David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)
Participant 41: Thoughts
DBM: Hello Thoughts. Please tell me a little about yourself
Thoughts: A father of two, thoughtful and a liberalist.
DBM: What do you want to talk about?
Thoughts: I want to talk about you. I want to talk about life; I want to talk about my brain’s processes; and last but not least, talk about children.
DBM: You want to talk about me?
Thoughts: Strange? No one has made that proposal yet, I guess?
DBM: It’s a first. Lol!
Thoughts: In my brain’s processes, I like leaving very lasting impressions on whoever I engage, so yes!
DBM: What about me do you want to talk about?
Thoughts: Why do you do all that you do? You sing, cook, review CVs; get into people’s personal spaces, ‘lead them on’ and appear as though you will like to pass a verdict on them. I like it anyways.
DBM: I am not a sociable person. My life is lived within my reach: work, home, communications with one or two close friends on phone; sometimes chatting with my siblings and parents; dedicating three hours of my time daily – for Facebook, and I am good to go. That has been my routine forever. I love the whole idea of knowing people, without necessarily, getting close to them. And, I do this to understand others, while at the same time facilitating the process of socialization for me.
Thoughts: I see traces of me in you, and the things you do. I like to get close to people and know them, what forms their thoughts and their backgrounds; but someway somehow, I like to get close in person and not from a distance. I like random stuff, and I barely plan. I only set a few doable and achievable goals, and then I allow the rest to flow, while going with the energies.
DBM: Indeed! There is always that probability of seeing and understanding situations from different perspectives. Agreed!
Thoughts: I’m a husband and I love my family. I’m not sure if I’m complete in my marriage, and I think and believe no one person ever completes the other. Different people may and will fill different spaces for you at different times of your life; what you do with and about it is just a matter of choice and must not come with regrets.
DBM: You’re so right!
Thoughts: Having agreed to this, do you then agree we are not made for just one person? Mathematics will call it mapping. One to many mappings.
DBM: I choose to have a reason to live for me, because there is more to life than love. I am my own person, with or without a significant other. And I am creating a life that fulfills me; not just in a love life, but my entire life. I am putting effort into my hopes and dreams, and that involves other people; people who will ultimately become important to me, somewhat. No one is made for just one person, but we have the choice to stick with the one whose presence in our lives makes it all worth the while. I have created enough room for the love of my life, and everything else that will matter to me as time goes on.
Thoughts: How did you manage through your time with the G5 (SL, Ginger, J4 etc.). Those girls are intelligent and wild. I will like for your readers to know what you go through also.
DBM: I found those ladies to be interesting. I’d want to believe, time is of the essence to them, and they’re reluctant to waste it on someone or something that isn’t worthy of their time. They also seem to have gotten better at making abrupt judgements and decisions, and have learned how to quickly move on – in their line of activities.
Thoughts: How did you fair with them? What was going through your mind the entire time?
DBM: I was actually excited about them. They gave me the opportunity to look at things, and life in general – from a point of view other than my own. I felt comfortable around them, probably why we could interact. I was also attuned to the fact that, though these ladies may not have shared my personal views and beliefs of life and living it, that was their experience and stories. We all can’t live the same lifestyle because we are different; reason why I was open-minded and respectful to their hustle.
Thoughts: I for one am attracted (sexually, emotionally and mentally) to older, intelligent women. I realized this just after my marriage, and nooooo, my wife is three years younger than my 36-year-old self. They emit a blend of calmness and the typical woman drama. I am yet to encounter any of such. The G5, as I call them, really exhibited control, self-awareness, support for each other and desire to LIVE. I have a service provision for them. No, not sexual; I can’t afford them.
DBM: Smh!
Thoughts: I feel LIFE is not being lived, and that includes me. At least, I have started enjoying mine with the different business lines I have started. People LIVE to satisfy others and not themselves; sadly, the women are worse at this. They school, work, marry, have children and die in marriages, just to satisfy other people (be it family, friends or people who care less about them).
DBM: How long is your ‘now’?
Thoughts: Reference to loving my life? Say, 2021 December …
DBM: Yes, we can start with that
Thoughts: I used to work a 9 to 5 job with a foreign company. My country Director is about three years older than me. He had struggled to live his life for himself. Even as a boss, his immediate subordinate controlled him somewhat. In Dec. 2021, I said to myself, I can’t grow older and wish for things I could have done when I had the chance to, and so for a start, I resigned from my job. I held a managerial position, and enjoyed good money; but I walked away from it all.
DBM: Do you ‘work to live’ or ‘live to work’?
Thoughts: I do both, David. And I find a good balance of both. ‘If you no work, you no go live; and if you live, you for work’… I heard a mad man say this when I was eight years old, and it has stuck with me for all these years
DBM: Hehehehe! It makes a lot of sense
Thoughts: It does
DBM: We all know life is short, but why do you think many of us would rather pursue things we may not entirely like, and like the other many things we may not necessarily be doing?
Thoughts: JUDGEMENT. We live in a society full of prejudicial people. People who think ‘your sins are dirtier than mine’.
DBM: Hmmm!
Thoughts: Example, look at the G5 ladies and the experiences they shared. Following the comments, you can understand this assertion – and yet these are people who in their minds would wish to enjoy such controls these LADIES have. Sister Lydia’s hubby doesn’t like her friends and thinks they are bad influence. If you speak with him and he’s open enough, you will see his ‘sins’ also; but yes, because it’s not like the G5, he doesn’t like them.
DBM: You make a good point. In your opinion, do you think we tend to hold onto certain things that could holding us back, as a people?
Thoughts: With no concrete numbers, I think a huge amount of people live with regrets and hurt. Men will see women they find attractive, and may want to have sex with them; same as women. Just do a survey of it and see the verdict; but they are unable to express their thoughts because of the same PHENOMENON.
DBM: Indeed!
Thoughts: And this applies to everyone and every aspect of life. David, I know for sure that you have had to shelf certain things of yours in the past or even now because of same.
DBM: Yes! I have my own issues I deal with by the day
Thoughts: Danke! I cook too, David. I cook for myself, my family and my acquaintances. My mother taught me well.
DBM: That’s nice to know. Has this skill in any way, enhanced your life as a family man?
Thoughts: It has, especially during the covid lock downs. My wife is an essential worker, and so she was away a lot of the time. I easily went through it. Particularly, having a one-year-old baby. This morning, on our drive to school, my daughter told her brother, ‘Daddy is our driver and our favorite cook’.
DBM: Awww! Isn’t that nice to know?
Thoughts: I have realized that when it comes to marriage and children, people misapply themselves. People plan their weddings so well, and sometimes loose themselves in the process. Other times they plan how to space their children. However, they never plan parenting, and in the process get lost in the whole act. They make choices for these children which are not very informed. Example: school and education, clothes and toys, style and fashion, language and communication. We need to pick up the conversations on these topics else, you and I and many of our contemporaries will have a very difficult pensions and retirements.
DBM: What’s your take on parenting?
Thoughts: Parenting must be intentional, David. We must look into the full development of our children. What goes into their heads and their stomachs. Sadly, the Gen Z and millennial style of parenting focuses a lot on the style and fashion of their children than the very important part; the clothes they wear, the shoes and how they expose the children to any content provided it looks ‘animated’. The use of devices is a trend now. A four-year-old child can be seen buried on phone or tablet for hours, and the excuse they sometimes craftily give is, ‘we are in a tech world now’.
DBM: Lol! I have seen and heard that before.
Thoughts: We will soon have robots who cannot think managing us in our retirements.
DBM: Hmmmm!
Thoughts: David, we are happy and glad when kids speak all the nice English and can express themselves at ages three to four etc. And yet, we wait till five to six, or sometimes eight years to look into their reading difficulties. If the child can speak at three years, they can read at three years too.
DBM: I concur!
Thoughts: My kids did it, right here in Ghana; three years and they were reading sentences. The white kids are not the only smart kids. We have to be intentional with the very important things for the kids.
DBM: Indeed!
Thoughts: And they have some level of appreciation for what they have read, because I engage them in conversations based on what they have read. It is not magic and it doesn’t take years. Maximum, five minutes; and it must be consistent.
DBM: Do you see yourself to be maintaining a home you are proud of?
Thoughts: Maintaining a home, yes. Proud of, yes. I want to do more for my home. I may not be a good example entirely to my children but I try to.
DBM: What do you mean by not being entirely a good example?
Thoughts: I try not to expose them the kind of things I enjoy. I’m not sure I’m addicted to them. I have a fine balance of my pleasures.
DBM: Hehehehe
Thoughts: I’m a gerontophile. I will want my son to discover for himself his own pleasures and not because unconsciously he was in such spaces.
DBM: What do you want for your family?
Thoughts: Understand and express care, emotions, respect, kindness, thoughtfulness, compassion and find themselves very early in their lives (especially for my kids)
DBM: I see
Thoughts: David, why do men put women through the stress of birth control processes when they the men are the production sites? If nestle doesn’t want people to sell their products, they must shut their factories down, and not tell the shop owners to stop taking their products
DBM: This question, hmmm!
Thoughts: Yes, men should be encouraged to practice vasectomy, and stop pushing the women to take pills and insert stuff in them
DBM: Men are uncomfortable with conversations around vasectomy. Is this a procedure you would easily consider?
Thoughts: I will not blink kraa. Back in March 2020, I was in line to get it done until covid became the only emergency condition doctors would pay attention to. Now, I have too much running around to do, I will need some time (which is scarce now because of what I do, and want to do) to heal after the procedure
DBM: I see. You seem like an interesting person
Thoughts: I am, and a very handsome one at that, with a cute smile. I’m very much aware of my looks and so proud of it.
DBM: Is your wife enough for you?
Thoughts: Sadly, no!
DBM: Why not?
Thoughts: She’s the best I found; supportive and I will like to be with her in the next life (it may not be marriage) but she is and will be my number one choice. Like I have said earlier, no one person fills all your slots for you. She’s not very chatty like I am, not wild like I am. She’s conventional and I’m a not. I desire her more than she desires me.
DBM: And these are not pointers you can work around to meet your needs?
Thoughts: Eight years in marriage, I have tried; I have had to adjust mine for hers. Our three years of dating was great; marriage is not good for everyone. It changes them, an entirely ‘wrong’ impression of it has been created by society.
DBM: Are you happily married?
Thoughts: I don’t like numbers, but let’s put some number to it. What will be the range of measure?
DBM: 0 to 10
Thoughts: 0 to 10, I will go with 6
DBM: 6 is a pass. You think you both could commit to studying harder with the intention of, maybe clocking an 8? After all, the marriage is between the two of you. And you are not in competition with anyone till death do you part?
Thoughts: Yes, 6 is a pass. I commit to knowing her, and I have adjusted to her. Sometimes, I just wish the tables were a bit different of half me, half her. She’s not selfish; no, she’s not! Just that she could have done better for me and for us. I’m sure she thinks and says same about me too.
DBM: It’s not too late, is it?
Thoughts: Until the coffin is covered anything is possible, David.
Image Credit: Rahul
