Let’s Talk To Forrest
David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)
Participant 151: Forrest
DBM: Hello Forrest. How would you describe yourself?
Forrest: I’m in need of a distraction of a sort from the pressure that comes with being a husband. I want what I want out there, but with the security of a wife still intact at home.
DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?
Forrest: I’m a 6 now
DBM: What do you want to talk about?
Forrest: My wife traveled to go further her education. It’s a decision we both agreed on. It’s also been her desire to pursue higher education. But most importantly, I did not want to come across as a control freak, regulating my wife in what she can or cannot do. I want to be the best husband possible when it comes to encouraging the mother of my children to achieve her dreams.
DBM: That’s commendable. Marriage, under no circumstance should oppress anyone, especially, women from sustaining that momentum in their lives. I think it is the responsibility of every married man to help guide their wife’s focus, when it comes to their academic pursuit.
Forrest: I want the best for my wife
DBM: Exactly! So, give her enough room to manage the aspirations she can measure, and also, pursue the choice she decides on
Forrest: She’s back from the study and I am very proud of her. The problem I am unable to deal with is, in her absence, one of her close friends used to come by with cooked meals and other forms of help to support me. At first, it was purely friendship and we both acknowledged it for what it was. But it grew into something else
DBM: Something else like what?
Forrest: An attraction
DBM: On your side or hers?
Forrest: Both sides
DBM: At the same time?
Forrest: I think so
DBM: Who was the first to draw the other’s attention to their feelings?
Forrest: I was
DBM: And, what did she say?
Forrest: She had been feeling it too.
DBM: Your wife knew about her bringing in food, etc.?
Forrest: She knew the first time she brought in foodstuff, but I stopped telling her when I realized I liked her friend.
DBM: Liked her in which capacity?
Forrest: I didn’t know then, to what extent
DBM: What else does your wife know about your engagements with her friend?
Forrest: Not much
DBM: Is she a single woman?
Forrest: No, she’s married
DBM: You know her husband?
Forrest: Yes
DBM: What else have you done with this woman?
Forrest: Hmmm! A lot
DBM: Have you kissed?
Forrest: Yes
DBM: Have you had sex?
Forrest: Yes
DBM: How many times?
Forrest: A number of times
DBM: You’ve slept with her in your matrimonial bed?
Forrest: Yes
DBM: How many times?
Forrest: A number of times
DBM: Has she any kids?
Forrest: Yes
DBM: How does she manage to come to your house if she has a family of her own?
Forrest: We were making time for it
DBM: Forgive me for asking these questions but I want to gain insight into your reasons for cheating
Forrest: I understand
DBM: Why did you cheat?
Forrest: Emotionally, I didn’t feel connected with my wife due to her absence
DBM: What is your definition of emotional connection?
Forrest: Physical affection and sex
DBM: Meaning, this is something you know of yourself?
Forrest: Yes
DBM: Your wife knows this too about you, no?
Forrest: Not really, though she knows I love sex
DBM: Prior to her absence, had there been any records of infidelity on your part?
Forrest: Once or twice
DBM: That she knew of?
Forrest: No
DBM: Were there underlying issues that might have contributed to all these?
Forrest: No, we have a good relationship
DBM: Was the affair with your wife’s friend purely physical or emotional?
Forrest: I’ve fallen in love with her
DBM: When did you realize this?
Forrest: Six to seven months after my wife had left the country
DBM: How long have you been married?
Forrest: Almost 10 years
DBM: Were you using protection with this woman?
Forrest: Not really
DBM: How about with the other ladies?
Forrest: Yes, but not always
DBM: Is there a reason why you are unable to talk to your wife about what is going on in your life?
Forrest: I don’t want to hurt her feelings
DBM: Will there come a time you believe you can be honest to your wife about your feelings for her friend, and maybe, try to explain your reasons why?
Forrest: I’m not sure
DBM: Do you feel what you’re doing is bad?
Forrest: I don’t know
DBM: Why don’t you know?
Forrest: It’s confusing
DBM: Are you a good man?
Forrest: I think I am
DBM: Is this woman also in love with you?
Forrest: Yes
DBM: So, what’s the plan?
Forrest: We’ve decided to keep our distance, now that my wife is back
DBM: Till when?
Forrest: Till we can get over the feelings
DBM: So, you’re going to cut contact with her, all at once?
Forrest: No
DBM: Is this love, something you feel you deserved?
Forrest: Yes. It was good for me
DBM: Because it filled a vacuum?
Forrest: Not really. I think because it was different
DBM: Meaning, you could have still felt this way about her, whether or not your wife had traveled?
Forrest: Yes
DBM: You’re certain both of you have the correct expectations about your future?
Forrest: For now, yes. Ours respective families should come first.
DBM: Participant 150, Ozigbodi, left a question for you: ‘What has been on your heart or mind lately?’
Forrest: My wife. My marriage. My family, and my feelings for the other woman, and what it represents.
DBM: It’s your turn to leave a question behind for the next participant
Forrest: How do you process the feelings of confusion or loss?
DBM: Thank you!
Image Credit: August-de-Richelieu
