Let’s Talk To Gyaaba

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 26: Gyaaba

DBM: Hello Gyaaba. Please tell me a little about yourself.

Gyaaba: I am 39 years, very independent, organized and detailed; I love to multi-task and I show concern for other people’s feelings, and can connect with them on a personal level. I see myself to be strong, and can easily adapt. I am able to also persevere when obstacles come my way. I believe I belong to God, thus, my resilience and conviction to rather stand firm, come what may.

DBM: You look way younger than your age.

Gyaaba: I am told. Thank you!

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Gyaaba: I currently live in Houston, but I used to live in Ghana. I used to be married. I ran away from my matrimonial home, five months after our wedding because I realized I had made a mistake – settling into something I did not want.

DBM: You didn’t want to be married?

Gyaaba: I like marriage, but I didn’t want to be married to a man.

DBM: Who did you want to be with?

Gyaaba: A woman.

DBM: You’re a lesbian?

Gyaaba: Yes Dave, I am Lez.

DBM: Hmmm! You know most people in Ghana are uncomfortable with this subject

Gyaaba: Is your readership centered in Ghana?

DBM: No!

Gyaaba: Then I deserve to share what has been my experience.

DBM: Lez go! How did you know you were attracted to the same sex?

Gyaaba: I don’t think I really knew. But in Senior High School, I used to like one of my best friends. I couldn’t stop staring at her anytime we were in class. I thought she looked pretty in everything she wore. Anything she did looked interesting to me. She wasn’t even funny but I thought she had a great sense of humor. I felt heartbroken however, when one of the guys in our class started to get close to her.

DBM: So, you had a crush on a girl, and that was it?

Gyaaba: I attended a mixed school, and in those days, the guys were obsessed with the girls, chasing each other down everywhere, writing themselves love letters, etc.

DBM: Yeah…

Gyaaba: I wanted to write a love letter to a girl.

DBM: I see

Gyaaba: At the university, I tried liking boys

DBM: And how did that go?

Gyaaba: Robert was my first boyfriend. He loved me but I couldn’t feel the same way he felt for me. We dated for three months, and in those months, I would have sex with women in my dreams.

DBM: Did the thought of Robert ever make you feel aroused?

Gyaaba: No!

DBM: Having sex with a woman in your dreams doesn’t necessarily make you a lesbian.

Gyaaba: That was when I started doing a self-reflection. I wanted to understand who I was and what I desired. Timothy asked me out in my third year, and before I knew, he had started to bond. I suddenly became busy with my studies and couldn’t make time for him.

DBM: Were you busy?

Gyaaba: I was trying to avoid him because he tried to kiss me one evening.

DBM: Did you kiss back?

Gyaaba: I was just pale when he planted the kiss on my lips.

DBM: What was the feeling like?

Gyaaba: Nothing I wanted to experience for the second time. I came up with an excuse of tiredness and left him to go sleep. I was disgusted by the idea of doing anything romantic with a guy.

DBM: When did you have your first sex?

Gyaaba: On my honeymoon

DBM: With a man?

Gyaaba: Yes. I was married. I think I am still married, because he’s refused to grant me a divorce after leaving him.

DBM: How long ago since you left?

Gyaaba: I left Ghana in 2011

DBM: This is the five months into your marriage scenario?

Gyaaba: Yes!

DBM: Why did you marry your husband?

Gyaaba: It was revealed to my Pastor that he was the man destined for me.

DBM: Did your Pastor know about your sexual orientation?

Gyaaba: His wife knew. I had confided in her three years prior to the hook-up. I don’t know if she discussed me with her husband.

DBM: Did you believe your husband was the man meant for you?

Gyaaba: I did not, but I went ahead in order for the prophesy to manifest.

DBM: How long did you and your husband date?

Gyaaba: Nine months, I think. We got engaged, and married four months after the engagement.

DBM: Did you enjoy getting to know him as a potential spouse?

Gyaaba: My husband is a great guy; tall, dark, handsome, and with a good job and deep pocket. He is authentic; what you see is what you get. Unfortunately, I realized the way he felt about me was totally different from the way I felt about him. I should have considered his feelings and not gone ahead with the marriage plans. I was not attracted to him.

DBM: When was the last time you spoke to him?

Gyaaba: 2013

DBM: What did you talk about?

Gyaaba: I wanted a divorce.

DBM: That was unfair on your part

Gyaaba: I know. That is why I want to come clean to him

DBM: Does he know why you left?

Gyaaba: I left to pursue a PhD programme. That was my initial excuse. But after the degree, I stayed in America.

DBM: Why did you stay?

Gyaaba: I found the close emotional bond I had been craving for

DBM: In a woman?

Gyaaba: Yes! Once I knew I enjoyed kissing and touching the breast of a woman while going down on her, I had to admit it to myself.

DBM: You’re a Lesbian.

Gyaaba: I am a lesbian!

DBM: How long have you been dating your lady?

Gyaaba: Seven and a half years

DBM: And she’s been the only one in your life?

Gyaaba: One and only

DBM: Who else knows?

Gyaaba: My Pastor’s wife was the only person I told in Ghana. I want to tell my husband the truth.

DBM: Why now?

Gyaaba: He deserves the truth. Secondly, my partner and I want to get married. I have to be divorced to accomplish this.

DBM: Do you know whether or not your husband was able to move on?

Gyaaba: He’s had two kids with someone in my absence. He has moved on.

DBM: Unfortunately, not everyone in Ghana is supportive of the LGBTQ+ community. Is your husband a tolerable environment to come out to?

Gyaaba: I don’t know

DBM: Is he someone you can rely on?

Gyaaba: In which sense?

DBM: How you come out to someone really depends on the kind of relationship you have with them.

Gyaaba: We’ve not spoken in a long time, and our last conversation ended in a fight on the phone.

DBM: I see!

Gyaaba: I know that the moment I tell him this, he will laugh at, or insult me; he will tell his family, mine and friends.

DBM: It’s good you’ve come out to yourself first. I think that is the most important thing.

Gyaaba: I hope so

DBM: Do you love your lady?

Gyaaba: Dave, before I even met her, I dreamt of someone like her; and the dream was beautiful. When she showed up to me, I was least expecting this much happiness in my life. Now I know dreams do come true. I am very much in love and happy to be with her.

DBM: Does she love you as much?

Gyaaba: She loves me very much.

DBM: Then, know that you are loved, needed and valued; your feelings for true love are valid, just as anyone else’s – and that you deserve to be treated with respect. Assuming anyone attempts to make you feel guilty or bad about who you know you are, and whose you belong, just remind yourself of the one person in your life right now who desires to see you become the very best of you, and succeed in whatever beautiful present and future affirms you. Let this foresight make you feel so seen. All you need at the moment is an audience of ONE!

Gyaaba: I think I am going to call my husband right now.

DBM: All the very best.

Gyaaba: Thank you, Sir!

Image Credit: Anna Shvets