Tag: Choices

Wildwood Flower

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. Leave a Comment

Sharod: David, I have to commend you. Your Facebook is lit. Honest to God; I used to not believe anything on your platform. Some of the stories were too good to be true until my own brother from the same mother and father shared his marital issues with you and made us read some of the comments under his story.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Well, I don’t really care whether or not you believe it. I am more interested in the lessons to be learnt from each story.

Sharod: Take a chill pill Bruh, it’s a compliment.

DBM: I know. Thanks!

Sharod: I have a positive story to share. 21 years ago, I rented a house that my now wife, had just moved out of. It was a very simple house. It had 2 decent sized bedrooms, 1 bathroom, a living room, a dining area, and a kitchen that was connected to the dining. It was very spacious and neat. The layout was spot-on. It did not feel cramped like where I had moved from. The bones of the house were solid; it had strong floors, walls and roof. It was relaxing and comfortable, as I was making myself at home three weeks after moving in. Then one evening, I heard an unexpected knock on my door. It was raining heavily that night. I opened the door and there stood this guy with a look of confusion written all over his face. He was looking for the former tenant. I told him I had moved in not long ago. Two days later, another man came knocking on the door. Four days later, a different guy came knocking looking for the same lady. I called the landlord to inform her. That was when she shared the hot gossip. The former tenant had wild orgies at the house and those guys were probably some of her participants or customers. In fact, that was the first best thing I had heard since moving to the area.

DBM: Lol! You’re funny!

Sharod: True. I was a hardworking, single young man in my early 30’s who needed a break to relax, have fun and let my hair down to enjoy some of the pleasures of life. Being part of an orgy had been a secret dream of mine.

DBM: How did you meet your wife?

Sharod: That’s the story I’m telling. I went out partying one weekend and I bumped into a lady. We were talking and getting to know each other. She asked where I stayed and I told her my new address. She laughed and asked me to give her a second. She ran back to the party and returned holding hands with my wife. She introduced us and then told me she used to live in my house. Come and see me smiling. I had finally found the legend. Her friend, before leaving us alone to chat, whispered to me, ‘You’re the type she usually goes for’.

DBM: Was she your type?

Sharod: I don’t usually have a type. I prefer giving people a shot, and before I know it, I’m having all the fun and I’m hooked. That’s how I know who complements me. If you don’t try giving people a chance with you, you may never know what works for you.

DBM: I concur!

Sharod: I told her about her male visitors at my door and we both laughed at the joke. I didn’t know what to expect but I was interested in knowing more about her life. That is one of the awesome things about getting to know all manner of people. You learn something new. Her days of partying, drinking and doing orgies were over. Damn. Not when it was supposed to be my turn. Lol

DBM: You’re silly! Lol! Why was she into that lifestyle, did you know?

Sharod: I asked her that question. She used to date a guy who was addicted to porn and always joked about how tempting it would be for them to have sex with another couple. She said her ex used to fantasize about sex with multiple partners. It wasn’t something she was interested in but because she loved the guy, she gave it a try. Her first experience turned out to be different from the way she had pictured it in her head.

DBM: Good different or bad?

Sharod: She didn’t like it but she kept doing it with him for a while to please him. She stopped when their relationship finally ended.

DBM: That was when she moved out of the house?

Sharod: I think.

DBM: Okay!

Sharod: We became friends and through our friendship, realized how much we liked each other. Nothing was more stimulating than when I realized her care for me could make me still surprise myself. I didn’t know I could love a woman so deeply. She reaffirmed the right kind of love and fondness that left a good taste in my mouth and later, heart. I wanted our relationship to work so I became too loyal. When I realized I was falling in love with her, I knew I didn’t have to have everything I thought I had to have in order to be happy in life. Appreciating one good woman and making sure she’s everything important to you is all it takes to be happy with your wife.

DBM: Are you happily married?

Sharod: Happily married for almost 20 years.

DBM: What do you like the most about the way your life is right now?

Sharod: I’m at peace with myself. I have peace in my heart.

DBM: What was your first impression of your wife, and what do you think about her now?

Sharod: She was different. That was my first impression of her. We could laugh together over stories from her past. We could listen to the reasons why we did what we did. My thoughts about her now are almost the same as my first impressions. I made the best decision for myself. She belongs in my heart. When she agreed the first day her friend introduced her to me at the party, to go back home with me to where she started life as an independent woman, and upon arrival, didn’t have to relive her wild memories with me, but rather made me understand a phase she once belonged in that home, I knew I could hold history in that house with her.

DBM: Before you met your wife, what were your views on marriage?

Sharod: I don’t know. My parents were married and I thought I would too. I knew exactly what I wanted and expected out of a love relationship, and I was not afraid to keep pushing until I found it in someone.

DBM: Was there anything about your wife that you wanted to change after you had gotten married?

Sharod: No. I loved her just the way she was. Marriage brought us closer and we still share the warmth, respect, excitement and our little acts of love. I’ve not stopped loving my wife. I’ve not stopped choosing my wife. I’ve not stopped celebrating my wife. I’ve not stopped belonging to my wife. I have not tricked her into thinking I am someone I am not. I’m still showing her my best side because I’m trying everyday to secure my marriage and relationship with her. I’m very intentional when it comes to our relationship, because in my mind, there’s still something to ‘woo’. I’m a big-time flirt when it comes to my wife. You will always see me amping my sultry side to just hookup with her.

DBM: How has your sex lives changed, and how do you communicate if you’re unsatisfied?

Sharod: I desire sex but it’s not an urgent need. Marriages of my friends ended because they saw sex as a need. It was a must have, else… It becomes a justification, intentionally or unintentionally to do things outside the marriage. My wife knows that sex draws us closer and she’s capable of putting my desires ahead of her own. When she’s not in the mood, I am capable of understanding her and suppressing my desires for the right time. I have a question.

DBM: Ask away

Sharod: How do you get through a difficult conflict in your marriage?

DBM: Lol! My partner and I hug. One of us, one way or the other would initiate a hug an hour or two after the disagreement. We don’t talk. We just stay in the warmth and comfort of the embrace. Every pride is put aside for the hug. It’s something we look forward to after a fight. We find strength in our tears – if any of us had to cry it all out. It has always been our unspoken promise of being there for one another. We’ve never insulted each other before. I have been mean every now and then but it wasn’t intended to hurt anyone. It’s not always a practical gesture and I don’t know if it’s going to work for everyone else, but we’ve been intentional on working out our differences with a hug. We’re seven years down the line and still married and expressing affection and reassurance.

Sharod: That’s a mature move there. How old are you?

DBM: 40

Sharod: And your significant other?

DBM: Also 40

Sharod: Nice one. It was nice talking to you David Bondze-Mbir.

Image Credit: Kampus

Let’s Talk To Sabrina

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 1 Comment

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 183: Sabrina

DBM: Hello Sabrina. How would you describe yourself?

Sabrina: Highly organized with a strong work ethic.

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Sabrina: 7

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Sabrina: I’ve been proposed to be married. I’ve said yes to him but a part of me isn’t sure whether I’m making the right decision. He’s a great guy but does not earn enough money. He has a bit of savings but he will be incapable of being a good provider. I make slightly more than him but even with that, I doubt we can support a family should we have a baby.

DBM: Is he financially responsible in character?

Sabrina: He is to the best of my knowledge. He supports his parents and little sister. A lot is going on with him. I know myself, and I feel like I may end up being unhappy in the future with him as my husband. The kind of life I want for my future wouldn’t fit into his plans.

DBM: What kind of life do you want for your future?

Sabrina: Let me tell you what I don’t want; I don’t want to end up like my mother and father. Ma was ignorant about money management, and left money matters to my dad after they married. My dad wasn’t skillful in the same and this resulted in unplanned life goals and investments in wrong ventures which austerely affected our family. The man I am about to marry doesn’t believe he’s anything like my parents, but I think he is.

DBM: You said he’s responsible with money, no?

Sabrina: To some extent. I mean, he doesn’t waste money buying designer stuff. He doesn’t spend on me because he thinks he has to save for our future. Every Cedi counts in his books.

DBM: He doesn’t spend on you?

Sabrina: Nope

DBM: How long have you been dating?

Sabrina: Three and a half years

DBM: And, he does not spend on you?

Sabrina: I can remember the last time he bought me something

DBM: When?

Sabrina: April, 2022

DBM: What did he get for you?

Sabrina: KFC. Even with that, I had to top up with a Ghs 100 because he didn’t have enough money on his mobile money that day.

DBM: Do you spend on him?

Sabrina: I used to but had to stop

DBM: Why?

Sabrina: He takes minor loans from me, and it takes him forever to sometimes pay back.

DBM: How do you feel about him in general?

Sabrina: I love him. He makes me laugh but I fear I may end up resenting him because he wouldn’t be capable of supporting us in a marriage.

DBM: How old are you?

Sabrina: 34

DBM: How old is he?

Sabrina: 38

DBM: Before I decided to settle down in marriage, I had to come to terms with the fact that, my marriage may be about accepting certain things in my partner that I didn’t necessarily love. My partner, on the other hand also had to learn how to tolerate what career women like yourself deal with on a daily basis: loving a husband who is not wealthy enough to tick all the boxes on your list.

Sabrina: It’s not easy. Hmmm!

DBM: When it comes to love and marriage, there really are no guarantees. And the grass isn’t always that greener.

Sabrina: I don’t want to suffer

DBM: You don’t have to suffer.

Sabrina: Hmmm!

DBM: In-as-much-as I’m all for ‘living your very best life’, I hold dear to love.

Sabrina: I love love too, Dave. But is love enough?

DBM: If he was making more money and had refused to spend on you, then I would have an issue. But here is the case he genuinely does not have. You can choose to learn how to enjoy him and the relationship if you want to. Life and love can be cheap, yet memorable, depending on what is important to you. I’m creating enjoyable memories with my choice of a partner and marriage.

Sabrina: I’m a bit conflicted

DBM: You need to understand though, that most men, naturally are givers. If a man genuinely is that much into you, he does not find it hard to go out of his way to please the love of his heart, however little. We spend on where our heart is.

Sabrina: You don’t think he loves me?

DBM: I wouldn’t be able to know. Do you think he loves you?

Sabrina: I don’t know. He doesn’t spend on me at all.

DBM: Yeah! That’s a flag for me. I do not measure love by how much money one is able to give to another. I’m not a rich guy but I make the effort to make my partner feel wanted and comfortable. And comfort does not come about without spending an amount here or there.

Sabrina: I agree. I don’t think he loves me as much as he says he does

DBM: Talk to him about your concerns

Sabrina: I don’t have to. It’s not going to work between us.

DBM: I don’t think he’s stingy. He does not love you that much. That would be my biggest guess.

Sabrina: Because he’s been living on a budget with me for so long in our relationship.

DBM: And marriage will only enhance it to an unbearable magnitude. Love should not be brewed behind closed doors, all in the name of ‘he’s saving for our future’. You may end up not being a part of the said future. I’ve seen it happen to many women.

Sabrina: Thank you, David. You’ve been of great help.

DBM: You’re welcome! Participant 182, Zuhrah, left a question for you: ‘I am pregnant for a married man. Do I have to inform him about my decision to get an abortion? NB: I am not ready to be a mother. I do not want this pregnancy.’

Sabrina: See a doctor, flush the baby out and leave the relationship.

DBM: It’s your turn to leave a question behind for the next participant.

Sabrina: Why did your relationship with your ex not work out?

DBM: Thank you!

Image Credit: Andres Ayrton

Let’s Talk To AJ

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 2 Comments

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 174: AJ

DBM: Hi AJ. How would you describe yourself?

AJ: Very hard working and believe in the traditional family system. Very calm and difficult to be angered.

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

AJ: 9. I would have said 10 but I don’t want to get too complacent with life

DBM: 😊 I see. What do you want to talk about?

AJ: I have a lot to talk about but I’m not sure a single chat would do justice. I feel the new generation’s view about marriage is being tainted hence blocking the blessings God can bestow on them through good marriage. This I think is because of the magnification of unsuccessful unions while keeping successful ones obscure. Hence promoting lack of trust and selfishness in marriage. I just want someone to know that good marriage ls exist.

DBM: I believe good marriages do exist too. How long have you been married?

AJ: Known my wife for 14 years married for 10

DBM: Oh nice! What really is your view on marriage?

AJ: I believe in what we term traditional marriage. I believe men and women are not the same but have their own unique powers to support each other. And once they all play their God given role diligently, that’s where God releases his unimaginable blessings on them. And it will be like a miracle.

DBM: In your opinion, what is a man’s unique power – in relation to supporting his partner?

AJ: In my humble opinion, men were given testosterone (the stronger hormone if I’m right) for a reason. To fight, to provide and protect the wife. I feel a husband shouldn’t care what a woman brings to the table FINANCIALLY. Any man who sees that it’s his duty to provide for his family will never lack ideas to make provision. Such men possess the abundance mindset.

DBM: Hmmm! Can you build on the abundance mindset?

AJ: The ability to always find means to provide for the family. Industrious. Not scared of getting his hands dirty as long as it brings a kill for the woman to turn into a meal

DBM: Okay!

AJ: For example, I am in an industry where I’m sent away to work abroad a lot. So, my wife working was a no-no! Now, it would have been easy for my wife to decline staying at home and looking after our kids, but she trusted me to go and fight for both of us. And I, in turn assured her that whatever I get is registered in both of our names. And through this mutual trust, I’ve managed to progress in my career and built wealth for the both of us. I can say my stay-at-home wife is worth more than half of the career wives. All because of building mutual trust and playing our God-given roles in our union.

DBM: What is a wife’s unique power to support her partner?

AJ: The wife possess estrogen. To love and to nurture. My wonderful wife has got this magic to make our home warm and lovely. One time, our baby boy was restless and it had passed his sleep time. I had tried everything to get him to rest but couldn’t. My half-asleep wife just went give him a pack of biscuit and water. And voilà, the boy was asleep halfway into the biscuit. There are more instances at home that I was clueless and she came to the rescue. Another one is her prayers. A man supports a woman physically and a woman supports a man spiritually.

Her love: I mostly come home a broken man. And a warm hug from my wife would be all that is needed to get me patched up and ready to go again the next day. It’s frustrating to say the least, that all these are being undermined by men of today – all because it’s not linked directly with finances. But spiritually it provokes the creation of wealth.

DBM: These are interesting examples. Thanks for sharing. So, you feel a wife’s duty, to some extent is to accompany her husband to achieve his dreams so he can support her and the future of their marriage?

AJ: It was made that way. I understand there will be instances where it will probably be prudent for the man to stay at home which is fine. But the man in my opinion will not be able to do it as good as the woman; and vice versa. This is where trust comes in. Both parties will need to put themselves on the side for the betterment of the union. My wife had trust issues when we started. But I allowed her to heal by being transparent with my finances. I told her whatever little she made can be kept but I will provide for both of us and I did. Now, she supports so much that I know my kids and my home are in good hands when on the road.

Most of my colleagues whose partners declined to support at home struggles financially due to lack of progress in their career; and not really peaceful at home as well. I feel it’s better if both can play this God given role. That’s my opinion.

DBM: Very well noted!

AJ: Look at it this way Dave, most men go behind their career women to cheat with women that have time for them. Why don’t they ask what those women bring to the table? I feel men want a woman that will give them the love whenever they need it. I may be wrong though.

DBM: I am glad you have it all figured out at home. Are you cheating or have you ever cheated on your wife since you got married?

AJ: Thanks for asking this question. I’ve never and as far as I know I’ve not been cheated on. Faithfulness in marriage is the final catalyst to this blessing I’m banging on about. The moment one of us cheat in the union, it affects the trust and shakes the balance of this success. Have I ever thought of doing it, YES. But I’ve got a lot to lose if I do. I want to encourage our generation to stop wasting money on short-term pleasure that will end up blocking our long-term success.

DBM: Interesting

AJ: On second thought, I did cheat the first year as her boyfriend. This was during our dating phase. I was trying to cut ties with someone I was casually seeing. That stage taught me a lot of lessons. I lost money, trust for my then new girlfriend and nearly lost my job. I have never cheated after that and since marriage.

DBM: Good to know!

AJ: I just want to say marriage, when done to the best of our abilities, as in being selfless and transparent always, will lead to a happy life. I’ve witnessed it and I’ve experienced it. Both parties just need to make promoting trust their outmost mission and they will thank me later.

DBM: Something I’ve realized is, a lot of guys go into marriage with their lives well planned out. But then, life happens and everything is kinda, interrupted. This, suddenly takes a toll on the relationship. What is a man supposed to do when he loses that dream job or the marriage itself isn’t everything he hoped for?

AJ: Firstly, you have to have emotional intelligence before getting into marriage. Don’t go into marriage because of looks and love. Ask yourself a lot of questions that has nothing to do with ‘love’ before entering into marriage. Don’t be an idealist; be a realist. Can you believe I looked at my girlfriend’s (now my wife) mum and grandmother just to ask myself if I would still find her attractive when she ended up looking like them?

You have to convince yourself that once you go in you are in. DON’T IGNORE the slightest red flag. Now when you go in make sure you don’t quit. The difference between success and failure is quitting. Unless your life is in danger. For the road to success is never straightforward, including marriage. We’ve been through a lot as a family. We’ve lost kids and money. Third parties have come in to shake the foundation but focusing on my wife alone even has helped increase my love and lust for her. The moment you start dividing or diverting your attention, you divide or divert your feelings for each other. Which will make you feel you are not meant for each other. Just keep focusing on each other.

DBM: What’s your take on doing everything together as a married unit and one’s need for their ‘me-time’?

AJ: I feel good partners work and play together. It increases the bond and the sense of achievement of goals. Like seeing each other as your ride-or-die. However, it’s always good to allow your partner to explore the world without you as well. It conditions them to both cultivate the skill of surviving without you, and also appreciate life with you. I’d push my wife to go out with responsible friends knowing she will be having fun; and also increase my yearn for her as I realize how much I miss her when she’s away. We just have to maintain the balance.

DBM: What does a successful marriage look like to you?

AJ: Where both partners do not regret meeting each other. As long as each party is getting what they perceive as ‘happiness’ from the union. Now we should also note that life is not all about happiness. So, in our quest for happiness, we need to also exercise a sense of contentment and not to push the goal post of happiness further and further. You end up chasing your tail.

DBM: What’s your take on open-marriages?

AJ: One of my prides being with my partner as a man is having sole access to my wife’s body and her God-given powers. And I believe if that’s the case for me, so it will be with my wife. No one can serve two masters without loving one more than the other. It always shakes the foundations of trust in the marriage. It always ends in jealousy and resentment.

DBM: By the time a man or woman gets serious to the stage of signing a marriage certificate, they’re of the opinion that they know everything there is to know about each other. Can one truly know someone enough?

AJ: One can never know their partners enough; not even during the marriage. But one should make it a point to know what their partner stands for and where they want to be in life; and make sure it aligns with theirs. One should also prevent themselves from the element of shock by expecting the worst from their partners, and formulate a plan on how they would deal with that situation. That doesn’t mean being sneaky and hiding things behind each other’s back. That’s why I say, ask yourself a lot of questions before marriage. What if this happens and what if that happens! I believe it’s easy to forgive or deal with a situation when the surprise element is less. For example, I’m happy to share my properties with my wife if she wakes up one day and all of a sudden makes a U-turn on our marriage. Because I’ve played it out in my head so many times. Hope for the best and expect the worst in every situation.

DBM: In the case where one is stubborn, and the other doesn’t seem to compromise; or simply concerned about the other’s actions when there is a disagreement – to the extent that they hardly would even mention what truly upsets them, and would rather choose to run away from the thought of a fight?

AJ: It takes two committed partners to get the best out of marriage. It’s always a shame if one partner has different goals. Don’t ever stop a partner that want to leave but be the partner that wants to stay and work through your imperfections.

DBM: Participant 173, Arrow, left a question for you: ‘What is your most treasured memory?’

AJ: Sounds cheesy, but the first day I gathered the courage to propose to this cool girl now my wife, to be my girlfriend. The whole weekend and what has come of it 14 years later. We both talk about it all the time

DBM: 😊 It’s your turn to leave a question behind for the next participant

AJ: Who benefits in marriage the most…men or women?

DBM: Thank you!

Image Credit: El Gringo

Let’s Talk To July

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 2 Comments

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 145: July

DBM: Hello July. How would you describe yourself?

July: I exude confidence and will always speak in plain language

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

July: 5

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

July: Trust

DBM: Okay!

July: I want to know what your opinion on trust is. My marriage lacks trust. My husband cannot be trusted, and I don’t feel comfortable believing his love for me

DBM: What has been your expectations of your husband?

July: I used to not have any. Now, I am constantly expecting the worst from him

DBM: Are you happy subjecting yourself to live this way?

July: No! It’s exhausting. It’s tiring. It’s stressful

DBM: What did your husband do?

July: Everything a man can do to destroy every last ounce of trust a woman has for her man

DBM: I’m sorry about that

July: It’s not your fault. I blame myself for believing he’s a good man

DBM: Has he ever been good to you?

July: Yes

DBM: Has he ever been true to you?

July: Yes

DBM: You used to trust in him, no?

July: I did, till he gave me a reason not to

DBM: How long have you been married?

July: Nine years

DBM: You have kids?

July: I do

DBM: What made you fall in love with him?

July: Right now, it’s hard for me to put the love I used to have for him into words

DBM: Why is that?

July: I don’t know why

DBM: What about your husband did you used to find attractive?

July: His patience. Confidence. His cynical sense of humor. He is/was the kindest man I knew. His opinions are loud and different. He is intelligent. An excellent father to our children.

DBM: How was he as a husband?

July: He was a good husband; he was always there when I needed him

DBM: Do you believe he loves you?

July: I used to, but I don’t anymore

DBM: Okay!

July: How do you understand trust?

DBM: I understand it in different ways

July: Which is the first?

DBM: I’m holding a glass and I let it fall. It breaks and cannot be patched to its original state or form

July: Trust is broken in this scenario

DBM: Exactly.

July: So, what do you do?

DBM: There are options: I can choose not to sweat over one broken glass

July: What if it’s a glass that meant something to me?

DBM: You can choose to gather the broken pieces to make an art design for your home.

July: What is your second understanding of it?

DBM: My phone falling on the ground and cracking its screen. That thin one-line crack

July: I have one on my phone

DBM: How did it come about?

July: My children were playing with it

DBM: Have you thrown the phone away?

July: No, it’s not totally damaged

DBM: You still can use it

July: I use it

DBM: You see everything on the screen?

July: I do

DBM: A man betraying your trust in him can also represent that same thin, one-line crack on your phone. It never means the phone is damaged. It doesn’t mean you should throw your phone away, knowing very well it’s usable.

July: What if the crack wasn’t a thin line, but a full screen crack to destroy the phone’s beauty and originality?

DBM: You have changed your phone’s screen before, no?

July: I used to. Now, I buy new phones when my screen is totally cracked. I throw the damaged one in the garbage

DBM: That is understandable, but you can equally get it fixed

July: Yeah

DBM: Somewhere, deep down inside, of every man is that spark to do right by people

July: Hmmm!

DBM: Again, the fact that you can get the broken phone screen fixed doesn’t necessarily mean you have to keep it in your life

July: It is nearly impossible for me to trust my husband. I don’t know if I can get back that glue that kept the bond intact.

DBM: What’s your fear now?

July: Giving him a second chance only to be hurt by him again

DBM: Have you ever made a mistake before?

July: Dave, a mistake would be having too many drinks at a friend’s party and waking up next to a naked man, lying next to my naked body. I can argue on the grounds of a mistake, if I cannot recall parts of the night out.

DBM: Agreed

July: He had the perfect opportunity to weigh up the option of him honoring a wife that loved him, and having an affair. He made a decision to choose one of his options. If you claim to love and care about me, you will not do something to hurt me

DBM: I concur

July: I don’t know what to do

DBM: You can forgive him

July: And then what?

DBM: Believe that he is capable of doing right by you

July: Is that the only option?

DBM: You can go your separate ways, still with love and forgiveness in your heart for him. There is beauty in walking away with grace and dignity.

July: Thank you for making time to chat with me.

DBM: You’re welcome! Participant 144, Alistair, left a question for you: ‘If you could choose and have any man or woman in the world as your husband or wife, who would be your definite ‘hell yes,’ and why?’

July: Barack Hussein Obama II. He once said, he knows very well that at every corner, there is a lady more beautiful than his wife, but there is something about Michelle Robinson Obama that is beyond beautiful. Michelle was, and is his final choice to commit to intimately because she gives him the most satisfaction. He does not love her in this manner because they’re married, but because Michelle, as a woman, makes for a great choice.

DBM: It’s your turn to leave a question behind for the next participant

July: Which is ideal: asking for permission to cheat, or asking for forgiveness after being caught cheating?

DBM: Thank you!

Image Credit: Christina Morillo

Let’s Talk To Otis

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 1 Comment

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 124: Otis

DBM: Hello Otis. How would you describe yourself?

Otis: I stay true to myself majority of the time. I like challenges and I don’t always take the easiest routes out of a situation.

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Otis: Eight

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Otis: As at March 14th 2023, I was of the opinion that I was burdened by a conflicting issue. My wife is the perfect homemaker and we have a great friendship and relationship. She is her happiest when around me; she’s affectionate and caring, but I couldn’t understand why I wasn’t hyping my energy to her level. We’re in our 8th year of marriage and if I am to cast my mind back to the statistics within my circle of friends, the likelihoods of me and my wife ending up in a lifelong marriage could fundamentally be based on a coin toss. Dave, I’m going to be honest, my heart wasn’t in it last year and was indifferent about the way forward. Divorce or separation did cross my mind but I felt guilty at the thought of it because my wife really has been good to me. I know my life is better because I’m a part of hers, but I was in a state where I though my true feelings would be miserable if I continued staying married. The crazy thing is, my wife sensed my unhappiness and has been showing up for us to talk about what is going on with me. I just have not been able to truthfully open up to her about my feelings. What I want to talk about is how I had the perfect opportunity to meet a need in me with another woman but chose not to.

DBM: Why?

Otis: I realized abruptly that there is nothing wrong with my wife, and that I would have cheated regardless of who I was in a relationship with. I am the one with issues to deal with, not my wife.

DBM: That’s a first. Walk me through your process

Otis: I did meet with the other woman in the hotel room, and I was ready to rumble. But her phone kept ringing. She was ignoring the calls and it wouldn’t stop ringing, so I told her to answer it. That was when I realized she was married. It was her husband on the call. Yes, I did not know she was married. How we met and how our conversations built up to this moment is a story for another day; but I figured out she was cheating back because her husband had cheated on her. Listening to her argue with her husband on the call was my principal driver of loyalty to my wife. I found myself in a state of appreciation for my wife and all that she’s done for me, our marriage and the children. I never knew I could acknowledge her value that quickly, to the extent that, when the lady was done shouting on her phone, there was a less chance of me wanting to take the risk of hurting my wife by doing something foolish. I wasn’t ready to put my marriage in jeopardy.

DBM: How did you explain your ‘aha’ moment to the lady?

Otis: There was nothing to explain. I just told her I couldn’t. I booked the room for her though – to stay the night, which she said she did.

DBM: How easy or difficult was the sudden switch off?

Otis: It was within my decision-making process. Being sexually attracted to someone, I think is controllable. And from what I experienced; I could choose without a doubt not to act on my urges. Sometimes, family takes precedence

DBM: That’s good to know

Otis: It’s a choice. In fact, I realized that if I had gone ahead with the lady in the hotel room, it would have been a decision made out of my greed to satisfy my selfish needs.

DBM: What if your needs were valid?

Otis: Oh, the urge was valid. I wanted something different but I was awoken to the idea of maybe, creating that different feel with what I already have at home. I love my wife, no doubts about that; I just needed a reason to make a tough decision that was in her best interest for once.

DBM: Are you proud of the outcome?

Otis: I did good, I think. I chose to protect my wife even though she wasn’t a witness to it. I chose to put a smile on her face even though she doesn’t get to know about that. I caused my wife to feel loved and chosen by me. If I will be honest, she chooses me every day; this was my turn to do her the honors and return a favor. This decision also is a huge step to improve upon myself and our marriage, instead of destroying it. My wife’s hope in me couldn’t go down the drain just for a few minutes of pleasure. Loving someone genuinely burdens you to do right by them.

DBM: I concur. Do you know why you were assuming your life could be miserable while with wifey?

Otis: I don’t know why but I know it started as a fantasy. In my mind, I was comparing my present with a future. Future meaning, dating or being married to a different woman.

DBM: Do you still find your wife attractive?

Otis: I do

DBM: And you can imagine yourself spending the rest of your life with her and being content with just her in your heart?

Otis: I think so

DBM: Whenever I find myself in the ‘I think so’ phase, it usually means I’m still beating myself up because my tolerance for the unknown and unpredictability is still on the low.

Otis: I don’t know

DBM: Otis

Otis: Yeah?

DBM: It’s okay not to be sure. It’s okay to sometimes also worry. I believe it’s okay to even feel bad about yourself sometimes. You don’t have to be strong all the time. I am proud of you for the decision you took in the hotel room. You’re a good man.

Otis: Hopefully, I wouldn’t fall apart at the long run

DBM: But even if you do, you have every right to. It enables you to find yourself all over again. So, it’s not always that bad. Give yourself some credit

Otis: I agree, I’m a good guy.

DBM: Why do you love your wife?

Otis: She accepts me even when I don’t know exactly what to do with her attention. She’s caring towards me when I am indifferent about my emotions. She encourages me to learn what it takes to be good to myself with her love for me. I don’t know why I love her but I know I do.

DBM: That’s good enough a response. Participant 123, Vance, left a question for you: ‘What is the one truth about you today that would probably make your 10-year-old self be disappointed in you?’

Otis: I was by my father’s side at the hospital when he died. My mum had gone home to prepare his favorite meal because he had specifically requested for rice and palmnut soup. Before the doctor confirmed his death, he got a notification on his phone. I was holding his phone when it beeped. It was from one of his close friends, a family friend I would say. His wife and my mum are very close friends too. It was a love message. It caught me unawares, and so I unlocked the phone to read the full message. My dad had been pronounced dead minutes later, and I was supposed to be crying or something but I couldn’t stop myself from reading their conversations dating back to the messages he hadn’t deleted yet. They also exchanged a lot of gay porn and from their conversations, planned on which positions to try when they were together. I went through his google search history and realized he wasn’t the man I thought he was. My dad was married to my mother for 40 years. I couldn’t tell for how long he and the man had been together, but they were very close friends when I was a kid. I haven’t told anyone in my family, and I don’t intend to. As for my mother, I don’t want to break her heart. My 10-year-old self would tell my mother everything.

DBM: It’s your turn to leave a question behind for the next participant

Otis: Okay! Do you see the future being better than the present? Why?

DBM: Thank you!

Image Credit: Mizuno K

Let’s Talk To Jina

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 1 Comment

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 116: Jina

DBM: Hello Jina. How would you describe yourself?

Jina: I live by a different set of core beliefs and that’s what is guiding my decisions

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Jina: 7

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Jina: My mother walked into a sensitive relationship with me, in the name of marriage. I was 17 years old. Just like my mother, when I dream of getting married, I am often imagining my relationship to be a happily ever after storyline. Divorce wouldn’t be a thought on my mind because I’d only want to thrive as my husband’s wife. Prior to her second marriage, she was in an unhappy situation with my father. Even I wished she could start all over without my dad, but mom stayed because of me. I’ve heard people say that it takes two people in a marriage to make it work, but I saw my mother as the only one doing things differently to keep the home together. Mum ensured she was her pleasant self every day, while my father found every reason to fight with her. My mother lost her energy to stay married. She died five years into her second marriage with my step father, who is currently my soul mate.

DBM: Your step father is your husband, you mean?

Jina: No, boyfriend

DBM: How old are you?

Jina: I’m in my mid-twenties

DBM: Is your relationship with zaddy public?

Jina: No

DBM: At what point did your step-dad become a love interest?

Jina: I am still mystified as to why of all the men in the world, I decided to fall in love with my late mother’s husband. He was mourning my mother, months after her burial and one day he looked at me and the attraction between us turned into something rather commanding and real, we were both comfortable with crossing that bridge over troubled waters.

DBM: Meaning?

Jina: We had sex. We were completely at ease around each other, the attraction could not be mistaken

DBM: Did he and your mother have kids?

Jina: No!

DBM: Has he any children of his own?

Jina: Yes

DBM: They know you as their step-sister?

Jina: Yes

DBM: They know about you and their dad?

Jina: Not yet

DBM: What caused your mother’s death?

Jina: She suffered from a chronic lower respiratory disease

DBM: How would you describe your boyfriend?

Jina: He is a generous wave that carried my mother and me along with him

DBM: How long have you been dating?

Jina: Over year, four months and two weeks

DBM: You love him?

Jina: With all of my heart. He’s very down to earth and endearing. When my mother was alive, his unconditional acceptance of her was never based on anything special she had to do. He was fond of saying, mum was one of God’s beautiful gifts to him.

DBM: Awww! How do you understand love?

Jina: When I am able to let him live his life, and not do anything that would suggest I want to keep him only for myself.

DBM: Hmmm!

Jina: It’s crazy, I know! But it’s because I trust him, and we have so much in common

DBM: Was the feelings between you two mutual when your mother was alive?

Jina: There was nothing romantically inclined between us

DBM: Is this a relationship that could end up in marriage?

Jina: No. We’ve talked about it, and marriage is certainly out of the question

DBM: You don’t want to be married?

Jina: I do. But in our complicated situation, it wouldn’t be ideal. Just having him close by is good enough for me; especially knowing how much he cares about me

DBM: You’re certain you’re not confusing your own emotions, especially knowing how vulnerable you both are while going through the whole grieving process of the one woman you loved?

Jina: I loved my mother, and he loved his wife dearly. That love is still present in our hearts. I think what we’ve developed between us, in a way is a compliment also to my mother. The human heart is capable of limitless love and can or will make room for possible relationships in the future

DBM: In other words, you can love two people at the same time?

Jina: I believe so; though those two relationships will never be founded on the same level of depth and definitely not feel the same, one can still be happy pursuing love while making the most out of life. Sharing true love with someone you are capable of genuinely caring about is a healthy exercise for the soul

DBM: How long are you two planning on keeping your relationship under wraps?

Jina: We haven’t discussed into detail. We feel that people will quickly assume that’s what might have even killed my mother, but we both know that’s not the case. Also, we don’t want to overwhelm ourselves with the judgmental attitudes of naysayers

DBM: So, where do you draw the line between a secret relationship and a private one?

Jina: Dave, we recently buried his wife, my mother. We don’t want the outside world to know he’s been able to move on so quickly with me. Because truth is, we’re still mourning her in our own way. And we are not ready to compromise our relationship in the process of having to always explain why we happen to be dating all of a sudden.

DBM: How do you think your mother would be feeling in her grave – if she were to see what you two are up to?

Jina: The traditional priest representing my boyfriend’s family’s clan showed up at our house, unannounced, the night we first had sex. He asked us to pacify my mother at the graveyard with an egg, schnapps, a fowl and a plea. He covered us with leaves and doted spots to perform a sacred ritual as demanded by their custom to enable us to be together intimately

DBM: I see. How did he know you two were sleeping together?

Jina: That’s a question for the gods. We don’t know how but he showed up at our doorstep

DBM: Do you work?

Jina: Yes, I am a teacher

DBM: So, you’re not with him because of money?

Jina: To me, money is a make-believe commodity. In fact, I am the one that gives ‘sika’ the very power it has in my life. Dave, as long as I can feed myself, I’m good to go.

Image Credit: Jairo David-Arboleda

Let’s Talk To Kuturuku and Takyiwaa

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 113a: Kuturuku

Participant 113b: The name I want use is Takyiwaa

DBM: Hi Kuturuku and Takyiwaa. How would you describe yourselves?

Kuturuku: The type that would make a difficult decision and stand by it. Also, I don’t give up easily, even though I can be contented with the possibility of me failing at something. I love to explore interesting avenues, and I am a fun-loving guy.

Takyiwaa: I wake up and go to sleep and this man is the first and last thing on my mind

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Takyiwaa: 8

Kuturuku: 7

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Takyiwaa: My boyfriend is all of a sudden suggesting that, what we’ve built for almost a year is friends with benefits kind-of relationship.

Kuturuku: I’m going to be honest with her since she’s the one bringing our private issues here; dating one woman can get very boring for me really fast.

Takyiwaa: We were dating then?

Kuturuku: No! I was of the impression that the attraction between us was purely physical

Takyiwaa: Say it is physical for you.

Kuturuku: You don’t love me, do you?

Takyiwaa: I am catching feelings for you

DBM: What do you think you want in a woman to get you to settle down with one?

Kuturuku: I’m married boss. I have settled down

DBM: I’m confused

Takyiwaa: I am perching

DBM: You’re the other woman?

Takyiwaa: Yes

DBM: I see

Kuturuku: Dave, the nature of my job prevents me from staying in one location for a long time. I travel a lot, and have a busy work schedule. That’s why I cannot do one relationship and commit to it at a go.

DBM: It’s that difficult to stick to one woman?

Kuturuku: I wouldn’t say it’s difficult. I’m just not a firm believer of the whole monogamy thing

DBM: Why did you get married?

Kuturuku: My wife wanted marriage

DBM: Do you believe in marriage?

Kuturuku: I do

DBM: Is marriage for you?

Kuturuku: No

DBM: Is Takyiwaa your only side-chick?

Kuturuku: She knows she’s not

Takyiwaa: I didn’t know that. You’re now telling me

DBM: How many women are in your life?

Kuturuku: You mean, how many ladies I’ve had sex with?

DBM: How did he convince you to be with him? What did he tell you about his wife?

Takyiwaa: He doesn’t say much about his wife. As to how we met, he was at a filling station filling up his car. The taxi I had chartered drove to the same filling station to fuel up. He saw me in the car and hurriedly paid the driver whatever my fare was, and handed me his business card. I called to thank him for paying my fare, and one text led to the other.

Kuturuku: The opportunity was there; she looked pretty in her dress and I couldn’t resist. It just had to happen for us to be in touch somehow.

DBM: Did he tell you he was married?

Takyiwaa: I didn’t ask

DBM: And, he did not tell you either?

Takyiwaa: I figured it out

DBM: Why do you want to continue being in his life?

Takyiwaa: I don’t know how to resist the emotions growing inside of me. It’s getting the best of me

DBM: Have you come to peace with the fact that, you may never be his priority?

Takyiwaa: Not yet

DBM: What does she mean to you?

Kuturuku: She’s a dear friend I share something beautiful with

Takyiwaa: He makes me feel special

DBM: But replaceable

Kuturuku: Lol!

Takyiwaa: Dave, he’s not a bad person. His intentions are good

DBM: Can you honestly trust a man who has chosen to deceive his wife – with you?

Kuturuku: My wife can distinguish some of the things that are off with me. She may not know the details, but she knows something is up

DBM: You have children?

Kuturuku: I do

DBM: Let me present a scenario; your wife or child is in a horrible crisis. Takyiwaa also finds herself in a hot mess, and all parties are in need of your support and presence. Which of them is assured of your unconditional support?

Kuturuku: Family above all else

DBM: Let’s assume you’re in love with Takyiwaa

Kuturuku: I will choose my wife and children

DBM: Are you keeping your options open, even though you are doing things with him?

Takyiwaa: I don’t understand the question

Kuturuku: I wouldn’t want her to be dating other men

DBM: Are you two dating?

Kuturuku: We have something going on between us

DBM: Sex and?

Kuturuku: Friendship

DBM: And?

Kuturuku: Everything else this can develop into

DBM: Define what you share with Takyiwaa

Kuturuku: A pleasant situation

DBM: Has it a potential of changing into something meaningful any time soon?

Kuturuku: I mean, I can’t marry her but yes. I really like her

Takyiwaa: I really like you too

Kuturuku: I know

DBM: Time sometimes gives us time to prepare ourselves for the truth existing in a pleasant situation

Takyiwaa: Being with a married man is one of the things I swore never to do. But life once again has an interesting way of proving me wrong. I know you will not believe me, but I never planned for this to happen

DBM: I believe you

Kuturuku: He doesn’t believe you

DBM: Why did you decide to chat with me?

Kuturuku: I didn’t decide anything. She got me involved

Takyiwaa: I wanted a neutral platform for us to open up about exactly what we’re doing, and where it’s going

DBM: Have you gotten the answers you needed?

Takyiwaa: 90% of it

DBM: What does the remaining 10% consist of? Because a man who is married will tell you all the right things your ears want to hear – just to have his way with you.

Kuturuku: Look, I see a potential love story with Takyiwaa. It’s not just about the physical attraction and passion. There could be love involved somewhere in the mix.

DBM: Are you both certain about your emotions?

Takyiwaa: I am; I love him

Kuturuku: What I know is, she’s not just a statistic in my equation

DBM: Please help me to understand something, are you waiting on him to choose you as his what, since he’s already married?

Takyiwaa: I want more; some level of commitment at least

DBM: So, you will put your life on hold for him to make up his mind about you?

Image Credit: Lucretius Mooka

Let’s Talk To Dhakirah

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 2 Comments

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 105: I love the name Dhakirah

DBM: Hi Dhakirah. How would you describe yourself?

Dhakirah: I am a nice person in the morning, good in the afternoon and sweet at night

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Dhakirah: I am 7 today

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Dhakirah: My husband’s mistress came to my office to ask if I am still in love with him. She’s told me she is in love, and has showed me evidence of their two-year relationship. From their conversations, he’s in love with her too and does not know what to do because he is married to me. Initially, I was wondering why a side chick would have the audacity to show face, but then a phone conversation she recorded between her and my husband proved that he enabled her to confront me. It probably was a joke, but then she took on the challenge to confront me.

DBM: How did she know where you work?

Dhakirah: From the recorded phone call, my husband told her when she asked.

DBM: Have you told your husband about this?

Dhakirah: No! A girl as daring as that will tell him what she’s done

DBM: When did she approach you?

Dhakirah: 3rd of April, 2023

DBM: And, your husband hasn’t said a thing?

Dhakirah: Nothing

DBM: Have you noticed any changes in his attitude towards you since his girl’s confrontation?

Dhakirah: He’s been engaging in deep eye contact with me, while smiling, laughing or shaking his head for no reason when he sees me. I read intimidation or fear from his body language when he tries to lock eyes with me lately

DBM: What other evidence of their relationship did she present to you?

Dhakirah: Pictures and videos of them in bed. Some, taken while my husband was asleep and naked with her in bed.

DBM: Do you have a copy?

Dhakirah: I did not ask for a copy

DBM: Why not?

Dhakirah: I think I had a hunch a few years ago that he may be having an affair, but because he was doing everything right by me, I thought it was all up in my head.

DBM: How long have you been married?

Dhakirah: We’re almost in a decade

DBM: Children?

Dhakirah: Yes

DBM: What pricked the hunch?

Dhakirah: He started making huge purchases for me, etc. He bought me a car, for instance. He sometimes also forgot to mention he was going to stay out late till he’s realized he’s late. He comes home and lies about a work gathering or something with friends that came up unplanned. He takes his phone everywhere at home, even to the bathroom

DBM: I take my phone everywhere with me, even to the toilet

Dhakirah: Why?

DBM: Because I love to read or listen to music while on the loo

Dhakirah: Are you also always texting on your phone?

DBM: Not really

Dhakirah: That, if I am to just ask what’s going on with you, you suddenly are on the alert and in a defensive mode?

DBM: No

Dhakirah: Trying new and rough styles and positions with me in bed; all of a sudden becoming conscious of the kinds of underwear he wears, etc.

DBM: So, you weren’t surprised then – when she showed up in your office?

Dhakirah: Not not

DBM: How would you describe her?

Dhakirah: She’s pretty and young

DBM: Why haven’t you confronted your husband?

Dhakirah: He knows what he’s doing

DBM: It doesn’t bother you?

Dhakirah: Would it change a thing?

DBM: What are you going to do?

Dhakirah: I am not going to allow this to bring me to my knees. My life is not empty, I am not sad. I am not in despair

DBM: Are you okay with your husband falling in love with another woman?

Dhakirah: I am not. I am also not the only woman whose husband is letting down

DBM: I see

Dhakirah: But I have something planned for him. That is why I am not wearing any hatred or hurt

DBM: You’re going to punish him?

Dhakirah: He’s not my son, I cannot punish him. And, it’s not my responsibility to raise grown-ass-man right; his parents already did. Who he is showing me is the man he really is

DBM: You make a good point

Dhakirah: Sometimes, the cure for infidelity is infidelity.

DBM: Meaning?

Dhakirah: Meaning, I am still processing what he has done to me

DBM: Are you still in love with your husband?

Dhakirah: I am in hate with him, even though I am still loving towards him after all that I know

DBM: I see

Dhakirah: Dave, a friend of mine needs advise

DBM: What kind?

Dhakirah: She and her husband both found out, almost at the same time that they had been cheating on themselves. He was doing his thing in either hotels or his other woman’s place, while my friend, his wife, was sleeping with her side-kick at home, in their matrimonial bed when he’s gone to work or traveled. My friend’s husband wants a divorce because he thinks my friend’s cheating was worse than his.

DBM: Worse in which sense?

Dhakirah: His was an away match while hers was home

DBM: I don’t see the difference

Dhakirah: I said the same thing to her, but the husband is angry and has been mean towards her. Her in-laws are all attacking and name-calling her, but are not discussing the man’s own affair.

DBM: It’s a man’s world, I guess

Dhakirah: But it’s an empty nest without a woman

DBM: Are you quoting James Brown’s song to me?

Dhakirah: You started

DBM: Smh! What do you have planned for your husband?

Dhakirah: I just told you about my friend and her husband

DBM: Yes

Dhakirah: Sometimes, the cure for infidelity is infidelity

DBM: You’re also going to cheat on him?

Dhakirah: Already did

DBM: Oh!

Dhakirah: This is my story, and I’m the one asking for a divorce

Image Credit: Motional Studio

Let’s Talk To Aurora

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 1 Comment

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 102: Ms. Aurora is my name

DBM: Hello Aurora. How would you describe yourself?

Aurora: The measurement of pleasure my body needs to reach orgasm. That is to say, I have better acceleration, which equates my overall performance in bed

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Aurora: 9

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Aurora: I want to talk about my job as a sex-worker. When I was a teenager, I wanted to be who I am today, and I am so glad that I did not bury myself in self-doubt with a laundry list of explanations as to why I couldn’t rent my body to men willing to pay and use me for their pleasure. Let me also state that, nothing went wrong in my life for me to be doing this job. There is no shame in this; just like any other profession, I showed up and made myself available to my first client. Even though I didn’t have any experience the first time, I knew the experience would come with time. I became available to different clients to stretch myself in ways that weren’t always comfortable, and my sex life earnt the benefits. Dave, one of the most beautiful and intimate things every woman ought to do with someone else is to fuck them.

DBM: How old are you?

Aurora: 35

DBM: How long have you been in the business?

Aurora: 13 years and counting

DBM: You started when you were 22 years?

Aurora: Yes

DBM: What is the one thing you believe works – when it comes to sex?

Aurora: Sex makes sense when the individuals engaging in it know how to stem pleasure out of their own selves. Understanding what pleases you sexually and tapping into it during sex to please yourself will make you enjoy the act even better. A lot of the time, we want to please the ones we’re fucking so bad that, our focus shifts rather to performance. Sex is not about performance; sex should be for your own pleasure. Own your body, know what makes you tick and groan. I always tell my clients, it’s not my duty or responsibility to make you cum. I am responsible for my own orgasm, no man is. I know what makes me orgasm, that is why I do not share my glory with anyone. I don’t believe any man performs poorly in bed. If a woman knows how to keep her body excited, she will have no time to mark her partner’s performance. If a man knows how to take a swing at himself for a cum during sex, he will never criticize his partner for being boring in bed.

DBM: Do you know your body count?

Aurora: I’ve been with a lot of men. Let’s say a 100+

DBM: Is the sex protected?

Aurora: Always. I believe in safe sex and pleasure. Luckily for me, condoms provide me both. It’s all about the approach. I make my clients find putting on condoms sexy. And they always end up feeling good after using it.

DBM: What are your customer demographics?

Aurora: I don’t pay attention to that, but 97% of the men could be married

DBM: What does that inform you?

Aurora: I can only draw from the interactions some clients have had with me. They said their spouses find solace in motherhood rather than being wives. Some claim their wives have even forgotten that they exist

DBM: Can you use yourself to explain what you stated earlier concerning pleasuring yourself during intercourse with a client?

Aurora: I understand my body because I know me and what can make me orgasm without even touching my count. My nipples and inner thighs bring me so much pleasure. They are my crazy, sensitive hot spots that can set off explosives through my whole body. When I am with a client, I stimulate my breasts in ways that automatically provokes a sexual response from the men. When I place ice cubes in slow motion on my inner thighs, the mood it sets me in takes any man from just observing and loving it to, ‘I’ve got to have you right now’

DBM: Do you think people pay attention to their bodies?

Aurora: No, they don’t. They rather expect others to know how to pleasure them so they can reach orgasm. I don’t roll that way. That’s why I use my first encounter with every new client as a teaching session. I help them to discover and activate their sweet selves so they can trigger their own orgasmic responses for themselves. Our bodies are roofed with extremely delicate areas that we often aren’t making any efforts on our own to explore to the fullest

DBM: How do you perceive the ordinary Ghanaian man in bed?

Aurora: Useless.

DBM: That bad?

Aurora: Most Ghanaian and African men only dream of lasting long in bed to prove they’re good at sex. But they’re not good, that’s the truth. I’ve been with almost 250 men in total. They all sucked initially. They penetrate and thrust from different positions, delay ejaculation for it to take them from five minutes, to half an hour (depending on their stamina) before getting off or climaxing. What could have been fun for both parties rather turn out to be exhausting, and not to mention, frustrating. Many of my married female friends all say the same thing, ‘sex with their husbands feels like a waste of their time and energy’. Many ladies’ fake orgasms because of communication hitches in their relationships. So, when you hear her groan, moan or scream the ‘Ah, yes, yeah, Mmmm, Ou, harder, feels so good, etc.’ during vaginal sex, majority of them only are triggering your cum-fest to draw near, so you can pull the hell out of her.

DBM: Are you dating?

Aurora: No. I have not met the type of man who is open and would consent to the kind of relationship I want

DBM: What’s your kind?

Aurora: I want to have more than one sexual partner; I want to love more than one person at a time, yet being emotionally accountable to each of the partners involved.

DBM: You have kids?

Aurora: I don’t want children now

DBM: Thank you for making time to chat.

Image Credit: Nathan B. Caldeira

Let’s Talk To Naomi – Part 1

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 1 Comment

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 71: Sister Naomi

DBM: Hi Sister Naomi. How would you describe yourself?

Naomi: I enjoy myself a lot, I value who I am to the highest degree; I cannot be rushed. I have heard people say, I am graceful in my appearance and also in the way I behave towards them. I am a born-again Christian, 31 years of age, single and ready to mingle

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Naomi: 9

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Naomi: First of all Dave, let me thank you for this opportunity. I have been following the ‘Let’s Talk To…’ conversations and I am learning a lot from everyone’s experience. It’s been an eye-opener for me. And I love the contents on your blog; it’s different and engaging.

DBM: Appreciated.

Naomi: As I said earlier, I am single and ready to enter into the dating scene for the first time in my life. I love the way you engage the ladies on your platform, and was thinking, maybe you could give me some pointers from your experience with people to guide me.

DBM: I am not a counselor. I hope you know that?

Naomi: I know that

DBM: Good! Is there someone you’re interested in at the moment?

Naomi: I have had a few guys flat-out expressing their interests in me in the past. I wasn’t ready for a relationship then so I let them go. The person I like now, and may want to be in a relationship with, unfortunately isn’t a guy my family or friends would approve of.

DBM: Why is that?

Naomi: He doesn’t have a degree. He is one of the security men at my place of work.

DBM: Why do you like him?

Naomi: I think he’s a nice guy

DBM: Nice as in?

Naomi: The way he talks to me, the way he smiles with me. He takes very good care of my car, and finds ways to compliment me every day. He doesn’t mind going on an errand for me.  He walks me to my car when he’s on duty – after close of work. I’ve caught him a few times stealing glances at me. He keeps me relaxed and accepted.

DBM: How old is he?

Naomi: He is 37 I think

DBM: That’s my age mate. Do you think he likes you as much?

Naomi: If I’m to guess, I’d say yes, he likes me too

DBM: Have you asked him directly if he likes you?

Naomi: No!

DBM: Why not?

Naomi: I can’t

DBM: Why?

Naomi: I don’t want to come off as desperate

DBM: But you would be asking him out of desire, not desperation

Naomi: It’s not that simple.

DBM: What do you do for a living?

Naomi: I am a specialist in Programs with an international Agency for Development.

DBM: How long have you been friends with this gentleman?

Naomi: I have known him since 2017

DBM: And, he is single?

Naomi: He is

DBM: He told you that himself?

Naomi: Yes.

DBM: Okay!

Naomi: Dave

DBM: Yes?

Naomi: Are you in a relationship?

DBM: Yes please

Naomi: Can you use your personal experience to advise me on what to do next?

DBM: What is next on your itinerary?

Naomi: I love him, and I am in love with him. But I fear that love will not be enough for this situation to work out

DBM: What kind of love do you think you deserve?

Naomi: He makes me feel good. Is that a good answer?

DBM: I think it’s a good answer. It tells me you’re not into him because of who or what he is as a person. The person I am in a relationship with contributes to my happiness. That is a ‘feel-good’ moment, in my opinion.

Naomi: But I don’t know if he loves me too. That’s my biggest problem

DBM: I see. I usually do not base my focus on whether or not someone loves me too. I rather look at the behavior of the person I’m interested in; whether or not their actions towards me are driven or directed by love.

Naomi: That makes perfect sense

DBM: So, going back to your earlier response of him being a ‘nice’ guy, do you think he loves you?

Naomi: He loves me.

DBM: Exactly!

Naomi: How about finances?

DBM: What about it?

Naomi: Should it be a criterion to consider, looking at his current employment and the amount he earns?

DBM: Do you mind me asking your net pay?

Naomi: GHs 12,700

DBM: Would you consider the financial season of your life to be okay, with or without a man’s support?

Naomi: I am financially independent and okay

DBM: Do you know much he earns?

Naomi: I do. It’s not much

DBM: His current job aside, do you see in him potential?

Naomi: He is hardworking and smart.

DBM: Smart how?

Naomi: He has interest in going back to school. He likes to farm too. He’s been giving me some of the vegetables he grows at home. He sells his fresh farm produce to my colleagues. We love buying tomatoes, peppers, garden eggs, okro, cassava, plantains and fruits from his farm.

DBM: So, he’s got the earning potential

Naomi: Oh, yes.

DBM: Meaning, who he is today, can change for the better tomorrow?

Naomi: Very likely. Just that he’s got a lot of responsibilities. He’s taking care of his mother, his brothers and sister, and a cousin.

DBM: He’s a responsible man; that’s a good thing, no?

Naomi: It is. I believe in him

DBM: You buy from his farm, I like that.

Naomi: Why?

DBM: If I were him, I know I would be feeling content, supported and loved by you – just because you buy from my farm. This life is too short for me to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t believe in my dream. It’s a big deal for me

Naomi: I believe in him

DBM: I believe you do.

Naomi: He is family oriented, and wants to have a family of his own. I want that for myself. He is a Christian, he has integrity… Dave, he stands for almost everything I believe in.

DBM: Those are some very important core values you both seem to live by.

Naomi: I feel like I will be safe with him by my side.

DBM: Are you going to be comfortable with others knowing you two are an item?

Naomi: Very. He’s a decent man. I am not shy about his person. I am actually proud of him.

DBM: Then choose him, if that decision is going to contribute to your own happiness. Everyday in my life is a choice; I choose the love of my life on a daily basis, and I do it intentionally. Don’t let your security guy choose you before you accept that he wants you. Choose him first for yourself, because he is good for you – and to you. Tell him you think of him. Tell him you love him. Tell him the thoughts of him alone excites you. Tell him exactly what he means to you.

Naomi: I will tell him tonight.

DBM: Keep me posted.

Naomi: I will. Dave, I am very happy

DBM: Good for you!

Image Credit:  Samuel Estevan

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