Whims And Caprices Not My Boss?

Njeri: David, I’d like to hear your thoughts on a viral video of a dad telling his daughter to succumb to her husband’s whims and caprices because he is her boss. My husband seems to be extremely excited about it, and he’s doing the most to draw my attention to it.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Is your husband a billionaire?

Njeri: Lol! Nope

DBM: Is your husband a millionaire?

Njeri: Nope

DBM: Does your husband have $500,000 in his account?

Njeri: Nope

DBM: So, he’s drawing your attention to exactly what?

Njeri: Do I even know?

DBM: A lot of men on these streets are not suitable for marriage. Especially those who delight in boasting and making large claims but knowingly lack the level of substance to back the statements they so much uphold and, or are excited about. Ladies, do NOT marry a man because you think he looks good, or has a good job or a little bit of money. Learn how to screen for maturity in men.

Njeri: You are clearly describing my husband. Sometimes, I really feel he’s unintelligent and would jump on anything that sounds logical to his egotistical attitude.

DBM: Why did you marry him?

Njeri: I thought I was in love. Also, he’s kinda cute to look at in the face and have in your arm for a social function. He has a little money coming in, so that was also a plus. I don’t have any other reason.

DBM: Love is not just a feeling. Love is a decision; it’s action. Love requires intention, effort and investment. Do not expect to reap the rewards of a relationship/marriage without putting anything in yourself.

Njeri: That’s a fact

DBM: If you’re a single man or woman, you can only do a little. Having a solid partner in marriage can be that boost two individuals need to accomplish so much. I do not believe a husband is a partner’s ‘boss’ in a marriage. Also, I do not subscribe to the ideology of anyone succumbing to anyone’s whims and caprices in a marriage.

Njeri: Why do you say that?

DBM: To succumb to a man who is not disciplined or have enough self-control means to accept any form of irrational or unpredictable desires he comes up with one day. A man vows today to forego all others in pursuit of you in your marriage, but then wakes up the next day to proclaim he now subscribes to polygamy. To succumb to such a man means to accept his sudden desires without question. A man can wake up today and tell you he’s no longer that much into you, and you have to submit to his proclamations without reason. A man talks to you anyhow, treats you anyhow and you have to yield to it because it’s part of his whims and caprices you’re to submit to – which ultimately, works against your well-being. What happens to what you deserve and expect as his partner/wife? Are your opinions not worth hearing?

Njeri: Good point

DBM: What do you want from your husband?

Njeri: I want partnership where I can learn how to fall in love with him and be able to share the deep love, I know I can give; I want us to effectively communicate and also have great sexual and emotional intimacy, which I know he so much desires.

DBM: Exactly! You have your own wants and needs. If a husband is going to be a boss at home, he has to inspire you – as his teammate to perform better, be retained better, make you happy – to the extent that you choose to do everything better. A good boss changes you for the better. He is supposed to see more in you than you can ever see in yourself. And, he should be willing to come to your level to want to help you learn to see it too. A decent partner or boss will not throw you under the bus without a second thought. They pull you from the path of the coming bus before you’re even in danger.

Njeri: I agree to that

DBM: A good boss will not lie to you to cover up his deeds. They certainly will not make false promises to you on your wedding day, only to go back on their vows later on. A decent boss knows that you have emotions and will not be afraid to express his own to you. A good boss will never act as if he’s above you.

Njeri: Dave, I think that’s all I needed to hear. Thank you

Image Credit: Ron Lach