Let’s Talk To Malik

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 93: Malik

DBM: Hi Malik. How would you describe yourself?

Malik: Empty. The supply of fuel that could drive my ability to take crazy risks and be confident in myself is no longer in service

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Malik: 2

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Malik: I think my wife has done something to me. I cannot get an erection when I am with another woman. I am only able to keep an erection around my wife.

DBM: How old are you?

Malik: 40

DBM: And, is this an occasional episode or the norm?

Malik: I am unable to get an erection with any other woman except my wife

DBM: Are you an excessive alcohol taker?

Malik: No! I drink occasionally

DBM: Do you do drugs?

Malik: No!

DBM: Are you a smoker?

Malik: I smoke once in a while

DBM: Do you take any sedatives?

Malik: Not really

DBM: Are you on any medications, i.e., antidepressants?

Malik: No!

DBM: Are you on any blood pressure medications?

Malik: My heart is in a good place, no.

DBM: Are you depressed or anxious of anything?

Malik: Yes! I can’t get my dick hard anymore when I am with other women

DBM: Are you under any kind of stress, aside your immediate problem?

Malik: No!

DBM: What is your self-esteem level?

Malik: Very low, because of the problem

DBM: Have you gone to see a doctor?

Malik: No

DBM: Why not?

Malik: Something is telling me it’s my wife behind all this.

DBM: What makes you think your wife could be involved?

Malik: We had a big argument last year, in July. We ignored each other for days when we were sleeping in separate bedrooms. I had a dream in one of those nights about finding money in our trash. My grandma always says, if you dream about accidentally finding money in a pile of trash, wake up from your sleep and check the trashcan. Because you’re in bad luck. It’s a bad omen; you or someone close to you is either going to die or a misfortune would befall you. When I woke up in the morning, I felt a mild but sharp jab in my left hip – like someone had injected a substance into my body. I went to check the garbage can outside the main house, and there was a syringe and smaller-sized needle thrown in it. The syringe had a red substance in it

DBM: Did you confirm the content in the syringe?

Malik: I did not. I just assumed it was blood

DBM: Blood from where?

Malik: I don’t know

DBM: Is your wife a nurse or doctor?

Malik: She’s not

DBM: Where did the syringe and needle come from?

Malik: It should have come from our house because the trashcan is in the main compound of our home. I asked my wife about it and she was acting all surprised

DBM: What if she genuinely, did not know anything about it?

Malik: It couldn’t have come from the kids because they hate hospitals and injection

DBM: So, on what grounds are you suspecting your wife?

Malik: I couldn’t be aroused that afternoon, when I met with one of my girlfriends. She tried every trick in her books to get me hard but it wouldn’t respond. This is a girl I had been having mad sex with for years. I couldn’t even masturbate on my own. The moment my wife returned home from work and I smelled her body scent, I naturally got a hard-on

DBM: That’s strange

Malik: Tell me about it!

DBM: How long have you been married?

Malik: 11 years

DBM: When did you first notice the problem outside your home?

Malik: July 6^th 2022

DBM: When did you feel the pain in your hip?

Malik: The morning of July 6^th

DBM: I see

Malik: I have three close friends I have fun with. I haven’t been able to fuck any of them ladies since

DBM: Erections are mysterious, and they do have a mind of their own. I think you need to consider seeing a doctor – just to be sure you’re on the safe side.

Malik: My wife has done something to me

DBM: Have you confronted her about your suspicions?

Malik: No!

DBM: What did you argue about last July?

Malik: She came across one of my escapades through WhatsApp and made a mountain out of a molehill. Husbands will cheat, we will get caught. If you can’t understand that a man will ultimately disappoint you, just walk your separate way. What is difficult about this?

DBM: Most women fear to be alone. Reason why some stay in terrible situations

Malik: What is terrible about having a little fun here and there?

DBM: What is your definition of ‘a little fun…’

Malik: David, for me sex is sex to satisfy my urges. I do not have to be in love to enjoy sex. Marriage is marriage. These two can never overlap in my books. It cannot affect my love for my wife. And I have no intention of leaving my wife.

DBM: Good to know! Now that you’re unable to be with other women, use the cuddle and care of your wife to sooth your broken ego.

Malik: What she’s done to me is a crime, and I don’t know how to prove it. After damaging my manhood, she’s refused to be available to me; she’s refused to have sex with me. She doesn’t care and has been sleeping with the children in their rooms. The only person who can give me sex is punishing me by not giving me sex. Why cause me so much pain in the first place and then refuse to take away my pain? I am deeply broken. Women are evil

DBM: Go and see a doctor. That is what you need to do

Malik: Will it change anything?

DBM: It can help you stop impugning your wife for your misery and unhappiness. You are solely responsible for your low self-image. Get yourself fixed.

Malik: If I were a woman, you would have been way empathetic towards my plight

DBM: I genuinely am concerned about you. What I am trying to get you to understand is that, you assumed other women, and not your wife could make you feel good about yourself. And masked your true feelings from the one woman whose opinions should have mattered to you the most. You don’t take a woman for a fool and expect her to open her legs for you that easily

Malik: I am her husband

DBM: Then stop blaming your wife for your failures

Image Credit: Karolina Grabowska