Let’s Talk To Maame Yaa
David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)
Participant 22: My name is Maame Yaa
DBM: Hello Maame Yaa. Please tell me a little about yourself.
Maame Yaa: I am a young woman of faith, with Jesus in my heart. I try to inspire change, lift those around me up, do good and have respect for people. I am a medical doctor by profession, and 32 years of age.
DBM: Want do you want to talk about?
Maame Yaa: My boyfriend is insisting we have sex before marriage. I want to have sex on my wedding night.
DBM: How long have you been dating?
Maame Yaa: We will be three years in February, 2023.
DBM: And has he discussed his plans concerning a future together with you in marriage?
Maame Yaa: Yes, he has.
DBM: When is that going to happen?
Maame Yaa: We’ve not decided on the date.
DBM: Would it be in 2023?
Maame Yaa: I don’t know.
DBM: So, you’re not certain whether or not he is going to marry you any time soon?
Maame Yaa: Yes!
DBM: Are you a virgin?
Maame Yaa: No, I am not.
DBM: Is your boyfriend the one who broke your virginity?
Maame Yaa: No! He is the third guy I have dated.
DBM: You had sex with the first two?
Maame Yaa: Yes!
DBM: Why do you want sex with him on your wedding night?
Maame Yaa: I want to feel in control of my own choices with regards to my body and sexual intimacy. I want to pursue celibacy until I am joined together in holy matrimony to the man who will put a ring on my finger.
DBM: I am assuming your boyfriend is also thinking if he does not explore your sexual flanks, you both may not be able to grow naturally to develop into it. Sexual compatibility, attraction and identity are important things to figure out before marriage.
Maame Yaa: I believe that one’s character is built through waiting. Patience is developed in waiting; faithfulness can also be developed while we wait to have sex after our wedding. I want to be sure we are in love with each other without the complications of any emotional entanglement. If we are each other’s real deal, we will make do regardless.
DBM: Does he know what you like sexually?
Maame Yaa: I have told him mine.
DBM: Do you know what turns him on?
Maame Yaa: He’s spoken about a few.
DBM: So, theoretically, you’re both in the known?
Maame Yaa: Practical examination should be on our wedding night.
DBM: And what if one partner fails the final exam?
Maame Yaa: It wouldn’t be a final exam. We will re-write the paper till we pass.
DBM: Many guys are using their married lives to deal with sex issues, instead of actually enjoying the beauty in marriage. What if you’re not content with what he offers in bed?
Maame Yaa: Marriage, they say is not all about sex.
DBM: I see the quality of a relationship strongly related to sexual satisfaction.
Maame Yaa: I see the quality of a relationship strongly related to the God-factor.
DBM: When was the last time you felt desired, got aroused and ‘wet’; when last did you reach orgasm and did not feel pain?
Maame Yaa: I don’t remember. Maybe, in my past relationships.
DBM: Do you care about what your boyfriend cares about?
Maame Yaa: I do, and I try to be there for him.
DBM: He wants a blow-job, have you given him that?
Maame Yaa: I will give him a blowjob after our wedding.
DBM: Will you be okay if he gets the sex from somewhere else while dedicating all his love to you?
Maame Yaa: I will not be able to cope with infidelity.
DBM: There is no guarantee he is going to be faithful to only you after marriage.
Maame Yaa: If that happens, we will divorce.
DBM: Which is more important to you: your relationship to your faith or that relationship you are building with him?
Maame Yaa: I am holding firm to the beliefs that God has placed deeply in my heart, and I am taking a stand for them – to ensure I know exactly why God stands for them too.
DBM: That’s commendable.
Maame Yaa: Dave, please be honest with me: am I making a mistake with my stance?
DBM: We are all different; what may be important to your boyfriend may not be all that important to you. Again, it all comes down to your strong personal beliefs, your boyfriend’s physical desires and the overall nature of your relationship.
Maame Yaa: I think we have a good relationship.
DBM: That’s good to know. So basically, it’s because you are unmarried, and the fact that, you want to abstain from sex before marriage, no?
Maame Yaa: Yes.
DBM: You are not living with an underlying medical condition, are you?
Maame Yaa: No, I am not.
DBM: And, you do not have a low sex drive, do you?
Maame Yaa: I love sex.
DBM: Good, good… good! You love and value your boyfriend?
Maame Yaa: I do.
DBM: Then know that, him requesting for sex with you could have been an opportunity for him to bond with you on another level; It could have been another opportunity for him to express his love and affection towards you; he probably might have felt more secure in the relationship if you both had been engaging in sex often. It could have also been an opportunity for you both to appreciate the pleasure and fun in the relationship.
Maame Yaa: Do you suggest I give in?
DBM: I am suggesting you marry a man who sees, appreciates and values your self-worth. Do not go to different lengths just for your boyfriend to achieve his sexual goals. That said, make the most out of your love life while sticking to the opinion you have of yourself. I think you’re a wonderful young woman.
Maame Yaa: Thank you, Mr. Dave. I am a fan of your Facebook platform.
DBM: Appreciated!
Image Credit: Fillipe Gomes
