David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)
Participant 110a: Hugh
Partisipant110b: Papina is my name. Or Ivy. Both mean the same thing
DBM: Hello Hugh and Papina. How would you describe yourselves?
Hugh: Work in progress, trying to improve my own life.
Papina: As for me, I take big risks. That is how come I am able to realize my big wins. I am in my early 30’s, and always looking to be better – meaning, I learn from my mistakes. I’ve been through hell and back, so I nowadays prefer to rather take a step back and soak in as much information from people and circumstances as possible. I am currently living in my moment and I am working towards a dream that looks bigger than myself. I have a degree in Marketing. I am also a young mother
DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?
Hugh: 9
Papina: 7
DBM: What do you want to talk about?
Hugh: I eavesdropped on a phone call between my wife and one of her girlfriends. She was telling her how she also agreed to marry me for purely financial motivations. And was encouraging her friend to do same with her new guy. How can a Christian woman marry me for some reason other than love?
Papina: In my defense, the love came later
Hugh: Liar
Papina: I am telling the truth; I did not fall in love with you until our third year in marriage.
Hugh: Did you marry me purposely to have financial support, a good roof over your head and also, to live a comfortable life?
Papina: Yes
DBM: Did you fall in love with your husband because of his generosity?
Papina: Yes Dave, I did
Hugh: Why then were you excited and at a point, even in tears on our wedding day – during the exchange of vows?
Papina: You couldn’t keep your hands off me. You had held my hand so tight and looked like you meant every promise from the vows you were making to me. I knew that you loved me, and that made me feel lucky
DBM: How long have you been married?
Papina: 6 years
DBM: What do you think are your husband’s best qualities?
Papina: He makes me laugh like no other, he’s very supportive and kind; emotionally very intelligent, he is smart and committed to the success of our marriage; he is forgiving and understanding, and I love our lazy morning sex when he slips into my morning shower to give me a quickie.
Hugh: Dave, ask my wife if she’s a gold digger
Papina: When we first met, I did not mind you trading your money and status in exchange for sex and my good looks. You wanted both in your life, and it came at a cost
Hugh: You told me you loved me too before we got married. All of it was a lie
Papina: First and foremost, we all lie. You used to lie to me too for reasons best known to you
Hugh: Why weren’t you upfront with the truth? You wanted someone to take care of you; I could have done that without the commitment of a marriage
Papina: Telling you the truth as at that time wouldn’t have gotten me what I have now
DBM: What do you have now?
Papina: I have a good man in my life who does special things for me to tell me how he feels. He shows me every day, how much he cares about how I feel – and that, whatever makes me happy is important to him.
Hugh: According to your explanation, it was best to lie to get me interested in our relationship?
Papina: If you had told me up front that you wanted sex from me when we first met, I would have ignored you because you weren’t my type.
Hugh: Then I’m still not your type
Papina: You’re my type. The fact that you have more money than less elevates your potential automatically to every woman. Money is a plus for a man.
DBM: What’s your favorite memory with your wife?
Hugh: Me?
DBM: Yes
Hugh: I don’t remember
DBM: Come on!
Hugh: I don’t have any
Papina: Can I answer for myself?
DBM: Sure
Papina: The first time we had to reminisce about when we first met, by going through our old pictures together. That was the day I realized I was falling in love with him. I connected with my husband in a way I could not imagine
Hugh: My best memory of my wife is, she’s a master of manipulation and sweet talk.
DBM: Be nice, please
Hugh: I don’t think I can trust her anymore
Papina: Why don’t you trust me anymore? You haven’t lied to me before? You’ve had side chicks since we married. Have I ever complained? Before you asked me to be your girlfriend, you had another woman in your life, yet you told me you were single. Or you thought I couldn’t handle the truth?
Hugh: Keep justifying your actions
DBM: Hugh
Hugh: Yeah!
DBM: Do you love your wife?
Hugh: Yeah
DBM: What are the four places you’ve considered having sex with your wife, other than in your bed?
Papina: 🥰
DBM: Sup? Lol!
Papina: 😎 He will answer this one. I know my husband
Hugh: I want to eat her out on the kitchen counter when the kids are in school, press her naked body against the window in the hall, fuck her hard on the hood of my car in the garage and on the staircase
DBM: Why do you love your wife?
Hugh: She’s important to me
Papina: Awww!
Hugh: She’s been encouraging and excited about my progress and choices in life
Papina: That’s because my feelings and what is important to me are your priorities. We have come so far that I cannot imagine a time when I will not love you. I’ve found the man I want to love forever in you
Hugh: What if I lose all my money? Would you still love me?
Papina: At the moment, I know your assets are producing a higher net return, which makes it impossible for you to lose all of your money. You’ve made excellent financial planning decisions which spreads well beyond your investments. We are good.
DBM: Smh! Women and money!
Papina: Money seduces us differently. The content of a man’s bank account determines the depth of a woman’s love for him. The only time a woman would go for a broke guy is when her cashflow permits her to choose anything she wants for love.
DBM: I love how candid you both are with your communication
Hugh: I believe that if you love someone, you do not tune them out even when the conversation is not about something that you’d want to talk about.
Papina: We’ve both been genuinely interested in what we have to say about anything, anytime, any day. And, it’s working for us in that department.
DBM: What do you fear the most?
Hugh: Losing my wife
Papina: I’d say the same, losing my life; losing my husband and all that he’s worked for
DBM: Why do you tolerate your husband’s affairs?
Papina: Dave, I am tough o; I have not come this far in life by simply putting up with garbage thrown at me to decay my self-esteem, never. Also, prior to his affairs, I was already tolerating a whole lot from him. That is not to excuse bad behavior. We have set boundaries in our marriage and he knows very well that he is not allowed to put my life, health, sanity and our home in any form of danger. He does not look or touch his phone when we’re interacting at home. He understands the clarity of priorities when he is home. Most importantly, he ensures the home has everything to make its inhabitants feel comfortable
DBM: That is good enough?
Papina: For me, it is. That is me standing up for myself. That is me not beating myself up because of someone else’s bad behavior. I’ve told myself that nothing he does should have the capacity to drain me emotionally. I’d rather be gone and not let the door hit me on my way out.
Hugh: I have no issues in my marriage
DBM: I know quite a number of married men who have split themselves into two; their first part believing of themselves to be good and well-behaved husbands who’d do any and everything to stay attentive at home, but then, encouraging the second part of them to carry on with an affair. Do you fall in this category?
Hugh: I do
DBM: And, is it going to be like this forever?
Hugh: A time will come, I will not be acting on my fantasy outside of my marriage. A time will come, I will only be taking my feelings about the fantasies I want to explore with my wife seriously. A time will come, we will laugh about my foolish past together
Papina: Hopefully, sooner than later before you squander your time without holding on to something meaningful with me. Today you can be here, tomorrow you’d be gone.
DBM: It was a good conversation. Thank you!
Image Credit: Anna Shvets
