Friendship – Page 2

Let’s Talk To Ira

Written by David B on June 22, 2023. Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 131: Ira

DBM: Hello Ira. How would you describe yourself?

Ira: I have to have money

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Ira: 7

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Ira: My wife doesn’t want to be married again but I do. How do I get her to want to stay married?

DBM: How long have you been married?

Ira: 7 years

DBM: Seven good or bad years?

Ira: It’s not been an easy journey but it wasn’t all that bad

DBM: Why does she want out?

Ira: She says I do not meet all of her needs

DBM: Meaning?

Ira: She’s not happy

DBM: What were her expectations of you and the marriage?

Ira: I don’t know

DBM: You have to ask her

Ira: She doesn’t know how to explain her feelings at the moment

DBM: Did she have any ‘problems’ with you prior to getting married?

Ira: Everybody had a problem or two with their significant others before marriage

DBM: Those problems do not go away after the wedding, you know that, no?

Ira: I know

DBM: You need to find out why she’s not happy

Ira: That’s the problem, she’s not able to point out the specifics. All she says is, ‘this marriage is not serving my best interest. I am not happy. I will be better off single’

DBM: Do you believe she would be happy as a single woman?

Ira: We have children, Dave. I feel that our personal pursuit for happiness shouldn’t be the first priority. The kids are

DBM: I disagree

Ira: Why?

DBM: Did you marry her because of children?

Ira: Not really

DBM: Why did you get married?

Ira: Because she used to make me happy and vice versa

DBM: So, which of you stopped trying as hard to keep the other happy?

Ira: I’d say she did

DBM: Why is that?

Ira: She became all about the children. She put me second.

DBM: Who is your first now?

Ira: Certainly not my wife

DBM: There’s a new first?

Ira: I am willing to drop her for my wife and start all over again if she’s open to making our marriage a priority.

DBM: In other words, your marriage is currently on autopilot?

Ira: Something like that

DBM: I can understand why it’s failing for the both of you

Ira: Marriage is difficult, Dave.

DBM: Because marriage in itself automatically creates problems. It is rife with its own issues

Ira: And I miss being single sometimes

DBM: You miss being single because when you’re a bachelor, you only make decisions for yourself; you’re focused on you and what keeps you excited. If you have a wife, you put your marriage first. Seven years into the marriage and your love is already dwindling?

Ira: Not mine, hers

DBM: Do you know what your wife wants or needs in order to be happy?

Ira: I think so, but I do not want to start something I know I cannot sustain

DBM: Is whatever it is above and beyond your ability?

Ira: Not really

DBM: So, what’s the catch?

Ira: I have my needs and wants too

DBM: And, at what point can the two of you consider compromising?

Ira: I was the one always compromising till I got fed up

DBM: I bet your wife would say same?

Ira: Yes

DBM: So, what’s the way forward?

Ira: I want to stay married

DBM: To?

Ira: My wife of course, who else? Lol!

DBM: Why are you sleeping with the other lady?

Ira: I am not. She’s someone I used to date

DBM: And?

Ira: I sometimes miss what we used to have

DBM: Does she know you’re married?

Ira: Yes, she’s also married

DBM: Why is she the someone you enjoy talking to?

Ira: Dave, before I met and married my wife, I had a life and friends of my own.

DBM: Now you’re married, you have children, your priorities change. You focus changes. Even your energy changes

Ira: My friendship with this woman is what is keeping me levelheaded

DBM: Have you explained this to your wife?

Ira: She thinks there is something going on between us

DBM: What ingredients constitute this friendship?

Ira: It’s a beautiful bond we share. We’re good friends, committed to what we have; there is respect, trust and service; we love on the level of the love and attention we give each other.

DBM: Is there something else beyond friendship going on?

Ira: Yes, but we have no plans pursuing an affair

DBM: If you say ‘we’, you mean you’ve both identified the on-going chemistry and its probability of infringing upon your boundaries?

Ira: Yes. I don’t want to be pressured to cut her off

DBM: Is the friendship worth losing your marriage?

Ira: She’s no bad energy

DBM: Are you still in love with her?

Ira: I care about her

DBM: What does that mean?

Ira: It is what it is

DBM: Is your ex inserting herself between you and your wife?

Ira: No

DBM: Are you inserting yourself between your ex and her husband?

Ira: I don’t think so

DBM: So, say a definite ‘No!’

Ira: It is what it is

DBM: Are you pursuing your wife as much as you’re invested in whatever it is you share with this your lady friend?

Ira: I try

DBM: Is your wife your friend?

Ira: I think so

DBM: Do you value her?

Ira: I do

DBM: Do you cherish her?

Ira: I do

DBM: Do you serve her well?

Ira: I do the best I can

DBM: Do you know the best and worst of your wife, and still love her anyways?

Ira: I love her

DBM: Participant 130, Dofi, left a question for you: ‘Is it ever OKAY to lie?’

Ira: Sometimes. If you’re married to someone like my wife, lying the right way to her is what actually builds her trust in me. It’s all about when and how you tell the lie. When the intention behind what I’m saying to her is good, nothing else should matter.

DBM: It’s your turn to leave a question behind for the next participant

Ira: Do you think it’s better to stay friends with exes, or to cut ties with them? Are you over your ex?

DBM: Thank you!

Image Credit: David Gomes

Let’s Talk To Noah

Written by David B on May 3, 2023. Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 95: Noah

DBM: Hi Noah. How would you describe yourself?

Noah: I respect everyone around me, and I think people enjoy my company; I don’t put people down or deliberately hurt their feelings

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Noah: 6

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Noah: One of my close female friends is dating a guy I believe is not good enough for her. I don’t think she deserves how he sometimes treats her. Unfortunately, I don’t think she sees the bad in him because she’s completely fallen for him, and he knows, and is taking advantage of the opportunity to play her.

DBM: How long have you known your friend?

Noah: 17 years

DBM: And, for how long has she been dating this guy?

Noah: A year

DBM: How do you know he treats her bad?

Noah: She tells me things

DBM: That he treats her bad?

Noah: Not in those exact words. A friend of mine is close to her boyfriend and he tells me he’s seeing another girl on the side

DBM: You have any receipts?

Noah: Receipts?

DBM: Proof of him seeing another woman?

Noah: No!

DBM: Are you dating?

Noah: I am single

DBM: How old are you?

Noah: 34

DBM: Are you in love with your friend?

Noah: Lol!

DBM: Why are you laughing?

Noah: I am not in love with her

DBM: You think she deserves better, no?

Noah: I do!

DBM: Do you consider yourself a better alternative

Noah: It wouldn’t hurt. She’s my friend and I know her well

DBM: Has she ever come to you to vent about what he’s done to hurt her feelings?

Noah: Many times

DBM: I would suggest you wait for one of such moments to chip in your thoughts about him. Sometimes, unsolicited opinions on relationships are hardly ever welcomed when a friend is in love

Noah: Her mother wants me to date her

DBM: She’s not her mother. She wants to date her boyfriend, let her be

Noah: What if I can make her happy?

DBM: Do you know what she desires in a man?

Noah: Every woman wants a good man; I am a good catch

DBM: Sometimes, good is just not good enough for some people

Noah: But she’s not happy in the relationship. I know this, Dave

DBM: Because she told you she’s not happy?

Noah: Because I know my friend

DBM: You clearly don’t like this guy, do you?

Noah: I don’t; he is bad news and a cheat

DBM: Yet, he’s the one dating her

Noah: He made her abort a pregnancy because he wasn’t ready to be a father. My friend came to my house to cry

DBM: Was your friend ready to become a mother?

Noah: Yes. Now, I don’t know how to comfort her loss

DBM: Comfort her by remaining her best friend. And try as much to be there for her – with a judgement-free attitude and presence till you’ve gotten a sense of where her head is at.

Noah: She wants a man who will love her and marry her. I am that man

DBM: How do you know you’re the one?

Noah: We have an unspoken connection which is intense. Even her mother senses it between us

DBM: Who put this whole idea of you and her in your head?

Noah: How do you mean?

DBM: It was her mother, no?

Noah: No Dave. This is all me. This is a woman who lights up when she’s around me. I am my best version of self when I see her. Will it be selfish on my part to ask her to end things with him so she can choose me? I will be asking this from a place of love and respect for her

DBM: You’re certain it’s not a crush?

Noah: It’s love

DBM: It’s not jealousy because she’s spending more time with her man than with you?

Noah: It’s love

DBM: Are you attracted to her?

Noah: Yes

DBM: Romantically attracted to her?

Noah: Yes

DBM: You’re sure it’s not because you enjoy the time you spend together and the attention – she often gives to you? People sometimes confuse the two for love

Noah: It’s love

DBM: In the past year, have you made genuine attempts to simply be supportive of her relationship with this ‘bad news’ of a boyfriend?

Noah: I have. Do I make my feelings known to her?

DBM: I am sure you have made great decisions before, no?

Noah: Yes!

DBM: Then I trust you will make the best one yet, for you

Noah: What if she doesn’t want to be with me?

DBM: She’s not happy in her relationship, remember? You told me that

Noah: Yeah, but this is a big ‘what if’. What if she doesn’t know she’s not happy in her relationship, though she loves me too?

DBM: You simply respect her decision and do your best to reassemble your life without her

Noah: Life without her will hurt my feelings

DBM: Her love ought to be offered to you for your taking. Till then, learn how to be kind to your heart

Noah: What if I tell you we had sex?

DBM: Noah

Noah: Yeah

DBM: My banku is on fire. I need to go cook

Noah: Oh!

DBM: Have you told this woman that you are in love with her?

Noah: No! But I know she can read the signs written all over me

DBM: She is with her boyfriend because she chooses to be with him. For clarity’s sake, speak with her and ask directly, how she feels about you

Noah: Okay

DBM: When did you two have sex?

Noah: Two or three weeks after the abortion

DBM: Was this a first or you had done it before?

Noah: It was our first time being intimate. We’ve not spoken about it since

DBM: Has it jeopardized the friendship, or there could be that risk of decreasing its quality, someway, somehow?

Noah: I don’t know. We have not spoken since the act

DBM: How long was this?

Noah: February

DBM: 2023?

Noah: Yes

DBM: Wait, was the sex that bad?

Noah: I thought it was great. She left my place smiling

DBM: Smiling at, or with who?

Noah: She just had a smile on her face

DBM: The awkward or ‘Thank you for such an amazing sex’ smile?

Noah: How would I know?

DBM: What if this awkward silence is her inability to tell you – she did not enjoy the sex? You know it can be mortifying to look in the eyes of the one you care about after some bad sex?

Noah: I don’t think it was that bad

DBM: This is what I know, one of you will wind up feeling hurt.

Image Credit: Joice Rivas

Let’s Talk To Israel

Written by David B on April 17, 2023. Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 83: Israel is fine by me

DBM: Hi Israel. How would you describe yourself?

Israel: My friends say they can count on me at every turn. They also say I am good looking, funny and have a knack for making others feel good. I am a dreamer, goofy and a goal-chaser.

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Israel: 8

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Israel: I share a beautiful escapade with a friend that is arousing so many funny feelings in me. We weren’t supposed to fall in love but I find myself sharing even the slightest moments of my day-to-day with her. I am interested in her interests. It’s crazy to admit but I feel like a teenager again.

DBM: I am happy for you

Israel: Thanks, but not everyone in my camp is digging the idea. She is a single mother of two. I don’t have a child.

DBM: How old are you?

Israel: 35

DBM: How old is she?

Israel: 33

DBM: How long have you two been together?

Israel: Two years

DBM: How do you define the nature of your relationship?

Israel: Our agreement was to have really good sex. I care about her but we were not reliant on our affection. I did not feel answerable to her beyond friendship. It wasn’t frequent sex but it happened when it happened.

DBM: You get laid how many times in a week?

Israel: With her or in general?

DBM: With her

Israel: At least, twice a week

DBM: And in general?

Israel: Four or five times.

DBM: And, it was strictly sex?

Israel: That was the arrangement, and we made sure it wasn’t confused for something deeper. But it’s difficult now for me to get my head around it. I am literally fighting with my feelings and it’s stressing me out.

DBM: Warmth is a huge part of how men sometimes express love

Israel: She’s always on my mind

DBM: Because you want to keep the love alive

Israel: Do you think it’s love?

DBM: If I am consciously or unconsciously, staying in touch with an important part of me that craves physical contact, and I am that much into giving and receiving affection from this person who excites my point of view, then it’s definitely something worth looking into.

Israel: She’s introduced me to her children.

DBM: As her what?

Israel: Friend. Her children are very stubborn, but I like them

DBM: How old are they?

Israel: 11 and 9

DBM: Do you think her children are ready to see their mother with another man who isn’t their father?

Israel: They hug me when they see me. They talk to me on phone when I call their mother. I get along very well with them.

DBM: That’s good then

Israel: I have introduced her to my friends. They like her, as long as she doesn’t become my wife. But their opinions doesn’t count on this subject.

DBM: Smh!

Israel: I don’t know what she’s thinking. She has a busy life. Her job is demanding; mine too but she seems to believe the strictly sex hook-up and our friendship is what works best for her.

DBM: Meaning, you cannot tell whether or not she feels the same way towards you?

Israel: Yeah! She’s afraid of hurting the feelings of her children, so she stays single. They want their mother and father to be together.

DBM: Is she still interested in the guy?

Israel: No, but he wants to come back to her.

DBM: Have you dropped the L-bomb on her?

Israel: Not yet. I don’t know how to drop hints without being too forward.

DBM: What I know is, if I am developing genuine feelings for someone that I believe I care about, I would put it out there – for them to know exactly what is going on with me. Afterall, I have nothing to lose.

Israel: I care about this woman. I care about her children too.

DBM: Send her an admiration text.

Israel: Saying what precisely?

DBM: What’s her name?

Israel: Hannah

DBM: ‘Hannah, I think you are doing an incredible job with your kids. You just came to mind.’

Israel: I like it. Can I send it now?

DBM: If you want to. You stated earlier that your camp isn’t in agreement of her?

Israel: My friends think single-mothers come with a lot baggage. My mother will not be welcoming to the idea of a woman with two children. In fact, she’s been trying to convince me to date her friend’s daughter.

DBM: You may love Hannah to want to commit to her, but are you ready for a relationship like that?

Israel: Is anyone ever ready to jump into a serious relationship?

DBM: Well, one can always challenge themselves to become a man or woman worth loving, no?

Israel: I am worth loving

DBM: Question is, why Hannah?

Israel: Hannah, because I honestly cannot see myself finding anyone like her. I’ve lived a pretty adventurous life and I don’t want to lose the greatest thing that has ever happened to me by far.

DBM: Most of these single-mothers have a sense of fear when it comes to putting themselves out there, and basically, exposing their feelings with the hope of something positive in return.

Israel: I realized that about Hannah

DBM: I have a few friends like your woman, who open up to me about their lives, and so, I have a fair idea as to how they think and feel. These ladies often have been hurt or disappointed by their past relationships, thus, making them have a hard time trusting another man. Nonetheless, they say what’s on their minds as blunt as possible. They hardly would have the time to play any games with your mind. And I know they expect same from you.

Israel: It’s been good talking with you, Dave.

DBM: You’re welcome!

Image Credit: Rhema

Let’s Talk To Naomi – Part 1

Written by David B on March 29, 2023. Posted in Blog. 1 Comment

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 71: Sister Naomi

DBM: Hi Sister Naomi. How would you describe yourself?

Naomi: I enjoy myself a lot, I value who I am to the highest degree; I cannot be rushed. I have heard people say, I am graceful in my appearance and also in the way I behave towards them. I am a born-again Christian, 31 years of age, single and ready to mingle

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Naomi: 9

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Naomi: First of all Dave, let me thank you for this opportunity. I have been following the ‘Let’s Talk To…’ conversations and I am learning a lot from everyone’s experience. It’s been an eye-opener for me. And I love the contents on your blog; it’s different and engaging.

DBM: Appreciated.

Naomi: As I said earlier, I am single and ready to enter into the dating scene for the first time in my life. I love the way you engage the ladies on your platform, and was thinking, maybe you could give me some pointers from your experience with people to guide me.

DBM: I am not a counselor. I hope you know that?

Naomi: I know that

DBM: Good! Is there someone you’re interested in at the moment?

Naomi: I have had a few guys flat-out expressing their interests in me in the past. I wasn’t ready for a relationship then so I let them go. The person I like now, and may want to be in a relationship with, unfortunately isn’t a guy my family or friends would approve of.

DBM: Why is that?

Naomi: He doesn’t have a degree. He is one of the security men at my place of work.

DBM: Why do you like him?

Naomi: I think he’s a nice guy

DBM: Nice as in?

Naomi: The way he talks to me, the way he smiles with me. He takes very good care of my car, and finds ways to compliment me every day. He doesn’t mind going on an errand for me. He walks me to my car when he’s on duty – after close of work. I’ve caught him a few times stealing glances at me. He keeps me relaxed and accepted.

DBM: How old is he?

Naomi: He is 37 I think

DBM: That’s my age mate. Do you think he likes you as much?

Naomi: If I’m to guess, I’d say yes, he likes me too

DBM: Have you asked him directly if he likes you?

Naomi: No!

DBM: Why not?

Naomi: I can’t

DBM: Why?

Naomi: I don’t want to come off as desperate

DBM: But you would be asking him out of desire, not desperation

Naomi: It’s not that simple.

DBM: What do you do for a living?

Naomi: I am a specialist in Programs with an international Agency for Development.

DBM: How long have you been friends with this gentleman?

Naomi: I have known him since 2017

DBM: And, he is single?

Naomi: He is

DBM: He told you that himself?

Naomi: Yes.

DBM: Okay!

Naomi: Dave

DBM: Yes?

Naomi: Are you in a relationship?

DBM: Yes please

Naomi: Can you use your personal experience to advise me on what to do next?

DBM: What is next on your itinerary?

Naomi: I love him, and I am in love with him. But I fear that love will not be enough for this situation to work out

DBM: What kind of love do you think you deserve?

Naomi: He makes me feel good. Is that a good answer?

DBM: I think it’s a good answer. It tells me you’re not into him because of who or what he is as a person. The person I am in a relationship with contributes to my happiness. That is a ‘feel-good’ moment, in my opinion.

Naomi: But I don’t know if he loves me too. That’s my biggest problem

DBM: I see. I usually do not base my focus on whether or not someone loves me too. I rather look at the behavior of the person I’m interested in; whether or not their actions towards me are driven or directed by love.

Naomi: That makes perfect sense

DBM: So, going back to your earlier response of him being a ‘nice’ guy, do you think he loves you?

Naomi: He loves me.

DBM: Exactly!

Naomi: How about finances?

DBM: What about it?

Naomi: Should it be a criterion to consider, looking at his current employment and the amount he earns?

DBM: Do you mind me asking your net pay?

Naomi: GHs 12,700

DBM: Would you consider the financial season of your life to be okay, with or without a man’s support?

Naomi: I am financially independent and okay

DBM: Do you know much he earns?

Naomi: I do. It’s not much

DBM: His current job aside, do you see in him potential?

Naomi: He is hardworking and smart.

DBM: Smart how?

Naomi: He has interest in going back to school. He likes to farm too. He’s been giving me some of the vegetables he grows at home. He sells his fresh farm produce to my colleagues. We love buying tomatoes, peppers, garden eggs, okro, cassava, plantains and fruits from his farm.

DBM: So, he’s got the earning potential

Naomi: Oh, yes.

DBM: Meaning, who he is today, can change for the better tomorrow?

Naomi: Very likely. Just that he’s got a lot of responsibilities. He’s taking care of his mother, his brothers and sister, and a cousin.

DBM: He’s a responsible man; that’s a good thing, no?

Naomi: It is. I believe in him

DBM: You buy from his farm, I like that.

Naomi: Why?

DBM: If I were him, I know I would be feeling content, supported and loved by you – just because you buy from my farm. This life is too short for me to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t believe in my dream. It’s a big deal for me

Naomi: I believe in him

DBM: I believe you do.

Naomi: He is family oriented, and wants to have a family of his own. I want that for myself. He is a Christian, he has integrity… Dave, he stands for almost everything I believe in.

DBM: Those are some very important core values you both seem to live by.

Naomi: I feel like I will be safe with him by my side.

DBM: Are you going to be comfortable with others knowing you two are an item?

Naomi: Very. He’s a decent man. I am not shy about his person. I am actually proud of him.

DBM: Then choose him, if that decision is going to contribute to your own happiness. Everyday in my life is a choice; I choose the love of my life on a daily basis, and I do it intentionally. Don’t let your security guy choose you before you accept that he wants you. Choose him first for yourself, because he is good for you – and to you. Tell him you think of him. Tell him you love him. Tell him the thoughts of him alone excites you. Tell him exactly what he means to you.

Naomi: I will tell him tonight.

DBM: Keep me posted.

Naomi: I will. Dave, I am very happy

DBM: Good for you!

Image Credit: Samuel Estevan

Let’s Talk To Diahann

Written by David B on March 13, 2023. Posted in Blog. 2 Comments

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 61: My name is Diahann

DBM: Hello Diahann. How would you describe yourself?

Diahann: I would describe myself as compassionate, and I know I will not hurt anyone intentionally. I am relatable, well-rounded, and know how to have a lot of fun – probably because I’ve been around the block quite a number of times. My boyfriend says, I bring so much fulfillment and satisfaction in our relationship.

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Diahann: Oh, a cool 9

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Diahann: I am secretly dating one of my girlfriends’ ex-husband. It’s a secret relationship because I don’t know how she’s going to take the news if I am to break it to her. I am worried about her reaction if she’s to find out on her own. I am trying to prevent her getting hurt or feeling betrayed.

DBM: How long have you been dating him?

Diahann: Almost three years.

DBM: How long was he married to your friend?

Diahann: Seven years and some coins.

DBM: When was their divorce finalized?

Diahann: November of 2018

DBM: Was he your friend when he was with your friend?

Diahann: Yes, but not as close as I was with his ex-wife

DBM: Your friend, you mean?

Diahann: Yes!

DBM: What did you know about their marriage?

Diahann: I knew she wasn’t happy with him. There were times she could call me and cry and complain about his affairs with other women.

DBM: And, what were you telling her?

Diahann: First and foremost, it was difficult for me to just sit my behind somewhere, discussing her marriage in the absence of her ex. They are both my friends, and I wasn’t sure I was the best person for her to come to. The second thing is, my friend was suffering in silence in her marriage; it wasn’t working as she had hoped it would. I suggested she dealt with the situation or simply move on. Life is short, Dave. No one deserves to be frustrated by a spouse – all in the name of marriage.

DBM: Has your boyfriend told you his side of the reason for the divorce?

Diahann: All he said was, she wouldn’t stop getting on his last nerve

DBM: Did you by any chance get in the way of their marriage?

Diahann: Get in the way how?

DBM: Interfere with your opinions as her sounding-board of a sort

Diahann: No. It wasn’t my place to

DBM: Did you or your boyfriend ever seek any form of emotional connection with one another, while he was married to your friend?

Diahann: Never. In fact, I hated him for always causing my friend pain and unhappiness

DBM: If you suspect that one of your close friends is hanging around your ex-boyfriend, would you want her to let her intentions known to you?

Diahann: I don’t think so. That would be entirely her business. He is my ex for a reason

DBM: How did your relationship with him begin?

Diahann: I was supposed to be on a date with a guy who stood me up. My boyfriend just happened to be eating at the same restaurant. He saw me, and joined me at my table to build conversation since I was alone. When he realized my date wasn’t showing, he kept me company. He ordered food for me and the conversations continued. We hadn’t talked nor seen each other since their divorce

DBM: Did you tell your friend about your date, and how her ex-husband just happened to be there to keep you company?

Diahann: She knew I was stood up; we had been texting the whole of that afternoon to prepare me for my date. I didn’t mention the ex-husband part though

DBM: Why not?

Diahann: I didn’t think it was important

DBM: At what point did you realize you liked him?

Diahann: Right at the table on my date fiasco. He says, he realized how awesome I was, right at the beginning of our ‘first’ unplanned date lunch. He kissed me unexpectedly after eating, and I kissed back. He fell in love with me, and I would add, has been loyal to me. He respects me and our relationship, and understands my worth

DBM: I see. He fell in love with you, right there and then?

Diahann: Yes, that’s what he told me.

DBM: It does happen, I don’t doubt you.

Diahann: He did not contact me for about a week after the ‘date’. I didn’t sulk or feel hurt. He called on the eighth day to ask for a proper date night. That evening, I knew I was falling madly in love with him because the kiss had been on my mind for days.

DBM: We’re talking about the same guy you hated because he was making the life of your friend, a living hell?

Diahann: Same one. I’ve come to understand that, he’s not the type of man to hurt a woman for the fun of it. I had been pretending with my feelings for months till he told me how much he loves me

DBM: How much is his love for you?

Diahann: Worth more than 100 Cedis

DBM: Are you in love with him?

Diahann: I am all over him in love. I had to change my perceptions about him to accommodate his love for me.

DBM: Why do you think you fell for him that quickly?

Diahann: Because I know him. Also, he has something to add to every conversation we have. To be honest, until my friend started criticizing him about their marriage, I aways assumed he was a cool catch. I haven’t been so easy to get, nor so eager to please. He’s just been the perfect gentleman with my experience with him. Also, I made it hard for him to read me like a book on our ‘first’ date. I had blocked myself emotionally to him to get through to. He’s the real deal

DBM: For how long is he going to remain your best kept secret?

Diahann: That’s what I am trying to figure out.

DBM: In your opinion, was your friend right about her ex-husband?

Diahann: Since becoming a couple, he’s accounted for all his flaws, and is working through them to become a better man for me. Right now, our relationship is our most important friendship. And so far, it’s been working out just fine.

DBM: I am happy for you.

Image Credit: Gustavo Fring

POINT OF CONTACT

Written by David B on September 21, 2022. Posted in Blog. 16 Comments

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name you fancy)

Participant 16: Timo.

DBM: Tell me anything about yourself

TIMO: I am 49 years old, a husband and a father. My approach to life and my marriage is that, whatever I do affects people’s feelings, and so I try to act accordingly. I do not skulk around to always do the right thing; what I am saying is, every decision I make now is strictly based on the fact that, the people around me also have feelings, and just as I think my needs matter, people and their needs are equally important.

DBM: How long have you been married?

TIMO: 16 years.

DBM: What was your perfect ‘type’ of a man or woman? Did your husband or wife fit into your exact specifications?

TIMO: I wasn’t looking for much: I wanted a woman who loved and respected herself and others, had a good grasp of common sense, and could deserve my trust. I wanted a woman who could trust me to discuss anything with me. My mother is my role model in a sense, because she has her own life, interests and friends. I am attracted to such independent ladies who can do well all by themselves. My wife fit into all that.

DBM: So, how did you two meet?

TIMO: My wife was a single parent when we met. I had been invited to her son’s school to give a talk. Her son asked very intelligent questions and follow-up questions, I took a special interest in him. The reason why I wanted to mentor him was because I could see myself in him. After the seminar, this nine-year old kid tugged at my sleeve impatiently, smiling, “Excuse me Uncle Timothy, can I say something?” he said, “I think you will like my mother, she’s just like you.”. Oh, during my presentation at the seminar, I think I said something about me being single, etc. He gave me his mother’s phone number and asked me for mine. I gave him my card. I called his mother the moment I sat in my car to discuss her intelligent son.

DBM: Do you consider your significant other as your best friend?

TIMO: My wife is my best friend, and this friendship has been built in a matter of time and practice. We practice how to like each other intentionally, everyday; making each other laugh, being goofy sometimes, enjoying each other’s company and making what we have a priority.

DBM: When did you make him or her laugh the most? What happened?

TIMO: Yesterday evening. I was farting under the sheet so bad; she went to boil eggs to eat. I had to move out of the bedroom to breathe again in the hall.

DBM: At what point were you certain he or she was the one for you?

TIMO: I went to pick my son (her child) from school one time because she had meetings running late, and he mentioned to me in the car their prayer topic the night before. It was about me! Mother and son both realized how much they liked me and had to pray about it. Caleb told me about how his mother was emotional and crying while praying about me and what I meant to them. When he asked me if I could be his father, I stopped the car. His request touched me to the core because his biological father lives. It was at that point that I knew I needed to guide him to become the best any young boy could become: empathetic, compassionate and being contented with his vulnerability. He was the point of contact to my true feelings for his mother.

DBM: Do you still find your husband or wife physically attractive?

TIMO: My wife is the best and most attractive version of herself. She put effort into her wardrobe and wears clothing that makes her feel good and sexy. Inside and out, she’s the most beautiful woman I have ever seen.

DBM: In a deeper conversation with your spouse, do you listen just to completely understand or you listen simply to formulate your response?

TIMO: I listen with the intention of understanding her. I always put in the time to find out why what she’s talking about is important to her. She does same with me; she makes me feel like she gets me as a person, on a much deeper level.

DBM: How is your significant other faring in the position as a husband or wife?

TIMO: She’s doing excellently well as my wife and mother to the children. I am happy so far.

DBM: Which of your wedding vows means the world to you?

TIMO: I take you to be my wife, to have and to hold from this day forward; for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; until death do us part.

DBM: What is the most fun you both have had in the relationship?

TIMO: Being lovers and parents is the most fun had. As lovers, we explore by going outside our comfort zone; we push the boundaries, take risks, and plan fun sexual activities together. We date each other again every month without the children. We do movies, dinner, walk on the beach holding hands, things like that. The most fun for me is when my wife makes all my decisions for me on the day of my birth. My wife was born on a Thursday; so, every Thursday, for the past 16 years, I have been the one choosing her wardrobe for work, the food to eat, which side of the bed to sleep, the type of sex I want, what she has to do to please me, etc. And, we have fun with it. She’s always excited when it’s a Sunday, because she takes her turn on me.

DBM: Is the love for your husband or wife growing any stronger by the day?

TIMO: I have never loved anyone as much as I love my wife. She’s my dream come true.

DBM: Do you trust your husband or wife?

TIMO: I trust my wife with all of my heart.

DBM: How much time do you spend on your husband or wife?

TIMO: My first priority is my wife. I make time for her all the time.

DBM: Emotionally, do you feel connected than before?

TIMO: Yes! I am emotionally catered for, and she makes me feel good.

DBM: Do you feel secure in the marriage?

TIMO: Very secure in my marriage.

DBM: Where do you see you and your spouse in the next 10 years?

TIMO: Still doing each other and not getting tired of it.

DBM: What is your ideal sex life?

TIMO: Touching, kissing, and more of oral sex. We prolong our foreplay because it improves our sexual experience. With my wife, I do not need an erection to please her; clitoral stimulation gives her the best orgasm, so I focus on that more. I have my turn when she’s happily breathing and smiling beside me. We talk during the day about our sexual fantasies and it makes sex more exciting when we’re together having it.

DBM: Rate your current sex life (out of 10)

TIMO: 7/10.

DBM: What is your understanding of love?

TIMO: I feel most loved when my wife hugs me randomly, kisses me out of the blue, smiles at me for no reason; explicitly offers gratitude for the little things I do for the house and for her. Whenever she praises me, I feel I am loved; and when she dresses or acts seductively to sexually connect with me.

DBM: Are you feeling loved in your marriage?

TIMO: I am loved well, yes!

DBM: Are you a good spouse?

TIMO: I am a good husband.

DBM: Have you cheated on your husband or wife with another man or woman?

TIMO: No! But I have been tempted to a few times. I couldn’t pursue it because it’s not worth hurting my wife over.

DBM: Say something to your spouse from your heart:

TIMO: My dear wife, thank you for making me feel brand new. Thank you for liking me; thank you for respecting me; thank you for finding me attractive. You have accepted and prized me for all that I am. I will continue to treat you the way YOU want to be treated.

Image Credit: Anete Lusina

PERFECT MATCH

Written by David B on July 29, 2022. Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name you fancy)

Participant 14: I want to be known as Kwam.

DBM: Tell me anything about yourself

KWAM: I believe I am well-mannered; I learn from everything; I am generous with my time, I am positive minded, I like helping others, I respect the opinions of others; I have a strong work ethic, I am friendly and can humor myself; I am confident and well-spoken and just an everyday guy.

DBM: How long have you been married?

KWAM: We will be doing 16 years in October.

DBM: What was your perfect ‘type’ of a man or woman? Did your husband or wife fit into your exact specifications?

KWAM: I wasn’t looking for much, just a woman who practices good hygiene, knows how to dress and talk, and carry herself well.

DBM: So, how did you two meet?

KWAM: I was on my third date with her close friend. Her friend wanted that date to be at my house. She wanted to eat a home cooked meal. Doorbell rings and it was my wife. She had a letter in her hand for me from my date. She suggested her friend (my wife) would be the perfect match for me. It was awkward at first but it worked out.

DBM: Do you consider your significant other as your best friend?

KWAM: No! My wife’s friend (the former second date) is my best friend. My wife is my closest friend. A healthy friendship developed between me and my wife and it has made a whole lot of difference in our lives.

DBM: When did you make him or her laugh the most? What happened?

KWAM: I asked her to marry me and she did not believe my proposal for two years. I was thinking she didn’t like me as much, but it turned out she wasn’t sure whether or not I was serious about marrying her.

DBM: At what point were you certain he or she was the one for you?

KWAM: Before she left my house after our first dinner meeting, I realized she’s frank and did not hide her feelings. She was also a good listener and she listened to me with interest; that was when I knew.

DBM: Do you still find your husband or wife physically attractive?

KWAM: My wife is very attractive to me physically. I affirm her beauty whenever I see her. I am the best place my wife should feel needed, wanted, accepted loved and appreciated. When I look into my wife’s eyes, I am not in a hurry to look away.

DBM: In a deeper conversation with your spouse, do you listen just to completely understand or you listen simply to formulate your response?

KWAM: I am always striving to understand my wife when we are in a deeper conversation. I pay attention to her during a conversation.

DBM: How is your significant other faring in the position as a husband or wife?

KWAM: She’s a good wife. She knows we both come from two different upbringings and backgrounds, and that, I am my own individual, with flaws and any other mess. She respects our individual differences, so do I.

DBM: Which of your wedding vows means the world to you?

KWAM: Till death…

DBM: What is the most fun you both have had in the relationship?

KWAM: Most fun would be road trips with her.

DBM: Is the love for your husband or wife growing any stronger by the day?

KWAM: I love my wife deeply every day. My love for her doesn’t swing.

DBM: Do you trust your husband or wife?

KWAM: I trust my wife. She has integrity.

DBM: How much time do you spend on your husband or wife?

KWAM: I am close to my wife even when I am busy. I call, text, email and video call all the time. When we are physically together, I am with her in the kitchen chitchatting, we spend time together as a family and alone, etc.

DBM: Emotionally, do you feel connected than before?

KWAM: My wife is my safest emotional connection.

DBM: Do you feel secure in the marriage?

KWAM: I will do this marriage with her over again, any day. Our love is deep, strong and genuine.

DBM: Where do you see you and your spouse in the next 10 years?

KWAM: Still married and spending more time together.

DBM: What is your ideal sex life?

KWAM: 14 times in a week. I like it in the mornings and evenings.

DBM: Rate your current sex life (out of 10)

KWAM: 5 out of 10. My desire for sex stays high but her appetite isn’t as high. I am patient with her though, as I try to meet her needs before my own.

DBM: What is your understanding of love?

KWAM: I know I love my wife when I watch how I speak to her. I do not belittle, hurt, disrespect, humiliate or harm her in any way, be it in private or public.

DBM: Are you feeling loved in your marriage?

KWAM: She’s loving me well. My wife is very concerned about me too.

DBM: Are you a good spouse?

KWAM: I am a good husband to her.

DBM: Have you cheated on your husband or wife with another man or woman?

KWAM: Not yet.

DBM: Say something to your spouse from your heart:

KWAM: Kwamyere, you have given me space to pursue what interests me. You have been a woman of your word and have followed through with your commitment at whatever cost. The wonderful woman you have grown to become has been a matter of time, age and experience; being my wife was a choice you made. I will continue to help you at home with the responsibilities; your problems will be my problems so we can continue to spread the weight of it evenly; I am sure of my love for you because my heart beats for you alone. You have made me the happiest man I could have ever imagined for myself. It’s a privilege to love you, it’s a privilege to laugh and cry with you. It’s a privilege to care for you; it’s a privilege to raise our children with you. It’s a privilege to share my life with you, run to you, talk to you, feel for you and be with you. It’s a privilege to give you me, every day, for the rest of our lives together.

Image Credit: Any Lane

ADAMS’ APPLE

Written by David B on July 17, 2022. Posted in Blog. 3 Comments

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name you fancy)

Participant 7: Adams is my name.

DBM: Tell me anything about yourself

ADAMS: I am 68 years old, and a father to four grown children. I am a grandfather, a husband and a friend. I am retired and enjoying the remaining years of my life with my wife.

DBM: How long have you been married?

ADAMS: 35 years.

DBM: What was your perfect ‘type’ of a man or woman? Did your husband or wife fit into your exact specifications?

ADAMS: My wife fits into my exact specifications. She actually is in a league of her own. I settled for a woman I would never otherwise would have gone for. Don’t get me wrong, my wife is very beautiful to me; she is beautiful to me because I give her the chance to become beautiful in my eyes. And in all the 35 years of loving her, I have given myself the opportunity to be equally good in her eyes, and most importantly, cherished for who I really am, by the one woman whose opinion I value the most.

DBM: So, how did you two meet?

ADAMS: She found me at a point in my life when I was thinking I wasn’t good enough for any woman; every lady I liked didn’t like me back. I felt useless. She was at the same bus stop where an ex-girlfriend of mine had broken up with me in public. I doubted my capabilities as a man, but this stranger, now wife, encouraged me with her presence and friendship to build me back up to move forward. It was humiliating to say the least, but she stood by me at the bus stop, and has been standing by me through all of my ups and downs.

DBM: Do you consider your significant other as your best friend?

ADAMS: Our friendship will never end, and that makes me the happiest man in the world. Yes!

DBM: When did you make him or her laugh the most? What happened?

ADAMS: That would be over 28 years ago. We both had a busy schedule and had to rely on one of her best friends to pick our children from school. We gave her our house keys to cater for the kids in our absence. I was the first to arrive home after 10 pm. We were expecting my wife to arrive at dawn. The kids were asleep when I got home. While taking my bath, I heard the bathroom door open. My wife’s friend was naked. Because I had soap lather in my eyes, I couldn’t see her approach me. It was after she held my penis and kissed me that I realized that wasn’t my wife. I sacked her from my house and told my wife the moment she got home. I don’t know whether she believed me or not but she laughed so hard, she encountered a stomach pain in the process. She did not confront her friend about my accusation. They’re still close friends. She’s still our family friend.

DBM: At what point were you certain he or she was the one for you?

ADAMS: The day I realized my wife wasn’t afraid of being alone, with or without me in her life. Yes, she’s in want of the man that I am, but she doesn’t really need me in any way to feel fulfilled.

DBM: Do you still find your husband or wife physically attractive?

ADAMS: My wife is as attractive and perfect as I make her to be. She’s ambitious and very reliable. Dave, authenticity is sexier to me in any body type or shape, any day.

DBM: In a deeper conversation with your spouse, do you listen just to completely understand or you listen simply to formulate your response?

ADAMS: I have never taken the importance of communication with my wife lightly. She discusses almost everything that is important to her with me, and I make sure to listen to whatever she has to say, and truly make the effort to comprehend exactly where she may be coming from. In a deeper conversation with my wife, I know when to talk or offer an opinion, and when not to.

DBM: How is your significant other faring in the position as a husband or wife?

ADAMS: She’s my ideal wife, and I will choose her over and over again, any day. In fact, I still chase after her till date. She respects herself, and respects me too.

DBM: Which of your wedding vows means the world to you?

ADAMS: In the name of The Almighty God, I take you, Sophia, to be my wife; to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish – until we are parted by death.

DBM: What is the most fun you both have had in the relationship?

ADAMS: Raising our children together and enriching them to a higher level of thinking, feeling, loving and behaving, has been the most fun we have both had in our marriage.

DBM: Is the love for your husband or wife growing any stronger by the day?

ADAMS: It’s growing stronger every day. I understand my wife in a deeper level.

DBM: Do you trust your husband or wife?

ADAMS: Completely! She owns my heart, and I feel comfortable being vulnerable with her.

DBM: How much time do you spend on your husband or wife?

ADAMS: David, I love my wife so much to the extent that, I love being around her. For me, as long as I get to spend time with her, I don’t really care whatever we’d be doing together – if I’d be doing it with her, that would be more than enough for me. She’s the best company I have ever kept and had all my life.

DBM: Emotionally, do you feel connected than before?

ADAMS: Yes, I feel connected emotionally to my Sophie. She’s exactly where I need her to be emotionally with me. We support each other the best way possible.

DBM: Do you feel secure in the marriage?

ADAMS: Very! We are constantly paying attention to our inner and outer growths at every phase of our lives.

DBM: Where do you see you and your spouse in the next 10 years?

ADAMS: Till death do us part I believe.

DBM: What is your ideal sex life?

ADAMS: My ideal sex life is climaxing with my wife.

DBM: Rate your current sex life (out of 10)

ADAMS: 9/10. She pleases me, and we are content with what we share intimately.

DBM: What is your understanding of love?

ADAMS: My understanding of love is being on the same page on the importance of respecting each other, being true to our words, creating time to prioritize our feelings for one another, resolving conflict when it arises and forgiving each other; being strong for the other when weak, and helping one another to carry on.

DBM: Are you feeling loved in your marriage?

ADAMS: I love how my wife loves me. She’s my favorite lady.

DBM: Are you a good spouse?

ADAMS: I am a good husband, but I am married to a wonderful woman.

DBM: Have you cheated on your husband or wife with another man or woman?

ADAMS: Finding myself in the arms of another woman, to me, is an expression, not my reality. I don’t want to hurt Sophia, because I love her. I don’t want to tear my family apart and sacrifice my honor; that is why I have never cheated on my wife.

DBM: Say something to your spouse from your heart.

ADAMS: Sophia, I am one of the luckiest men alive. We promised each other for better and for worse, and so far, I am also honoring my part of the vows. You know how much I love you; you know how much I am in love with you. You know how much I appreciate you. I wasn’t searching for a perfect woman; I wasn’t looking for a flawless marriage. All I prayed for was for God to bless me with a decent marriage, genuine commitment and a lasting friendship between us. Thank you very much for going easy on me!

Image Credit: Andre Moura

CROSS-FIRE

Written by David B on July 17, 2022. Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name you fancy)

Participant 6: Cross will do.

DBM: Tell me anything about yourself

CROSS: I’m just me; easy going, opinionated and massive fun to be with.

DBM: How long have you been married?

CROSS: Nine years.

DBM: What was your perfect ‘type’ of a man or woman? Did your husband or wife fit into your exact specifications?

CROSS: I never had a spec; however, I never wanted a spiritual leader as a spouse. I’m not good with being a role model.

DBM: So, how did you two meet?

CROSS: At his workplace after I completed Senior High School.

DBM: Do you consider your significant other as your best friend?

CROSS: No! My husband is a bit judgmental, and so I am very careful of the things I share with him.

DBM: When did you make him or her laugh the most? What happened?

CROSS: I’m naturally a happy soul. So anytime you are around me, a smile will always be on your face.

DBM: At what point were you certain he or she was the one for you?

CROSS: I was double dating actually; it was him and another guy. Then I got pregnant and was uncertain of who was responsible. I told the other guy and he accepted but I couldn’t handle it, and so I requested for a termination. After the termination of the pregnancy, I bled for two weeks straight and was getting weaker by the day. I avoided my husband, who was then just the other guy throughout the abortion. He came to my workplace uninvited one afternoon. The moment he set his eyes on me, he knew something was wrong and I was dying slowly so I had to open up to him. He acted cool, went out and brought me medications to stop the bleeding, and took care of me through it all. The other guy tried contacting me and my husband (then boyfriend) gave him a piece of his mind. That was when he said a lot of shitty things about me to him, but all my husband told him was that, “she’s now with me, so stay away from her”. That was when I knew that, I had found a diamond in a form of a human.

DBM: Do you still find your husband or wife physically attractive?

CROSS: Very much. My husband is seriously attractive.

DBM: In a deeper conversation with your spouse, do you listen just to completely understand or you listen simply to formulate your response?

CROSS: Yes! We always discuss our daily activities before going to bed. I am an ardent listener as well. Because of him, I read about sports so I can have a meaningful conversation with him.

DBM: How is your significant other faring in the position as a husband or wife?

CROSS: Very well! He is a great husband and a wonderful father.

DBM: Which of your wedding vows means the world to you?

CROSS: Till death do us part.

DBM: What is the most fun you both have had in the relationship?

CROSS: On weekends and holidays when we are home alone without the kids. Having wild sex in the room and gisting about others, etc.

DBM: Is the love for your husband or wife growing any stronger by the day?

CROSS: Mine fluctuates.

DBM: Do you trust your husband or wife?

CROSS: Not really!

DBM: How much time do you spend on your husband or wife?

CROSS: Whenever we have a free time, we spend it together.

DBM: Emotionally, do you feel connected than before?

CROSS: Not really!

DBM: Do you feel secure in the marriage?

CROSS: No! He tried adding up a wife some time ago, and it has changed my perception about the whole marriage.

DBM: Where do you see you and your spouse in the next 10 years?

CROSS: Outside the country with our children.

DBM: What is your ideal sex life?

CROSS: We’re always fuel and fire.

DBM: Rate your current sex life (out of 10)

CROSS: 12/10 😂😂

DBM: What is your understanding of love?

CROSS: Being there for each other and sharing the good, bad and ugly times together. And being available for/to our children.

DBM: Are you feeling loved in your marriage?

CROSS: Of course yes, although I sometimes feel caged.

DBM: Are you a good spouse?

CROSS: I am trying to be better than before.

DBM: Have you cheated on your husband or wife with another man or woman?

CROSS: Emotionally yes, but sexually/physically, no!

DBM: Say something to your spouse from your heart.

CROSS: I do have so much love and admiration for you honey. All I want is for you to get out of your comfort zone and explore more business-wise. I love how you love me and our children; please know we will enjoy this union if only you stay true to me. Yes, I’m not ready to share my husband with anyone!

Image Credits: Anna Shvets

MY FAVORITE PERSON

Written by David B on July 9, 2022. Posted in Blog.

I have never believed in LOVE IN ITS ENTIRETY; maybe, apart from my dad’s love (which was short lived), I don’t trust any other, not even that of my mother. Her world of marriage was not something I looked forward to, neither have I ever thought I would get married someday. It seems like a ‘burden’ or a ‘risk’. I don’t take risks deliberately, if I can avoid, why go into it? My husband (I call him roommate), first knew he will marry me when he was about 19 years old in high school. He had not met me but saw my name on a school admission board for freshmen (apparently, he fell in love with my name). He was in his final year and had promised himself to marry the lady behind that name. He told his other cousin and a friend in school then. Lo and behold, I finally arrived in school only for him to discover, ‘I was out of his league’, as some of his mates were interested in me.

The first time I met him, it seemed like a déjà vu. I believed I had known him but nope, never do I recall meeting him anywhere, except that – he had the looks of my father. We didn’t communicate much as his exist on campus was near but he always spoke to me, writing little poems in a notebook and dropping it off in my class. (We were in the same department). We exchanged poems in that notebook but never sat together to have a chat till he left campus.

I returned home one vacation, visiting my cousin only to discover we were in the same neighborhood and lived close to my cousin’s house. Before visiting him for the first time at home, he had already told his family he had a girlfriend. (I had no idea I was his girlfriend) yet, that was how the family saw me. No one dared to ask. They passed funny jokes whenever I visited. (I left the area and returned years later). He still held on to me as ‘his girlfriend’ all that time. I was living my life.

Long story short, one night while escorting me home he said when I get a job, I will use my first few months’ salary to marry you. I laughed so hard because I knew he seemed too good a guy for me, (WE WERE NOT OFFICIALLY DATING. I still saw him as a ‘good friend’. I couldn’t see myself marrying him. He was too quiet for my liking. Truly to his words, he went to my sister one day and told her he wants to marry me; went ahead to my elder brother to inform him about his intentions to marry me. Note: no member of my family knew I was dating; neither was aware I had a serious boyfriend, except my big sister, who knows the men (general) in my life. The first time my family met him officially was the day of the ‘knocking’.

He had informed his family but I was the last person to know I was about to get married. When his father and Auntie called me to inform me, I was upset, and confronted him about it. He was confident I am the only woman he wants to be with. I gave them my own date to be married, as their notice was about a month ahead to the proposed date. I requested for a few more months. We got married within four months after his intention was made known. Our 14 years together has never seen any misunderstanding; he hates confrontation and he is a man of very few words. He is the worst person to pick a quarrel with because he won’t utter a word. A friend once told me you both are like oil and water. I am an extrovert and he is like a ‘TOTAL LOCKDOWN’; that’s if that can describe an extreme introvert. He lives in the shadows. He joins me on my night life, and I am like his ‘bad influence’. I taught him how to drink alcohol, socialize, club; how to express his anger, and also, talking to women without fear of offending them. Not all women are rude when approached. It depends on how you come at them.

Ask me about an Angel and I will point to him; he says he wanted a wife but got a social media manager too, (you send him WhatsApp messages and he takes months to reply. I have to check his messages for him. I don’t know about happily ever, but I am a happily spoiled wife. Marriage to him is like having a roommate who does all the work, while you take compliments. I live a simple life with him. I married him with a leap of faith in him. He is a man that met all my checklist: tribe, same taste in music, loves domestic chores; he is faithful, loves movies; he has a lovely skin color; very empathetic, and started life with me from the ground up. We had the exact country themed wedding I dreamed of. We are building a future together, but whatever happens in the future I am proud and glad I met a man who defines marriage as a commandment of commitment. He once said to me you are the woman I am having my every first with.

Least I forget, our poetic note book was our marriage wows. We’ve been married for 10 years now. Our wedding song was “When God Made You”. He is a man with no flaws, dignity, and the humblest to ever walk this earth. Whenever there is chaos, he is that ‘silver lining’. Mr. EC, may God bless you a million times. If you miss heaven, I will blame God; if I depart this earth some day before you, I want you to move on with your life, and enjoy it to the fullest. I promise to learn how to drive so you can stay home and enjoy your lockdown in peace. Allow me to also do the domestic chores; my mum says you make me lazy. Judith says you are a diplomatic person so I should allow you to do your things while I do my controversial things. Gizz said if you become a pastor someday, we will be poor because you can’t take offertory, and would probably give out all our savings.

Image Credit: Andres Ayrton

Tag: Friendship

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