Paying Him Forward – [After The Date – Update]

Lorraine: The date night went well. I was nervous but we both showed the best versions of ourselves.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Do you wish to see him again?

Lorraine: I don’t think so

DBM: Why not?

Lorraine: I doubt it would lead anywhere

DBM: Was that his conclusion too?

Lorraine: No. He wants a second date

DBM: How was the conversation like, between the two of you?

Lorraine: It flowed nicely. He maintained eye contact with me throughout the date. He asked very sensible questions and was of course, flirting with me. He found me attractive.

DBM: You asked the question?

Lorraine: I did, when I realized he would quickly smile back at me anytime I smiled about something he had said. We initially were seated opposite each other by the table but before the date ended, he had drawn closer to my chair and was leaning into the conversation.

DBM: If I am interested in someone and what they have to say, I would lean closer too. That’s a positive sign I believe.

Lorraine: I thought so till the awkward moment.

DBM: Oh Oh! What did he do now?

Lorraine: I asked about his feelings for my daughter.

DBM: And?

Lorraine: He said that chapter had closed. I asked if they were intimate in the three years of their friendship. He first cleared his throat, slowly sipped his drink. And then smiled. And then there was that awkward pause. He then said he didn’t want to lie to me.

DBM: Lie to you about what?

Lorraine: That was all he said.

DBM: How did the date end?

Lorraine: On a good note. He drove me back home, talked a bit in his car in front of my gate, gave me a hug and a peck on the cheek.

DBM: Do you mind me asking a few personal questions?

Lorraine: Yes

DBM: Can you take me through your activities for the day, leading to the date?

Lorraine: I woke up to a text message from him. A greeting and how he was looking forward to our date. He asked me not to drive to work that morning because his driver was on his way to pick me up to work. My daughter had given him the locations to my house and work. His driver brought me flowers. I thought that was very sweet of him. I was taken to work, and was picked up from work later by him.

DBM: Okay! What kind of conversations did you have on the date?

Lorraine: We talked about almost everything important to us. He wanted to know more about my life, my interests, anything in my past I was willing to share and my plans for the future. He shared his with me too. We were very expressive about our feelings.

DBM: Was there chemistry between the two of you?

Lorraine: There was chemistry, so much chemistry that could have led to sex if I had allowed it.

DBM: Okay! Describe the relationship between you and your daughter to me.

Lorraine: You might not quite get it but my daughter is my best friend. I was a parent to her when she was young but as she grew into this amazing young woman, the friendship component to our mother-daughter relationship suddenly has blossomed. Dave, the desire of every mother is for their children to like them. My daughter has always liked me. Even in the years I thought she wouldn’t need me anymore, she would come and take me out shopping or fine dining. It melts my heart when she calls me every day to tell me how much she loves me. She makes all the scarifies I’ve made for her sake worth it. Watching my baby girl grow into the lady she’s becoming is more rewarding than I could have ever thought.

DBM: What’s the story between you and her biological father?

Lorraine: He was the branch manager at my second employment. I had been hired as the assistant to the Relationship Manager to enhance client satisfaction while driving revenue growth. He used to seek my opinions on investments and financial services. We became more than friends and I got pregnant in the process. The day I shared the news with him; he told me he was engaged and soon to be married to his girlfriend who was also pregnant for him. He gave me the option to abort the pregnancy but I kept it.

DBM: Did you know he had a girlfriend?

Lorraine: No. He told me he was an available man and not married.

DBM: Is he present in your daughter’s life?

Lorraine: He took responsibility from a distance. They’re not so close because his wife doesn’t know about her existence but they manage to meet and catch up from time to time.

DBM: He married the pregnant girlfriend?

Lorraine: Yes

DBM: What happened to your relationship with him?

Lorraine: There was no relationship between us after he made me aware he had a girlfriend. It ended the day I shared my pregnancy news.

DBM: Back to your daughter; now we know she probably might have shared more than just a kiss with your date. How does this new information reflect on you?

Lorraine: I am, in equal measures, perturbed and disappointed in her. She should have told me the whole truth.

DBM: Would you have gone on a date with him if she had been honest about her relationship with him?

Lorraine: No. It’s very embarrassing, Dave.

DBM: You have nothing to be embarrassed about, really. You were merely acting on her word, which you believed was the truth.

Lorraine: Yes

DBM: Do you intend seeing him again?

Lorraine: No

DBM: You’re certain?

Lorraine: 100%. It was a beautiful connection but my intuition is telling me that he is the type that is really good at creating the right impact on women. He’s skilled in asking the right questions, having eye contact and pretending to be listening to you intently so he can give the best answers. He knows how to connect with single women looking for love and impressing them along the ride. That’s not what I am looking for at the moment.

DBM: I see. It’s all good.

Lorraine: Dave, thank the people on your Facebook page for me. I read all their comments and concerns on our first chat. I did not take their opinions for granted.

DBM: There really are genuine, goodhearted single men out there praying to come into contact with a heart like yours. All the good men aren’t taken. The kind of man you seek doesn’t grow on trees, that is why I am hoping you wouldn’t let the least pleasant experience with this guy daunt you from being openminded to what else there is to come. Because another unique experience will come your way. Do not close off so easily nor sit home waiting for a man to fall out of the sky and land on your lap. Go out there. Make new friends. Put your energies into the right people and trust that you can do right by yourself.

Lorraine: You are so kind. You are so kind. Thank you David.

Image Credit: August-de-Richelieu