Let’s Talk To Alistair
David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)
Participant 144: Alistair
DBM: Hi. How would you describe yourself?
Alistair: I have figured out who I am. I know what I feel and I understand how I feel about my feelings.
DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?
Alistair: 8
DBM: What do you want to talk about?
Alistair: I am in love with an older woman. The age-gap is 19. I am in my mid-thirties. I am established, and so is she. She’s a widow and had been without a man for three years. She has four children. Her last child is in High School. She knows what she wants and has made me understand she’s interested in me too.
DBM: What are you looking for in this relationship?
Alistair: Everything she’s been offering me; sureness in attitudes is one. She’s a nurturer whenever she spots the cracks in my armor showing. She acknowledges my effort when I step up for her or her children. I love her random caresses and how we emotionally connect. She approves of me as her man and respects what I do for a living. She gives me space to recoup and stay in touch with myself; she builds my trust in her with every decision she makes. She’s fun to be with and does not take herself too seriously. She makes me feel loved through her actions, and I feel I can count on her. There is respect for one other. She reminds me daily, how good a man I am. She’s the kind of woman I want to settle down with, because her energy reflects on me positively. And it builds my self-esteem and self-confidence. Marrying her can be the opportunity to provide and protect her and her children.
DBM: Do you mind me asking her age?
Alistair: 55 but she doesn’t look her age
DBM: I see. What does a 55-year-old woman look like?
Alistair: Lol!
DBM: What do you do for a living?
Alistair: I’m a data scientist
DBM: How about her?
Alistair: She’s a Physician
DBM: Ideally, how would you want your relationship with her to progress?
Alistair: Into marriage. I want to start a family with her
DBM: You have kids of your own?
Alistair: No
DBM: Quality or quantity?
Alistair: I don’t understand
DBM: Which of the two would you go for?
Alistair: It depends
DBM: On what?
Alistair: The circumstances surrounding the question
DBM: Okay! Sex
Alistair: Quality and quantity
DBM: Time spent together
Alistair: Quality and quantity
DBM: But you know with her age, and being a mother and career woman, her schedule might be demanding?
Alistair: I know. I am considerate of her time
DBM: You understand she may not just be able to make plans on a whim just to be with you all the time?
Alistair: I know
DBM: Are you comfortable around her?
Alistair: I am always myself around her
DBM: The age-gap doesn’t bother you at all?
Alistair: I don’t think it does
DBM: Have you been in a relationship with a woman with children before?
Alistair: Yes
DBM: So, you have experience being around children?
Alistair: Yes
DBM: Grown children?
Alistair: No, not grown kids
DBM: How much time and involvement do you have with her children?
Alistair: We are not that close
DBM: But they know about you?
Alistair: Two of her children know I’m their mother’s friend
DBM: Their mother’s what type of friend?
Alistair: They don’t know much. I don’t want to be close to them this quickly
DBM: How long have you been dating your woman?
Alistair: Almost two years
DBM: Do you want to have kids of your own someday in the future?
Alistair: Yes
DBM: Does she want to have additional children herself?
Alistair: She does not
DBM: But she knows you want kids?
Alistair: She does but I’ve made it also sound as if I wouldn’t mind if I don’t have children of my own
DBM: Is having children of your own something you really want?
Alistair: Yes
DBM: So, why aren’t you being upfront about it with her?
Alistair: I don’t want it to become the tickling clock nagging our relationship
DBM: What makes you think the subject of children, can become an issue?
Alistair: She wouldn’t want to hold me back if I am to be serious about having my own kids. What we share is more important than my little desire
DBM: Wanting a child or creating a family of your own is not a little desire.
Alistair: I know
DBM: Are you open and honest with her?
Alistair: Not always, but I am sincere 85% of the time
DBM: What makes her stand out and not blend in?
Alistair: Oh, Efua is smart; I mean, very intelligent. She’s funny as hell. Very kind and giving. Overall, an astounding woman.
DBM: Had you always been attracted to older women?
Alistair: No. It just happened and so far, has been my best relationship yet. The age difference isn’t my problem. My only concern is how our families would accept us
DBM: How did you meet?
Alistair: We met at a party. I never would have known she was way older than me – if she hadn’t put that information across.
DBM: Participant 143, Oz, left a question for you: ‘What are you looking forward to the most in your old age?’
Alistair: I look forward to a full life and not dying soon in my old age. I look forward to the memories from all the good and bad experiences life could have offered me. I look forward to having a broader perspective on life and the joys to it. I look forward to exploring more of whatever I wish.
DBM: It’s your turn to leave a question behind for the next participant
Alistair: If you could choose and have any man or woman in the world as your husband or wife, who would be your definite ‘hell yes,’ and why?
DBM: Thank you!
Image Credit: August-de-Richelieu
