Birds Of The Same Roster

Sonnie: Hey David

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Hello! How are you doing?

Sonnie: I’m fine. I was one of the guys on my wife’s roster before we developed feelings for each other and got married. I had an active roster of my own but I had to drop everyone else on the list to focus on my wife. We’ve been married for three years and I think she’s started to chat with some of the guys she used to play with.

DBM: What is a roster, in this context?

Sonnie: When you date multiple people at once.

DBM: To/with the knowledge of the others?

Sonnie: Not always. The others don’t have to know because it’s a non-committal encounter.

DBM: Describe the roster you used to keep. I’m still trying to understand the subject.

Sonnie: I had a lot of time on my hands when I was a single man, so I had about four ladies circulating on mine. My wife for instance fucked with me only on Saturdays, because her weekdays were booked with other men she fucked with.

DBM: Is the roster centered only on sex?

Sonnie: Most of the times, but some go on light dates or are plus-ones for specific occasions before getting laid at the end of the day. Some are added for their exceptional, homey qualities to benefit us. For instance, I rotated girls who were good at cooking, cleaning or their laundry skills, before or after some hot quickies etc.

DBM: Oh, I get it. Like what those boys on Facebook are doing under the pretext of giving girls a soft-life?

Sonnie: Something like that.

DBM: So, you knew about your wife’s roster?

Sonnie: She told me about it

DBM: And, you were okay with it?

Sonnie: I wasn’t but I respected the fact that she told me about it.

DBM: Why weren’t you comfortable with it?

Sonnie: Because I wanted to pursue an exclusive relationship with her but she wasn’t sure she could get everything she was looking for in one man.

DBM: What was she looking for in her men?

Sonnie: I don’t know. I never asked

DBM: Not even before you married?

Sonnie: No. I didn’t want to know

DBM: Why didn’t you want to know?

Sonnie: It would have upset me.

DBM: But you were rotating other females too, no?

Sonnie: I was, though mine was mainly a mechanism to survive. Hers was for the sex and fun it added to her dating life.

DBM: Both of you seemed to have enjoyed the Kool-Aid, no?

Sonnie: It was fun till it wasn’t. I wanted to settle down and she was the lady on my list I had fallen in love with.

DBM: Was she in love with you?

Sonnie: She said she was but I knew she wasn’t too keen on being bound to just one guy. Also, she got pregnant with our son.

DBM: While rotating on each other’s rosters?

Sonnie: Yes.

DBM: How do you know he’s your son?

Sonnie: A DNA test proved it. She was the only woman I was having unprotected sex with.

DBM: Were you the only guy she was engaging in unprotected sex with?

Sonnie: I should think so.

DBM: Okay, you do not know then?

Sonnie: No. Do you think I should let her know I disapprove of her conversations with the guy?

DBM: How old are you?

Sonnie: 42

DBM: How old is your wife?

Sonnie: 38

DBM: I think your wife, once in a while, may re-visit her past life. I feel you may also end up doing same, if not already.

Sonnie: I’ve been faithful to her since we got married.

DBM: Good to know however, the lifestyles you two exposed yourselves to, I think expanded your relationships with your individual selves to a whole new path to self-discovery. You cannot be the only one fulfilling every single good moment or feeling in your wife’s life that other men on her roster used to satisfy. Her body is used to different kinds of pleasures she’s explored and enjoyed with different male figures. I don’t think you can be that all-in-one package to satisfy all of her needs.

Sonnie: But she satisfies mine.

DBM: Are you sure about that?

Sonnie: You don’t think people can change for the better?

DBM: Anybody can change.

Sonnie: I have changed

DBM: She might have also changed for three years but the capability to become her past self is still a possibility. You need to come to terms with that. Have you tried couples therapy?

Sonnie: No. I don’t like inviting a third wheel in my personal issues.

DBM: You don’t always have to be doing any and everything to keep a man or woman who isn’t that much into you. You will make yourselves miserable in the end.

Sonnie: But I’m invested in my marriage. We have a child together

DBM: You cannot make a person fit into your preferred narrative.

Sonnie: I love my wife, Dave.

DBM: You can love a person, that’s understandable. But you don’t have to love them in your house, or life. Or even through a marriage. You can love someone genuinely and still stop being with them.

Sonnie: You think she doesn’t want to be with me anymore?

DBM: That’s a question you have to ask your wife.

Sonnie: Are you free today? I want to suggest to my wife to have a chat with you. I want to know what’s going through her mind.

DBM: It’s a holiday today, and so I am home the entire day.

Image Credit: Carlos de Jesus