Dead Wrong

Boahemaa: My husband had a cardiac arrest while forcing himself on me at dawn. He died immediately after he had ejaculated. I found out he was having an affair and had impregnated one of the ladies he was involved with. He flatly denied having anything to do with other women though I had all the proof to prove my point to him. Dave, because I felt he had proven to be untrustworthy, and a liar, I decided not to have unprotected sex with him ever again. I insisted he used condoms if he wanted to be intimate with me. He got angry and refused to touch me for months. I wasn’t bothered because my health is very important to me. As my mother always told us, if you continue sleeping with the dogs, you will get fleas.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Momma is so right! And the fact that he argues with you about the things he does is the other reason why you need to prioritize your health.

Boahemaa: I cursed him under my breath when he forcefully penetrated me the dawn he died. I wished death on him when he refused to stop after I had begged him to pull out. He had no condoms on and that was very upsetting for me. I didn’t mean what I said but I was hurt and felt violated. I feel so guilty.

DBM: Did you kill him?

Boahemaa: No

DBM: Stop blaming yourself then. People die during or after sex. He isn’t the first.

Boahemaa: I don’t know why I am feeling so sad.

DBM: You’re sad because you were married to him. How long have you been together?

Boahemaa: 9 years.

DBM: You’re entitled to your thoughts, feeling, boundaries and values. And, there’s nothing wrong with you wanting them to be understood and, or respected. He forced himself on you; that’s marital rape. Refusing to wear a rubber was also disrespectful. He was the one in the wrong, not you.

Boahemaa: I’ve not been able to tell his family the full story. I feel like they’re going to judge me.

DBM: What do they think is the cause of his death?

Boahemaa: The doctor told them the layers in the walls of the large artery from his heart bulged and burst.

DBM: I’m sorry about your loss. You have kids?

Boahemaa: Yes.

DBM: How old was he?

Boahemaa: 49

Image Credit: Tima Miroshnichenko