Let’s Talk To Egypt
David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)
Participant 170: Egypt
DBM: Hi Egypt. How would you describe yourself?
Egypt: Pretty much messed up
DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?
Egypt: 4
DBM: What do you want to talk about?
Egypt: I knew my marriage wasn’t going to work out long-term on my wedding day, but I couldn’t let go at that time.
DBM: How long have you been married?
Egypt: Six years
DBM: And how have you been managing thus far?
Egypt: Good question, Dave. I don’t know
DBM: Okay!
Egypt: Tears have started flowing already
DBM: Why?
Egypt: I feel guilty for wasting my wife’s time
DBM: Does she know how you’re feeling about everything?
Egypt: Not yet
DBM: How old are you?
Egypt: In my late 30’s
DBM: What prompted that conclusion on your wedding day?
Egypt: My wife is a catch; everything nice and sweet. She looked absolutely stunning in her wedding dress but for some reason I was still unfulfilled with my decision to settle down in a marriage
DBM: ‘Settle down in a marriage’ with her or the whole idea of marriage?
Egypt: With her
DBM: In other words, marriage is something you want?
Egypt: Yes
DBM: But not with your wife?
Egypt: Yes
DBM: How would you describe the current state of your marriage?
Egypt: I have taken time to fall out and I am currently falling apart. My marriage has been a mistake from the very beginning.
DBM: Whose mistake?
Egypt: Mine, and I take full responsibility for it
DBM: Did you ever love her?
Egypt: I did
DBM: Were you ever in love with her?
Egypt: I think so
DBM: Okay!
Egypt: My dad is suggesting I manage the situation just as it is and find solutions outside marriage
DBM: What are some of the proposed solutions?
Egypt: Finding another woman
DBM: Is it a solution he’s tried or tested?
Egypt: Yes. I am as a result of his relationship with my mother, who was his true love.
DBM: Your mother was his wife?
Egypt: No! He’s still married to his wife. My mother was the other woman he spent most of his time with. She was his person
DBM: Who is your person?
Egypt: Not found her yet
DBM: What was your decision to marry based on?
Egypt: We had been close friends and together for years; I loved her personality and character. She is beautiful and has been an excellent mother to our children. I knew she would be a great mother. I also felt the pressure to get engaged because everyone believed we’d make a good couple.
DBM: I see
Egypt: I haven’t cheated on her since we married but she found out a few days to our wedding that I had been cheating on her, and she still went through with the marriage because it felt too last minute to call it all off
DBM: How did she find out?
Egypt: One of her friends caught me with the other girl
DBM: Were you concerned that you had been caught?
Egypt: No. I was rather counting on her to cancel the wedding
DBM: Ha!
Egypt: Yeah! And I think she’s been trying everything to prove to me that she can be a great choice
DBM: When you find yourself trying to prove your worth, you have forgotten your value.
Egypt: That’s true. Do you think I’m being over the top?
DBM: Not really. But I am old school. My belief is that – when I make a commitment, I should be able to stick to it.
Egypt: Even when it no longer serves you?
DBM: It will not serve me if I no longer have trust in and for you. It will not serve me if there no longer is friendship between us. It will not serve me if there is no mutual respect
Egypt: What advice would you have given me six years ago, if I had come to you before getting married?
DBM: I listen to my instincts a lot, and I am always keeping my eyes open – when it comes to those around me and the people I care about. If something doesn’t feel right, then something certainly isn’t right. And I usually would want to make it right before making the decision to or not to get married.
Egypt: Easily said than done
DBM: On the contrary. Being genuinely committed to someone helps you to survive the inevitable bumps in the road that you’d encounter. Unfortunately, you’re not that much into your wife and that is why you do not see the need to want to commit to her and the marriage.
Egypt: Some things can be one sided and still be managed well, or?
DBM: Of course. I love ice cream. I hardly would share my cone with anyone. I don’t share my personal diary with people to read. These things can be one-sided. I am yet to find reason as to why one would fool themselves into believing – a healthy marriage can be one-sided and okay.
Egypt: Do you think there could be, at least, hope to salvage mine?
DBM: If I want something that bad enough, I take the necessary steps to make it work best for my good. It takes intentional work and planning. Simply desiring to have a good marriage doesn’t make it happen. What serious thoughts have you put into being a great husband, father and an overall, decent man?
Egypt: The desire to be is there
DBM: And, what are you prepared to do to make it happen?
Egypt: Hmmm!
DBM: What are you willing to sacrifice to make a healthy home? Because wanting marriage and getting it are not related – if you genuinely do not want your wife badly enough to create this kind of life with.
Egypt: I need time to think about everything
DBM: Marriage can be a good thing if you want it badly enough to sacrifice your best of self to achieve the out-of-the-ordinary experience
Egypt: I agree
DBM: Participant 169, Atɛ, left a question for you: What does friendship mean to you?
Egypt: Openness to the other’s perspectives and being there for them the best way possible
DBM: It’s your turn to leave a question behind for the next participant
Egypt: I have no question
DBM: Okay! Thank you!
Image Credit: Tima Miroshnichenko
