Tag: Sex

Before The Next Teardrop Falls

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

Osei: Who would have thought I’d be one of those anonymous people in your inbox. Listen to this crazy stuff; the wife of my wife’s boss sent me an email. First, she reached out to me on LinkedIn. I didn’t know who she was. 15 minutes after accepting her request, I got an email from her. She had found out recently that her husband and my wife had a joint bank account. They each made payments from their benefits into this one account and trusted each other to withdraw from it as and when need be.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): That’s weird. How much is in the account?

Osei: I don’t know but she shared a copy of a receipt her husband accidentally forgot to throw away in one of his trousers while doing his laundry. He had withdrawn Ghs 15,500. She mentioned a day and date her husband had traveled to work on a project, and it coincidentally was the same date my wife had to attend a friend’s funeral for days. Dave, my wife and I are pretty much open and honest with each other and I wouldn’t be able to recall a single day that we’ve had to argue about money.

DBM: You confronted your wife, no?

Osei: I did. She did not talk about the account but rather her high and intense sex drive that, according to her, I have a challenge being able to fulfill her needs.

DBM: I don’t understand.

Osei: Longevity during sex and my d*ck size.

DBM: Are you aware of this concern she has of you?

Osei: Dave, unless she’s been faking sexual satisfaction with me all these years, then no.

DBM: Do you enjoy sex with your wife?

Osei: Very much

DBM: Have you ever asked her if she enjoys having sex with you?

Osei: I think so. She used to praise me

DBM: Ha!

Osei: That’s just even the crust of the issue. We all agreed she was having an affair with her boss. What I found shocking was when she began sharing her fantasies with me. Fantasies I knew nothing about. She and her boss had been exploring group sex. They had had threesomes where she was the only woman in the room, and she loved it. She also said having sex with two men at the same time is what sets her skin on fire.

DBM: I’m going to ask you a few random questions. Don’t ask me why. Just give a yes or no response. Can you?

Osei: Yes

DBM: When you were dating your wife, was she the only woman you were being intimate with?

Osei: No

DBM: After you got married, has she been the only woman you’re intimate with?

Osei: No

DBM: Okay! Please continue with your story

Osei: I asked her how long it had been going on and she said three years.

DBM: How long have you been married?

Osei: 9 years

DBM: I see

Osei: Then she asked me if I would consider exploring these desires with her and her boss, instead of her always having to sneak around? She also said she was getting tired of hiding her fantasies from me and wanted it to be a part of our intimacy.

DBM: That’s a lot to take in

Osei: That bitch looked me in the eye last week and told me she knows and can predict every beat of my sex life like an overplayed Diana Hamilton song on UTV. How can a wife tell her husband he is boring in bed and that has created a gnawing itch that no one man, no matter how much he loves her, can satisfy?

DBM: How old is your wife?

Osei: 40

DBM: How old are you?

Osei: 44

DBM: You have kids?

Osei: Yes, three girls. Why were you asking if I was cheating on my wife?

DBM: Before I answer your question, let me ask a question: had you and your wife discussed boundaries before or after marriage?

Osei: What do you mean by boundaries?

DBM: Everything you both dislike or can never forgive on the table to see if there is any potential to go forward with the relationship.

Osei: No

DBM: I have a theory that, in-as-much as a higher percentage of men feel they don’t share their side of stories related to why they’re not happy in their marriages, men are still the very people choosing to break their own homes. Exhibit A is found in your ‘yes’ or ‘no’ responses to my questions. And, it’s not just you. Every man I have ever spoken to – whose wife is cheating or making him feel like he’s going through a whole lot of hell with her, had been cheating on his wife first. They will not readily accept this fact but that is the unfortunate truth.

Osei: Every man I know cheats. It’s normal. Dave, are you trying to tell me you don’t cheat?

DBM: I am trying to tell you your wife is currently seeking the hands of her boss and total strangers secretly, because you stopped exploring the woman she is, and already have at home.

Osei: But did she have to cheat back?

DBM: Did you sit her down to discuss the desires tempting you to explore with other women? If I ever should consider cheating on my partner, I would talk before I cheat.

Osei: You know I’m heading straight for a divorce with her confession?

DBM: I honestly don’t think you should be extremely mad at her. When you’re out there sleeping with other people, which part of you makes you feel like what you’re doing is as bad as how your wife’s actions are suddenly making you feel?

Osei: I don’t think you should be defending her adultery.

DBM: I am not in support of her actions. You are choosing not to understand what I’m drawing your attention to. You have not been upfront and honest about everything you have been up to. You’ve been hiding and erasing your own bad behavior – and pretending to be closed off with your feelings. Women can do bad all by themselves if you lead them into their crazy with your crazy.

Osei: I wasn’t expecting to hear anything different from you

DBM: Men never cease to amaze me! We start a game without first bothering to read its manual. You break your marriage and wait for the partner to catch up to help you do the work for you. We knowingly or unknowingly force people we claim we love to assume responsibilities for tasks and chaos we create in our own marriages. A man will whine about accountability yet hate to be accountable. No wonder wives of today are choosing to stay in touch with their intuition and err on the side of caution.

Osei: We all know you’re biased when it comes to these whores of another gender.

DBM: Your wife is experiencing a sexual awakening and starving for mass sex. Her hunger is making her want to be gulped, adulated and fucked senselessly. Go figure!

Osei: Do you know why I came to your inbox?

DBM: Why?

Osei: I needed someone to just hear me out and empathize with me.

DBM: I hear you; I really do.

Osei: You don’t. You’re rather attacking me.

DBM: Listen, ma guy, you cannot just will happiness in marriage to happen or hope that if you continue playing enough mind-games on your wife, something will give. Your marriage is struggling, and you can attest to that. You cannot control your wife’s actions. She cannot control yours. What you both have control over is what you choose to do and how you choose to accept, forgive or manage the other’s behavior. That is marriage for you. There is always something to work on.

Osei: My marriage is practically over. I cannot forgive something like this. I’ve withdrawn from her emotionally.

DBM: That’s understandable.

Osei: Come to think of it, anytime she returned home from a trip, she was in a happy mood, which was significantly improving the atmosphere at home and thought was lessening the tension between us.

DBM: Welcome to illicit sexual encounter. Everything you just described is exactly what you also bring home after returning from one of your side-chick sessions.

Osei: Bye.

Image Credit: Mikhail Nilov

Still A Virgin

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 2 Comments

Veliane: Dave

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Hi

Veliane: Are you free?

DBM: For now, yeah! How are you?

Veliane: I’m great. Yourself?

DBM: I am doing alright, thanks.

Veliane: What’s your take on virginity?

DBM: You’re a virgin?

Veliane: I am

DBM: How old are you?

Veliane: 39

DBM: Oh nice! Congratulations!

Veliane: Lol

DBM: I’m serious.

Veliane: It doesn’t feel like a great feat to attain

DBM: What makes you say that?

Veliane: I’m still single. Lol!

DBM: And, that’s also okay

Veliane: Ok, while my biological clock ticks by the day?

DBM: Would you rather be having sex with people you’re not really sure about?

Veliane: I’ve been sure about a couple of guys I’ve dated in the past. Not giving in to their desire to be intimate with me broke us up.

DBM: You mind me asking why you’re holding on to your virginity?

Veliane: I want to experience sex only in marriage.

DBM: And, do you tell these guys your reason when they demand for sex?

Veliane: Yes

DBM: Do you feel pressured to have sex when in a serious relationship?

Veliane: All the time.

DBM: It’s a good thing to strongly understand your own desires. You should be proud of the fact that you have chosen to be true to yourself and not give in to the unnecessary pressures just to blend in.

Veliane: So, what really is your take on virginity?

DBM: I don’t think a woman’s value should be tied to her sexual innocence or lack thereof. Your body is your own and no one should have ownership over it except for you. Similarly, your body should not be controlled or delimited – as if it were a societal commodity.

Veliane: I agree with you.

DBM: If you feel like preserving it for the right person, preserve it for the right person.

Veliane: Since you’re a man, can you explain why men make a big deal out of sex when they’re in a relationship with us?

DBM: First off, it’s not every man that would make a big deal out of sex. I love sex when I want to have sex, but I am not crazy about sex. And then there are the others that only find that sense of peace and homecoming when a woman they’re attracted to, takes them all in – into her body. Men want to be wanted. Men want to be seen. Men want to be touched. Men want to be held. Men want their hearts and souls to be safe in your hands. Sex to a man is that safe space where he can trust your environment enough to take refuge in. We glory in that opening to find relaxation inside of you. Sex with a willing partner feels like we are intentionally being cared for. And that, we sometimes interpret as love.

Veliane: Can a man also feel loved in a relationship without sex?

DBM: In a relationship, sure; in marriage, I don’t think so. It takes a lot of courage, time and maturity for a man to want to settle down with you in a marriage. If he can be that vulnerable to want to choose you to be that partner, he is willing to do the rest of his life with, then you should be open to accepting and receiving all of his vulnerabilities. Sex with you is one of those.

Veliane: Some of my friends who are married discuss in our group pages that their husbands don’t give them orgasm. What if I marry or have sex and I don’t get to experience that ultimate satisfaction?

DBM: I think orgasms are cool but should it be the main reason why we have sex? No! I’d rather focus on experiencing that feel of trust and safety in a partner I am intimate with. That should be more satisfying, I think. If I am safe with someone, I am pleased. If I feel like I can trust someone, my heart will be at peace.

Veliane: Is sex outside of marriage a sin?

DBM: Sex is a choice you make, whether in marriage or outside of it. If you’re not engaging in sex because of your faith, then continue to choose GOD over sex. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. But if you’re willing to experience sex, then be willing to lose that faith you have held so dear to your heart your entire life. Religion should not make you feel damaged or broken, if you choose not to remain a virgin until marriage. Your worth as a woman, is so much more than just a hymen.

Veliane: How do I make a man understand and not feel rejected when I refuse them sex in a relationship?

DBM: You do not owe any man who is not married to you, sex or even fidelity. You choose to want to honor them in both ways. You need to first believe in that, and others would. When you value what you stand for, they ought to tag along if they have an iota of respect for you. Because they’d listen and hear your no and its reasons, and would have to appreciate your boundaries. A man who genuinely, is that much into you would value your opinions about sex. He would know that you respect yourself enough to not want to tolerate anything less than you deserve. If he is deserving of you, he wouldn’t suggest or do anything that would make you feel uncomfortable in the relationship. What you will and will not accept should be that clear to him, right from the onset. You need to feel whole, with or without the approval of men.

Veliane: Sometimes, I get very sad when they go silent on me because of that.

DBM: When a man suddenly doesn’t think you’re worth pursuing anymore, it doesn’t matter; because you know you are worth pursuing, regardless.

Veliane: Dave, are you a counselor?

DBM: I am not. I am just passionate about certain things.

Veliane: Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Image Credit: RDNE Stock project

Deacon Muna

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

Participant: Dave, my name is Munachimso. Can we chat?

DBM: Hi Muna. What’s up?

Muna: I’m not sure who I am.

DBM: How are you doing?

Muna: Fine. You?

DBM: I am doing alright, thanks. Sup?

Muna: I know I’m a man, and a Christian. I am a deacon in church. I want to embrace my sexuality and also enjoy a gratifying relationship. I’ve been trying to figure out my orientation but I don’t know what to believe about myself anymore. I don’t know whether I’m straight, gay or something else. Romantically, I’m attracted to men. Sexually, I’m attracted to both men and women. I’ve experimented sex with both men and women and each excites me differently. Unfortunately, the sex I want to engage in the most has a lot of shame and stigma surrounding it.

DBM: How old are you?

Muna: 37 years

DBM: The sex you want to engage in the most is which type?

Muna: Men

DBM: You know that the way we feel about people or something today may be different than what we may feel, say, a year from now?

Muna: Yes. Believe me, I’ve laid awake at night wishing that I really could pray the gay away.

DBM: Why is that?

Muna: The gay stigma, Dave

DBM: It’s not that easy to grasp in depth your true feelings if you ignore them. As a human being, you ought to allow yourself enough room to feel your feelings.

Muna: I know

DBM: Have you been in a committed relationship before?

Muna: Yes

DBM: With men or women?

Muna: Both

DBM: For how long?

Muna: My last relationship was with a man. We were together for a year. I’ve also dated a woman for two years in the past.

DBM: You loved them?

Muna: I did

DBM: Were you in love with them?

Muna: I was

DBM: Why did the relationship end?

Muna: She found out I was messing around with my last relationship and broke up with me. I took advantage of the breakup to date him. My relationship with him didn’t work out because we were entertaining other dudes on the side.

DBM: Are you dating now?

Muna: I am entertaining a few conversations

DBM: Men or women?

Muna: Both

DBM: Which of the individuals you’re conversing with are you that much into?

Muna: I’m intimate with both, so I cannot be sure. But I enjoy being with them.

DBM: What do you feel for the guy?

Muna: I like him. I respect him; I like calling and talking to him. I love laughing at his stupid jokes. I wouldn’t mind being in a relationship with him.

DBM: How about the lady?

Muna: She brings out the best qualities in me, she would be a good mother if we’re to have any kids. She’s a positive influence in my life.

DBM: Do they know there’re two of them competing for your attention?

Muna: The man knows and does not mind. He understands that’s how it works.

DBM: That’s how what works?

Muna: If you want to achieve an ideal of normalcy. He is married to a woman

DBM: Are you straight?

Muna: I don’t think so

DBM: So, why are you trying anything that might make you straight?

Muna: Naija we dey, bro!

DBM: Are you bisexual?

Muna: I probably might be

DBM: But are you?

Muna: I’m not sure

DBM: Until you learn how to stand your ground in this society; until you learn how to pause, reflect to check-in with your authentic self to know who you really are, others will decide it for you.

Muna: I don’t want to be known as the ‘homosexual’

DBM: You’re a human being, a person. And you can identify as a man without societal labels.

Muna: Hmmm!

DBM: Make time to look at who you become when no one is watching

Muna: I know I’m going to have to deal with it. I get that

DBM: I doubt you get it. What you feel and what you do with a man or woman doesn’t make it any less valid an experience. It doesn’t mean you’re wrong with your choices. It doesn’t mean you’re confused. Are you confused?

Muna: No!

DBM: You know exactly what you’re doing and what you want in life, no?

Muna: I do

DBM: What do you want?

Muna: Someone who can make me feel special and safe

DBM: So, when you close your eyes right now and imagine yourself with a potential partner, do you see a specific gender?

Muna: Yes

DBM: Is it with a male or female?

Muna: A man.

DBM: Okay!

Muna: You think it’s, okay?

DBM: I think that’s your identity for the moment. Everything you believe you are. Everything you know, deep down, that you think about. Everything you feel and strongly believe. That is you, Muna.

Muna: I’ve been seeing a therapist for my depression.

DBM: You will get there. It’s just going to take a bit of time

Muna: But I’m still struggling to feel at ease being anything other than heterosexual

DBM: This fear can limit your ability to live to the fullest. You know that, no?

Muna: Yeah! It’s the shame of being gay that is holding me back

DBM: Shame can also be a sign of strength.

Muna: How does that work?

DBM: Feeling shame sometimes unearths our understanding and gives us the ability to actually connect with others

Muna: Last question

DBM: Please ask

Muna: How about what the Bible says about homosexuality?

DBM: I have not read the Bible in its entirety, but this is what I know, your life as a gay Christian man should not be filled with any different kind of fear, guilt or shame – that would discourage you to keep your unique experience with the grace of GOD upon your life to yourself. Do better and stop sleeping around.

Muna: My dick can be content sometimes with the right person but my heart isn’t most of the time. That’s why I am unable to stop.

DBM: It should matter to you who you put your rod and staff into.

Muna: Yeah!

DBM: Find someone you can be true to and be your authentic self around him or her.

Muna: I want to be in a serious relationship but some of these people the moment you start exchanging the I love you too feelings, they start to make you feel like a freak for desiring and wanting them sexually. I love sex. That’s why most men cheat. We’re not getting much of it in the relationships that are supposed to keep us happy and fulfilled. Work is stressful enough. Sex with outsiders can be a stress reliver. I am in my whoring phase till the shine wears off.

DBM: Even if it means being reckless with the feelings of people you know ultimately, may end up being that much into you?

Muna: Lol!

DBM: Explain your understanding and feelings about sex to me?

Muna: Let me use this simple analogy. I love to travel a lot. And though I love where I currently live, I often get sick and bored of the same old place. I know the routes and routines of the neighborhood and even the city. Same old everything, day in, day out. Meanwhile, there are fun places outside my neighborhood and city to visit. Fun places outside the country to see something new, eat something new, feel something new, do something new for a change. Do you have an idea how rich my experiences would be if I visited more places?

DBM: I don’t think any serious man or woman should cling to whatever crumbs of emotion an unavailable man is willing to throw their way – whenever they decide to check on them because they’re lonely and horny. People deserve people who want to stay.

Muna: I want to stay but people have to also learn to accepts those of us who love sex a lot. They should learn to deal with it and even perhaps, use it to their own advantage.

Image Credit: Mike Jones 

Let’s Talk To Shalom

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 1 Comment

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 175: I am Shalom

DBM: Hello Shalom. How would you describe yourself?

Shalom: A man who loves to take himself off on a little sexual odyssey. I give my body the fun it deserves and nothing is suppressed.

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Shalom: 5

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Shalom: My wife found disturbing videos on my phone and I am not sure what she’s going to do with what she knows

DBM: How disturbing are the videos?

Shalom: Porn

DBM: She will get over it

Shalom: Gay porn

DBM: Are you gay?

Shalom: No!

DBM: So, why that kind of material?

Shalom: I was just curious

DBM: Tell her that

Shalom: She wouldn’t believe me

DBM: Why not?

Shalom: She read my conversations with a few guys

DBM: Friends?

Shalom: Kind-of

DBM: Okay?

Shalom: Friends with benefits

DBM: Sexual benefits?

Shalom: Yeah

DBM: How long have you been doing this?

Shalom: A while

DBM: Put a number to the ‘while’

Shalom: Nine to 10 years, maybe

DBM: How long have you been married?

Shalom: I cannot say

DBM: Why not?

Shalom: I’m just being careful with what I say. My wife or her friends may chance on this, and can put two-and-two together

DBM: Do you use protection when having sexual intercourse with men?

Shalom: Sometimes

DBM: How often is ‘sometimes?’

Shalom: Not that often

DBM: How many men have you slept with this year?

Shalom: About 6 or 7

DBM: Random people or these are guys you know?

Shalom: I know three. The rest are just hookups here and there

DBM: How many women, aside your wife, have you slept with this year?

Shalom: My wife is the only woman I sleep with

DBM: A straight guy, sleeping with just his wife but has been with 6 to 7 men this year? How fascinating do you think this is?

Shalom: I crave to be with men sometimes, but it doesn’t make me gay

DBM: You really want to know what I’m thinking?

Shalom: Yeah!

DBM: You have intentionally stolen the life your wife could have had with a straight man who would love on only her.

Shalom: I understand what you’re saying, but I really love my wife. The guys I meet are all straight. They’re married with families too. It doesn’t make us gay

DBM: If you say so

Shalom: Gays develop emotional attachments with the same sex. We’re just interested in the sex and physical contact. Nothing more

DBM: One of my high-school mates, Julian, always claims, he is not a crack addict, even though he smokes crack almost every day, and cannot function without it.

Shalom: It’s not the same

DBM: How about this, ‘I am not a surgeon but I have performed 6 to 7 surgeries this year”

Shalom: I am a straight man, married to the woman of my life. What you’re also not understanding is that, women generally, are for stability. Men are for sex

DBM: You’re not being fair to your wife. You’re not being honest with yourself

Shalom: I take very good care of my wife

DBM: Then why are you bothered she’s figured you out?

Shalom: I need someone to talk to

DBM: Talk to your wife. She’s the best person to reason with

Shalom: She will not understand me

DBM: I do not understand you either. You’ve eaten a whole lot of meat this year alone, yet you think yourself to be vegetarian?

Shalom: Why do you want me to accept something I am telling you I am not?

DBM: I am not forcing you to accept anything. I’m just drawing your attention to the fact that; you are an intricate tapestry woven from the threads of denial and love. And I feel awful for your wife. Any wife would feel disgusted and devastated by their husbands doing this

Shalom: Even though I am doing everything a man has to do to keep his wife and children happy?

DBM: What you are doing is extremely selfish

Shalom: I know

DBM: And dangerous

Shalom: I am not harming anyone

DBM: Are you getting tested?

Shalom: Of what?

DBM: STI’s

Shalom: I’m good

DBM: Being single is equally a good option. You know that, no?

Shalom: I want to stay married

DBM: Good for you

Shalom: How do I go about my situation?

DBM: Sincerity is best served with the truth. Tell your wife the truth. This also means you take her feelings seriously

Shalom: I can’t tell her the whole truth

DBM: Why not?

Shalom: I just can’t

DBM: Again, you’re solely responsible for your behavior, and the fact that you’re choosing to downplay the situation at hand – says it all.

Shalom: Do you believe she can forgive me?

DBM: The pain experienced when hurt by our loved ones take time to heal.

Shalom: Hmm!

DBM: Also, since it’s just ‘sex’ that you guys are into, know that your sexual partners have sexual partners, who also have their own sets of sexual partners. The circle keeps drawing till one of you infects the circle with a deadly disease.

Shalom: I regret that she had to find out this way

DBM: It may take her time to wrap her head around this. Everyone heals at their own pace

Shalom: Thanks for your time

DBM: Participant 174, AJ, left a question for you: ‘Who benefits in marriage the most… men or women?’

Shalom: I believe marriage just shows up for men while women are conditioned from a very young age to aspire to get married and have children. A woman will always be an available commodity a man can easily find when he is ready to settle down.

DBM: So, who benefits the most?

Shalom: The man. The game is fixed in our favor, no matter what

DBM: It’s your turn to leave a question behind for the next participant

Shalom: What makes you scream and cum, melting you into a puddle of nothingness?

DBM: Thank you!

Image Credit: Daniel Torobekov

Let’s Talk To Sipho and Annika

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 149a: Sipho

Participant 149b: My name is Annika

DBM: Hello Sipho and Annika. How would you describe yourselves?

Sipho: A very sensual man

Annika: Blindly loyal to those I love and care about

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Sipho: 9.5

Annika: 8

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Sipho: Me and my wife have been married for 17 years. We separated when we clocked the seventh year, and almost divorced on our 10th anniversary. The emotional connection was no longer there on her part, and I wasn’t getting sex from home. In fact, she wasn’t giving me any sex, so I had to get it from somewhere else. Our children became her priority, and I felt neglected and was ready to equally throw in the towel. I asked her one day if she wanted a divorce and she said no.

DBM: Why did you say no?

Annika: I took responsibility for my part in the failure of our relationship. I think that was what reformed the entire dynamic of our marriage.

DBM: What made you take this decision?

Annika: One of us had to change, and I was the unhappy spouse. I felt no one else could save my marriage but me.

DBM: Sir, did you want the marriage as at that time?

Sipho: Very much. We did not set out on this journey to be unhappy. Our marriage used to be so much fun when we used to agree with each other.

DBM: Mrs. what did you think you were doing wrong?

Annika: The way I talked to him, sometimes was bad. I blamed him a lot for so many things, it turned us away from each other. I had to learn how to turn towards him with a good attitude.

DBM: Before she stopped giving you sex to make you want it somewhere else, had you been cheating on your wife?

Sipho: No

DBM: How important is sex in your marriage?

Sipho: What my wife couldn’t understand was that, I always wanted to have sex with her because I love her. It wasn’t just about sex. She cuddles for hours and fall asleep in my arms, and that, is love, and should be enough in her opinion. Not that I don’t like cuddling; I love to cuddle. A cuddle that leads to sex is love for me. I would touch her in a certain way, and suddenly would be too tired to follow through. My wife could have a headache for a week, all because she knew I wanted to have sex with her. I would touch her in the evenings and, ‘not tonight’ automatically comes out of her mouth. She was never ready for me when I was ready.

DBM: Was she at any given time initiating sex with you for a change?

Sipho: No

DBM: Why were you withholding sex from your husband?

Annika: I was hurt. Many of the times he wanted to be intimate with me, I was so upset with him to even imagine him touching me.

DBM: Do you think you want sex with your husband as much as he wants to be intimate with you?

Annika: Of course

DBM: How often do you have sex now in a week?

Annika: Almost the whole week

Sipho: Twice a week

DBM: Lol!

Annika: Twice, you say?

Sipho: Yes. Last week, we did it on Monday and Thursday. Have you forgotten?

DBM: Interesting 😊

Annika: It seemed more than that to me

DBM: You two are actually making me realize, men and women view the whole sex-frequency thing differently. Twice a week feels like seven days a week to you, while twice means just two times in a week for him. I want to know something: what does sex mean to you, individually?

Sipho: Dave, you really want to know?

DBM: Yes please

Sipho: If I see a towel wrapped around my wife, erection springs. If my hand accidentally brushes her butt, my penis is provoked. So, you can imagine what happens in my body when I see her come out of the shower naked?

DBM: Yes

Annika: Lol! That’s all you guys know

Sipho: It’s an appetite; a special kind of food I want to eat every day. I get hungry if I’m not fed sex. That is my finest way of connecting with my wife. It’s my love language. If I am to get the kind of sex I want with my wife, home will feel like home to me. I feel and experience true love through sex, regular sex I mean. Ask any man, and he will tell you something similar.

DBM: Mrs. it’s your turn

Annika: What you’re not also understanding from my part is, love isn’t always bodily measured. Sex is important to me too

Sipho: We went out on a date to celebrate our wedding anniversary. At the restaurant, I passed a lingerie under the table and signaled her to go change into it at the ladies’, my wife laughed and just put it in her purse.

Annika: Why would a woman my age do that? All you guys think about is sex

Sipho: Babes, all I think about is you. You matter to me

Annika: You matter to me too

Sipho: What do you want me to do to make you want me?

Annika: Nothing. I want you

DBM: Someone once told me,  ‘a cherished woman during the day is a cherished woman at night. If you truly make her feel supported, valued, respected, helped, she will show her value to you in ways that would please you too.’

Annika: Thank you!

Sipho: I know I try

Annika: I know you do

DBM: Participant 148, Reuben, left a question for you: ‘Do you have a pet? If yes, what would they say about you if they could talk?’

Annika: We have dogs and cats. If they could talk, I’d probably be their mummy. They love me and I love them too.

Sipho: I have a busy life, due to that, I easily get distracted, but I am close to my pets. They will tell you I am a good friend.

DBM: It’s your turn to leave a question behind for the next participant

Annika: My question is for you, Dave. I know you’re not a participant, but I want to know which church you fellowship with?

DBM:  I church online with The Maker’s House Chapel International

Annika: What sets them apart?

DBM: The church’s culture is love. Their structures work. They provide hope for the future. Their leadership lead with love. They are selfless and down to earth. The sermons preached are practical ways for one to live by faith. Last but not least, their music ministration and worship is to die for.

Sipho: My question to the next participant is, how do you evaluate success?

DBM: Thank you!

Image Credit: Kindel Media

Let’s Talk To Zoey

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 140: My name is Zoey

DBM: Hi Zoey. How would you describe yourself?

Zoey: African woman

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Zoey: 7

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Zoey: I am still finding it difficult to understand why in this day and age, it is a woman who has it so hard. I am dealing with my periods – the hormonal rise and fall, which influences numerous physical sensations and emotional shifts, which I experience for days before and after menstruation. The mood swings, those of us who bloat, get depressed, the fatigue, breast tenderness and the headaches – which sometimes would disrupt our daily routine. Dave, menstrual cramps sucks. I am always miserable during my period. Let me not even talk about pregnancy; the woman is feeling sick, tired and moody, and what is her husband thinking about? When he can have sex with you. I acknowledge that men go through their own struggles but sometimes, you guys are the reason why our marriages become overwhelming. My husband thinks I am not excited about him, but the truth is, I sometimes feel like I am dealing with everything on my own in this marriage, and this makes me feel isolated and resentful.

DBM: How long have you been married?

Zoey: Eight years, Dave. We have two kids

DBM: I see

Zoey: Society and men, indirectly put unrealistic expectations on how a woman should look like. Girls have to look pretty; such stereotype. Can you imagine my boss, a man, once walked to my office to suggest to me to wear ‘a little bit of make-up’? My husband had said same years back. Putting on make-up is too much work for me; it steals my time and it’s tiring to say the least. Why should I have stuff on my face before I am seen to be beautiful? Or in my boss’s words, ‘presentable to potential clients’. I mean, why?

DBM: It’s not down to your boss or husband to dictate your enhancing routine. It’s down to you

Zoey: I know, and I told my husband and boss the same thing, it’s my face. The same way I have no input on their decisions to build their bodies in the gym or ‘dress to kill’, I am in no way decorating my face to satisfy their curiosity.

DBM: Hmmm!

Zoey: Also, my husband thinks I don’t like having sex with him. Look, I respect the fact that his sexual desire is stronger than mine. With this knowledge in the backdrop, he’s supposed to SATISFY me during sex, so I can fall on the pleasure he brings me during sex – to increase my yearning for more. But no, man only wants to pound and last for 15 minutes or less, cum and then, sleep.

DBM: What feedback do you give him after sex?

Zoey: I tell him what he wants to hear

DBM: Like?

Zoey: Anything to make him feel he’s good in bed

DBM: And, is the ‘anything’ in this context the truth?

Zoey: No!

DBM: So, you’re the one enabling his mediocre performance

Zoey: I am not. A man is supposed to know what he’s supposed to do to make his woman feel fulfilled

DBM: But as a man, I would have preferred my partner rather being vocal and honest with me about how they truly feel during sex. How difficult is it for you to lovingly suggest what makes you happy or needs changing during intercourse?

Zoey: Men don’t listen

DBM: We do listen

Zoey: Not my husband.

DBM: Have you showed him how to please you? Because a real man, and husband would have a listening ear, and his aim would be only to please you. When it comes to sex, men work hard with the intention of pleasing. Because in our minds, if you’re satisfied, we will get the opportunity to repeat history all over again with you.

Zoey: Hmmm!

DBM: Your silence has consequences. The gaps he’s unable to fill also have its own consequences.

Zoey: I agree

DBM: Participant 139, Emmett, left a question for you: ‘Has something ever started out badly for you but in the end, was great?’

Zoey: No

DBM: It’s your turn to leave a question behind for the next participant

Zoey: What would you think if your man spent more time on his looks than on you?

DBM: Thank you!

Image Credit: Heyy Kazz

Let’s Talk To Leroy

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 133: Leroy

DBM: Hello Leroy. How would you describe yourself?

Leroy: Proactive and ambitious in life

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Leroy: 5

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Leroy: I recently found out that my wife consumes a lot of porn. The first time I saw it, I didn’t think of making an issue out of it. But I am beginning to feel bothered by it after seeing it on her phone again. From the little I saw, she prefers a certain type of man, because her browsing history had specific searching, tall, well-built black hunks. I am not that so what does that mean?

DBM: How often do you have open conversations about sex with your wife?

Leroy: Not often

DBM: What do you truly feel about her watching porn?

Leroy: I think it’s a form of cheating

DBM: Okay?

Leroy: And it makes me a little uncomfortable and jealous

DBM: Would you be okay to watch it together if she’s to invite you to it?

Leroy: Why would I do that?

DBM: I have a friend who finds it stimulating to watch pornography with his wife, to the extent of even considering it a vital aspect of their foreplay.

Leroy: No

DBM: How important is your intimate life with wifey?

Leroy: Very important

DBM: So, the sex talk does happen between you two?

Leroy: When I’m frustrated and tired of not getting her to see things from my perspective

DBM: Do you know what your wife likes in bed?

Leroy: I think so

DBM: You give her exactly what she wants during sex?

Leroy: I try. I mean, I can’t read her mind to know everything

DBM: Have you confronted your wife after finding this out?

Leroy: No. It annoys me to bring the conversation up

DBM: Why does it annoy you?

Leroy: It just does. And it makes me not feel valued

DBM: Ask her why she watches porn

Leroy: Hmmm!

DBM: You used to watch porn yourself, no?

Leroy: Yes, but I stopped a long time ago

DBM: Why did you stop?

Leroy: I had my wife to satisfy me

DBM: Why were you watching porn those times?

Leroy: Dave, I like sex, and I like watching attractive women have sex. It’s a turn on for me

DBM: Do you think you’re good enough in bed?

Leroy: I am. The women praise my abilities

DBM: Including your wife?

Leroy: Sometimes

DBM: But which woman has categorically told you she’s pleased by the things you do to her during sex?

Leroy: I have this friend I mess around with. She’s excited about whatever I can do in bed with her and I am completely taken by her excitement.

DBM: When was the last time she gave such feedback of feeling pleased?

Leroy: Just last week

DBM: She’s married?

Leroy: No

DBM: Oh, okay! I’m guessing after every session, you leave her some money etc.

Leroy: I’m taking care of her needs basically, and I like her because she appreciates me.

DBM: Your wife doesn’t?

Leroy: Not to the level I am experiencing right now

DBM: What is the current state of your relationship with your wife?

Leroy: I think she’s damaging the connection and emotional intimacy between us with her porn delight. I’m gradually pulling away from her and may ultimately, uncouple from our sex life.

DBM: How long have you been married?

Leroy: 9 years

DBM: How often do you have sex with your wife?

Leroy: Not often

DBM: Explain

Leroy: She’s not willing to try different things with me, but I’m not complaining. This other lady I’m talking about gives me breakfast and quickies after feeding me. I feel like a man when I hold her

DBM: Was that the reason why you had to resort to the other woman?

Leroy: Partly

DBM: Explain your need for sex?

Leroy: Dave, it’s just like my cravings for food

DBM: You think you can die without having sex?

Leroy: Lol! I know what you’re trying to do

DBM: Smh! What kind of mindset do you have when you think about sex?

Leroy: I don’t understand the question

DBM: For example, I have a growth mindset about sex, because I believe sex changes with time. Just like our traditions, they keep evolving with time. So, how I choose to create a memorable experience with my body, with a loved one, in a defined setting or atmosphere is what I choose to call my unique experience, which I am pleased with.

Leroy: I agree

DBM: So, what is your mindset like?

Leroy: Yeah, I’m open to giving it and being received. I try new stuff all the time and it spices things up

DBM: Do you create these new experiences with your wife during sex or you pay it forward to her after being with the other lady?

Leroy: My wife can be very boring

DBM: Meaning?

Leroy: No initiative from her part. But with this other girl, I am able to last longer in bed

DBM: Are you one of those guys immixing longer sex with better sex?

Leroy: Sometimes, it is. Going the long distance can be steamy

DBM: And marathonic

Leroy: Not to me. My wife always wants me to stop after the first 10 minutes

DBM: Why?

Leroy: She says I keep too long. Says the woman with a porn addiction

DBM: Has it occurred to you that she probably enjoys pleasing herself with porn because masturbation helps her to achieve her desired sex?

Leroy: Whatever makes her happy

DBM: Participant 132, Asher, left a question for you: ‘What do you enjoy about your job?’

Leroy: I’m fairly compensated; the benefits that come along with the salary is also great. My job gives me the freedom to do other things which balances with my personal life. The working environment is less stressful and my employer provide us with the needed tools to reach our daily goals.

DBM: It’s your turn to leave a question behind for the next participant

Leroy: You own a crystal ball that could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, your past, present, the future and anything else. What would you want to know?

DBM: Thank you!

Image Credit: Andrea Piacquadio

Let’s Talk To Fofo

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 104: My name is Fofo

DBM: Hello Fofo. How would you describe yourself?

Fofo: Right now, I am angry

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Fofo: Five

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Fofo: My husband can be very annoying, and because of that we argue and fight a lot. There are days I just don’t feel like talking to him, especially when it’s that time of the night after an exhausting day at work. Because of one stupid advice given us by his mother on our wedding reception, he wants me to act the way he thinks his mother would have in a good way. Dave, I want to go to be angry when I am mad at my husband. I don’t want to talk to him when I don’t feel like talking to him. I don’t want him to touch my body after a fight. I want to go to bed as mad and wouldn’t want to make peace till I feel like forgiving him. How is that wrong?

DBM: I don’t see anything wrong with it. Going to bed peeved can also mean that I get to wake up the next morning feeling okay

Fofo: Me too, but not my husband. He’d want to make peace, and then fuck me afterwards. Then the next two or three days, he will repeat the same thing he did for us to argue, and the circle continues. Why do people think it’s wrong to go bed irked after a fight or an argument?

DBM: I believe in being your authentic self at all times. People pretend a lot just to sell a false narrative. If I am angry at my partner, I would need time to let go of the anger. Also, staying up later than I should stresses the hell out of me

Fofo: How much time is appropriate?

DBM: I don’t know; we are all different. I can only speak from my perspective and experience. Time could be seconds, minutes, hours, days or even a week. It all depends on the gravity of the fight. I am unable to think rationally when I am angry, that is why I prefer keeping my distance. I am able to make meaningful conversations only when anger hasn’t gotten the best of me

Fofo: My husband says for us not talking about the issue, we start to create divisions between us, and that could lead to more arguing and speaking to one another less and less. He doesn’t want a situation whereby our anger could force one of us to start sleeping on the couch or in another bedroom.

DBM: So, if he can picture all this, why does he get back into doing the very same things that pisses you off?

Fofo: You see what I am dealing with?

DBM: You know yourself and how much bullshit you can take. We all can’t be the same with our approach when it comes to conflict resolution. You need to be true to your feelings at every given moment. If I am in a heated fight or argument with my partner, and I can envisage saying or doing something to hurt this person I dearly love’s feelings, I would walk away from the fight before our relationship is unable to go back to where it used to be. I will go to bed not talking to you, wake up the next morning, and be intentional about rejuvenating what is important to me.

Fofo: My husband is the most important person to me

DBM: So, you go back to him to continue with the discussion

Fofo: What if he’s not ready to talk at the time you want to talk?

DBM: You let him be, because when you were not in the mood, you expected him to respect your space, no?

Fofo: This is where I think his point comes to play; we all keep dragging our feet till we’re both not interested in being friends again

DBM: Again, I can only speak from what works for me. I would rather go to bed angry and not have to talk to you, or look at your ‘stupid’ face, than to pretend to be okay with you till I am not… And then would say or do something which would be completely out of line. That wouldn’t be me going to sleep as honest as I could ever be with you. I refuse to hide my anger, simply because we have to work things out by hook or by crook. That isn’t honesty. Sometimes, in my anger and not talking to you, I am in a silent prayer to GOD to help me figure you or the basis of our argument out. I need my sleep to be able to process all the anger and pent-up feelings and emotions.

Fofo: I hate my husband’s stupid guts when he wants sex from me at these particular times too

DBM: You enjoy having sex with your husband?

Fofo: I do

DBM: This is what I would do if I were in your shoes; I would go to bed angry alright, facing the other side of the bed. Then wake up at dawn while he’s fast asleep, to speak to GOD from within to help you understand your husband. While in prayer, put your hand on your husband’s crotch. Does your husband sleep naked?

Fofo: Sometimes. Other times too in his briefs.

DBM: This particular evening, he would be wearing his briefs because you’re both mad at each other. Allow your hand to rest on his briefs, and then gently massage his penis and testicles. He will feel your touch and then would open his eyes to see what you are up to. Angry or not, the body can be somewhat ready for sex in the early mornings. Dawn sex can bring you and your husband closer together. Also, climaxing before getting out of bed can put the both of you in a beautiful mood for the rest of the day.

Fofo: My husband is the type who wouldn’t want us to discuss a problem in detail after a fight. If we are on good terms, he would trash it and pretend nothing has happened, simply because sex is back on the table. It’s like, he never remembers what were fighting about

DBM: Again, it’s not about winning an argument; it’s about making peace with the one person that you love. Not every fight would be resolved before we both go to bed; that is why we can agree to talk about it after we’ve woken up the next morning with a fresh attitude. The fresh attitude is inspired after the dawn broadcast. Fighting on the battle field is an art. You need to know how to pick these fights wisely

Fofo: Why do you guys use sex as your chip?

DBM: Have you ever wondered why the majority of men season while we age? Because sex is mostly a man’s cascade of youth

Fofo: Thank you Dave for chatting with me

DBM: You’re welcome. May I know how long you’ve been married, please?

Fofo: Seven years

DBM: Make it your best day today.

Image Credit: Cottonbro Studio

Let’s Talk To Aurora

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 1 Comment

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 102: Ms. Aurora is my name

DBM: Hello Aurora. How would you describe yourself?

Aurora: The measurement of pleasure my body needs to reach orgasm. That is to say, I have better acceleration, which equates my overall performance in bed

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Aurora: 9

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Aurora: I want to talk about my job as a sex-worker. When I was a teenager, I wanted to be who I am today, and I am so glad that I did not bury myself in self-doubt with a laundry list of explanations as to why I couldn’t rent my body to men willing to pay and use me for their pleasure. Let me also state that, nothing went wrong in my life for me to be doing this job. There is no shame in this; just like any other profession, I showed up and made myself available to my first client. Even though I didn’t have any experience the first time, I knew the experience would come with time. I became available to different clients to stretch myself in ways that weren’t always comfortable, and my sex life earnt the benefits. Dave, one of the most beautiful and intimate things every woman ought to do with someone else is to fuck them.

DBM: How old are you?

Aurora: 35

DBM: How long have you been in the business?

Aurora: 13 years and counting

DBM: You started when you were 22 years?

Aurora: Yes

DBM: What is the one thing you believe works – when it comes to sex?

Aurora: Sex makes sense when the individuals engaging in it know how to stem pleasure out of their own selves. Understanding what pleases you sexually and tapping into it during sex to please yourself will make you enjoy the act even better. A lot of the time, we want to please the ones we’re fucking so bad that, our focus shifts rather to performance. Sex is not about performance; sex should be for your own pleasure. Own your body, know what makes you tick and groan. I always tell my clients, it’s not my duty or responsibility to make you cum. I am responsible for my own orgasm, no man is. I know what makes me orgasm, that is why I do not share my glory with anyone. I don’t believe any man performs poorly in bed. If a woman knows how to keep her body excited, she will have no time to mark her partner’s performance. If a man knows how to take a swing at himself for a cum during sex, he will never criticize his partner for being boring in bed.

DBM: Do you know your body count?

Aurora: I’ve been with a lot of men. Let’s say a 100+

DBM: Is the sex protected?

Aurora: Always. I believe in safe sex and pleasure. Luckily for me, condoms provide me both. It’s all about the approach. I make my clients find putting on condoms sexy. And they always end up feeling good after using it.

DBM: What are your customer demographics?

Aurora: I don’t pay attention to that, but 97% of the men could be married

DBM: What does that inform you?

Aurora: I can only draw from the interactions some clients have had with me. They said their spouses find solace in motherhood rather than being wives. Some claim their wives have even forgotten that they exist

DBM: Can you use yourself to explain what you stated earlier concerning pleasuring yourself during intercourse with a client?

Aurora: I understand my body because I know me and what can make me orgasm without even touching my count. My nipples and inner thighs bring me so much pleasure. They are my crazy, sensitive hot spots that can set off explosives through my whole body. When I am with a client, I stimulate my breasts in ways that automatically provokes a sexual response from the men. When I place ice cubes in slow motion on my inner thighs, the mood it sets me in takes any man from just observing and loving it to, ‘I’ve got to have you right now’

DBM: Do you think people pay attention to their bodies?

Aurora: No, they don’t. They rather expect others to know how to pleasure them so they can reach orgasm. I don’t roll that way. That’s why I use my first encounter with every new client as a teaching session. I help them to discover and activate their sweet selves so they can trigger their own orgasmic responses for themselves. Our bodies are roofed with extremely delicate areas that we often aren’t making any efforts on our own to explore to the fullest

DBM: How do you perceive the ordinary Ghanaian man in bed?

Aurora: Useless.

DBM: That bad?

Aurora: Most Ghanaian and African men only dream of lasting long in bed to prove they’re good at sex. But they’re not good, that’s the truth. I’ve been with almost 250 men in total. They all sucked initially. They penetrate and thrust from different positions, delay ejaculation for it to take them from five minutes, to half an hour (depending on their stamina) before getting off or climaxing. What could have been fun for both parties rather turn out to be exhausting, and not to mention, frustrating. Many of my married female friends all say the same thing, ‘sex with their husbands feels like a waste of their time and energy’. Many ladies’ fake orgasms because of communication hitches in their relationships. So, when you hear her groan, moan or scream the ‘Ah, yes, yeah, Mmmm, Ou, harder, feels so good, etc.’ during vaginal sex, majority of them only are triggering your cum-fest to draw near, so you can pull the hell out of her.

DBM: Are you dating?

Aurora: No. I have not met the type of man who is open and would consent to the kind of relationship I want

DBM: What’s your kind?

Aurora: I want to have more than one sexual partner; I want to love more than one person at a time, yet being emotionally accountable to each of the partners involved.

DBM: You have kids?

Aurora: I don’t want children now

DBM: Thank you for making time to chat.

Image Credit: Nathan B. Caldeira

Let’s Talk To Amakai

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 3 Comments

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 63: I’m Amakai

DBM: Hello Amakai. How would you describe yourself?

Amakai: A mother, wife, hard worker, kind, and very easygoing

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Amakai: I’ll say 5

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Amakai: My husband cums about four times inside me before pulling out during sex. He thinks I don’t know when he ejaculates, because he tries so hard not to make any noise to give up his emotions. He continues after a few seconds of rest, whiles in me till he’s cum the second, third or forth time, before pulling out. I read a message he sent to one of his secret side chicks that he can last over 15 minutes in bed. 15 minutes of precums isn’t a lasting to boast about.

DBM: Well, pulling out around such pleasurable, intense feelings isn’t feasible.

Amakai: It’s not fun either for me

DBM: What has your husband’s confidence, self-worth, connection and validation got to do with your assessment of him?

Amakai: He’s not good in bed

DBM: Have you told him that?

Amakai: No, because it’s not worth it. He’s always thinking with his dick.

DBM: Most guys do

Amakai: Can’t a man cum just once, take in the moment, rest for a while, before thinking of the next round?

DBM: Would you willingly give in to a second round after he’s taken that long break – you’re proposing?

Amakai: I might. But even if I don’t, I’m still his wife and he can always get another intimate moment with me the next day.

DBM: How many times do you two have sex in a week?

Amakai: At most, twice or thrice. It depends on our schedule for the week. We have children and our respective professional careers to attend to.

DBM: Most guys want sex all the time. Do you know that?

Amakai: Most women do not want sex all the time. Do you know that? Because I am in this category

DBM: Does your husband know you do not like too much of sex?

Amakai: Yes. It was one of the first conversations we had while dating.

DBM: And he said he was okay with that?

Amakai: He didn’t have a problem with it

DBM: Did you understand his need for sex when you guys were dating?

Amakai: Yes, and he wasn’t this aggressive to take it all at a go. Now, it’s like he has to have all the sex with me when the opportunity presents itself, because he feels he doesn’t know when I would give in to his demands. That’s the unspoken signal sent me

DBM: If you’re having sex twice in a week, and your husband is the type that loves to have a lot of sex, what do you think is going on in his mind?

Amakai: How would I know? Should everything in marriage be about sex? How about his wife who isn’t so rooted when it comes to sex? How about the wife who is the mother of our children, and is present to them 90% of the time while he is out? How about the wife who also works the 9 to 5 job every week?

DBM: I can only speak from my point of view as a guy. I know a lot of guys connect to their spouses emotionally through sex. Them not having enough sex could force such guys, consciously or unconsciously to have little or no real emotional connection towards you.

Amakai: Dave, I do my best for him in that department.

DBM: How often does he communicate with you on issues?

Amakai: We talk when we have to talk

DBM: When last did he ask about your day?

Amakai: Dave

DBM: Yes?

Amakai: Why all these questions?

DBM: I am trying to have a conversation with you about your husband. Tell me about his mood swings

Amakai: He is simply not a happy guy. There is nothing I can do to change that

DBM: How much time does he spend at home with you and the children?

Amakai: Not much

DBM: What is his typical weekend like?

Amakai: Gym, friends, work, work… work

DBM: Do you get the feeling that your husband desires to be with you?

Amakai: He tries to be there for us

DBM: Whereby ‘us’ means?

Amakai: Home, the children, me, etc.

DBM: I am talking about you; him wanting to be there, specifically for you

Amakai: No

DBM: Then he is not feeling as connected with you

Amakai: That’s not my doing, Dave. He is choosing not to be with his wife who loves him

DBM: A man can love and be in love with you and not be connected to you.

Amakai: Because of sex?

DBM: Just as you would want him to be emotionally supportive and forthcoming, so does he want you to be emotionally connected with/to him, through sex.

Amakai: So, for you guys, everything is about the physical?

DBM: It’s not entirely about physicality; a lot of things are tired to sex for men.

Amakai: Women get tired

DBM: I know

Amakai: Are you sure you guys know that? Because if it were left to my husband alone, he’d prefer I stop all that I would be doing just to attend to his sexual needs

DBM: How about choosing to also interpret such calls to mean, your husband’s desperation to want to be close to his beloved wife?

Amakai: So, because I am his wife, I am obligated to have sex with him in order to keep him around?

DBM: That’s not what I am saying. There are men out there who can have zero sex with their women, and still choose to be excited about, be faithful to, and be emotionally attracted to them.

Amakai: That is not the man I am married to

DBM: You know him best. But please do not pull away your trust for his masculine energy and direction. Wake up your feminine energy

Image Credit: Jeferson Gomes

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