Let’s Talk To Noah

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 95: Noah

DBM: Hi Noah. How would you describe yourself?

Noah: I respect everyone around me, and I think people enjoy my company; I don’t put people down or deliberately hurt their feelings

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Noah: 6

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Noah: One of my close female friends is dating a guy I believe is not good enough for her. I don’t think she deserves how he sometimes treats her. Unfortunately, I don’t think she sees the bad in him because she’s completely fallen for him, and he knows, and is taking advantage of the opportunity to play her.

DBM: How long have you known your friend?

Noah: 17 years

DBM: And, for how long has she been dating this guy?

Noah: A year

DBM: How do you know he treats her bad?

Noah: She tells me things

DBM: That he treats her bad?

Noah: Not in those exact words. A friend of mine is close to her boyfriend and he tells me he’s seeing another girl on the side

DBM: You have any receipts?

Noah: Receipts?

DBM: Proof of him seeing another woman?

Noah: No!

DBM: Are you dating?

Noah: I am single

DBM: How old are you?

Noah: 34

DBM: Are you in love with your friend?

Noah: Lol!

DBM: Why are you laughing?

Noah: I am not in love with her

DBM: You think she deserves better, no?

Noah: I do!

DBM: Do you consider yourself a better alternative

Noah: It wouldn’t hurt. She’s my friend and I know her well

DBM: Has she ever come to you to vent about what he’s done to hurt her feelings?

Noah: Many times

DBM: I would suggest you wait for one of such moments to chip in your thoughts about him. Sometimes, unsolicited opinions on relationships are hardly ever welcomed when a friend is in love

Noah: Her mother wants me to date her

DBM: She’s not her mother. She wants to date her boyfriend, let her be

Noah: What if I can make her happy?

DBM: Do you know what she desires in a man?

Noah: Every woman wants a good man; I am a good catch

DBM: Sometimes, good is just not good enough for some people

Noah: But she’s not happy in the relationship. I know this, Dave

DBM: Because she told you she’s not happy?

Noah: Because I know my friend

DBM: You clearly don’t like this guy, do you?

Noah: I don’t; he is bad news and a cheat

DBM: Yet, he’s the one dating her

Noah: He made her abort a pregnancy because he wasn’t ready to be a father. My friend came to my house to cry

DBM: Was your friend ready to become a mother?

Noah: Yes. Now, I don’t know how to comfort her loss

DBM: Comfort her by remaining her best friend. And try as much to be there for her – with a judgement-free attitude and presence till you’ve gotten a sense of where her head is at.

Noah: She wants a man who will love her and marry her. I am that man

DBM: How do you know you’re the one?

Noah: We have an unspoken connection which is intense. Even her mother senses it between us

DBM: Who put this whole idea of you and her in your head?

Noah: How do you mean?

DBM: It was her mother, no?

Noah: No Dave. This is all me. This is a woman who lights up when she’s around me. I am my best version of self when I see her. Will it be selfish on my part to ask her to end things with him so she can choose me? I will be asking this from a place of love and respect for her

DBM: You’re certain it’s not a crush?

Noah: It’s love

DBM: It’s not jealousy because she’s spending more time with her man than with you?

Noah: It’s love

DBM: Are you attracted to her?

Noah: Yes

DBM: Romantically attracted to her?

Noah: Yes

DBM: You’re sure it’s not because you enjoy the time you spend together and the attention – she often gives to you? People sometimes confuse the two for love

Noah: It’s love

DBM: In the past year, have you made genuine attempts to simply be supportive of her relationship with this ‘bad news’ of a boyfriend?

Noah: I have. Do I make my feelings known to her?

DBM: I am sure you have made great decisions before, no?

Noah: Yes!

DBM: Then I trust you will make the best one yet, for you

Noah: What if she doesn’t want to be with me?

DBM: She’s not happy in her relationship, remember? You told me that

Noah: Yeah, but this is a big ‘what if’. What if she doesn’t know she’s not happy in her relationship, though she loves me too?

DBM: You simply respect her decision and do your best to reassemble your life without her

Noah: Life without her will hurt my feelings

DBM: Her love ought to be offered to you for your taking. Till then, learn how to be kind to your heart

Noah: What if I tell you we had sex?

DBM: Noah

Noah: Yeah

DBM: My banku is on fire. I need to go cook

Noah: Oh!

DBM: Have you told this woman that you are in love with her?

Noah: No! But I know she can read the signs written all over me

DBM: She is with her boyfriend because she chooses to be with him. For clarity’s sake, speak with her and ask directly, how she feels about you

Noah: Okay

DBM: When did you two have sex?

Noah: Two or three weeks after the abortion

DBM: Was this a first or you had done it before?

Noah: It was our first time being intimate. We’ve not spoken about it since

DBM: Has it jeopardized the friendship, or there could be that risk of decreasing its quality, someway, somehow?

Noah: I don’t know. We have not spoken since the act

DBM: How long was this?

Noah: February

DBM: 2023?

Noah: Yes

DBM: Wait, was the sex that bad?

Noah: I thought it was great. She left my place smiling

DBM: Smiling at, or with who?

Noah: She just had a smile on her face

DBM: The awkward or ‘Thank you for such an amazing sex’ smile?

Noah: How would I know?

DBM: What if this awkward silence is her inability to tell you – she did not enjoy the sex? You know it can be mortifying to look in the eyes of the one you care about after some bad sex?

Noah: I don’t think it was that bad

DBM: This is what I know, one of you will wind up feeling hurt.

Image Credit: Joice Rivas