What You Got

Amelia: My husband quit his job in January, without informing me. I am a nursing mother on maternity leave. This is our second child and the transition is still a big deal for me. I am unable to sleep well at night due to stress. Dave, it’s not just my mood that has been impacted, I feel overwhelmed doing the lion’s share of the household chores and caring for our two sons, while my husband stays out late into the night every day. I had been begging him to help me with the domestic duties but he was using being busy at work as his excuse. I was always the nagging wife to him anytime I complained about his attitude. I caught him in an affair on the 12^th of January, and instead of him explaining his actions to me, he quit his job instead on the 15^th of January, to be a stay-at-home dad.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): How old are your kids?

Amelia: Three years and a three months old baby.

DBM: What work do you do for a living?

Amelia: I am a Statistician

DBM: Is it a job that pays well?

Amelia: Very well

DBM: What was your husband’s profession?

Amelia: He is a Medical Scientist

DBM: Has he a backup plan?

Amelia: Not that I know of.

DBM: What was his reason for quitting?

Amelia: He says because I was complaining about him not assisting with house chores and his late nights out.

DBM: Quitting his job for these lame excuses of a reason wouldn’t solve your problems and his infidelity. Did he love his job?

Amelia: Yes. That was the profession he always wanted to do.

DBM: Is he helping now at home?

Amelia: Yes. He’s doing the best that he can to lighten my stress

DBM: Good to know. You get to breathe and unwind.

Amelia: Yes

DBM: What version of him is currently showing up to you – as a husband?

Amelia: I don’t know what to make of him, honestly. I don’t trust anything he says or does. He was cheating on me all this while, and I cannot forget that. I am profoundly hurt, Dave.

DBM: I am so sorry about that

Amelia: Hmmm

DBM: You have absolute control over your personal boundaries. Do you believe your husband loves you?

Amelia: Yes

DBM: Do you love him?

Amelia: I do. I feel so stupid still having love for him

DBM: You’re not stupid for expressing care for him. Your heart is broken and it needs healing. Has he considered couples therapy?

Amelia: Not yet

DBM: Would you be open to it?

Amelia: Yes

DBM: How about your husband?

Amelia: I don’t think so

DBM: Can he afford divorce?

Amelia: Hmmm

DBM: Has he showed remorse and expressed it clearly to you?

Amelia: He has

DBM: Do you feel your marriage still has legs?

Amelia: Meaning?

DBM: Can you two work things out?

Amelia: I don’t know

DBM: What’s going through your mind right now?

Amelia: I’m imagining what it would feel like to be single again.

DBM: Has your husband ended the affair?

Amelia: Yes. I think my husband is trying to contain his inner angst

DBM: When do you return to work?

Amelia: March

DBM: How long is he intending to be stay-at-home dad?

Amelia: He doesn’t know but he is clearly relieved to be free from the provider burden.

DBM: Do you earn enough?

Amelia: I earn more than him for sure.

DBM: I just want to say this: please do the best you can to maintain respect for the roles you both are choosing to do, because you’re all contributing to the marriage and family one way or the other. It’s still teamwork, regardless who is wearing the proverbial pants to bring money home.

Image Credit: Lawrence Crayton