Let’s Talk To Sabrina

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 183: Sabrina

DBM: Hello Sabrina. How would you describe yourself?

Sabrina: Highly organized with a strong work ethic.

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Sabrina: 7

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Sabrina: I’ve been proposed to be married. I’ve said yes to him but a part of me isn’t sure whether I’m making the right decision. He’s a great guy but does not earn enough money. He has a bit of savings but he will be incapable of being a good provider. I make slightly more than him but even with that, I doubt we can support a family should we have a baby.

DBM: Is he financially responsible in character?

Sabrina: He is to the best of my knowledge. He supports his parents and little sister. A lot is going on with him. I know myself, and I feel like I may end up being unhappy in the future with him as my husband. The kind of life I want for my future wouldn’t fit into his plans.

DBM: What kind of life do you want for your future?

Sabrina: Let me tell you what I don’t want; I don’t want to end up like my mother and father. Ma was ignorant about money management, and left money matters to my dad after they married. My dad wasn’t skillful in the same and this resulted in unplanned life goals and investments in wrong ventures which austerely affected our family. The man I am about to marry doesn’t believe he’s anything like my parents, but I think he is.

DBM: You said he’s responsible with money, no?

Sabrina: To some extent. I mean, he doesn’t waste money buying designer stuff. He doesn’t spend on me because he thinks he has to save for our future. Every Cedi counts in his books.

DBM: He doesn’t spend on you?

Sabrina: Nope

DBM: How long have you been dating?

Sabrina: Three and a half years

DBM: And, he does not spend on you?

Sabrina: I can remember the last time he bought me something

DBM: When?

Sabrina: April, 2022

DBM: What did he get for you?

Sabrina: KFC. Even with that, I had to top up with a Ghs 100 because he didn’t have enough money on his mobile money that day.

DBM: Do you spend on him?

Sabrina: I used to but had to stop

DBM: Why?

Sabrina: He takes minor loans from me, and it takes him forever to sometimes pay back.

DBM: How do you feel about him in general?

Sabrina: I love him. He makes me laugh but I fear I may end up resenting him because he wouldn’t be capable of supporting us in a marriage.

DBM: How old are you?

Sabrina: 34

DBM: How old is he?

Sabrina: 38

DBM: Before I decided to settle down in marriage, I had to come to terms with the fact that, my marriage may be about accepting certain things in my partner that I didn’t necessarily love. My partner, on the other hand also had to learn how to tolerate what career women like yourself deal with on a daily basis: loving a husband who is not wealthy enough to tick all the boxes on your list.

Sabrina: It’s not easy. Hmmm!

DBM: When it comes to love and marriage, there really are no guarantees. And the grass isn’t always that greener.

Sabrina: I don’t want to suffer

DBM: You don’t have to suffer.

Sabrina: Hmmm!

DBM: In-as-much-as I’m all for ‘living your very best life’, I hold dear to love.

Sabrina: I love love too, Dave. But is love enough?

DBM: If he was making more money and had refused to spend on you, then I would have an issue. But here is the case he genuinely does not have. You can choose to learn how to enjoy him and the relationship if you want to. Life and love can be cheap, yet memorable, depending on what is important to you. I’m creating enjoyable memories with my choice of a partner and marriage.

Sabrina: I’m a bit conflicted

DBM: You need to understand though, that most men, naturally are givers. If a man genuinely is that much into you, he does not find it hard to go out of his way to please the love of his heart, however little. We spend on where our heart is.

Sabrina: You don’t think he loves me?

DBM: I wouldn’t be able to know. Do you think he loves you?

Sabrina: I don’t know. He doesn’t spend on me at all.

DBM: Yeah! That’s a flag for me. I do not measure love by how much money one is able to give to another. I’m not a rich guy but I make the effort to make my partner feel wanted and comfortable. And comfort does not come about without spending an amount here or there.

Sabrina: I agree. I don’t think he loves me as much as he says he does

DBM: Talk to him about your concerns

Sabrina: I don’t have to. It’s not going to work between us.

DBM: I don’t think he’s stingy. He does not love you that much. That would be my biggest guess.

Sabrina: Because he’s been living on a budget with me for so long in our relationship.

DBM: And marriage will only enhance it to an unbearable magnitude. Love should not be brewed behind closed doors, all in the name of ‘he’s saving for our future’. You may end up not being a part of the said future. I’ve seen it happen to many women.

Sabrina: Thank you, David. You’ve been of great help.

DBM: You’re welcome! Participant 182, Zuhrah, left a question for you: ‘I am pregnant for a married man. Do I have to inform him about my decision to get an abortion? NB: I am not ready to be a mother. I do not want this pregnancy.’

Sabrina: See a doctor, flush the baby out and leave the relationship.

DBM: It’s your turn to leave a question behind for the next participant.

Sabrina: Why did your relationship with your ex not work out?

DBM: Thank you!

Image Credit: Andres Ayrton