Tag: Wife

Let’s Talk To J

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 4 Comments

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 35: J

DBM: Hello J. Please tell me a little about yourself

J: I think I am not good enough for my husband.

DBM: I want to know who J is, as a person.

J: I am average in looks and I don’t think I am beautiful

DBM: What is your definition of beauty?

J: The people my husband likes for the way they look, and their physical appearances that makes him fall for them

DBM: Usually, when a man gets to know a woman as a person, likes her, and then falls in love with her, he automatically begins to see an element of beauty in you, that may or not be common knowledge.

J: What if he never was in love with me?

DBM: Why did he marry you then?

J: I got pregnant with his child, and his father wouldn’t agree to abortion or a grandchild born out of wedlock

DBM: Tell me something about your husband

J: He’s handsome and good at talking to women, except me. He is not afraid to tell other ladies what he’s thinking and feeling. He’s broken my trust many times due to his dishonesty. He prefers to spend time at work or with other women or his buddies rather than me. I am not his number one priority, but he loves our children very much and is doing everything to give them a life full of ease and beauty.

DBM: Why are you still with him?

J: I don’t believe in divorce. I don’t believe in letting my children experience a broken home. Till death do us part is a vow I sincerely took and would adhere to. I made a promise to my husband, and to God, on our wedding day. And I know it is only God who will get me through these rather tough times.

DBM: You’re a Christian, I’m guessing?

J: I am

DBM: Do you believe GOD can equally put a smile on your face, even if that means through a divorce?

J: Divorce is not an option for me.

DBM: I am not suggesting a divorce. I am just asking a question.

J: Maybe

DBM: Was your husband the man of your dreams when you were dating?

J: Yes

DBM: Were you the woman of his dreams?

J: I can’t answer for him.

DBM: Was his intention ever to marry you?

J: I don’t know

DBM: Prior to getting pregnant, was marriage a discussion on the table?

J: Not really

DBM: So, what was the definition given to your relationship with him?

J: He was my boyfriend

DBM: And you were his girlfriend?

J: Yes

DBM: The only woman in his life?

J: No!

DBM: You knew of others?

J: Yes

DBM: Does he share in your values and interests?

J: Not so much

DBM: He’s a Christian?

J: He is

DBM: Was he ever a guy who looked ready for a long-term commitment of any sort?

J: Not really.

DBM: So, you got pregnant for a man who clearly wanted to be single, a bachelor, but at the same time, have his girlfriends to be available to his needs, and basically enjoy his party boy lifestyle?

J: I love my husband

DBM: Why do you love him?

J: He saw me

DBM: Where?

J: I mean, he was the only guy who could really see me

DBM: What did he see?

J: I wouldn’t know, Dave, but he saw me.

DBM: As in, he made you believe he sees you?

J: If that’s how you’re going to interpret it

DBM: His other women felt seen, loved and listened to, no?

J: But he married me

DBM: Because you wanted to be the chosen one, no?

J: Nothing wrong with that

DBM: Are you happy?

J: I don’t feel happy

DBM: Why is that?

J: I wouldn’t know how to explain it.

DBM: But it has your husband’s footprints factored in there somewhere?

J: Yes.

DBM: Your husband’s opinions about you, and his actions towards you are not under your jurisdiction. You know that, no?

J: I don’t believe in divorce. You’re not the first person trying to not to suggest it. I cannot see myself breaking a promise I made.

DBM: A dear friend of mine did not believe in divorce, until the actions of her husband forced her to stop believing in the marriage. She encouraged herself to change her mind quickly.

J: That was her; this is me.

DBM: Understood! Does your husband believe in his marriage to you?

J: He believes he has a family with me

DBM: Family, meaning, he has kids with you?

J: Yes

DBM: But you cannot tell how he really feels about you?

J: I am not enough for him

DBM: Who is enough for you?

J: My husband should have been the perfect guy for me

DBM: Are you enough for you?

J: I don’t know. Are you enough for you?

DBM: I know that no one person can make me feel a certain way about myself, unless I allow those emotions. I am enough for me at the moment, because I am at peace with myself. I know who I am, I love who I am, regardless of what others think of me; no one knows me better than I know myself; people’s opinions of me are not who I know I am, and I don’t give a damn. I am open and vulnerable to my personal experience, and I look forward to the man I am becoming.

J: Because I smile, people assume all is well with me.

DBM: All is not well with you

J: Dave, I have always been there for my husband, but he is never truly there for me

DBM: What’s your biggest fear?

J: To lose my mind because of my husband.

DBM: You probably might be blindsided to this, but his actions are bending you out of shape and influencing your behavior in ways in which I doubt you would ever be aware of.

J: What do I do aside divorce?

DBM: Take time to analyze the source of why you feel inadequate, and if you can make any sense out it, maybe it would help you lessen its destructive effect on you as a person.

J: I want my husband

DBM: It’s okay to want your husband, but it’s okay to want you too. You feel guarded because you don’t want to be alone

J: It was nice chatting with you

DBM: Likewise.

Image Credit: Angela Roma

GO GET ‘em’, MOMMA

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 4 Comments

Dave,

I do not regret having children. I do not regret being my husband’s wife. I am only sad that I allowed pregnancy and motherhood to become the alter at which I had to sacrifice my personal goals and dreams. We were both pursuing further studies when we got pregnant. I wanted an abortion but he insisted we had the baby. We agreed I would continue with my studies after our child turned one. Meanwhile, he continued with his life uninterrupted. When our daughter turned one, he asked me to marry him, which I did. I got pregnant again, and we talked about it. I carried the pregnancy to term, had our son and then decided to go back to school. He had returned to Ghana by this time.

My husband has a good job; the children love him. He adores his children. Now, it’s my turn to chase after my dreams and my husband is claiming the kids are too young to be left alone. He made a promise to finance my education whenever I decide to continue; I made the decision but he wasn’t convinced it was the right time for me. For four years, I have devoted my all to being the best parent. My identity was consumed by motherhood till an ex-boyfriend offered to sponsor my master’s degree. My husband wasn’t ready to, so when my ex (who knows me very well) suggested I applied, and that, he was ready to fund it, I did.

Mind you, my ex-boyfriend is married with kids. He stays in New York and I am in New York, schooling. Aside our friendship, and him being my sponsor, there is nothing else going on between us. My husband and his family suddenly do not believe two adults of the opposite sex can be good friends. They want me to return to Ghana and resume my role as a wife and mother. They are not considering the fact that I will be abandoning myself and aspirations. My husband also reached out to my ex to ask him to stop paying my fees. He didn’t ask him to stop so he can take responsibility. He’s just asking him to stop. My friend informed me, and I told him not to mind my husband. My husband is not answering my calls or responding to my messages. Why should marriage put my passions on hold? Dave, I love my husband; I miss my children, but I am so much more than just being a ‘perfect’ wife and mother.

Image Credits: RF._.studio

YEBOAH’S TAKE

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name you fancy)

Participant 2: I am Yeboah.

DBM: Tell me anything about yourself

YEBOAH: Yeboah is a caring and loving gentleman who has got his shit together. I am worthy of my wife’s attention, time, love and respect. I do not talk down on people others feel are lesser to me; I respect myself and others.

DBM: How long have you been married?

YEBOAH: I have been married for 10 years.

DBM: What was your perfect ‘type’ of a man or woman? Did your husband or wife fit into your exact specifications?

YEBOAH: I looked out for a responsible lady; she had to have a job. She had to be emotionally intelligent; a woman who could control her emotional instincts and could demonstrate true maturity when confronted with life’s issues. My wife is a well-grounded individual with a sense of balance when it comes to her finances. Physically, I wanted bortoss kakra on her backside and great east-west standing boobs to cure my asthma. I am cured after a decade with her!

DBM: So, how did you two meet?

YEBOAH: At a friend’s wedding reception. She was physically ready to be talked to, so I talked to her.

DBM: Do you consider your significant other as your best friend?

YEBOAH: My wife is my best friend. Though we’ve become so used to each other, our friendship hasn’t dwindled. I feel appreciated, liked and loved by her always.

DBM: When did you make him or her laugh the most? What happened?

YEBOAH: At that same wedding reception. I told her she looked lovelier than the bride (which she did). I drew her attention to the fact that the bridegroom was also checking her out. He was, and we both laughed.

DBM: At what point were you certain he or she was the one for you?

YEBOAH: When I realized she also loved being near me. She would take my hand and make me feel like I am special to her.

DBM: Do you still find your husband or wife physically attractive?

YEBOAH: My wife is HOT, very attractive.

DBM: In a deeper conversation with your spouse, do you listen just to completely understand or you listen simply to formulate your response?

YEBOAH: I listen. I am not sure whether it’s to understand her or formulate a response she would like but I let her feel heard.

DBM: How is your significant other faring in the position as a husband or wife?

YEBOAH: Awesome! Beautiful woman inside-out, excellent wife and an amazing mother to the kids.

DBM: Which of your wedding vows means the world to you?

YEBOAH: I used to take my vows seriously because it meant something to me. Forsaking all others was one of my favorite. I was very much in love when I said it to her, but when I encountered Adwoa, Helena, Yaa, Serwah and Sena, I realized I wasn’t going to be able to stick with a lifetime vow.

DBM: What is the most fun you both have had in the relationship?

YEBOAH: Sex hour is our most fun. We laugh, we experiment, we make the most out of positions; we mess ourselves up and then go bath.

DBM: Is the love for your husband or wife growing any stronger by the day?

YEBOAH: Every day! My wife doesn’t sit idle just to watch me provide for her and the kids. She hustles and will always have my back. She defends my honor over all others.

DBM: Do you trust your husband or wife?

YEBOAH: 100%. I am fulfilled in my marriage because my wife does what she says. On my part, with the exception of one secret I cannot share with her because it can break her heart, I share everything else with her without the fear of being judged. She is a genuine woman and would not hurt me intentionally.

DBM: How much time do you spend on your husband or wife?

YEBOAH: On week days, I am a very busy person, but when I get any free time, I make it a point to spend it with my wife. We hang out, plan date nights, chill, joke, fuck, keep each other company, catch up, etc.

DBM: Emotionally, do you feel connected than before?

YEBOAH: I am emotionally taken care of, yes! She’s there for me when I need her to be in it with me.

DBM: Do you feel secure in the marriage?

YEBOAH: Yes! I am able to share who I am and be vulnerable around her.

DBM: Where do you see you and your spouse in the next 10 years?

YEBOAH: Growing stronger than ever. In our marriage, I am a student of my wife. I’ve taken the time to learn more about her needs and all that there is to her that makes her different from me. Dave, I know what it feels like when my wife understands me; that is why I aim every day to understand her too.

DBM: What is your ideal sex life?

YEBOAH: Making my wife orgasm without touching her. Her legs shake madly, and goes weak at the knee; she kneels to worship me waist-down with a glorious blowjob. Dave, you don’t want to know details. It’s a calling only a few men can fulfill. I am one of the chosen.

DBM: Rate your current sex life (out of 10)

YEBOAH: 7/10. It can be better.

DBM: What is your understanding of love?

YEBOAH: My wife is my perfect understanding of love: she has taken her time to really get to know me. She understands my breathing pattern, she knows and understands how I think, and she gets how I love her and the kids. She knows I am not perfect but thinks I am perfect for her, just the way I am. She’s a very quiet and calm lady; I am loud and super fierce, but my noise compliments her silence.

DBM: Are you feeling loved in your marriage?

YEBOAH: My wife loves me and takes very good care of me. She puts smiles on my face, cuddles with me and chooses me every day, even though I am already hers. When we encounter any misunderstanding, she works it out with me amicably.

DBM: Are you a good spouse?

YEBOAH: I am really a good husband. I am a responsible father, I am dependable, I am committed to my marriage and our family; I help whenever I can with the chores at home.

DBM: Have you cheated on your husband or wife with another man or woman?

YEBOAH: I have but she doesn’t know. That was the one secret I mentioned earlier. My wife I think underestimates how shallow I can sometimes be as a man. I cheat once in a while, not every day, because I can get away with it or perhaps, I am willing to actually get away with it because of the kind of wife she is. She trusts me to a fault and I don’t do anything to make her doubt her trust in me. I married a good woman; she’s not troublesome.

DBM: Say something to your spouse from your heart.

YEBOAH: Babes, you are a gift to me and the kids. And because of how important you are to me, I am motivated to give my best to you. I cherish you as my partner for life. I will do my best not to play games with your heart.

Image Credits: Ketut Subiyanto

OVERWHELMED WITH LOVE

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

Hello David, I hope you see and post my message before the 21st November. My wife has surprised me. I don’t know what to say. I can’t thank her enough. Cecilia is a silent follower of your Facebook, and I want to show my appreciation to her. She built a 3-bedroom house at Cantonments for me to rent it out or sell. She says it’s her own appreciation gesture to me for loving her well. These past nine years have been the most amazing experience because I am really in love with this person I call my wife, every day. I remember feeling the happiest I’d ever felt with Cecilia when she showed up the day she did for us to exchange numbers.

My wife was married when we first met. She had been married for three years, and her husband wasn’t satisfied with just her. Her husband suggested they introduce a third party in their relationship. He had the perfect girl but needed my wife’s agreement. According to Cecilia, she couldn’t navigate bringing someone else into their marriage. She wasn’t in agreement. Also, she didn’t want to be the reason why her ex-husband couldn’t be happy, and so she let him have his way. They were honest about what they were feeling, and talked about it. He wasn’t happy in their marriage; she loved him, but was not happy with his decision to have another woman. I met with her ex-husband when she found me. He was okay with his wife finding what made her happy. Her ex is the type that has no expectation of how he is meant to behave and feel. He was willing to allow himself and the women he was intimate with to feel different emotions, whether it’s love, jealousy, resentment, happiness, and connectedness.

On the evening of Saturday, December 29, 2012, my wife’s marriage ended before she even had a chance to have her last orgasm in the marriage. They were having sex in the kitchen, next to their sink which was stacked with dinner dishes. According to Cecilia, her ex looked down from across her shoulder and said, I want a divorce, right after he had cum. I can gaudily recall the defeat in her face and how she could barely look me in the eye when she was narrating her experience.

I met my wife on the 30th of December, 2012. She had closed from church and was shopping at the mall. I was entering my car when she tapped me on the shoulder. She told me she had seen me inside the mall and thought I was very attractive. She says she followed me. She asked if I were single and had any interest in another lady. When I answered no to both questions, she asked if I found her attractive. I did! She asked about my age. She told me she was about to divorce and needed someone to talk to. Mr. David Bondze-Mbir, I would have still talked to her if she had not mentioned getting divorced. The fact that she approached me, asking the right questions, made me interested.

I asked her for her phone number. The rest is history. Cecilia, I don’t know what I have done to deserve this, but I deserve you. I remember how much fun it was to laugh with you like crazy, back on that Sunday, 30th, 2021, when everything was fresh and new and exciting. I couldn’t have known what had happened to you on the 29th. Your bold approach at the mall that day informed me that I can enjoy marriage with passion and verve with you by my side. Mr. Dave, I have so much influence over the way I feel for my wife. That’s why I wake up every morning with the choice to love Cecilia like crazy, front and center. Babe, if you’re reading this message, imagine me again getting on one knee, and telling you all over again how I’d love to spend the rest of my life as your husband. You keep asking why I have a picture of you in my wallet. Cecilia, I LOVE YOU. That’s why.

Thank you for choosing me.
Thank you for being such a great friend.
Thank you for this awesome banku and okro stew you prepared for me to take to work today.
Thank you for being so patient, gentle, kind, smart, opinionated, and beautiful.
Thank you for saying yes when I proposed marriage to you.
Thank you for being my wife.
Thank you for being the right reason why I remain faithful to only you.
Thank you for everything, especially this 3-bedroom house. I am going to rent it out. I will save every Cedi from this property to build you something amazing as you. Children or no children, you are the family I always wanted to have.

Image Credit: Pixabay

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