THINGS HAPPEN FOR A REASON

The driver’s name is Eddie. His car’s number is GS 7443-21. He was the ride I ordered to the airport. I was very late, and so I wasn’t really present in the vehicle with him. I knew he was trying to build on a conversation with me, but I was behind time and wasn’t interested. Mr. Dave, I am in my second marriage, he said. Suddenly, I was interested; there was a story to be told. I am sharing his story because I sought for his consent. Secondly, there are lessons to be learned from his experience. He is in his mid-40’s, and was married to his first wife for 10 years. They could not have children.

According to Eddie, children are a gift from GOD. I wasn’t bothered that we couldn’t have any in my first marriage. I had trust in GOD, and was hoping my ex-wife could trust in Him, my commitment to her and our marriage. He says it really hurt him that the woman he loved with all of his heart, a woman he never for once even considered cheating on or disrespecting, chose to end their marriage. He is of the view that, our society has influenced some women to place a high value on childbearing in marriages – to the extent that, it is so ingrained in their reasoning, they often forget there is a spouse, a man, to be loved also. He says he married his ex-wife because he loved her; children were not his major reason for marriage. He loved his commitment to her; he loved the idea of spending the rest of his life on earth with her in it. He was with her because he wanted to be with her. Unfortunately, his ex-wife had a different expectation for their marriage.

Eddie says, some people will end up being childless because they worry too much to rather focus on the now, the very people loving on them in the present. He believes that societal pressure to become a mother ate into the mind of his ex, that she allowed it to almost measure her worthiness as a woman. The marriage became very unhealthy for the woman because she wanted something different: a real man who could get her pregnant. And so, after 10 years of marriage, she asked her family to return his drinks to his family. The families both asked if had done her any wrong, and she said no. Eddie says, in the presence of both families, he went on his knees, begging her to reconsider. He refused to accept her decision, but she wasn’t interested in the marriage. He kept insisting for a real reason why she wanted out. She finally informed him and their families that, she was no longer in love with him.

Mr. Dave, that was what made me stop pleading with her. I had to understand and respect the fact that, she did not love me anymore. When a woman tells you that she doesn’t love you, let her go. Don’t force your feelings on her. said Eddie. Somehow, he found the confidence to agree to the divorce. His ex-wife also got the confidence to leave, because she had made it clear that she felt trapped. Eddie says, the dissolution of the marriage made all his anxieties about not having the chance of a family even worse. He lost weight, lost his appetite for food; he had a few thousands of cedis saved, and did not know how all that money finished within days. He contemplated on suicide many times. His heart had been broken into pieces.

There was no getting around the divorce because it shook him to his very foundations, causing him to question his confidence level, and even his faith in GOD, women and love. The experience was horrible, terrible for him. All this happened to him in 2019. In 2020, he had learned how to grapple with the pain of rejection and was almost done mourning a lost love, when he met his current wife. He knew he liked this new woman. She makes me want to smile for no reason. I think that was part of the reasons why I found her to be interesting. She was nothing like my ex-wife. he said.

His now Mrs. intentionally became a daily feature in his life just so he could have a dose of real laughter. He allowed the laughter to shape his new found interest into a beautiful friendship, and then, love. Her friendship helped him to return to the things he used to love doing. He then gradually started to lose himself in this good woman who made him smile every day. They got married, and have a one-and-a-half-year-old child. He says, his wife is currently pregnant.

Every relationship (be it good or bad) has something for us to learn. Eddie accepted that his first marriage had ended. He took baby steps and moved on with his life. He is now picturing how to better give and receive with his new wife. I asked him if he knew about his ex-wife’s whereabouts; he says she calls him once or twice every week to check on him. She’s single and has no kids yet. He says she sometimes asks if he misses her too. When I alighted, I was curious in knowing, whether or not he misses the ex.

Mr. Dave, right now as we speak, I miss my wife and child. I can’t wait to close for the day and rush home to help with the house. said Eddie.

Image Credit: David Bondze-Mbir