I DO… I DID… I’M DONE

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

You are doing a wonderful job on social media. Your platform is one of the neatest and diverse with different shades of people’s experiences. My wife introduced me to your page in 2019 and I have been reading every now and then. I want to share my journey with my wife for you to publish. I was going to print something at the internet café. The computer I was using had unclosed tabs. The guy who had used it before me forgot to sign off his Yahoo account. Dave, I was closing all tabs to start using it when I chanced on a website whoever was using had opened.

It was a video chat room. I signed up. I chose to chat with ladies from Ghana. The first connection I had my first chat was with my wife. I was striving to be memorable by leaving a lasting impression on her during our chat. She told me her phone had been stolen so she gave the phone number of her sister. She was living with her sister. I gave my number to her. Everything was going fine until ECG took their light. I didn’t go home that day. I waited for four hours till the lights were on. I sat next to the same computer to start over again. I went to the website and she had left me three messages. I replied and she came online. We continued for another hour and half before asking me to call her sister to buy her kenkey when coming home. Lol.

Fast forward, we became friends and dated and married. We have two children.

I cheated on my wife and I don’t know how she found out. I came from work one evening and she was not home. She left two pictures on our bed; the picture of me kissing and fondling the woman I was cheating on her with at the beach. That picture must have been taken months back because the time I saw it on our bed, it had passed seven months. My wife didn’t return to the house that evening. Our children weren’t in the house. Her phone was off. I called my mother-in-law and she told me her daughter had dropped off my children at her house. I went for them. The following day she didn’t come home. Mother-in-law said she didn’t know where her daughter had gone. I didn’t believe her but that was her story. My mother called me to tell me about the two pictures someone had brought to her. Same pictures as the ones I found in bed.

Dave, for two years, I did not hear from my wife. Nobody knew where she was. Some people knew but I think she told them not to inform me. For two years, my wife did not post on social media. The day she made her first post on Facebook after two years of silence, she was sharing her graduation pictures from Princeton University; her second Master’s degree. My wife left our children with me for two years to go to American without informing me. When she came back home, I didn’t argue with her. I was expecting an explanation and apology; she hasn’t apologized. Her explanation is always, I went to clear my head so I got another degree. She will pull her certificate and school ID to make her point.

Dave, in all truism, do you think my wife went to America to only study? Which woman leaves her children for two years? Even though our parents were helping with the children in her absence, don’t you think she owes me an explanation? It’s been six years since she did this and she’s not said anything different. And it’s been bothering me; because I know the woman I married, she is vengeful. She cheated on me too. I just want to know so I can call it a draw.

Image Credit: Stanley Morales

HE IS THE PRESENT PAST

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

I feel very ashamed to be sharing this with you but Dave, do not judge me. I am only human. On my wedding day, I was in a heated conversation with my ex-boyfriend about my decision to marry my husband. My ex is divorced but he was married when we were dating. I was seeing him because he had told me he was getting a divorce. Two years in a relationship with him and his divorce wasn’t happening, so I moved on. I love my husband but I was thinking about my ex when I was saying “I do”. Ten months after I was married, my ex got his divorce. It all happened too fast Dave.

I have been having sex and secret meetings with my ex since I found out about his divorce. He has rented a house where he now lives and that’s where we meet. He wants me to divorce my husband for him. I believe him. I know he is in love with me. Dave, I take my ring off anything I leave the house to go to work. It’s like, I want to be single when I am not home. When I compare the sex between me and my husband and me and my ex, I love the sex my ex gives me. I like the way my ex treats me; I like the way my ex talks to me. He hasn’t changed. He is still the same person I have always known and admired.

I don’t want to throw away a good marriage and family. My husband is a good guy; he takes very good care of our children. But I am scared about pushing my own happiness aside all because I have a husband and children. David, I never stopped loving my ex-boyfriend. I moved on because I didn’t want to remain the side chick of a married man. He was in the process of divorcing; I just couldn’t wait for so long that time. I regret rushing to date my husband, because if I had exercised patience, I would be with the man I truly love. I have more sex with my ex than I have with my husband. Sometimes, I get so tired from my meetings with my ex, I have to fake headaches and sleepiness to avoid my husband’s advances.

I don’t know what to do. I am scared of breaking my home and making things complicated for my children. I am scared of what people will say if I leave my husband for my ex. I am scared of losing my ex because I am still married to my husband. My ex understands the situation I find myself in and he is willing to give me time to make a decision. I don’t know what to do; I want to be happy, Dave. How do I find happiness in this situation?

Image Credit: Arina Krasnikova

A LOT UNSAID

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

Please keep me anonymous. Me and my wife are dealing with a complicated issue that is getting us worried. Our close friend died last year. She was in the process of divorcing her husband when we gave her and her kids our spare rooms. She was also battling cancer. Her husband isn’t our buddy-buddy as his wife was but he is a friend to me and my woman. Our friend died due to the cancer but before she died, she wrote a legal document in the presence of her attorney requesting that me and my wife bury her. She didn’t want anything to do with her ex-husband; she didn’t want to have anything to do with her own family.

Dave, a lot was going on in her life which she left unsaid. That was part of the reason why it was hard for me to tell if she was actually in an unhappy marriage or she was just going through a rough patch. We knew something wasn’t right when she moved to our house with her children. Our late friend, who used to talk to my wife says our friend’s family were on the side of her husband and believed in his lies more than her complaints. Also, because he was good at giving her mother, father and siblings gifts and money, they assumed he was a good man for their daughter. But she was suffering in the marriage. The contents in the legal document she prepared before she died stated that we should send her children to her ex-husband the first week after her death. It also said we were to buy a coffin and bury her without holding a funeral. She’s an insurer and had left money to cover her coffin and burial processes.

She wrote in the document that she did not want her mother, father, sisters, brothers, ex-husband or children around her corpse. She wanted only me and my wife to bury her privately without fanfare. Her last instruction was that she didn’t want us to show any member of her family where we buried her. Her lawyer ensured we had honored her last wishes. Th problem is that, when we took the children to her ex-husband’s office and informed him about his ex-wife’s demise, he called his in laws to tell them. The family is now on our neck to produce the buried body. It’s been three months and we are not having it easy. They brought the police to our house, etc. But because there is a legally binding document in our favor, there hasn’t been any arrests. But her family is always at our main gate in black and red attires,  demanding for their corpse. I was telling my wife we show them where we buried their relative but she and the lawyer are insisting we do not go against her dead friend’s wishes.

Dave, the woman is dead. What else can a dead body do? Wouldn’t it be easier showing them where we buried her?

Image Credit: Cottonbro

LINDA

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 15 Comments

I have been writing and deleting this story for 28 days now, Dave. I don’t know how to write it well. I want to celebrate my wife Linda, because these memories I share with her are precious for my life but I don’t know how to whirl my words to capture the moment. The first day I met my wife, it was drizzling on the motorway. She was walking very fast to find a place to hide. She was holding a bag; I stopped on the side to give her a lift.

She was going to Tema. It was one of those days that I felt like helping a stranger. When she sat in my car, I realized she was crying. She looked tired and wanted to take a rest. I wanted to know what was wrong with her, but she didn’t want to talk to me. When we reached the tollbooth, she asked me to buy her water and bread. She ate and drank side by side. She thanked me and answered my question; she was crying because no one would buy what she left the house to go and sell. What was she selling? Her wedding gown. She wanted just GHs 700 for  the dress because she was broke. When we got to Tema, she showed me the dress. What was the original price when she bought it fresh? GHs 3500. She didn’t want to sell it because she believed it held the pinnacles of her beauty; her romance, her story. But she needed money. She had sold almost all her valuables. I gave her GHs 1000 and asked her to keep the dress. We exchanged numbers and became friends. I got to know she was divorced and had a son.

I was not having second thoughts about my friendship with her. She was the one; I wasn’t hyped about her 24/7 but Dave, I wasn’t bored liking her almost every day. My day dreams were about her. How she related to me kept my interest in her. Our communication was on the daily basis and we got to know one another better. She no longer felt like my friend, she was my lover in my mind. She wasn’t manipulative; she doesn’t say disparaging things to me. She celebrates all of my accomplishments. I could not push her boundaries to get what I wanted. I respect my wife so much. Two months after becoming friends, I invited her to stay in my house for the weekend. She hasn’t left eight years later.

Since I met my wife, we’ve made each other better versions of ourselves. When we held hands on our wedding day, I told myself to remember that, Linda is my best friend. I didn’t care how long we had known each other. She is the mother of our children; the woman to care for me till death do us part. The woman I will love till we are old and grey and dead. David, words cannot describe how I felt when her son walked her down the aisle to marry me. Because she told me all about her first marriage, I have made sure in our eight years of marriage, not to clam up about any issue, nor withdraw from one another when we argue. We do not dwell too much on what hurts us between us. We do not hold onto a grudge; we have made sure not to walk on eggshells around one another, nor allow bitterness to build when we have disagreements. There hasn’t been an accumulation of hurts from our indifferences.

I don’t spend too much time on phone or social media. I make time for my wife and children. I don’t lie about my finances. I don’t have affairs; I help with house chores around the house. My children are my priority when I am home. I am keeping my promises to my wife and don’t have any intentions to sabotage my marriage.

My sweet Linda, you have allowed me to be imperfect. You have lived with all of my faults. I thank you for being everything and more than I deserve. My wife wore the same gown she was selling. We are writing our own story.

Image Credit: Yndira Dejesús

CASH IN CASH OUT

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

Hi Dave,

My story is not a love story. What I am about to tell you happened this Sunday. I was making a call at the parking area at church. Actually, I wasn’t making a call. I saw a 2021 Mercedes-Benz S580 and I was attracted to it. I wanted to know who was driving it, and since church service was almost over, I went to stand close to it to pretend I was making a phone call to wait for the owner. Lo and behold, one of our associate pastors was walking towards where I was standing with a guy. I was still acting to be on a call with my mother when the guy opened the car to pull an envelope.

He told the associate pastor to give the envelope to our Founder Bishop. He said he couldn’t wait to greet him after church, because he had to be at the airport to check in. I couldn’t even get the chance to flirt with the guy; he was in a hurry to leave. All this while I was still on my pretend call. Pastor prayed for the guy and exchanged phone numbers. I followed the pastor after the guy had left. I saw him stash the envelope inside his suit. He went to sit behind our founder and was acting all normal. Dave, I watched the guy for the remaining 45 minutes of service; he didn’t give the envelope to our Bishop. After church I stayed to see if he was going to hand the envelope to our founder, he didn’t. You won’t believe me, but he left the church with the envelope in his suit.

Dave, I’ve always wanted to be close to our founder but never had the chance. He has so many people around him all the time. I know how our founder loves money; his eye is like a hawk when it comes to cash. Do I tell him what I witnessed to gain his friendship or I should mind my business?

Image Credit: Anna Nekrashevich

ACCIDENTALLY UNINJURED

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

My husband drives over the speed limit every time. We were attending his uncle’s funeral in Tarkwa. He was driving at speeds too fast for the road and traffic conditions. I was scared for my life, and so I told him to drop me at a junction. It became a quarrel but I insisted to travel on my own in a public transport. He dropped me by the roadside and sped off. An hour and 45 minutes later, our bus passed his car. He had been involved in an accident. I didn’t bother to get off the bus because he was uninjured, and talking to someone on his phone. His car was damaged though.

Dave, I was glad he was fine. When I got to Tarkwa, his family asked if I knew he had been involved in an accident. I lied; his mother asked again if I was sure I didn’t know he had been involved in an accident, because her son called to tell her that he had seen me in the bus when we passed. I told her I didn’t know about any accident. I called my husband’s phone four times but he didn’t answer. His mother and sisters started to give me attitude at the funeral. I left Tarkwa and his family’s bullshit after the funeral. I switched my phone off till I returned to my children in Accra. His best friend called me and I didn’t know he was with him, and that, the phone call had been put on speaker.

He asked about the accident and I told him what happened before we decided to travel our separate ways. I told him I was glad I wasn’t in the car with him because I could have been injured or dead by now. He jumped in the conversation to ask if I was happy, he had an accident. My husband came home two days later and he completely changed towards me. Dave, why should he have a problem with me thanking God for not riding in the car with him? I have already thanked God for preserving his life; but I am most grateful for my own.

It’s been two months now and he hasn’t slept in our bed. He has been sleeping out a lot and he does not eat when I cook. He has invited his mother to stay with us and cook for him. I don’t have a problem with that; but his mother disrespecting and calling me a witch yesterday? Dave, I will slap the hell out of her eh! Were they expecting me to have been in that accident with my husband? He wants me to disrespect his mother, so he can hold something against me. I am keeping my cool but that in-law is trying my last patience. This morning I was cooking for my children; she had the gut to take their food off the fire and started to prepare a meal for her son.

Who does that?

Image Credit: Artyom Kulakov

THE PICTURE

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

Hello David,

My wife is dead. We buried her four months ago. I never believed I could say this but I am very disappointed in the bitter memory she’s left on my mind. I fell in love with a woman I now consider my soul mate. My wife was alive when this happened and she found out. We came to an agreement that we both went our separate ways to chase our happiness. Unfortunately, we could not begin with the divorce process when she died. But between me and her, we were over.

I wasn’t in Accra when she died. Our children were with her at the hospital. And I got to know later that she had shared a picture of my woman with our children. Mind you, my kids are 11, 13, and 15. Two girls and a boy. They don’t like my woman. They all give her attitude when I bring her home. I don’t know what my wife told them about her but knowing my wife, she polluted my children. I found the picture of my lady in the drawer of my second daughter. It is the same picture my wife confronted me as proof when she found out about my relationship. I know I will not allow the children I am taking care of to dictate who I fall in love with. They don’t have a say in this. What I am looking for from your platform is suggestions to convince my children their future step mum isn’t as bad as their mother said.

I don’t understand why they don’t want to give her the opportunity to prove herself to them. She’s a wonderful woman, Dave. I have never loved any woman as much as I love her. She makes me a better version of myself, and she will be the perfect mother to fill their mother’s shoes. What should I do? Because ending things with her is out of the question. I will marry her by the end of the year.

Image Credit: Cottonbro

MISSING LINK

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

I think my husband is funny. I read a message he sent to his other woman about why he needed to take a breather from our marriage. He told the girl something was missing in our marriage and he thinks he has found it in her. Dave, my husband has never discussed this missing link with me. In fact, I thought we were in a loving relationship. I haven’t confronted him as I wouldn’t know what to say. I realized he’s been deleting his messages with her lately and it was irking me on some level.

From their past conversations I knew the other lady had my husband’s attention and I was jealous and restless about it. I didn’t want to jump into conclusions because I have male friends who are close and it hasn’t necessarily equaled disloyalty. That is why I didn’t want to lead with the presumption that my husband was romantically involved with her. I read a story on your Facebook timeline from the woman who hired a taxi driver to spy on her husband. I did the same thing and the result is as I suspected all along. My husband expects me not to cross the lines of fidelity, but there he is emotionally and physically involved with another woman. I talked to a friend who set her husband up with another woman to teach him a bitter lesson.

She talked to the woman and a beautiful young girl was loaned to me to arrange on my husband. He took the bait and everything has been going according to plan. I am being smart with my moves too because he has failed to deliver the love and passion he promised me when we married. I plan to leave the marriage someday but till that day, I need ideas for the kind of lesson to deliver to my husband; something to wake him up for the rest of his life when it comes to taking a woman’s devotion for granted.

Image Credit: Ann H

HIDDEN AND DENIED

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

I am a 39-year-old-man with a biological clock ticking away and giving me baby fever. I have desired to be a family man for years. I was married for eight years without a child. I made a few mistakes and my wife and I went our separate ways. Before the divorce, she was also seeing someone. Five months into the divorce process, she started to show. I thought she was putting on weight but it wasn’t weight. She doesn’t wear loose-fitting clothes…. all her dresses used to hug her body. She wasn’t wearing those to court anymore. She even wore jackets to three of our hearings. Dave, my wife doesn’t do thick material. She was trying to conceal a growing bump. She finally couldn’t hide it anymore. It’s been one year since our divorce was granted. I haven’t seen the baby, but mutual friends who have seen her all tell me she has my eyes and forehead. She hasn’t shared any pictures of the child on any of her social media platforms.

Do I have the right to request for a DNA test to know if she is my baby? The other guy has named her, so she carries his surname but I want to be sure it’s really his. My ex and I don’t talk so it’s very difficult for me to navigate through this issue.

Image Credit: Jeffrey Riley

YESTERDAY TODAY

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

Dear David,

Can I use a personal experience to speak to ladies who read from your Facebook page? The man I used to love yesterday belongs to someone else today. Before today, we wanted to explore life; me and my ex-husband. We started life together living in a one-bedroom apartment, somewhere in Dzorwulu. We started adjusting to the wind and grind of real life after our wedding and honeymoon quickly. We were naked to win. It was a girl. We lay bare two years later, it was a boy. Dave, I follow through a promise; everything I said before ‘I do’, I meant it. So, you can imagine when I grew a sense of shock after the first revelation. It was stunning; it was sad. I was heartbroken. I could not believe my own was her own.

I ran through all my previous moments with my ex-husband that had made me feel loved. I was prepared not to judge him as a man; I was prepared not to judge him as the husband who couldn’t follow through the vows he made to me on the altar. I stayed calm to forgive. In fact, I believe in talking. He said romance between us was dwindling. What could I do to inspire a better sex life? ABCDEFG, he wanted; I did! It spiced things up a bit.

Unfortunately, he couldn’t be the husband he vowed to be weeks later. He couldn’t be the man I needed him to be, and so I had to respect who he was, and choose the man he was or find the man I wanted for me. Dave, there was a great guy underneath all the affairs and lies. My ex-husband has a lot of qualities I want, but he was not the man I needed to be married. I had to be single again.

Six years later, my heart started to pound with strange excitement. Mr. Arthur wanted to ‘Mrs. Arthur’ me. I had two weeks to think about his proposal. All at once, in-between the proposal week, I saw my main gate open. It was my ex-husband.

“I want to make it up to you.”

He wanted a third chance. Dave, have you ever thrown away garbage and gone back to the truck to pick back the trash? 2022 is my 7-year Mrs. Arthur ride. I said “Yes” to Mr. Arthur, because his actions tell me beyond a shadow of a doubt that he is the husband I need. The going has been tough; we fight, but with Mr. Arthur, it is worth every sleepless night and bad days.

Image Credit: Markus Spiske

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