Let’s Talk to Hugh and Papina

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 110a: Hugh

Partisipant110b: Papina is my name. Or Ivy. Both mean the same thing

DBM: Hello Hugh and Papina. How would you describe yourselves?

Hugh: Work in progress, trying to improve my own life.

Papina: As for me, I take big risks. That is how come I am able to realize my big wins. I am in my early 30’s, and always looking to be better – meaning, I learn from my mistakes. I’ve been through hell and back, so I nowadays prefer to rather take a step back and soak in as much information from people and circumstances as possible. I am currently living in my moment and I am working towards a dream that looks bigger than myself. I have a degree in Marketing. I am also a young mother

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Hugh: 9

Papina: 7

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Hugh: I eavesdropped on a phone call between my wife and one of her girlfriends. She was telling her how she also agreed to marry me for purely financial motivations. And was encouraging her friend to do same with her new guy. How can a Christian woman marry me for some reason other than love?

Papina: In my defense, the love came later

Hugh: Liar

Papina: I am telling the truth; I did not fall in love with you until our third year in marriage.

Hugh: Did you marry me purposely to have financial support, a good roof over your head and also, to live a comfortable life?

Papina: Yes

DBM: Did you fall in love with your husband because of his generosity?

Papina: Yes Dave, I did

Hugh: Why then were you excited and at a point, even in tears on our wedding day – during the exchange of vows?

Papina: You couldn’t keep your hands off me. You had held my hand so tight and looked like you meant every promise from the vows you were making to me. I knew that you loved me, and that made me feel lucky

DBM: How long have you been married?

Papina: 6 years

DBM: What do you think are your husband’s best qualities?

Papina: He makes me laugh like no other, he’s very supportive and kind; emotionally very intelligent, he is smart and committed to the success of our marriage; he is forgiving and understanding, and I love our lazy morning sex when he slips into my morning shower to give me a quickie.

Hugh: Dave, ask my wife if she’s a gold digger

Papina: When we first met, I did not mind you trading your money and status in exchange for sex and my good looks. You wanted both in your life, and it came at a cost

Hugh: You told me you loved me too before we got married. All of it was a lie

Papina: First and foremost, we all lie. You used to lie to me too for reasons best known to you

Hugh: Why weren’t you upfront with the truth? You wanted someone to take care of you; I could have done that without the commitment of a marriage

Papina: Telling you the truth as at that time wouldn’t have gotten me what I have now

DBM: What do you have now?

Papina: I have a good man in my life who does special things for me to tell me how he feels. He shows me every day, how much he cares about how I feel – and that, whatever makes me happy is important to him.

Hugh: According to your explanation, it was best to lie to get me interested in our relationship?

Papina: If you had told me up front that you wanted sex from me when we first met, I would have ignored you because you weren’t my type.

Hugh: Then I’m still not your type

Papina: You’re my type. The fact that you have more money than less elevates your potential automatically to every woman. Money is a plus for a man.

DBM: What’s your favorite memory with your wife?

Hugh: Me?

DBM: Yes

Hugh: I don’t remember

DBM: Come on!

Hugh: I don’t have any

Papina: Can I answer for myself?

DBM: Sure

Papina: The first time we had to reminisce about when we first met, by going through our old pictures together. That was the day I realized I was falling in love with him. I connected with my husband in a way I could not imagine

Hugh: My best memory of my wife is, she’s a master of manipulation and sweet talk.

DBM: Be nice, please

Hugh: I don’t think I can trust her anymore

Papina: Why don’t you trust me anymore? You haven’t lied to me before? You’ve had side chicks since we married. Have I ever complained? Before you asked me to be your girlfriend, you had another woman in your life, yet you told me you were single. Or you thought I couldn’t handle the truth?

Hugh: Keep justifying your actions

DBM: Hugh

Hugh: Yeah!

DBM: Do you love your wife?

Hugh: Yeah

DBM: What are the four places you’ve considered having sex with your wife, other than in your bed?

Papina: 🥰

DBM: Sup? Lol!

Papina: 😎 He will answer this one. I know my husband

Hugh: I want to eat her out on the kitchen counter when the kids are in school, press her naked body against the window in the hall, fuck her hard on the hood of my car in the garage and on the staircase

DBM: Why do you love your wife?

Hugh: She’s important to me

Papina: Awww!

Hugh: She’s been encouraging and excited about my progress and choices in life

Papina: That’s because my feelings and what is important to me are your priorities. We have come so far that I cannot imagine a time when I will not love you. I’ve found the man I want to love forever in you

Hugh: What if I lose all my money? Would you still love me?

Papina: At the moment, I know your assets are producing a higher net return, which makes it impossible for you to lose all of your money. You’ve made excellent financial planning decisions which spreads well beyond your investments. We are good.

DBM: Smh! Women and money!

Papina: Money seduces us differently. The content of a man’s bank account determines the depth of a woman’s love for him. The only time a woman would go for a broke guy is when her cashflow permits her to choose anything she wants for love.

DBM: I love how candid you both are with your communication

Hugh: I believe that if you love someone, you do not tune them out even when the conversation is not about something that you’d want to talk about.

Papina: We’ve both been genuinely interested in what we have to say about anything, anytime, any day. And, it’s working for us in that department.

DBM: What do you fear the most?

Hugh: Losing my wife

Papina: I’d say the same, losing my life; losing my husband and all that he’s worked for

DBM: Why do you tolerate your husband’s affairs?

Papina: Dave, I am tough o; I have not come this far in life by simply putting up with garbage thrown at me to decay my self-esteem, never. Also, prior to his affairs, I was already tolerating a whole lot from him. That is not to excuse bad behavior. We have set boundaries in our marriage and he knows very well that he is not allowed to put my life, health, sanity and our home in any form of danger. He does not look or touch his phone when we’re interacting at home. He understands the clarity of priorities when he is home. Most importantly, he ensures the home has everything to make its inhabitants feel comfortable

DBM: That is good enough?

Papina: For me, it is. That is me standing up for myself. That is me not beating myself up because of someone else’s bad behavior. I’ve told myself that nothing he does should have the capacity to drain me emotionally. I’d rather be gone and not let the door hit me on my way out.

Hugh: I have no issues in my marriage

DBM: I know quite a number of married men who have split themselves into two; their first part believing of themselves to be good and well-behaved husbands who’d do any and everything to stay attentive at home, but then, encouraging the second part of them to carry on with an affair. Do you fall in this category?

Hugh: I do

DBM: And, is it going to be like this forever?

Hugh: A time will come, I will not be acting on my fantasy outside of my marriage. A time will come, I will only be taking my feelings about the fantasies I want to explore with my wife seriously. A time will come, we will laugh about my foolish past together

Papina: Hopefully, sooner than later before you squander your time without holding on to something meaningful with me. Today you can be here, tomorrow you’d be gone.

DBM: It was a good conversation. Thank you!

Image Credit: Anna Shvets