Date Me! (Q&A) 2

JC Queen,

I was shocked and devastated. I felt betrayed, alone and dismayed. I felt blind-sided, and was intensely hurt. I remember my ex’s sister telling me that being stood up didn’t mean my relationship or marriage was over yet. She kept reassuring me that her brother’s actions didn’t mean he didn’t love me. And I wanted to believe her so badly. I started to think I was going crazy but my husband kept telling me I wasn’t, and that, I was just very, very hurt.

We had been monogamous, or so I thought, for four years. That night was long, honestly. I was thinking about a whole lot. I had to imagine my walk to the clinic to test for STD. If a woman was pregnant for him, then they were having unprotected sex. I had to play that terrible movie of us waiting in the carpark for hours at the Chapel on repeat. I tortured myself with all the unsavory visuals and exaggerated sounds of them having sex.

When my husband asked me to marry him in the afternoon, I felt like his proposal could close a door behind me. I felt an overwhelming sense of relief because I knew he wasn’t joking. Relief that I didn’t have to tolerate betrayal and deceit. My husband and I already clicked as work colleagues, so the proposal instantly drew my attention to the possibility of him being the man I actually wanted to marry, and possibly, have children with. Though I did not accept his proposal there and then, my heart did accept him without hesitation.

My dear sister, JC Queen, this life is too short not to grip onto a new, available kind of love and explore its promises. Moving on has never been a problem for me. I have never been the type of girl to also convince people about my decisions. I will not let an ex, my family, friends or even the world bring me down. My husband’s first marriage was an absolutely beautiful experience for him. He used to tell us about it at work. So, I knew marrying and sharing experience with a man like him could be extremely rewarding and beneficial to my life. He is one person I can spend time with and be happy. He is a man I can depend on and trust wholeheartedly.

Every single day with my husband these 16 years has been a CHOICE TO STAY MARRIED.