Let’s Talk To Liam

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 101: Liam

DBM: Hi Liam. How would you describe yourself?

Liam: Husband, brother and friend.

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Liam: 7

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Liam: I want to talk about one of my sisters and the man she’s in love with. We had a neighbor when we were young. He died in a mysterious car accident with his wife and left behind their 14-year-old son. My dad was very good friends with the man, and so he discussed with the uncle and other relatives of the boy to adopt him. He promised them to see him through school etc., which he did eventually. But before that happened, he had become our house-help. I don’t remember how it all started but I know my mother started pushing house chores on him. As the years went by, he became the main helping hand without whom our family would have felt the burden. His name is Thomas. He was cleaning, washing, weeding, sweeping, running errands for my parents… basically working for us every day, and was always late for school.

DBM: You all attended the same school?

Liam: Yes. Though he would come to school late, he attended classes regularly.

DBM: Okay!

Liam: My mother started to not like him. She would breathe on his neck whenever he was doing the chores. My other two sisters would shadow him when my mother was not around

DBM: Why?

Liam: Because my dad always made references in his favor when our school reports were released. They wanted him to know his place in the house, I guess. Thomas was a hard-working student who had a love for learning. He achieved high scores on his tests and final exams. His name was always part of the top 5 in the class.

DBM: You were both in the same grade?

Liam: Yes, but I wasn’t as brilliant. Average I’d say. Anytime he excelled in an exam or topped our class, my father would reward him with cash or buy something expensive for him, which my mother would later take it. I have three sisters, two were always grumpy whenever Thomas was around them, and they made sure he felt unwelcomed at home and in school. My younger sister was just like me, average academically, and wasn’t pulling her weight in class. She was very nice to Thomas, and because of that, he decided to help her with her assignments and would teach her to understand problems she couldn’t solve in school. My sister suddenly wasn’t overwhelmed by the feeling of not scoring an ‘A’, and could stand back to assess her attitude towards studies.

DBM: How many siblings are you?

Liam: We’re six in number.

DBM: I see

Liam: Thomas had aggregate 06 but my mother didn’t allow him to further his education that year. By that time, my father was working abroad, so the major decisions at home were solely taken by my mother. Thomas only got the chance to continue his education after everyone of my siblings had completed senior secondary school.

DBM: Oh, wow!

Liam: That’s my mother for you. By the way, I cannot stand my own mother

DBM: I can only image

Liam: Thomas and my younger sister built an unspoken bond. He managed to get my sister to care about her grades, and was willing to work on improving them. I can confidently say that, my sister achieved success in her education because he helped her to value education.

DBM: What is Thomas’ current profession?

Liam: He is a biology teacher at a Senior High School

DBM: What about your little sister?

Liam: She’s a medical doctor

DBM: What do you do for a living?

Liam: I’m a Systems consultant

DBM: How about your other siblings?

Liam: They’re all doing well; married with children. The only single person is my younger sister. She doesn’t want to be with any other man but Thomas. We all know my mother will not agree to this love story. My dad is presently at a stage where, whatever my mother says goes. My other sisters do not like Thomas, and the two brothers just don’t care.

DBM: How old is your little sister?

Liam: 28

DBM: Thomas is a teacher. Why wouldn’t your mother accept him?

Liam: My mother demeans people who are beneath her level. So, for a man like Thomas, though she knows him to be hardworking and kind, and with good character, and can do his share of work at home diligently when married, she still will assume he wouldn’t be able to properly contribute financially in a marriage – because she knows how much Ghanaian teachers in the public sector earn. She sees such men to be handicapped. To her, they will become burdens on their wives and wouldn’t want any of her daughters married to one. And so far, she’s ensured it never happened under her watch with my sisters.

DBM: But a woman who is underemployed or lowly paid is still dateable and a marriage prospect, no?

Liam: Dave, as I said, I will not even marry women like my mother and two other sisters. They do not only prefer men who make more money, but they have to make significantly more before they can fall in love

DBM: How old is Thomas?

Liam: He is 34

DBM: You’re 34 yourself?

Liam: Yes. Will be 35 in September

DBM: How is Thomas doing?

Liam: He is the reason I reached out to you. He is fine. He was here days ago to inform me he is genuinely interested in my younger sister and fond of spending time with her. My sister always wanted it to be him; he knew this but was cautious because of my family. Now, he’s realized he is falling in love with her but does not want to confess his feelings for her yet, till he is sure of how my mother and sisters would take the news. He also mentioned a decision my sister has taken, to get pregnant with his baby out of wedlock before the year ends. He doesn’t know which is a good idea

DBM: Your mother and sisters may be looking at Thomas through a stereotypical lens, but again, that is them. Your sister is not obliged to buy into that. You all have your lived experiences with him. It should have nothing to do with who is right or wrong about him. It rather should be about seeing your options clearly when it comes to Thomas.

Liam: That’s exactly how I feel

DBM: Did he mention your sister in his future plans?

Liam: He wants to start a family with her. I know he is finding ways to include her in his future and also fit himself into hers. Can you post our chat on Facebook, so people can suggest ideas on their situation? I have asked him and my sister to follow your Facebook platform.

DBM: I will publish it on Wednesday.

Image Credit: Ron Lach