Those Confused Eyes
PY: Dee
David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Herrh! What are you doing here?
PY: I want to talk
DBM: Don’t you have my number?
PY: I want to talk here
DBM: For my ears only or you want it published?
PY: Your ears and publication.
DBM: What’s up?
PY: I think I’m ready to get married. I haven’t proposed marriage to Helena yet, but my mind is filled with all sorts of fanfare lately. I’ve always wondered about what it might be like to make her my wife.
DBM: Good to know! You’ve dated for how long?
PY: Four and a half years
DBM: How old are you?
PY: You know my age. Lol
DBM: Yeah, but for the purposes of this publication…
PY: 42
DBM: How old is your lady?
PY: 40
DBM: Why now?
PY: Beyond the love, of course, I need a trusted companion. And Helena is someone I can trust to stand by me through thick and thin. I also feel it’s time to start building a family of our own.
DBM: I am happy for you.
PY: Thanks. Hopefully, it will tame my, how do you call it, lol, my cheating habits.
DBM: Are you ready to be a husband?
PY: I believe I am, yes. I am ready to share my life with her. She’s my special something-something.
DBM: Okay!
PY: But I want her to get pregnant for me first.
DBM: As in, before you marry her?
PY: Yeah
DBM: Why is that?
PY: She’s 40
DBM: And so?
PY: Her biological clock
DBM: What has it done?
PY: It’s ticking
DBM: Why do you want to marry her?
PY: I told you why already.
DBM: You do not believe she can have a healthy pregnancy at her age?
PY: I don’t. My mother doesn’t believe it either.
DBM: Whose idea was it for her to get pregnant before marriage?
PY: My mother.
DBM: I’m going to publish this conversation, no?
PY: Yes
DBM: Helena is going to read this
PY: She already knows.
DBM: Ha! And, what did she say?
PY: She’s not ready to have a child out of wedlock.
DBM: Ha!
PY: But she’s failing to understand my point.
DBM: What was your point again?
PY: I just want to be sure she can get pregnant with my baby. That’s all. We will be married before the child is even born. Do you understand me?
DBM: I do! But why can’t you do this same experiment with her fertility after marriage?
PY: I don’t want to marry and divorce later. It’s a risk I’m not willing to take
DBM: Is having a child the main reason why you want to settle down with her?
PY: It’s part of my reasons. Dee, I love her; she knows this. I know it. I’m just concerned about the complications that are likely to develop at her age.
DBM: But there is also a good chance her pregnancy will be healthy
PY: That’s if she can get pregnant.
DBM: Why do you say that?
PY: David, let’s be real. We’ve been shacking up for four years and no sign of pregnancy. Is that not cause to be alarmed?
DBM: How important is having a baby to you?
PY: It’s everything to me, Dee
DBM: And, are you willing to give up Helena over this issue?
PY: I haven’t thought about it.
DBM: Think of it now. Are you willing to give up Helena over the subject of pregnancy?
PY: No
DBM: Why not?
PY: Because we have a good relationship, and I am committed to her.
DBM: Why are you entertaining the thought of putting an expiration date on the womb of a creation of GOD?
PY: My mum thinks she may never get pregnant for me.
DBM: Is Helena the right woman for you?
PY: She is
DBM: If you genuinely want to settle down with her, then decide to want to enjoy your marriage, regardless. Do not encourage your mother’s doubt to manipulate your decision making, especially now that you’re seriously considering doing right by her.
PY: What if there are no kids and I am tempted someday to look elsewhere?
DBM: When a decent man chooses to want to enjoy his marriage to his wife, he decides that no other relationship or extracurricular activity is an option. Question is, are you decent enough to want to get married and stay married?
PY: I try my best to be a decent guy.
DBM: I don’t know exactly what about Helena makes you happy, but if she excites you as much as any good partner does their significant other, let that determine the actions you take henceforth.
PY: I want to be happy, Dave. I think that’s my ultimate goal
DBM: If being happy in marriage is your priority, then let that impact your decision to want to propose to her. If having a child by whatever means is your priority, then note that your needs and selfishness are what your priorities are, and not marriage to her.
PY: What do you suggest?
DBM: Think of Helena, and place her above your expectations. Look into ways and means you can bless and encourage her. And psych yourself up to walk together no matter what life throws at you both.
PY: What if I don’t feel complete without kids?
DBM: PY, there is LIFE to be lived, even without children. Yes, maybe not the life you thought you wanted, per your definition of ‘family’ but it’s not so bad. And it’s full of possibilities and hope, joy, laughter, dreams and contentment.
PY: Let’s change the subject. Are you happily married?
DBM: I am focused on my marriage. I am taking care of my partner in our marriage. I am being intentional on pouring enough time and energy into my marriage. A happily married life won’t just happen, you know?
PY: I know
DBM: Good! So, do any and every good thing to protect your marriage – if you choose to go ahead with it, and put as much effort into it.
PY: How about cheating?
DBM: What about it?
PY: I feel like I may cheat on her
DBM: If Helena’s breasts fill you at all times with delight, you will be intoxicated by her love. Helena, if you’re reading this conversation, please find out what PY likes and does not like in the bedroom when you get married. I know that in your minds, your sex lives are beyond great, but ask yourselves what turns you on; you both may surprise each other because it wouldn’t be what you think you already know. It’s not every married man who enjoys their marriage. So, to make yours exactly what you want, you must make intentional choices. That is what will make you not cheat on her. It’s all about choosing to walk a different path and doing right by each other.
PY: Is your WhatsApp still active? I sent a message four month ago.
DBM: No!
PY: I’ll give you a call later this week. Thanks
Image Credit: Collis
