Friend Is Benefit (Update)

Jaisha: Dave, can I give an update please? I am not close friends with my best friend’s wife but she knows about me. I was invited to their wedding. The many times I’ve met with him for lunch or dinner, his wife knew. The same way I inform my husband when it’s those two days in a month lunch or dinner meetings. We stay out for only three hours before returning to our homes. These are rules we laid down when he got married. Dave, this is a man who loves being married to his wife. Anytime he feels like talking about her, you can see from his expression how he seeks to only serve and meet the needs of his wife in love, and not out of obligation like my husband does with me.

He goes home on time after our three hours lunch out. When I tell my husband I am going to be home at a specific time after meeting with my friend, I am home at that exact time. When we are out and his wife calls, he answers the phone. He has passed on his phone to me to say hello to her many times. She’s always asking if he’s treating me right and being a gentleman. Sometimes, we talk on phone for more than 30 minutes, discussing her husband. She’s invited me to her home many times but my husband declines to join, so I end up cancelling and giving excuses all the time. His wife is open to knowing me and my family. My husband is not interested in knowing them.

I’ve been reading the comments under our chat and I understand that people will doubt my friendship with this guy but his wife is highest priority in his life. He and his wife go on dates every week, he’s always pursuing her even after being married to her for this long. Things that are import to his wife are important to him. He’s asked me a couple of times for ideas on what a woman would like for her birthday or Valentine’s Day. He remembers their wedding anniversaries and is always planning surprises for her. My husband doesn’t remember my birthday until I am celebrating myself on social media. He doesn’t remember our wedding anniversary till I bring it up. But hey, who is comparing? I cannot even complain because that is what I got. And it is this same friend who has been encouraging me to be content with what I have for a husband.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Can I ask a personal question?

Jaisha: You can

DBM: What about him, makes you want to give six hours of your time every month to be in his presence?

Jaisha: I learn from him. I learn from his marriage. And I am learning how to properly love my husband through another man’s perspective.

DBM: In your opinion, what does he think a man is supposed to be doing to make his partner feel valued?

Jaisha: He’s told me he is the type always inquiring from his wife to know what he can do to be of assistance to her at home. He is responsive to her needs at all times. He helps her at home, and his wife has testified to that. The way he talks about her in public is honoring. When he’s home from work, his attention is on his wife and children alone. He wouldn’t be on his phone or be watching TV while she is cooking. He joins her in the kitchen to help or talk. His wife has confirmed this to me. And as the head of their family, he leads them through prayer. He is the spiritual leader of their home. He was telling me last month that, though he knows he’s been called as a husband to lead his family, he’s also been called to serve and sacrifice for them. He believes he’s been called to serve his wife.

DBM: Did your husband read our chat?

Jaisha: He did.

DBM: What did he say?

Jaisha: He said nothing. I told my friend to also read. He shared our conversation also with his wife. I think my husband is in shock about the Ghs 2,500 monthly gesture during his unemployment.

DBM: If your husband were to have a female bestie, he spent quality time with, would you be okay with that?

Jaisha: Provided that friendship doesn’t lack integrity, I would be okay with the idea of him having another world out there to inspire him. I will not be jealous of his friends if he’s transparent as I am with him.

DBM: Thank you for this update.

Image Credit: Joshuamckn