
DBM: Has it occurred to you that she probably enjoys pleasing herself with porn because masturbation helps her to achieve her desired sex?
Leroy: Whatever makes her happy
DBM: Participant 132, Asher, left a question for you: ‘What do you enjoy about your job?’
Leroy: I’m fairly compensated; the benefits that come along with the salary is also great. My job gives me the freedom to do other things which balances with my personal life. The working environment is less stressful and my employer provide us with the needed tools to reach our daily goals.
DBM: It’s your turn to leave a question behind for the next participant
Leroy: You own a crystal ball that could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, your past, present, the future and anything else. What would you want to know?
DBM: Thank you!
Image Credit: Andrea Piacquadio
