Tag: Sex

Let’s Talk To Leroy

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 133: Leroy

DBM: Hello Leroy. How would you describe yourself?

Leroy: Proactive and ambitious in life

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Leroy: 5

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Leroy: I recently found out that my wife consumes a lot of porn. The first time I saw it, I didn’t think of making an issue out of it. But I am beginning to feel bothered by it after seeing it on her phone again. From the little I saw, she prefers a certain type of man, because her browsing history had specific searching, tall, well-built black hunks. I am not that so what does that mean?

DBM: How often do you have open conversations about sex with your wife?

Leroy: Not often

DBM: What do you truly feel about her watching porn?

Leroy: I think it’s a form of cheating

DBM: Okay?

Leroy: And it makes me a little uncomfortable and jealous

DBM: Would you be okay to watch it together if she’s to invite you to it?

Leroy: Why would I do that?

DBM: I have a friend who finds it stimulating to watch pornography with his wife, to the extent of even considering it a vital aspect of their foreplay.

Leroy: No

DBM: How important is your intimate life with wifey?

Leroy: Very important

DBM: So, the sex talk does happen between you two?

Leroy: When I’m frustrated and tired of not getting her to see things from my perspective

DBM: Do you know what your wife likes in bed?

Leroy: I think so

DBM: You give her exactly what she wants during sex?

Leroy: I try. I mean, I can’t read her mind to know everything

DBM: Have you confronted your wife after finding this out?

Leroy: No. It annoys me to bring the conversation up

DBM: Why does it annoy you?

Leroy: It just does. And it makes me not feel valued

DBM: Ask her why she watches porn

Leroy: Hmmm!

DBM: You used to watch porn yourself, no?

Leroy: Yes, but I stopped a long time ago

DBM: Why did you stop?

Leroy: I had my wife to satisfy me

DBM: Why were you watching porn those times?

Leroy: Dave, I like sex, and I like watching attractive women have sex. It’s a turn on for me

DBM: Do you think you’re good enough in bed?

Leroy: I am. The women praise my abilities

DBM: Including your wife?

Leroy: Sometimes

DBM: But which woman has categorically told you she’s pleased by the things you do to her during sex?

Leroy: I have this friend I mess around with. She’s excited about whatever I can do in bed with her and I am completely taken by her excitement.

DBM: When was the last time she gave such feedback of feeling pleased?

Leroy: Just last week

DBM: She’s married?

Leroy: No

DBM: Oh, okay! I’m guessing after every session, you leave her some money etc.

Leroy: I’m taking care of her needs basically, and I like her because she appreciates me.

DBM: Your wife doesn’t?

Leroy: Not to the level I am experiencing right now

DBM: What is the current state of your relationship with your wife?

Leroy: I think she’s damaging the connection and emotional intimacy between us with her porn delight. I’m gradually pulling away from her and may ultimately, uncouple from our sex life.

DBM: How long have you been married?

Leroy: 9 years

DBM: How often do you have sex with your wife?

Leroy: Not often

DBM: Explain

Leroy: She’s not willing to try different things with me, but I’m not complaining. This other lady I’m talking about gives me breakfast and quickies after feeding me. I feel like a man when I hold her

DBM: Was that the reason why you had to resort to the other woman?

Leroy: Partly

DBM: Explain your need for sex?

Leroy: Dave, it’s just like my cravings for food

DBM: You think you can die without having sex?

Leroy: Lol! I know what you’re trying to do

DBM: Smh! What kind of mindset do you have when you think about sex?

Leroy: I don’t understand the question

DBM: For example, I have a growth mindset about sex, because I believe sex changes with time. Just like our traditions, they keep evolving with time. So, how I choose to create a memorable experience with my body, with a loved one, in a defined setting or atmosphere is what I choose to call my unique experience, which I am pleased with.

Leroy: I agree

DBM: So, what is your mindset like?

Leroy: Yeah, I’m open to giving it and being received. I try new stuff all the time and it spices things up

DBM: Do you create these new experiences with your wife during sex or you pay it forward to her after being with the other lady?

Leroy: My wife can be very boring

DBM: Meaning?

Leroy: No initiative from her part. But with this other girl, I am able to last longer in bed

DBM: Are you one of those guys immixing longer sex with better sex?

Leroy: Sometimes, it is. Going the long distance can be steamy

DBM: And marathonic

Leroy: Not to me. My wife always wants me to stop after the first 10 minutes

DBM: Why?

Leroy: She says I keep too long. Says the woman with a porn addiction

DBM: Has it occurred to you that she probably enjoys pleasing herself with porn because masturbation helps her to achieve her desired sex?

Leroy: Whatever makes her happy

DBM: Participant 132, Asher, left a question for you: ‘What do you enjoy about your job?’

Leroy: I’m fairly compensated; the benefits that come along with the salary is also great. My job gives me the freedom to do other things which balances with my personal life. The working environment is less stressful and my employer provide us with the needed tools to reach our daily goals.

DBM: It’s your turn to leave a question behind for the next participant

Leroy: You own a crystal ball that could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, your past, present, the future and anything else. What would you want to know?

DBM: Thank you!

Image Credit: Andrea Piacquadio

Let’s Talk To Fofo

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 104: My name is Fofo

DBM: Hello Fofo. How would you describe yourself?

Fofo: Right now, I am angry

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Fofo: Five

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Fofo: My husband can be very annoying, and because of that we argue and fight a lot. There are days I just don’t feel like talking to him, especially when it’s that time of the night after an exhausting day at work. Because of one stupid advice given us by his mother on our wedding reception, he wants me to act the way he thinks his mother would have in a good way. Dave, I want to go to be angry when I am mad at my husband. I don’t want to talk to him when I don’t feel like talking to him. I don’t want him to touch my body after a fight. I want to go to bed as mad and wouldn’t want to make peace till I feel like forgiving him. How is that wrong?

DBM: I don’t see anything wrong with it. Going to bed peeved can also mean that I get to wake up the next morning feeling okay

Fofo: Me too, but not my husband. He’d want to make peace, and then fuck me afterwards. Then the next two or three days, he will repeat the same thing he did for us to argue, and the circle continues. Why do people think it’s wrong to go bed irked after a fight or an argument?

DBM: I believe in being your authentic self at all times. People pretend a lot just to sell a false narrative. If I am angry at my partner, I would need time to let go of the anger. Also, staying up later than I should stresses the hell out of me

Fofo: How much time is appropriate?

DBM: I don’t know; we are all different. I can only speak from my perspective and experience. Time could be seconds, minutes, hours, days or even a week. It all depends on the gravity of the fight. I am unable to think rationally when I am angry, that is why I prefer keeping my distance. I am able to make meaningful conversations only when anger hasn’t gotten the best of me

Fofo: My husband says for us not talking about the issue, we start to create divisions between us, and that could lead to more arguing and speaking to one another less and less. He doesn’t want a situation whereby our anger could force one of us to start sleeping on the couch or in another bedroom.

DBM: So, if he can picture all this, why does he get back into doing the very same things that pisses you off?

Fofo: You see what I am dealing with?

DBM: You know yourself and how much bullshit you can take. We all can’t be the same with our approach when it comes to conflict resolution. You need to be true to your feelings at every given moment. If I am in a heated fight or argument with my partner, and I can envisage saying or doing something to hurt this person I dearly love’s feelings, I would walk away from the fight before our relationship is unable to go back to where it used to be. I will go to bed not talking to you, wake up the next morning, and be intentional about rejuvenating what is important to me.

Fofo: My husband is the most important person to me

DBM: So, you go back to him to continue with the discussion

Fofo: What if he’s not ready to talk at the time you want to talk?

DBM: You let him be, because when you were not in the mood, you expected him to respect your space, no?

Fofo: This is where I think his point comes to play; we all keep dragging our feet till we’re both not interested in being friends again

DBM: Again, I can only speak from what works for me. I would rather go to bed angry and not have to talk to you, or look at your ‘stupid’ face, than to pretend to be okay with you till I am not… And then would say or do something which would be completely out of line. That wouldn’t be me going to sleep as honest as I could ever be with you. I refuse to hide my anger, simply because we have to work things out by hook or by crook. That isn’t honesty. Sometimes, in my anger and not talking to you, I am in a silent prayer to GOD to help me figure you or the basis of our argument out. I need my sleep to be able to process all the anger and pent-up feelings and emotions.

Fofo: I hate my husband’s stupid guts when he wants sex from me at these particular times too

DBM: You enjoy having sex with your husband?

Fofo: I do

DBM: This is what I would do if I were in your shoes; I would go to bed angry alright, facing the other side of the bed. Then wake up at dawn while he’s fast asleep, to speak to GOD from within to help you understand your husband. While in prayer, put your hand on your husband’s crotch. Does your husband sleep naked?

Fofo: Sometimes. Other times too in his briefs.

DBM: This particular evening, he would be wearing his briefs because you’re both mad at each other. Allow your hand to rest on his briefs, and then gently massage his penis and testicles. He will feel your touch and then would open his eyes to see what you are up to. Angry or not, the body can be somewhat ready for sex in the early mornings. Dawn sex can bring you and your husband closer together. Also, climaxing before getting out of bed can put the both of you in a beautiful mood for the rest of the day.

Fofo: My husband is the type who wouldn’t want us to discuss a problem in detail after a fight. If we are on good terms, he would trash it and pretend nothing has happened, simply because sex is back on the table. It’s like, he never remembers what were fighting about

DBM: Again, it’s not about winning an argument; it’s about making peace with the one person that you love. Not every fight would be resolved before we both go to bed; that is why we can agree to talk about it after we’ve woken up the next morning with a fresh attitude. The fresh attitude is inspired after the dawn broadcast. Fighting on the battle field is an art. You need to know how to pick these fights wisely

Fofo: Why do you guys use sex as your chip?

DBM: Have you ever wondered why the majority of men season while we age? Because sex is mostly a man’s cascade of youth

Fofo: Thank you Dave for chatting with me

DBM: You’re welcome. May I know how long you’ve been married, please?

Fofo: Seven years

DBM: Make it your best day today.

Image Credit: Cottonbro Studio

Let’s Talk To Aurora

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 1 Comment

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 102: Ms. Aurora is my name

DBM: Hello Aurora. How would you describe yourself?

Aurora: The measurement of pleasure my body needs to reach orgasm. That is to say, I have better acceleration, which equates my overall performance in bed

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Aurora: 9

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Aurora: I want to talk about my job as a sex-worker. When I was a teenager, I wanted to be who I am today, and I am so glad that I did not bury myself in self-doubt with a laundry list of explanations as to why I couldn’t rent my body to men willing to pay and use me for their pleasure. Let me also state that, nothing went wrong in my life for me to be doing this job. There is no shame in this; just like any other profession, I showed up and made myself available to my first client. Even though I didn’t have any experience the first time, I knew the experience would come with time. I became available to different clients to stretch myself in ways that weren’t always comfortable, and my sex life earnt the benefits. Dave, one of the most beautiful and intimate things every woman ought to do with someone else is to fuck them.

DBM: How old are you?

Aurora: 35

DBM: How long have you been in the business?

Aurora: 13 years and counting

DBM: You started when you were 22 years?

Aurora: Yes

DBM: What is the one thing you believe works – when it comes to sex?

Aurora: Sex makes sense when the individuals engaging in it know how to stem pleasure out of their own selves. Understanding what pleases you sexually and tapping into it during sex to please yourself will make you enjoy the act even better. A lot of the time, we want to please the ones we’re fucking so bad that, our focus shifts rather to performance. Sex is not about performance; sex should be for your own pleasure. Own your body, know what makes you tick and groan. I always tell my clients, it’s not my duty or responsibility to make you cum. I am responsible for my own orgasm, no man is. I know what makes me orgasm, that is why I do not share my glory with anyone. I don’t believe any man performs poorly in bed. If a woman knows how to keep her body excited, she will have no time to mark her partner’s performance. If a man knows how to take a swing at himself for a cum during sex, he will never criticize his partner for being boring in bed.

DBM: Do you know your body count?

Aurora: I’ve been with a lot of men. Let’s say a 100+

DBM: Is the sex protected?

Aurora: Always. I believe in safe sex and pleasure. Luckily for me, condoms provide me both. It’s all about the approach. I make my clients find putting on condoms sexy. And they always end up feeling good after using it.

DBM: What are your customer demographics?

Aurora: I don’t pay attention to that, but 97% of the men could be married

DBM: What does that inform you?

Aurora: I can only draw from the interactions some clients have had with me. They said their spouses find solace in motherhood rather than being wives. Some claim their wives have even forgotten that they exist

DBM: Can you use yourself to explain what you stated earlier concerning pleasuring yourself during intercourse with a client?

Aurora: I understand my body because I know me and what can make me orgasm without even touching my count. My nipples and inner thighs bring me so much pleasure. They are my crazy, sensitive hot spots that can set off explosives through my whole body. When I am with a client, I stimulate my breasts in ways that automatically provokes a sexual response from the men. When I place ice cubes in slow motion on my inner thighs, the mood it sets me in takes any man from just observing and loving it to, ‘I’ve got to have you right now’

DBM: Do you think people pay attention to their bodies?

Aurora: No, they don’t. They rather expect others to know how to pleasure them so they can reach orgasm. I don’t roll that way. That’s why I use my first encounter with every new client as a teaching session. I help them to discover and activate their sweet selves so they can trigger their own orgasmic responses for themselves. Our bodies are roofed with extremely delicate areas that we often aren’t making any efforts on our own to explore to the fullest

DBM: How do you perceive the ordinary Ghanaian man in bed?

Aurora: Useless.

DBM: That bad?

Aurora: Most Ghanaian and African men only dream of lasting long in bed to prove they’re good at sex. But they’re not good, that’s the truth. I’ve been with almost 250 men in total. They all sucked initially. They penetrate and thrust from different positions, delay ejaculation for it to take them from five minutes, to half an hour (depending on their stamina) before getting off or climaxing. What could have been fun for both parties rather turn out to be exhausting, and not to mention, frustrating. Many of my married female friends all say the same thing, ‘sex with their husbands feels like a waste of their time and energy’. Many ladies’ fake orgasms because of communication hitches in their relationships. So, when you hear her groan, moan or scream the ‘Ah, yes, yeah, Mmmm, Ou, harder, feels so good, etc.’ during vaginal sex, majority of them only are triggering your cum-fest to draw near, so you can pull the hell out of her.

DBM: Are you dating?

Aurora: No. I have not met the type of man who is open and would consent to the kind of relationship I want

DBM: What’s your kind?

Aurora: I want to have more than one sexual partner; I want to love more than one person at a time, yet being emotionally accountable to each of the partners involved.

DBM: You have kids?

Aurora: I don’t want children now

DBM: Thank you for making time to chat.

Image Credit: Nathan B. Caldeira

Let’s Talk To Amakai

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 3 Comments

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 63: I’m Amakai

DBM: Hello Amakai. How would you describe yourself?

Amakai: A mother, wife, hard worker, kind, and very easygoing

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Amakai: I’ll say 5

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Amakai: My husband cums about four times inside me before pulling out during sex. He thinks I don’t know when he ejaculates, because he tries so hard not to make any noise to give up his emotions. He continues after a few seconds of rest, whiles in me till he’s cum the second, third or forth time, before pulling out. I read a message he sent to one of his secret side chicks that he can last over 15 minutes in bed. 15 minutes of precums isn’t a lasting to boast about.

DBM: Well, pulling out around such pleasurable, intense feelings isn’t feasible.

Amakai: It’s not fun either for me

DBM: What has your husband’s confidence, self-worth, connection and validation got to do with your assessment of him?

Amakai: He’s not good in bed

DBM: Have you told him that?

Amakai: No, because it’s not worth it. He’s always thinking with his dick.

DBM: Most guys do

Amakai: Can’t a man cum just once, take in the moment, rest for a while, before thinking of the next round?

DBM: Would you willingly give in to a second round after he’s taken that long break – you’re proposing?

Amakai: I might. But even if I don’t, I’m still his wife and he can always get another intimate moment with me the next day.

DBM: How many times do you two have sex in a week?

Amakai: At most, twice or thrice. It depends on our schedule for the week. We have children and our respective professional careers to attend to.

DBM: Most guys want sex all the time. Do you know that?

Amakai: Most women do not want sex all the time. Do you know that? Because I am in this category

DBM: Does your husband know you do not like too much of sex?

Amakai: Yes. It was one of the first conversations we had while dating.

DBM: And he said he was okay with that?

Amakai: He didn’t have a problem with it

DBM: Did you understand his need for sex when you guys were dating?

Amakai: Yes, and he wasn’t this aggressive to take it all at a go. Now, it’s like he has to have all the sex with me when the opportunity presents itself, because he feels he doesn’t know when I would give in to his demands. That’s the unspoken signal sent me

DBM: If you’re having sex twice in a week, and your husband is the type that loves to have a lot of sex, what do you think is going on in his mind?

Amakai: How would I know? Should everything in marriage be about sex? How about his wife who isn’t so rooted when it comes to sex? How about the wife who is the mother of our children, and is present to them 90% of the time while he is out? How about the wife who also works the 9 to 5 job every week?

DBM: I can only speak from my point of view as a guy. I know a lot of guys connect to their spouses emotionally through sex. Them not having enough sex could force such guys, consciously or unconsciously to have little or no real emotional connection towards you.

Amakai: Dave, I do my best for him in that department.

DBM: How often does he communicate with you on issues?

Amakai: We talk when we have to talk

DBM: When last did he ask about your day?

Amakai: Dave

DBM: Yes?

Amakai: Why all these questions?

DBM: I am trying to have a conversation with you about your husband. Tell me about his mood swings

Amakai: He is simply not a happy guy. There is nothing I can do to change that

DBM: How much time does he spend at home with you and the children?

Amakai: Not much

DBM: What is his typical weekend like?

Amakai: Gym, friends, work, work… work

DBM: Do you get the feeling that your husband desires to be with you?

Amakai: He tries to be there for us

DBM: Whereby ‘us’ means?

Amakai: Home, the children, me, etc.

DBM: I am talking about you; him wanting to be there, specifically for you

Amakai: No

DBM: Then he is not feeling as connected with you

Amakai: That’s not my doing, Dave. He is choosing not to be with his wife who loves him

DBM: A man can love and be in love with you and not be connected to you.

Amakai: Because of sex?

DBM: Just as you would want him to be emotionally supportive and forthcoming, so does he want you to be emotionally connected with/to him, through sex.

Amakai: So, for you guys, everything is about the physical?

DBM: It’s not entirely about physicality; a lot of things are tired to sex for men.

Amakai: Women get tired

DBM: I know

Amakai: Are you sure you guys know that? Because if it were left to my husband alone, he’d prefer I stop all that I would be doing just to attend to his sexual needs

DBM: How about choosing to also interpret such calls to mean, your husband’s desperation to want to be close to his beloved wife?

Amakai: So, because I am his wife, I am obligated to have sex with him in order to keep him around?

DBM: That’s not what I am saying. There are men out there who can have zero sex with their women, and still choose to be excited about, be faithful to, and be emotionally attracted to them.

Amakai: That is not the man I am married to

DBM: You know him best. But please do not pull away your trust for his masculine energy and direction. Wake up your feminine energy

Image Credit: Jeferson Gomes

Let’s Talk To J4

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 4 Comments

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 30: I’m J4

DBM: J4?

J4: June 4th

DBM: Heheheheh! Why do I have a feeling you’re going to excite the living hell out of me?

J4: That’s more of Ginger’s territory. You’re safe with me.

DBM: Hello J4

J4: Hi Daviiiiiiiiiid. I love everything you do on Facebook, YouTube and the website.

DBM: Thank you!

J4: My pleasure.

DBM: Please tell me a little about yourself

J4: I am a 35-year-old Investment Banking and Risk Management professional, single and loving it; very ambitious. I decide what I want to do and then just do it; I love to read, drink good wine; I love to have sex with older men; I’m grateful for the little and big things, and I love money.

DBM: Why particularly older men?

J4: Dave, only a few things get better with age: wine and men

DBM: I see.

J4: Yeaazz! They’re old-school in style, and have got a few experiences under their belts already

DBM: I’m trying to figure out what kind of questions to ask you. Lol!

J4: Feel free

DBM: You seem to have a good day job, why are you into the escort business?

J4: I have two-day jobs. Let me talk about the second job

DBM: Okay

J4: My first boyfriend was about 35 years older than me. I was 19 when I had my first sexual experience, and I remember he approached sex in a playful way with me. I enjoyed how fun sex could be, and decided to be more open and vulnerable with my sexuality.

DBM: Was he married?

J4: Yes!

DBM: What did you want to become when you were young?

J4: I wanted to become a lawyer, but after being in a two-year relationship with my second boyfriend, I wanted to go into investment banking and sex work.

DBM: Sex work is prostitution, no?

J4: That was what I wanted to do initially, till I realized there were ways to make it more appealing – while appreciating the energy of flirtation that comes with it.

DBM: Why did your first relationship end?

J4: He was a player. I wasn’t his only chick.

DBM: You couldn’t have been his only chick, he had a wife

J4: And numerous girlfriends

DBM: How about the second relationship?

J4: Paul was within my age bracket. I thought because I had tried old school and had been let down, why not give the similar age a chance? Also, Lydia was my school mate, and she used to tell me there is the higher likelihood of maintaining a successful relationship with a boy of my own age.

DBM: I see

J4: It didn’t work out because 1: he was broke as fuck; 2: he couldn’t keep it in his pants for just one girl. I weighed the two generations of men I had been with, and decided I’d be better off with a mature man with swag and strong financial footing.

DBM: I see

J4: That’s balanced diet.

DBM: Have you been in any serious relationship since then?

J4: Nope! And it’s not a problem for me because I want to be with men that I have different interests with. It’s always fresh and stimulating that way

DBM: Don’t you sometimes feel alone?

J4: It’s a human experience to be feeling alone from time to time. It doesn’t mean I’m a loser. My clients are mostly married men in a house full of people, but they keep telling me, they feel alone.

DBM: They do?

J4: Yes! They feel like no one in their household understands them.

DBM: What does that mean?

J4: I wouldn’t know, ask your gender.

DBM: How do you deal with your version of aloneness?

J4: I think of creative sexual outlets to boost my mood and metabolism. It helps me to live in the moment.

DBM: Let’s talk about sex

J4: Ah, good! I was wondering when you would come to that.

DBM: Lol!

J4: It’s not funny. That’s why we are here, anaa?

DBM: How do you meet the kind of men you deal with?

J4: They find us

DBM: How? There are a million and one girls on these streets

J4: Dave, I have two jobs, remember? It’s intertwined.

DBM: Oh, my!

J4: I knew you weren’t thinking.

DBM: Lol!

J4: My day-job 1 deals professionally with clients from all sectors: Technology, Manufacturing, Investment, Production, Finance, Science, Retail, Construction, Agriculture, Mining, Healthcare, Energy, Industry, Infrastructure, Trade, Sports, Telecommunications, Hospitality industry, Media, Small business etc.

DBM: What’s the catch here? Lol!

J4: I was not born with silver spoons in my mouth, that’s why I took my education seriously. I may be intelligent, but I am focused. I have determination, I have vision, I have purpose and confidence in my vagina. It’s a beautiful thing, Dave.

DBM: Who was your first client in the second job?

J4: He owns real estate properties.

DBM: You’re still in touch with him?

J4: Yeaazz

DBM: Hehehehe!

J4: He banks with my former employers. He came to the bank one day and my boss needed me to explain some things to him. I did my job and he left a happy man. 45 minutes or less later, one of the security guys in the facility brought me a book. Each page had a 1 dollar note stashed in. It was a 204 paged book. The last page had his phone number and a thank you message. I did not call him. Two weeks later, I got another book, 227 paged. Each stashed with a 1 dollar note. The last page had his phone number again, but this time with the message: WHAT DO YOU WANT?

DBM: What did you want at that time?

J4: I needed a sponsor for my MSc in Investment and Financial Risk Management at Kingston University

DBM: So, what did you do?

J4: I put it across and he was willing to fund my education

DBM: At what cost?

J4: For my time. He is still responsible for some of my all-time best orgasms, 12 at a go.

DBM: Hmmm!

J4: You cannot even imagine it. He has this almost perfect 7 inches curved schlong, that hits my G-Spot with every thrust.

DBM: That’s really something to work with

J4: Oh, yeaazz!

DBM: Why do you think he keeps coming back?

J4: Imagine you, David with his kind of demanding job, and meeting with me for the first time. And in the room with me, you’re still on the phone doing business with clients. I unzip you, and put your shaft in my mouth, blowing you off softly.

DBM: While on the phone with clients?

J4: Yeaazz, Dave, yeaazz!

DBM: Why do you do this second job?

J4: I love to be around men who want to be around me. When we’re together, they talk, share ideas; I listen and learn. In my presence, their minds are entranced by thoughts of finding opportunities within me to feel happy and surprised. Also, the men I meet are hardworking and expect to be enticed by the pleasures of a sexual recompence at the end of a long day.

DBM: So, it’s not about money?

J4: It’s about work and happiness. I work more, I earn more. My second job has given me opportunities that I would never have seen working just the first job.

DBM: Is marriage something of interest to you?

J4: I think of it, but I am not sure I’m built for it.

DBM: Why do you say that?

J4: Marriage hasn’t been on my 10, 15, or even 20-year plan, and Dave, it’s very okay with me. If I want to commit to someone someday, it’s going to be a personal journey to be taken by me and that person. I am not expecting any third party to define what that should look like for my connection.

DBM: Do you use protection when you’re with these guys?

J4: Always.

DBM: How often do you meet with your girlfriends?

J4: We meet once a month to catch up. We also have a SUSU we contribute to for rainy days. We’ve been doing this for almost 20 years. We don’t take loans from outside; we take from our joint savings to do personal projects.

DBM: Lydia mentioned her husband doesn’t approve of you girls. What do you make of that?

J4: We’ve utilized our friendship when we needed it the most, and it has helped us to navigate some of life’s murky waters. That’s why we’re still close.

DBM: Most of your clients are married men, and they talk to you openly. What can you say to married women?

J4: Men want to be desired by you, and giving them a sexual release is what makes them sometimes feel like they’re actually home. Your husband’s drive to want to be intimate with you, often is his route towards loving you. As a wife, you want the emotional connection first, good! Your husband also wants the physical connection in order to feel safe enough for the expressive vulnerability journey you want him to partake with you. Something has got to give.

Image Credit: Jess Loiterton

 

Let’s Talk To Maame Yaa

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 22: My name is Maame Yaa

DBM: Hello Maame Yaa. Please tell me a little about yourself.

Maame Yaa: I am a young woman of faith, with Jesus in my heart. I try to inspire change, lift those around me up, do good and have respect for people. I am a medical doctor by profession, and 32 years of age.

DBM: Want do you want to talk about?

Maame Yaa: My boyfriend is insisting we have sex before marriage. I want to have sex on my wedding night.

DBM: How long have you been dating?

Maame Yaa: We will be three years in February, 2023.

DBM: And has he discussed his plans concerning a future together with you in marriage?

Maame Yaa: Yes, he has.

DBM: When is that going to happen?

Maame Yaa: We’ve not decided on the date.

DBM: Would it be in 2023?

Maame Yaa: I don’t know.

DBM: So, you’re not certain whether or not he is going to marry you any time soon?

Maame Yaa: Yes!

DBM: Are you a virgin?

Maame Yaa: No, I am not.

DBM: Is your boyfriend the one who broke your virginity?

Maame Yaa: No! He is the third guy I have dated.

DBM: You had sex with the first two?

Maame Yaa: Yes!

DBM: Why do you want sex with him on your wedding night?

Maame Yaa: I want to feel in control of my own choices with regards to my body and sexual intimacy. I want to pursue celibacy until I am joined together in holy matrimony to the man who will put a ring on my finger.

DBM: I am assuming your boyfriend is also thinking if he does not explore your sexual flanks, you both may not be able to grow naturally to develop into it. Sexual compatibility, attraction and identity are important things to figure out before marriage.

Maame Yaa: I believe that one’s character is built through waiting. Patience is developed in waiting; faithfulness can also be developed while we wait to have sex after our wedding. I want to be sure we are in love with each other without the complications of any emotional entanglement. If we are each other’s real deal, we will make do regardless.

DBM: Does he know what you like sexually?

Maame Yaa: I have told him mine.

DBM: Do you know what turns him on?

Maame Yaa: He’s spoken about a few.

DBM: So, theoretically, you’re both in the known?

Maame Yaa: Practical examination should be on our wedding night.

DBM: And what if one partner fails the final exam?

Maame Yaa: It wouldn’t be a final exam. We will re-write the paper till we pass.

DBM: Many guys are using their married lives to deal with sex issues, instead of actually enjoying the beauty in marriage. What if you’re not content with what he offers in bed?

Maame Yaa: Marriage, they say is not all about sex.

DBM: I see the quality of a relationship strongly related to sexual satisfaction.

Maame Yaa: I see the quality of a relationship strongly related to the God-factor.

DBM: When was the last time you felt desired, got aroused and ‘wet’; when last did you reach orgasm and did not feel pain?

Maame Yaa: I don’t remember. Maybe, in my past relationships.

DBM: Do you care about what your boyfriend cares about?

Maame Yaa: I do, and I try to be there for him.

DBM: He wants a blow-job, have you given him that?

Maame Yaa: I will give him a blowjob after our wedding.

DBM: Will you be okay if he gets the sex from somewhere else while dedicating all his love to you?

Maame Yaa: I will not be able to cope with infidelity.

DBM: There is no guarantee he is going to be faithful to only you after marriage.

Maame Yaa: If that happens, we will divorce.

DBM: Which is more important to you: your relationship to your faith or that relationship you are building with him?

Maame Yaa: I am holding firm to the beliefs that God has placed deeply in my heart, and I am taking a stand for them – to ensure I know exactly why God stands for them too.

DBM: That’s commendable.

Maame Yaa: Dave, please be honest with me: am I making a mistake with my stance?

DBM: We are all different; what may be important to your boyfriend may not be all that important to you. Again, it all comes down to your strong personal beliefs, your boyfriend’s physical desires and the overall nature of your relationship.

Maame Yaa: I think we have a good relationship.

DBM: That’s good to know. So basically, it’s because you are unmarried, and the fact that, you want to abstain from sex before marriage, no?

Maame Yaa: Yes.

DBM: You are not living with an underlying medical condition, are you?

Maame Yaa: No, I am not.

DBM: And, you do not have a low sex drive, do you?

Maame Yaa: I love sex.

DBM: Good, good… good! You love and value your boyfriend?

Maame Yaa: I do.

DBM: Then know that, him requesting for sex with you could have been an opportunity for him to bond with you on another level; It could have been another opportunity for him to express his love and affection towards you; he probably might have felt more secure in the relationship if you both had been engaging in sex often. It could have also been an opportunity for you both to appreciate the pleasure and fun in the relationship.

Maame Yaa: Do you suggest I give in?

DBM: I am suggesting you marry a man who sees, appreciates and values your self-worth. Do not go to different lengths just for your boyfriend to achieve his sexual goals. That said, make the most out of your love life while sticking to the opinion you have of yourself. I think you’re a wonderful young woman.

Maame Yaa: Thank you, Mr. Dave. I am a fan of your Facebook platform.

DBM: Appreciated!

Image Credit: Fillipe Gomes

Let’s Talk To Sena

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 5 Comments

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 18: The name Sena sounds nice to me.

DBM: Hello, Sena. Please tell me a little about yourself.

Sena: I grew up in a humble home, and have done the best I could to remain persistent and tenacious. I am a tough girl and will never stop until I achieve my goals in life. Overall, I think I am a compassionate person. I am married and a mother.

DBM: What do you want to talk about today?

Sena: An aspect of my past that I am beginning to miss.

DBM: You’re no longer into that past thing?

Sena: Marriage influenced my decision to stop.

DBM: Tell me about the past.

Sena: It started after my first boyfriend cheated on me. I could not understand how a man claiming to love only me would develop feelings for multiple ladies at a time. In my attempt to understand, in order to forgive him, I fell in love with my second boyfriend. He was my first’s close friend.

DBM: Why his close friend?

Sena: It just happened. He knew his friend better, and was the right person to talk to. My first found out about us, and we had to end things.

DBM: Had you gotten over the first breakup?

Sena: No! And though we were no longer dating, we occasionally would hook up for sex.

DBM: While dating his close friend?

Sena: Yes and no. When my first got to know about our relationship, the second didn’t want to have any issues with my first, and so we agreed to separate. But we would also hook up to have sex, as and when.

DBM: So, you were sleeping with both men?

Sena: Yes, while dating my third guy.

DBM: Were you in love with all three?

Sena: Good question, I was! And that was when it dawned on me that I may naturally be a polyamorous lady.

DBM: How did that make you feel?

Sena: Being attracted to, and not just that, but having the ability to love more than just one man at a time is no small feat. It was a lot to take in.

DBM: Were you ashamed in any way?

Sena: Once in a while, I would feel guilt but as I became more and more sexually attracted to different men, I found the excitement in the journey and managed to live with it.

DBM: What type of men do you find attractive?

Sena: I am very attracted to intelligence. A self-confident man is attractive to me. I like courteous men; a man who is constantly trying to improve his own life is a man I find to be handsome. Because I am open-minded, I like men who are too.

DBM: Is your husband any of these characteristics listed?

Sena: He is. My husband is so calm, and very well composed. He is aware of the impact his choice of words have on me.

DBM: Prior to meeting your husband, how many men had you laid with?

Sena: Over 57

DBM: Were you a sex worker?

Sena: No, but I loved sex.

DBM: You had feelings for all the men?

Sena: 15% of the total number, yes!

DBM: How is your current sex life with your husband?

Sena: Boring. It was okay when we didn’t have children, but after the kids came responsibilities.

DBM: Responsibilities on whose part?

Sena: I think my husband assumes I have a lot on my hands at home with the children after work, and so he stays out late sometimes to be with his side chick.

DBM: He knows that you know about his other woman?

Sena: He doesn’t, and I prefer it that way.

DBM: Why is that?

Sena: It gives me time to also ponder over what I want.

DBM: What do you want?

Sena: I want to revive the old me that was sexually expressive and fun to be with.

DBM: Can’t you revive that you with your husband in bed?

Sena: I don’t know how to explain this, but I feel like my husband is the one killing my wild fire with boredom.

DBM: Have you discussed this with him?

Sena: He is the ‘I know it all’ kind of men. He has his other woman probably because he feels I am boring in bed.

DBM: Are you boring in bed?

Sena: With him in our bed, yes; sex suddenly becomes tiring and uninteresting.

DBM: Are you feeling this way because he’s chosen another woman in addition to you?

Sena: Not at all. I have lived my life in such a way that, I love to challenge myself. My husband doesn’t challenge our sex life the way I was used to. That is why I have started looking for something else..

DBM: Do you love your husband?

Sena: He is the perfect father for our children.

DBM: Is he the perfect man for you?

Sena: No man is perfect.

DBM: Is he the wisest choice you made for you?

Sena: I am not a one-man woman. I may be unruffled but underneath my cool demeanor rages a voracious sexual appetite. I have realized that, as I grow older my desire for multiple sex partners increases. I have become less picky about how a man should look these days; as long as they are young and can handle me.

DBM: Assuming your husband is reading this conversation, what would you like him to know?

Sena: One thing me and him agree on is, LIFE IS SHORT. And, he knows variety is the spice of life. Dear husband, have a lot of fun; protect yourself with these other girls because I will protect myself to protect you. And, don’t have sex pretty much the same way as you do at home with me: same foreplay, same positions, same routine, same kissing and fondling. It’s boring. Mix it up a little. Guys find out what works on one woman, and they feel it’s applicable on every woman every time. Sex is never the same with every woman.

Image Credit: Nataliya Vaitkevich

HARDER THAN A ROCK

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

Hello Mr. David,

Sometimes I feel like killing my four-year-old son. Since that child was born, I haven’t been able to have sex with my wife at home. He doesn’t allow it, and I am not joking. I have not had sex with my wife at home since his birth. We plan to have sex outside though, in hotels and short trips during weekends, without the boy. But not in our own matrimonial bed. Four years’ ago, I was anticipating my son’s birth. Mr. Dave, meeting my baby for the first time was one of the most memorable experiences of my life. Becoming his father was a big adjustment for me, but I did not know I was also going to encounter unexplainable hatred for him in addition. He is always holding his mother’s breast.

Three months after the gift of fatherhood, it hit me that I wanted to resume having sex with my wife. The urge was so strong, I wanted it ASAP. I discussed it with my wife and we were both on board. The moment we started kissing, he started crying. My wife had to move to him. That evening, when I tried removing my wife’s underwear, he started to cry again. Ah! The thing bi say, the moment my wife attends to him, she totally forgets about me. The crying during attempted sex continued for a week. One day, I asked my wife not to mind him and rather let us have sex. She was a few seconds in giving me a hot bj when BOOM, something fell. We rushed to check and it was our baby, he had fallen from his court. He cried so hard my testosterone level dropped from nine to -2055. My libido dipped for four months straight. I went on a guilt trip because I thought it was my fault.

When he was six months old, I tried to have sex again with my wife in our bedroom. The moment the baby sensed his mother’s vibe with me, he started his drama. We locked our bedroom door, but he managed to stop us five minutes later. He had swallowed a coin and almost died. The evil boy has swallowed or tried swallowing TV remote battery, pins, crayons, buttons, pepper, broken glass, wood metals, etc. just to prevent me from having sex with his mother. He broke my TV when he was two years old, cut himself with a knife to bleed, turned on the gas cooker and almost lit a match.

In a nutshell, Mr. Dave, I am tired of practicing patience with that evil child. I don’t know what to do. Now that he goes to school, I still can’t have sex with my wife at home because our phones ring and it’s his teachers. Anytime we want to have sex, he collapses at school or swallows something sharp and bleeds. Am I the only parent with such a child?

Image Credit: Ksenia Chernaya

SEXUAL HEALING

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

David, experience can be a good teacher. I am going to tell you my short story: If I had been sexually experienced before marrying my husband, I would have known he wasn’t the right man for me to marry. I am very religious; he is not, though he sometimes goes to church. He calls himself a Christian. I don’t have any problem with that. Before meeting him, I was dating casually, nothing serious. Not so much sex. I knew I wasn’t a virgin but I wasn’t ready to be jumping into sex. We became friends and I liked our friendship. I didn’t want to have sex with somebody simply because I wanted to have sex. When I met my husband, I thought he was the one. Everything checked in my list. Sex was the only thing I couldn’t mark. He wanted to test drive my engine but I made him wait forever. I got a hint that he was sleeping with some ladies, and I thought maybe it was my fault because I wasn’t giving him sex. Instead of breaking things off, I kept it to myself and agreed to marry him when he asked me to.

After the wedding, sex was not so great to me as he felt it was for him. He is always happy after sex and I try to make him feel like it was good. But Dave, it’s not because of his ego; I try to tell him to get things done to me to arouse my mood but he is used to a style of sleeping with women, he probably thinks it works for every woman. He started to cheat on me again. That same time, my ex boyfriend showed up. Dave, this is a guy who can take one-hour to study my naked body in bed before touching me in a special way. He can let me lie on my back, lift both of my legs, spread them, to just gaze deeply in my cookie for 30 minutes; tell me all the wonderous stories he sees down there. That alone can make me orgasm five times. This ex is someone I connect with because of the way he worships my womanhood. Whenever I am in a good mood at home, I feel like my husband thinks it’s because of something he has done. But it’s always because I had been reviewed by the other guy in a memorable way.

I am still married to my husband. He doesn’t know what I am doing behind his back. The thing is Dave, we’re the wrong team in this marriage. I don’t like the idea of divorce that’s why I am still married. A lot of us married women are willing and open to compromise, but our husbands should be too. No woman should be the only person giving things up in a relationship. Dave, sacrifices are very different than compromises. If you and your spouse are not equally satisfied, then there hasn’t been compromise. I want to tell ladies to be sure their happiness and comforts are considered in all situations.

Image Credit: Cliff Booth

UNDENIABLY SEXY AND MYSTERIOUS

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

Mr. Dave, hi!

What I do for a living looks like prostitution but I am a lady with an MSc. in Accounting and Finance. I love sex, yes, but I have big dreams too. Most of my clients are married men. I want to focus on other things; marriage is not part of my expectations. Dave, I am happy and satisfied with what I do and I don’t want to change what’s working for me by complicating things with marriage and children.

I am sending you this message because one of my clients wants to marry me. He knows my mother and has gone to tell her about his plans for me. He knows I give sex for money. He was married when he became a client but is divorced now. After his first booking, he wanted more of me, and so he booked me for himself for six months and paid. I got pregnant and aborted. I didn’t tell him about it. Six months is over and he wants to book another six months service. Old clients want to book my services.

Dave, If I am to calculate what I make from individual bookings in a day, I make more than the six months he pays for. Because he is someone I know and like, I don’t over charge. He can’t afford me. He doesn’t understand why I have a good job yet sleep with men. He doesn’t understand that it’s not about the money. It’s the fact that I love sex; variety of sex is what I like, not money. I love to smell different men, etc. I don’t want to marry because I don’t fancy the idea of being tied down to someone. Wedding dress, food, liquor, venue rings all these are frivolous to me; it’s cost.

Also, it’s married men patronizing my services; not only me, married men patronize the services of my friends in similar business. I can’t buy into it. My best friend’s husband got the number of my service and booked for three hours. We met and we were both surprised. Sex happened and he wants more. That is why I am writing to you, dear David. It’s complicated. He says my friend neglects his needs, and that she is more focused on the children, and she’s always tired when she comes to bed. He says there is no fun in their sex life. The sex he wants at home he doesn’t get. He says with me and other women, he’s able to express himself in whatever way he is unable to do at home with his wife. He says she doesn’t give him attention so he’s always seeking for it at work and social media.

I know my friend is not boring but he says she is. Now he’s saying he connects more with me than his wife. Dave, we just met and hit it once but he is saying there is something undeniably sexy about the mystery of me. In all honestly, I love his energy in bed. I am only worried about my friend. Should I tell her what her husband says is happening in their marriage or strictly treat this new encounter as another business? I want to do the right thing.

Image Credit: Maddy Freddie

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