Tag: Future

Let’s Talk To Ame

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 181: Ame

DBM: Hello Ame. How would you describe yourself?

Ame: I am a bubbly, friendly, outgoing, smart, adaptable and an interesting person.

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Ame: 15/10

DBM: Eish! 😁 First of its kind

Ame: 🤣. I can actually explain why though. I don’t let things out of my control take away from me.

DBM: That makes sense

Ame: It is not that I don’t have problems: I have a mountain load that when some hear, they wonder how I sail through with a smile.

DBM: Anyways, what do you want to talk about?

Ame: I want to see if I am the only weird one: why am I friends with literally 95% of my exes?

DBM: Lol! As in, you feel like your authentic self around them?

Ame: As in, although we don’t talk frequently, we chat as friends would anytime. Even the one with the most annoying and hurtful breakup tends to be someone I can talk and laugh with. And even tease…

DBM: Interesting. You mind me asking how many exes you have?

Ame: I am feeling lazy but I guess I should have about 8. From when I was in secondary school till date. Might be more though 😁😅😂

DBM: Why did it not work out with Ex number 1?

Ame: With ex 1, he started another relationship with a girl in our neighborhood: I allowed them be anyways.

DBM: Oh boy! Why did your relationship with Ex 2 break up?

Ame: 😂 I think with ex two, his cousin impregnated my cousin and he denied it. I blasted both of them because he was supporting his cousin, knowing very well he was lying and… that was it! His cousin took responsibility for it though but I was done!

DBM: Hmmm! When did things start turning south between you and Ex 3?

Ame: Ex 3!!! Hmmmm! We met in Uni and I didn’t know he had a girlfriend at home whilst we were on campus till a friend of his shared the info with me! That was the end of another era…

DBM: I see. How about Ex 4?

Ame: Lol. Do I need to recount for all these? Lol

DBM: Not really! I just need information about the relationships so I can understand why you can be good friends and nice towards them.

Ame: You are taking me down memory lane. With ex 4, we dated in Uni for close to a year till he dropped a bombshell that he was no longer interested. We took a walk on that day to the beach. Years later, this boy told me he thought I was going to kill him on that day. I still can’t believe he thought I was capable of that! 😂🤣

DBM: Lol! 😂 Funny! Let’s jump to Ex 8

Ame: Why are you jumping? Go easy! Lol

DBM: Hehehehe

Ame: Anyway, let me check on who 8 is first. I am coming

DBM: Alright! Lol! 😊

Ame: Can I just do 6 and skip 5

DBM: My ears sweet me. Ex 6 then

Ame: 6 is who I will call my soulmate! Damn, my back and forth with this guy is like a pendulum. It is that kind of love that draws you in anytime but… We are bad for each other. Basically, how I can describe it.

DBM: What is the one thing that you feel you could’ve done differently with E-6?

Ame: This is a very … question. There was absolutely nothing to do differently when it comes to him. Nothing would have worked.

DBM: Okay!

Ame: Yhup!

DBM: We are not talking about Ex 5, but I would like to know whether or not you miss your relationship with him at all?

Ame: Not at all! I sometimes wonder if we even shared good times together because when I try, nothing pops up! Don’t know if I was the terrible one or he was? 😂

DBM: 😊

Ame: Yhup!

DBM: Do you believe in love?

Ame: Oh yes, I do! But lately, I want to believe that love alone is not enough. I have operated on just love for so long and been hurt in the end.

DBM: What makes enough?

Ame: Mutual respect, understanding, and money! 😂

DBM: Hehehehe! Money, I hear is vitamins D

Ame: I swear. It is more than Vitamin D. It is all the vitamins in one.

DBM: 😁

Ame: And can just cure anything: stress, slight headache, frustration: you name it!

DBM: Are you single, dating or married?

Ame: Almost hooked at the moment… That is if he proves to be correct: so far, I have no complains.

DBM: Great! How important is friendship or being on good terms with people to you?

Ame: Very very important: I have always held the belief that “human currency” is very important. You sincerely don’t know when you will need anyone’s help in the future so try as much as you can to be on good terms with all. They don’t necessarily have to be your friends; they must just know that this girl is a good person. That way, on any day of reckoning when you need help, they will support you.

DBM: I concur. Do your exes relate to you in the same manner your energy rubs off them?

Ame: I guess it is my energy that rubs off on them. If I don’t give them the opportunity, I am sure this cordiality will not be. I create the atmosphere for them to feel at ease with me despite how things ended. To me, life is too short for us to hold grudges.

DBM: Indeed! Did you ever see a long-term future with any of them?

Ame: Oh yes, number 5 that we skipped. But I guess it was not meant to be! Life goes on.

DBM: Can you proudly say you have forgiven them?

Ame: Oh yes, I have! Completely. It even shocks me because number 5 really does not deserve the forgiveness… But eh, I don’t want people living rent free in my head.

DBM: You seem kind. Per your experiences with men, what would you tell any man reading this – about their intentions and actions when dealing with women they’re pursuing?

Ame: Don’t awaken a woman’s love if you are not ready for it! If it is sex that you want, just let the woman know and if she wants that too, why not? Don’t do all the running around, pretending you are someone that you are not, just to get some coochie.

DBM: Hmmm! Talk to the young lady reading our conversation about herself and men (per your understanding of them)

Ame: Lol. You want people to come for me?

DBM: I believe we all can impact others with our experiences

Ame: Anyway, I have realized that humans in this generation, both men and women, are not to be trusted. Should you meet anyone, don’t fall in love completely and don’t give your 100 to any man, esp. if they are not doing that for you. Give them the exact same energy they give you! You give your all at your in risk.

DBM: Very well said. You mentioned kinda, dating someone now. Assuming it all works out well for your good, do you think an old flame can burn so hot – to awaken your senses all over again?

Ame: I would have answered in the affirmative some years ago but I don’t see that happening now. There is no chance in hell…

DBM: And assuming your current relationship works out, do you think the flame can burn to awaken your senses?

Ame: It might! I am actually looking forward to that happening. But we are going in with lessons learnt.

DBM: I see. Participant 180, Nessa, left a question for you: ‘Do you believe in spiritual marriage? The belief that some individuals have marital partners in the spirit world, which may present challenges when seeking earthly marriage partners.’

Ame: If you believe in God, then you most certainly must believe in the existence of the spiritual realm. I believe some spiritual marriages are meant to either destroy someone or to provide the opposite. Just pray you don’t encounter anyone with any of these marriages.

DBM: It’s your turn to leave a question behind for the next participant.

Ame: What would you have done differently in your life with the right support?

DBM: Thank you!

Image Credit: RDNE

Let’s Talk To Liam

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 3 Comments

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 101: Liam

DBM: Hi Liam. How would you describe yourself?

Liam: Husband, brother and friend.

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Liam: 7

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Liam: I want to talk about one of my sisters and the man she’s in love with. We had a neighbor when we were young. He died in a mysterious car accident with his wife and left behind their 14-year-old son. My dad was very good friends with the man, and so he discussed with the uncle and other relatives of the boy to adopt him. He promised them to see him through school etc., which he did eventually. But before that happened, he had become our house-help. I don’t remember how it all started but I know my mother started pushing house chores on him. As the years went by, he became the main helping hand without whom our family would have felt the burden. His name is Thomas. He was cleaning, washing, weeding, sweeping, running errands for my parents… basically working for us every day, and was always late for school.

DBM: You all attended the same school?

Liam: Yes. Though he would come to school late, he attended classes regularly.

DBM: Okay!

Liam: My mother started to not like him. She would breathe on his neck whenever he was doing the chores. My other two sisters would shadow him when my mother was not around

DBM: Why?

Liam: Because my dad always made references in his favor when our school reports were released. They wanted him to know his place in the house, I guess. Thomas was a hard-working student who had a love for learning. He achieved high scores on his tests and final exams. His name was always part of the top 5 in the class.

DBM: You were both in the same grade?

Liam: Yes, but I wasn’t as brilliant. Average I’d say. Anytime he excelled in an exam or topped our class, my father would reward him with cash or buy something expensive for him, which my mother would later take it. I have three sisters, two were always grumpy whenever Thomas was around them, and they made sure he felt unwelcomed at home and in school. My younger sister was just like me, average academically, and wasn’t pulling her weight in class. She was very nice to Thomas, and because of that, he decided to help her with her assignments and would teach her to understand problems she couldn’t solve in school. My sister suddenly wasn’t overwhelmed by the feeling of not scoring an ‘A’, and could stand back to assess her attitude towards studies.

DBM: How many siblings are you?

Liam: We’re six in number.

DBM: I see

Liam: Thomas had aggregate 06 but my mother didn’t allow him to further his education that year. By that time, my father was working abroad, so the major decisions at home were solely taken by my mother. Thomas only got the chance to continue his education after everyone of my siblings had completed senior secondary school.

DBM: Oh, wow!

Liam: That’s my mother for you. By the way, I cannot stand my own mother

DBM: I can only image

Liam: Thomas and my younger sister built an unspoken bond. He managed to get my sister to care about her grades, and was willing to work on improving them. I can confidently say that, my sister achieved success in her education because he helped her to value education.

DBM: What is Thomas’ current profession?

Liam: He is a biology teacher at a Senior High School

DBM: What about your little sister?

Liam: She’s a medical doctor

DBM: What do you do for a living?

Liam: I’m a Systems consultant

DBM: How about your other siblings?

Liam: They’re all doing well; married with children. The only single person is my younger sister. She doesn’t want to be with any other man but Thomas. We all know my mother will not agree to this love story. My dad is presently at a stage where, whatever my mother says goes. My other sisters do not like Thomas, and the two brothers just don’t care.

DBM: How old is your little sister?

Liam: 28

DBM: Thomas is a teacher. Why wouldn’t your mother accept him?

Liam: My mother demeans people who are beneath her level. So, for a man like Thomas, though she knows him to be hardworking and kind, and with good character, and can do his share of work at home diligently when married, she still will assume he wouldn’t be able to properly contribute financially in a marriage – because she knows how much Ghanaian teachers in the public sector earn. She sees such men to be handicapped. To her, they will become burdens on their wives and wouldn’t want any of her daughters married to one. And so far, she’s ensured it never happened under her watch with my sisters.

DBM: But a woman who is underemployed or lowly paid is still dateable and a marriage prospect, no?

Liam: Dave, as I said, I will not even marry women like my mother and two other sisters. They do not only prefer men who make more money, but they have to make significantly more before they can fall in love

DBM: How old is Thomas?

Liam: He is 34

DBM: You’re 34 yourself?

Liam: Yes. Will be 35 in September

DBM: How is Thomas doing?

Liam: He is the reason I reached out to you. He is fine. He was here days ago to inform me he is genuinely interested in my younger sister and fond of spending time with her. My sister always wanted it to be him; he knew this but was cautious because of my family. Now, he’s realized he is falling in love with her but does not want to confess his feelings for her yet, till he is sure of how my mother and sisters would take the news. He also mentioned a decision my sister has taken, to get pregnant with his baby out of wedlock before the year ends. He doesn’t know which is a good idea

DBM: Your mother and sisters may be looking at Thomas through a stereotypical lens, but again, that is them. Your sister is not obliged to buy into that. You all have your lived experiences with him. It should have nothing to do with who is right or wrong about him. It rather should be about seeing your options clearly when it comes to Thomas.

Liam: That’s exactly how I feel

DBM: Did he mention your sister in his future plans?

Liam: He wants to start a family with her. I know he is finding ways to include her in his future and also fit himself into hers. Can you post our chat on Facebook, so people can suggest ideas on their situation? I have asked him and my sister to follow your Facebook platform.

DBM: I will publish it on Wednesday.

Image Credit: Ron Lach

Let’s Talk To Aimee

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 1 Comment

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 70: My name is Aimee

DBM: Hello Aimee. How would you describe yourself?

Aimee: I am 38 years old, and a single mother.

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Aimee: I am 8-scaled happy

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Aimee: Before I share my issue, I want to know why it’s taken you almost three months before reaching my turn?

DBM: I am very sorry Aimee. There have been a lot of emails and inbox messages expressing interest in the series, and I am trying to engage everyone accordingly. I usually assign days to participants in order to chat with them. Unfortunately, some conversations take more than three days to conclude, due to our different work schedules. I am yet to even assign dates to other interested partakers. Hopefully, it will get to everyone’s turn.

Aimee: I’ve met a man that I really, really like. He hasn’t come out to say it, but he’s expressed interest in us getting married. At the moment, I am enjoying every stage of our relationship and taking heart to all the things he’s expressed. He’s introduced me to his siblings, friends and will be meeting his mother for the first-time next week. I have spoken with his mother on phone a couple of times though.

DBM: That’s nice to know

Aimee: Yeah, but there is a big BUT…

DBM: What’s the problem?

Aimee: I am a single mother of four. All of my four children are with four different men. My first son’s father is in jail. He raped me when I was a teenager, and my parents got him arrested. He is not someone I knew or dated; he is a complete stranger who forced himself on me. My second child’s father was my first boyfriend. We dated for a year and a half, and found out that I was pregnant with our daughter. We planned on getting married but weeks into our traditional marriage, I got to know he was expecting another child with another woman. It broke my heart and couldn’t go through with the engagement. We broke things off amicably. My third child is the son of my first husband. We were married for two years till I couldn’t be his wife anymore. He was verbally abusive. He once told me, he would divorce me, and I would be at the mercy of strange men – who would sleep with me before giving me money to feed myself and the children. He told my first child, he would throw him out on the streets so he begs for a living, and would drive past him and not give him even 20 pesewas to buy water . He isolated me from my family, always wanted to know where I was and what I was doing; he would assume control over my finances because he felt I was stupid to plan for my own life. And he did all these without sitting me down to discuss issues. He never admitted his faults. I moved out of his house and divorced him without thinking twice. My second husband was the father of my fourth child. He was the love of my life, but unfortunately, died in a car accident. So far, my life has been a roller coaster ride, and I want to keep a steady wall of separation between my life as a mother, and my current dating life.

DBM: That was a lot to read

Aimee: I am sorry

DBM: Tell me a little about this new man in your life

Aimee: He is divorced, and has two adorable children of his own. They love me and all

DBM: Okay… So, where is the problem in this?

Aimee: He’s assumed all the four kids belong to my late husband

DBM: As in, you’ve made him believe such is the case or…

Aimee: I haven’t told him anything about the different fathers of my kids

DBM: Why not?

Aimee: I fear he’s going to judge me unfairly

DBM: But he loves you, no?

Aimee: He hasn’t said anything about love yet

DBM: How long have you two been together?

Aimee: Eight months, 14 days today

DBM: A man who wants you to know his family and friends’ desires to extend his connection with you. His family and friends know him best, and so you meeting and knowing them is his indirect message to you to know him even better through other trusted sources.

Aimee: Hmmm! I don’t know

DBM: You have to know. You mentioned him considering a future together with you, no?

Aimee: Yes

DBM: His heart is in this. He trusts in your love and his for each other

Aimee: I don’t think his mother will accept me if she knows about my history

DBM: Your history is, you’re a mother of four beautiful children. That is where the fun is

Aimee: My children make me feel loved and happy. I am free to express myself as a woman, and my they do not judge me. They show me a lot of respect and affection. They give me so much attention, which goes a long way to help me forget all of my worries.

DBM: I was talking to one of my good friends about your issue. Her name is Nandy. Her Facebook name is Nana Ama Tanaah. She’s willing to talk you through the process if you are open to talking to her. She asked me to tell you to tell your boyfriend about your children’s fathers.

Aimee: And what if he misinterprets the whole situation?

DBM: Let me copy and paste what Nandy is saying to me right now, “I understand, but if he judges you unfavorably, then you’re actually saving yourself from a future headache. It’s better to trust in the intent”.

Aimee: She’s right

DBM: What made you marry your first two husbands?

Aimee: Do you want the honest version or the lie I keep telling myself and others?

DBM: The truth

Aimee: I do not think I married both men for love from the start, though I fell in love with them along the way. Fear is what I believe drove me from one marriage to the other.

DBM: Fear of what?

Aimee: You know, not being able to provide for my babies on my own. Also, I assumed I needed a male figure in the lives of my children, and for us all to be under one roof, for it to be a proper family.

DBM: Do you work?

Aimee: I am actually a Chartered Accountant. I also hold an MSc. in Accounting and Finance. I make good money

DBM: I am pleasantly surprised by your capabilities

Aimee: I am a hard worker

DBM: Oh, trust, I know! And you should not be with any man who does not want to be with you. Do not be afraid to be alone if he chooses not to accept you for you. In fact, being alone is another stepping stone to finding a better partner who wouldn’t mind encouraging you to keep up the fight.

Aimee: You’re kind with your words.

DBM: You seem like a strong, compassionate and caring woman; the type to bring to the table, wisdom and empathy. It takes a real man to see your worth.

Aimee: I should tell him then?

DBM: You should, it’s part of your story to tell. If certain aspects of your past just happen to affect how he feels about you, and could potentially change the dynamics of your relationship, learn to respect his concerns and decision.

Aimee: Okay! I have a meeting to attend in the next 15 minutes. It was nice talking to you, David.

DBM: Likewise. Remember that, a man who loves you truly – would never want to change anything about you.

Image Credit: Barbara Olsen

Autumn Leaf

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

I have been following your Facebook page since 2021, and I must confess, you’re doing a great job with the way you choose to use your platform. I am sharing my wife’s story with you because I believe it can help someone reading it. My wife used to be married; I am her second marriage. She’s my first marriage experience and it’s been a fun 13 years thus far. When we met for the first time, I did not understand why a nice woman like her had walked out of her marriage. She has the purest of intentions and projects herself as a good human being. I realized in the course of our friendship that she was becoming so caught up in the relationship with me, she was trying so hard to evade upsetting me. That wasn’t sinking in with me well because it started to seem like she was abandoning the person she really wanted to be around me, herself.

When I first asked her about her ex-husband, she described him as the ‘master of manipulation’ whose words to punish her damaged her self-esteem, while in the presence of their children, family and friends, appeared to care deeply about her. He mocked the way she dressed, walked, ate, slept, talked, managed situations at home, insulted her intelligence, etc. He yelled at her without much goading, threatened to intimidate her, blamed her for anything that didn’t go right with their plans, upset her intentionally to avoid taking responsibility, and the list goes on.

Dave, this is a woman who has shown me care and compassion for 13 years. She is very sensitive to my needs, and would do everything possible to provide a solution to anything bothering my mind. She knows when I am frustrated, and will try whatever works to put a smile on my face. She appreciates me for the little things, makes times for me; encourages me with more than love in my good and bad times. My wife is respectful and would put our family first. She makes me feel like I am her one and only lover; she doesn’t infringe on my personal space; I don’t have to guess when it comes to her because she lays bare her opinions. She’s the most creative when it comes to sex; she knows how to satisfy me in bed. She reads a lot on sex and introduces me to very interesting, mind-blowing things. I have attained my best potential since I married her.

Back to her past: she traveled with her two children to visit her parents, and was called by a neighbor three days later; she had seen her ex-husband bring another woman to their house. She was supposed to be spending eight days at her parents’ house but she returned to Accra that third day, unannounced. She opened the door, and to her surprise, there was a naked woman in their bed. Her ex-husband wasn’t in bed with her, though his car was parked in front of the house. My wife says, something sharp hit the back of her head, and the next thing she heard, she was mistakenly being assumed to be dead at the hospital. She had been admitted for six days, and they did not know she had come out of consciousness.

Can love really be that unfair? Because though I know my love for her today is softening her pain overtime, it never seems to go away; it’s stuck with her for the rest of our lives together. She’s reminded every now and then – who the father of her first two children is, and it crushes her soul because he’s out there living a free life, and treating other women better than all the crap he put her through.

Image Credit: Ron Lach

SIKA’S TRUE FEELINGS

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 16 Comments

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name you fancy)

Participant 1: Call me Sika

DBM: Tell me anything about yourself

SIKA: I am strong in my vulnerability; very caring, compassionate and totally expressive of my feelings. I am not perfect but I try to always tell the truth. When I have, I give without expecting anything in return. I love to smile; I love to laugh; I love to love. I love God, I care about my husband and love my children. I believe I am hardworking. Mr. Dave, I am content with the woman I am becoming, but I am not content with just being content with me. I want more; to achieve way more in life than I already have.

DBM: How long have you been married?

SIKA: 12 years in August.

DBM: What was your perfect ‘type’ of a man or woman? Did your husband or wife fit into your exact specifications?

SIKA: The man I fell in love with was my perfect idea of a man. He did not give me any reason to want to doubt him then. He expressed interest in me and was on his best behavior anytime we were together. My perfect type of guy had to be consistent with me so I wouldn’t entertain any doubt whatsoever in my trust in him and the relationship. He gave me that when we were dating.

DBM: So, how did you two meet?

SIKA: I first noticed him in an examination Centre, pleading with one of the invigilators to allow him write. He was late and we were 15 minutes into the paper. He was almost falling apart; so nervous and nearly sobbing in front of everyone. I felt sorry for him. He managed to talk his way through the lecturer and was allowed to join us. Instead of hurrying to find his seat number, he was busily staring and winking at me. I lost focus. I scored a B in that subject. He had an A.

DBM: Do you consider your significant other as your best friend?

SIKA: I used to believe my husband was my best friend, because I thought I had seen him at his worst and still liked him. I thought those small quirks and habits I couldn’t figure out weren’t that endearing. Those times, I assumed there was absolutely nothing about him that I wanted changed. My happiness was found in just knowing that he was there for me, and was someone I could count on. He was willing to share almost everything with me; the happenings in his day, his food, conversations etc. He made me trust that he had wholeheartedly accepted me for who I am without any boundaries. And I believed him. He wasn’t chasing any other serious friendships. I was his good friend.

DBM: When did you make him or her laugh the most? What happened?

SIKA: It was his first time meeting my dad. He wanted to make a good first impression. I don’t know what he ate before coming to my parents’ house because he was farting nonstop. The first fart, I thought had come from my dad. He blew our noses off the roof with 8 nuclear bombs. I laughed at him so bad, he farted his best.

DBM: At what point were you certain he or she was the one for you?

SIKA: The night he drove to my house to take me to the hospital. It was 2:23 am when I called him; he made the effort to make me feel like I was worth saving; that our relationship was worth fighting for by saving my life.

DBM: Do you still find your husband or wife physically attractive?

SIKA: Yes, Dave. My husband is an attractive man.

DBM: In a deeper conversation with your spouse, do you listen just to completely understand or you listen simply to formulate your response?

SIKA: He does not listen to me, and so I see no need in listening to understand anything he has to say.

DBM: How is your significant other faring in the position as a husband or wife?

SIKA: Maybe if I were enough for him, he would care more about me. As his wife, I am not happy; he does not make me happy – even though I have been doing everything to make him happy.

DBM: Which of your wedding vows means the world to you?

SIKA: I promise to love and comfort you, honor and keep you.

DBM: What is the most fun you both have had in the relationship?

SIKA: We used to do everything together. Almost everything, travel, cook, watch movies, tease etc. They used to be fun times.

DBM: Is the love for your husband or wife growing any stronger by the day?

SIKA: Mine is not! I have grown tired of accepting the love he thinks I deserve. When I am around him, I don’t feel content; I don’t feel accepted. He makes me feel very anxious and misunderstood.

DBM: Do you trust your husband or wife?

SIKA: I currently have to compete with his mobile phone to get his attention at home. I do not trust a man who has all the time for others on his phone, but cannot make time for his wife. Initially, I thought I had fallen in love with my husband because I trusted him; I thought I loved him because of who he is, not how he made me feel. I do not trust him because of how he makes me feel now.

DBM: How much time do you spend on your husband or wife?

SIKA: I used to give my time to him. He does not cherish it so I channel the attention to our children. They need it most.

DBM: Emotionally, do you feel connected than before?

SIKA: No!

DBM: Do you feel secure in the marriage?

SIKA: No! I am not in a good marriage. I don’t feel secure enough to want to be vulnerable around him. I am not growing; I am not maturing. My husband’s attitude and behaviors towards me does not in any way warrant for emotional connection on both our parts. There is no mutual respect between us anymore.

DBM: Where do you see you and your spouse in the next 10 years?

SIKA: Probably in different relationships with different people.

DBM: What is your ideal sex life?

SIKA: When a man takes his time to allow us to experience physical and emotional pleasure together, with or without orgasm, Dave, I will be cool! When a man checks in during sex to know whether or not I am feeling good, and tells me what is making him also feel good, I will be pleased. I don’t ask for much!

DBM: Rate your current sex life (out of 10)

SIKA: 3 out of 10.

DBM: What is your understanding of love?

SIKA: Love is when someone adds value to make my life better. A better me makes for a better marriage. Love will not bring out the very worst in me. I am seeing the worst in my husband; maybe I just don’t love him that much after all.

DBM: Are you feeling loved in your marriage?

SIKA: I feel like our relationship is not his priority at the moment. If he loved me, I wouldn’t be feeling like other people in his life are more important than me. He is constantly putting other people ahead of me.

DBM: Are you a good spouse?

SIKA: I try to be.

DBM: Have you cheated on your husband or wife with another man or woman?

SIKA: Never! I promised him I would forsake all others and be his alone, as long as we remain married.

DBM: Say something to your spouse from your heart.

SIKA: IK, you have become my biggest hinderance in life. You slurp the very life out of me while I do so much to support you. You have put me down over and over with your words and attitude towards me. I had different goals and dreams I wanted to reach in life; you’ve made me feel like I can’t accomplish anything. You used to be a wonderful guy; you used to be kind to me. I really wanted to believe you were the right man for me, but after 12 years of being your wife, I know for sure that just loving you isn’t enough.

Today is another opportunity for me to choose me. I am choosing my own happiness. I want to love myself more. Your love does not choose me, and just because I am your wife doesn’t mean you should be happy with me. Be happy with what makes you happy. I will be fine.

Image Credit: Arturo Añez

WITHIN MY MEANS

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

This issue of the gentleman who doesn’t know whether to move on with the girlfriend or not due to his financial situation reminds me of my own story. I dated this beautiful lady from October 2011 to December 2018, even though for most part she was a student in the university. During the relationship, everything was hand to mouth; any money I earned, we spent it all. Nothing to save. I don’t even remember a time I had about GHs 1000 on me. But we were happy together even though I could meet all her demands and desires.

Somewhere in 2017, we started talking about marriage and unfortunately, she started planning for a plush event. I requested she brings her expectations down but she really wanted the nice wedding which I knew I couldn’t afford. Anytime she attended someone’s mega wedding, she would come and talk about it gleefully for me to know she wants something similar. I thought she was alone on that thought until I met her family; they even blew my mind with their criticism of someone else’s wedding we had attended together. We began counseling and I really started feeling the ‘heat’ when we started buying items for the wedding. I just couldn’t afford. I had a deep introspection and decided to quit the relationship.

It wasn’t easy at all because we had gone far with the counseling and even bought some items and taken measurements for our rings. But I had to make that decision because I knew I couldn’t afford her expectations; I would be unfair to her. When I told her about my decision, it wasn’t easy at all for the both of us. But I had gotten to the point I had to be firm with my decision.

After a year of breaking up, I met a wife who turned everything around for me. Some people accuse me of leaving a seven-year relationship and marrying someone I met within a year. But my wife helped me within the short period to stand on my feet. Sometimes, if you love someone, you have to let the person go especially when you cannot meet the person’s expectations.

Image Credit: Mithul Varshan

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